Once upon a time, in a land far away, lived a King, his wife, and children. He and his wife lived happily living in a manor with many vassals and serfs. They also shared the joy of having three wonderful children, Belle, the eldest, Snow White, the middle, and the youngest and most ignored, Cinderella. Belle was the prettiest, but she had a strange fascination with big beasts. Snow White was pale due to many illnesses and she owned seven special dwarf vassals, and then Cinderella, she was forced to clean up after her sisters. It happened on one day in spring that the three sisters where sitting and chatting in the garden. A bunny popped out of its hole and the girls squealed "How cute!"
The bunny ran off followed by the princesses. By the time the bunny had disappeared, the princesses where lost in the middle of the forest. "Where are we?" asked Belle.
"You're the eldest." Snow White said
"Like, I'm supposed to know everything?" Belle replied.
"Well, you do spend a lot of your time in the library." Cinderella added.
"I like to read tales of adventures and heroes, it's not like I read maps." Belle said.
Then a scream pierced the air. It sounded like the scream of children. The princesses turned around and a gingerbread house stared at them from across a small stream. Then an old hag came out the door and said, "Come in, my pretties. That squeal was the pig for my dinner."
"That was no pig squeal." declared Cinderella.
"What do you know, Belle's the smartest." snapped Snow White.
"She's never been around the small animals, only that smelly boy friend of hers, Beast." replied Cinderella.
"Well at least he could defeat Prince Charming any day." was Belle's response.
This created a fight between the princesses, but the old hag intervened. "Come on, now is no time to fight, come in, come in. You'll feel better after a bowl of gruel." she said.
But as they reached the door an arrow whizzed past them and hit the old hag in the back. The hag turned around only to receive another arrow in the chest. The hag staggered forward and then landed with a thud on the forest floor. The princesses screamed and squealed when a man in a green tunic and tights appeared from the trees. In a thick French accent, he said, "Hello my name is…"
But the princess's incessant screaming drowned him out. "Quiet down, you spoiled brats!" he yelled.
The princesses where immediately quieted. "Now, as I was saying. I am Robin Hood, your savior." the stranger said.
"Savior? We didn't need saving, that hag invited us in." Belle said.
"My dear do not be naïve that hag just killed Hansel and Gretel, they where children of a poor peasant father." Robin Hood said, "Come I will lead you out of this forest."
"Wow! Cute and smart" giggled Snow White, the only one with out a suitor.
"Snow White! This is soo like you, falling for the first guy who plants a rescue." Belle criticized.
"Can it Belle." Snow White snapped giving her a stern look.
They where on their way embarking through the forest, Robin Hood and the princesses. They went a good deal when they reached a clearing. Robin Hood told them to stay while he went to get firewood. Soon a fire was lit and the princesses, except Cinderella, put up a fuss about sleeping on the ground, but seeing that nothing was going to change, so they slowly went to sleep. They awoke with the sun in their faces and the smell of a roast. "Good morning princesses" said Robin Hood.
"What are we having" asked Snow White.
"Rabbit." Robin Hood replied.
The princesses recoiled in disgust. "I couldn't eat a poor little animal" Cinderella said.
"So what, this is all you'll get till sundown." Robin said, "You also get a jug of fresh spring water."
"You're so resourceful." exclaimed Snow White.
"I thought you where a vegetarian." whispered Belle.
"Shhh!" replied Snow White, "Um… Sir Hood can I pick an apple from that tree behind you?"
"What?..."he began.
But it was too late the princes had plucked an apple and had taken a bite. "I don't feel so good " she said wearily.
"You never feel good." Said Belle.
Just then Snow White fainted onto the ground. "Great, now she wants the guy to carry her." Said Cinderella reaching for the jug of water.
Splash! Water was thrown onto Snow White but she did not stir. Robin Hood picked up the limp form of Snow White and got the princesses to move. They reached another clearing of the dense forest, but this one had a crumbling old tower in the center. The tower had no entrance to it. "This is strange." Said Cinderella.
"Indeed," declared Belle.
"Who intrudes on my tower grounds" exclaimed an old voice from above.
"Three princesses and Robin Hood." replied Robin Hood.
"I am Rapunzel" said the old woman," and if you ever see my sweetheart King Arthur, tell him I still have his stupid cup."
