Category: Gundam SEED

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Notes: I'm trying a new style of writing, inspired by a very old story by Rashaka. I really enjoyed the experience. It'll become easier to follow as you progress, but if it helps, each dialogue-only section alternates Cagalli or Athrun speaking the first line. The first section starts with Cagalli.

This is a two-part story. The second chapter, yet to be written, will be a short follow-up. Please, please review to let me know what you thought, or how you would like to see the story end.

"Is this a dream?"

"I think so."

"Well, then, what are you doing in my dream?"

"It's not your dream, it's mine."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're always in my dreams."

"Is this really how it was when you signed the treaty with the Atlantic Federation? These nobles continuously hovering over you like vultures?"

"Are you saying that I was the prey? No. The decision was mine."

"Coerced, as it was."

"I was alone."

"Your father's legacy was always there to guide you."

"You left me alone."

"You never told me you needed me."

"Is that your mother with you outside? She is beautiful. Why did she marry your father?"

"The usual reason, I suppose. Love."

"Hm."

"He wasn't always like that. Look, here he is fixing my mechanical helicopter."

"He reminds me a lot of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That he is intelligent and charismatic. Misguided, though."

"I know who I am."

"I'm not sure that's true, Athrun."

"Every minute of every day that I stay here I feel trapped. I keep thinking, if only I could have the power. If only I could somehow have the power, to change how things are. To make a difference."

Cagalli freezes. The disappointment courses through her veins like ice. You can make a difference if you stay. If you stay here with me. She buries the consideration deep within her heart. "So that's it, then? You're leaving Orb? Again?"

The last word hangs in the air. "I'm not useful here. I don't belong here."

"All right." She holds her head high. Her hands tremble.

Two years later, she meets him again. In a dream.

"I don't like the way he is touching you."

"You don't have the right to say things like that anymore."

"Don't laugh. I'm serious."

"Does it bother you? That I wear the jewelry he's gifted me? How his voice gets low when he speaks to me? How his fingers brush my neck when we're alone?"

Cuttingly, "And yet it's me who you dream of at night."

"When he looks at me, he's not looking beyond me at something greater. He sees me for me. It's all I've ever wanted."

"I know you. Understand you, intimately."

"You don't know yourself well enough to be able to know others."

"Do you hate me?"

"I can't hate you. You're just a piece of my dream."

"Truthfully. Do you hate me?"

"Sometimes, so much that I think I'll burn with the intensity of it. But then I just feel sorry for you. Running in circles. I'm happy in my life."

"Is everything that you dream a nightmare?"

Around them, a world of blackened metal wreckage and mangled bodies. "This is real. It was."

"Let's go back. The war is over."

"In my heart, the war is not over. It will never end. I'm the one who chose to fight. Even if that brought consequences that I didn't wish for, I can't escape from the truth. I can't atone for it."

"It must be terrible for you. Frightening."

"Often."

A sigh, sad.

"I think of my country, every day. It's the only reason I wake up each morning."

"Same for me."

"You don't understand. You have your brother. And your people love you."

"You're alone, truly."

"But this is my home. This is the life I've chosen."

"Oh, Athrun."

"I get so angry sometimes, at the way that I've turned out. Distrustful, restless. Isolated. I'm all sharp edges. I hate myself more for realizing it."

"You could change all that, if you wanted to."

"No. I'm a soldier, by birth and by blood. It's burned into my skin and I feel as though I can never escape it. Do you know, I take a different route home every week to hide my trail? It's a terrible, obsessive habit. One of many."

"You're always so hard on yourself. I can't stand it, I can't."

"I think if there hadn't been a war, I would never have stepped foot in a cockpit. I'm not strong like you, Cagalli. I never wanted glory or heroics. Only…only my family."

"You can't talk like this. You saved my life. You saved me. If it weren't for you, I don't know what I would have done after the First Bloody Valentine."

"And you. I've wanted you."

"You had me. I was yours."

"Saito's not like anyone that I've ever met. It's different, how little he knows about politics. He cares so little, even though his father and grandfather were both councilors. He's an intellectual, a professor of anthropology."

"With a very historic and esteemed surname," Athrun says cruelly. "And he's years older than you."

"He is good to me. Orb likes him. Kira likes him."

"I don't."

"This weekend, he's taking me to his family's estate in the east. I think he's going to propose marriage."

"Stop telling me about your goings-on with another man. I don't want to hear it."

"Then listen to this: It's been six years since the end of the war. Four since you left me. I'm entitled to move on with my life."

"If you'd only-"

"Don't expect me to wait for you. You and I have been doomed from the start."

"That doesn't make any sense. I don't believe you."

"Listen to me, Athrun. At the beginning, it's always beautiful. Golden. I love the way you look at me then…like anything's possible when we're together. But then I watch that look decay. I can only hold your attention for so long. You move away, farther and farther from me. And everything falls apart."

"Where is this speech coming from? You'd never say this to me in person."

"It's too painfully true."

"What will you say when Saito proposes?"

"Yes."

Cagalli looks at the antique ring in Saito's outstretched palm. His grandmother's, he'd said, a gold band with a large blue sapphire and a number of smaller diamonds inlaid around the edge. It is a gorgeous piece of craftsmanship.

Cagalli glances at Saito. It is true he doesn't know much about her world or what she's been through. But he is kind, and passionate about what he does. She is sure he would be a loyal husband. And a generous father.

Maybe if she looks at him in the right light – if she concentrates hard enough – the warm brown of his eyes can turn to a brilliant green. Maybe someday.

"Yes."

"I saw you today. Your hair's gotten longer. It's past your shoulders, now. You had a beautiful pin in it."

"That's right."

"It matched your engagement ring. Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"I didn't know you were there. We attended different segments of the conference."

"You were afraid to talk to me because then we might have to acknowledge what this is."

"None of this is real."

"But this is my dream. You're always in my dreams."

"You think we're both actually here."

"If you'd talked to me, we would have known."

"I don't think I could have faced you."

"Hm."

"No, this isn't real. It doesn't mean anything."

Cagalli sees him more and more often in her dreams. They speak openly, because none of it matters anymore.

I saw the sunset today and I thought of you, Athrun.

Kira hasn't talked to me in years.

I think Orb is on the path of improvement, at last.

I remembered us when we were seventeen. It might have been the last time I laughed.

Sometimes I wake up and I want to believe you're next to me.

I won my re-election to my seat on the Supreme Council. I wish I hadn't.

I have these fantasies that one day we'll both stop being important figures and we can drop everything and run away together.

I'm scared that I might become my father.

I ended my engagement.

I believe that thoughts can overcome time and distance. That you can hear me.

Sometimes I wish this were real.

I'm coming to Orb. I'll wait for you.

I miss you.

I love you.