Disclaimer: These are not my characters or even my idea. Please don't sue. All I've got is a weird brain.
"Hermione, why don't you order some pizza for your friends? The phone's in the living room. When you're done, can you set it back in the charger in the kitchen?" Mrs. Granger suggested.
"Yeah, sure Mom," Hermione called back.
"Pizza?" Fred asked.
"Phone?" George chimed in.
"Muggles," Percy sighed.
"You guys!" Hermione laughed, leading the way into the living room. She located the phone on the coffee table and picked it up. "This is a phone. This is the ear piece and this is the mouth piece. Do you see these buttons with the numbers? Every phone has a different number." Hermione punched in the correct number, press the green button and then the speaker button.
Ring…Ring… "Hello, England's First Pizza Parlor. Thirty minutes deliveries. What toppings would you like?" came a chirpy women's voice.
"Hello," Hermione greeted. Hermione ordered three pepperoni pizzas and gave her address.
"Okay, great. Thank you. Good bye." There was a click.
"NO, WAIT!" Ron shouted, snatching the phone. "HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU OKAY? HOW DID YOU GET IN THIS TINY THING? HELLO? CAN YOU ANSWER ME?"
"Relax, Ron," Hermione laughed, setting the phone in the charger. "The other person has a phone too. They're talking to me like I'm talking to them. You don't see me stuck in a phone, now do you?"
"No…" Ron looked doubtfully at the phone then turned away.
"So that's it. People greet each other then they talk," Hermione informed. "Hey, no, Crookshanks!" She grabbed the squashed faced cat before the cat could bat the phone off the charger. "Bad, Crookshanks!" Hermione left the kitchen. "Come on guys. If someone's in the kitchen, Crookshanks will think it's dinnertime."
Fred wandered around the house, bored out of his mind. He had nothing to do. The pizza was finished off, Harry was going to arrive in a few days, Ron and Hermione was trying to make a house out of chocolate frog cards, and Percy was in the showers. Although it would be fun to dump cold water on Percy, the perfect already sounded like a damsel in distress that was suffering from a sore throat. No need to make him sound like he ate sand nonstop for three days.
RING, RING, RING!
Fred jumped and looked around wildly then identified the phone as the noise maker. It was lying innocently on the floor but he bet it was waiting for its next victim to trap.
George eyed the phone cautiously then gestured at Fred to answer it.
"Fine, but you're answering it next time." Fred approached cautiously then reached out a finger and press the green button.
Hermione's best friend decided that now would be a good time to call her. (No need saying names or this muggle could be killed by You-Know-Who.)
Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…
"Hello, Fred's Pizza Parlor. Five hours deliver. Two extra hours for each additional topping. What would you like? We've got chocolate frogs, pumpkin pastries, cauldron cakes but if you want to try something wild, we have cat hairballs, one percent off if you love cats. Or our most popular, barfaroni." Greeted a boy's voice.
"Wrong number." The girl slammed the phone back on then dialed in the number again.
"George's Crematorium. Ash me no questions and I'll tell you who lies." Came the same voice, except it was gravely serious.
The girl hung up again, creep out. She dialed in the number again, double-checking the number.
"Good afternoon. Percy's Pest Control. Show us the pests, and we'll do the rest."
The girl frowned and hung up yet again. She went upstairs to her oldest brother's room. "Hey, I can't seem to get to Hermione. Can you call her?"
"Sure." Her brother pushed in the right numbers.
"Hello! Errol's Messages. Is there someone you want to leave a message for?"
"Yes. Hermione Granger."
"Oh sorry, Hermione's house is not in Errol's business. Maybe you would prefer Hermes?"
"No, that's okay." The brother pressed the off button then handed the phone back. "Go find someone else."
The girl walked out and over to the next bedroom, where her big sister was. "Can you call Hermione?"
"No problem." The sister turned away from his computer.
"Good day to you. Weaseley's Wizard Whee-"
The sister hung up immediately. "Okay, there is clearly some drugged up guy who thinks breaking into people's house and answering their phone is funny. Try calling one more time."
"Let me!" Shrieked the girl's little brother.
"Okay." She gave it up.
The little boy used his pudgy fingers to press the right number.
"Bad Boys' Bed and Breakfast. May I help you?"
"Is there a room for me? I'm running away from home."
"Sorry, our rooms are booked right now. Christmas and all, you know?"
"Oh. Is there Hermione? Hermione Granger?"
"Yes. Third floor, room three oh two. Would you like me to call her?"
"Yes please."
"Oh sorry. She's not here. She left a minute ago. You just missed her. Sorry."
"Aw…well, ask her to call back when she come in, okay?" The boy gave them their number.
"Sure, sure..."
The little kid grinned up at his sister. "At least I talked to him."
Fred and George were have a fantastic time with the phone, switching after every call. Hermione came back into the room, eying them suspiciously before walking out again.
"Okay, she's checked in. Call her," George urged.
Fred eagerly punching in the number, thinking he would say 'Hello, it's us, from Bad Boys' Bed and Breakfast. Hermione checked in but absolutely refuses to talk to you. She says she hates your bloody voice so never try to talk to her again. You can talk to me, though…'
A buzzing sound reached Fred's ears. "Huh?"
"Looks like the phone ran out of batteries," Crookshanks purred. "Now let me play with that!" (Okay, Crookshanks talks because he's the only character who knows how the phone works aside from Hermione and her parents and he's also the only character who wouldn't become mad at the twins from playing with the phone.)
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters. None I can claim for my own, like I said. I don't even own the girl. Anyways, the story's funny twist comes from Never Mind. I just added on to the story.