"Cup, Miss?" asked Robin Hood.
"Yes the cup that he went on a long journey for I think it had something to with Jesus?" Rapunzel replied.
"You have the Holy Grail!" Robin Hood exclaimed.
"What! Ah yes the Holy Grail that's what he called it." yelled Rapunzel, "He gave to me for safe keeping but he never returned. He said it would be safe with me in this high tower and said he would return."
"King Arthur has been dead for over a century, Miss." Robin Hood exclaimed.
"Oh. Then would you return this to Camelot." she said and dropped the cup.
"I guess we must since you dropped it." Robin Hood said.
Then they were off, back on there journey to return home. As nightfall approached the party heard rustling in the bush. Robin Hood fitted an arrow to his bow and prepare to fire. "Put down your bow, for it is I, Prince Charming." declared a voice.
Cinderella squealed with delight. Along with Prince Charming were two armed knights on horses. "Charmy, you've come to rescue me from this evil and awful forest!" cried Cinderella.
As Cinderella and her Prince made small talk. Robin Hood laid down Snow White, who was still unconscious, and lit a fire. He then threw the Holy Grail into the fire, much to the objection of Prince Charming. "What are you doing!" yelled Prince Charming.
"Here hold out your hand," ordered Robin Hood, "it's quite cool"
Prince Charming reached out and grabbed the surprisingly cool chalice. "You should see something." explained Robin Hood.
"There's some kind of peasant writing, it's too lower class to read." the prince said.
"It's a form of peasant writing five hundred years old, in our tongue it reads: One Cup to rule them all, One Cup to find them, One Cup to bring them all and in the darkness bind them." explained Robin Hood., "This is the one cup, that Jesus drank from at the last supper."
"Bid deal, I've got a piece of the cross of Jesus and another Holy Grail." Prince Charming said boastfully.
"Impossible, how could you have another Holy Grail?" questioned Robin Hood.
"I believe Jesus drank from many cups throughout his lifetime and each are special." explained Prince Charming.
The argument ended there when a ferocious roar was heard from the forest. "Where is she, where is she?" roared a voice.
"Oh that Beast, I'm here you big oaf." Belle yelled.
"Oh Belle. I thought I had lost you." Beast said gruffly.
"I was fine, tights boy over there kept us safe." The princess explained.
"Hey! This is modern fashion!" Robin Hood said defensively.
"Whatever," the princess said sarcastically.
"Fine," Robin said and ended the conversation.
"Hey prince and beast, we've got a problem." Robin said, " her"
As he pointed to the limp body of Snow White, Beast and Prince Charming burst into a fit of laughter. "What is so funny?" asked Robin Hood.
"Robin, you don't know how it's done do you?" asked Prince Charming.
"Do what ?" asked Robin Hood as the two kept laughing.
"Well, Snow White there is what is known as D.I.D." explained Beast.
"D.I.D. ?" asked Robin Hood.
"Damsel in Distress" Prince said, "if they eat a poison apple, you got to kiss the girl. Comes with the hero package."
Robin Hood mustered up the courage and finally kissed Snow White. For a while, she did not stir, but after a few moments, she finally opened her eyes. "Robin, did you save me? She said.
"I sure did." Robin said beaming,
They all slept peacefully that night, and in the morning, they where off Prince Charming said that the way to the king's castle lay to the east and every one agreed. On the way they heard a troll dancing and saying that his name was Rumplestiltskin. The group ignored the creature and moved on. They came upon a woman weeping on a tree stump. "What's wrong?" asked Snow White.
"Oh, I made this deal a long time ago with a troll, which you should never do, and now if I cannot find his name before sunset my baby is his." Said the woman.
"That's awful, but we saw this troll and he was singing and he said his name was Rumplestiltskin, if that will help." Belle said.
"I'll try that odd name thank you." She said and ran off.
They journeyed a bit longer when Cinderella screamed, "there's our manor!"
Snow White added "And look, there are my seven vassals, Dopey, Narcoleptic, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, Doc, and Happy."
The peasants waved and the group waved. After that day, Robin Hood was made Lord and was given a big fief and manor with many vassals and serfs. He returned the Holy Grail to Camelot and paid tithe to the church there. And they all lived happily ever after.