"Hi, welcome to Rosewood Flowers! How can I help you?" An elderly woman asked from behind the counter.
"Hi, I need two bouquets." I replied.
"Would you like custom ones or ones from the catalog?" She asked.
"I would like custom ones, um, baby's breaths and pink carnations for one, and forget-me-nots and white carnations for the other." I stated.
"Oh, you have very nice taste. We have some beautiful carnations that we just got recently. What occasion are these for." The old lady asked about she got up from her stool and started walking around to the fridge that held all the flowers.
"They're for my mother-in-law's grave." I replied. It wasn't the truth, just part of it, but I wasn't ready to share the whole truth with the rest of the world. Not just yet anyways.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." She said and then went into the back of the shop.
A few minutes later she came back with the bouquets in hand. I took them, paid the bill, and left.
"Have a good day, Miss." The old lady said just before I walked out the door.
"Thank you, I will, and you do the same." I replied.
I got in my car and drove until I came to a skinny dirt road. I parked the car and walked down the path that had become very familiar over the passed couple of months. My feet stopped automatically at the little grave with the heart-shaped head stone. I placed the bouquet with baby's breath and pink carnations next to it as I kneeled down. I told myself that I wouldn't cry this time, but I did. And even though I knew it by heart I still read what was carved into the black marble.
Joyce Marion Cavanaugh
Beloved Daughter, Bundle of Joy, And Blessed Angel
You Will Always Be Loved July 11, 2013 – September 9, 2013
I sat there beside her grave for a long time. I thought about how my little girl came to be. I thought of that day just before Halloween when Toby came back to Rosewood. I had missed him so much and later that afternoon we became one. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited. I planned on telling him the night of our anniversary during dinner, but that didn't happen. Instead, I found out that the love of my life was -A. I was an emotional wreak but I somehow managed to keep things together, somehow I was able to make it through life. But one day that changed.
I was following Mona through the woods when I saw a dead body with a tattoo. It wasn't just any tattoo, but his tattoo. I started to cry when I heard Mona's cold, emotionless voice say 'He's dead.' I jumped up and ran after her but I got lost so I just wandered around. Nothing mattered anymore. Toby was dead. He had betrayed me and done awful things to me and my friends, but somehow, deep down I still loved him. The rest of that night, as well as my stay at Radley, were pretty much a blur. The months passed and I was still mourning Toby but my life was back in order. I was going to school again and on the outside everything seemed fine.
Finally one Saturday in May it was all over. Hanna, Aria, Emily, and I had finally brought the A-team down. In the end we found out that Mona had started it and that Cece and Ezra joined her later. They also blackmailed several others into helping them. Ezra and Cece were sent to jail for what they did and Mona had committed suicide. Finally -A was gone and we knew everything. Why they hated Alison, who they had killed, and why they were after us.
About a week after Ezra and Cece were arrested we went to Mona's funeral. Mostly it was to support Hanna. She tried to hide it but we could all tell that it was taking a high emotional toll on her. After the funeral we went to the Brew and I saw someone I thought I'd never see again. Standing at the counter on the other side of the room was…Toby Cavanaugh. I ran out of the Brew and headed to my car but I tripped over a pot hole and fell. Only I didn't fall onto the ground, rather, I fell into somebody's arms, Toby's. He looked at me like he hadn't seen me in years. He offered to drive me home and for some unknown reason I agreed.
On the way to my house we took a detour to our old spot overlooking rosewood. He told me that he did it to keep me safe and that he still loved me. I asked him how he was still alive and he told me that Mona faked his death hoping that I would break and do something drastic like suicide. He stared at me intensely, waiting for my reaction. I was glad my stomach wasn't too large and that I was good at hiding it. Even though I believed him I wasn't ready to trust him again. And I definitely didn't need any more drama in my life, so I couldn't tell him about the baby, not yet. I told him I believed him but that I wasn't ready for us to be together again. I used the lame excuse that I needed time. He said he understood and that he would wait. He also told me that he had taken a construction job in Pittsburg so we wouldn't be seeing each other much and I would have all the time and space I needed. After that he dropped me off at my house and that was the last time I saw him.
Two months passed since the day I had seen him. They had passed rather uneventfully. It was strange because we had forgotten what it was like to live life with out -A's threats hanging over us. But one July afternoon things became very eventful. Finally after months and months of waiting little Joyce Marion Cavanaugh was born at 2:13 AM on July 11, 2013. I thought I would die of happiness when the doctor said 'It's a girl.' I had wanted the gender to be a surprise and it certainly was. Joyce was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen; she had Toby's eyes and even his smile. I gave her the name Cavanaugh because even though I wasn't with Toby anymore I still loved him and no one could question that she was his daughter.
Sadly, my time with her was short. She was perfect, but she was born with a lung defect. She had trouble breathing on her own, but doctors said it would get better as she got older and stronger. She never really got better but she would have her good days along with the bad. But one day it was worse than it ever had been. I took her to the ER but it was too late by the time I got there, and there was nothing the doctors could do. On the afternoon of September 9, 2013, my daughter died in my arms.
Now, here I was two months later. Today is November 6th. If Toby and I were still together it would be our second anniversary. Now, I regret not telling him about the baby. I know he would have loved her. I also regretted it because my daughter died without ever knowing her father and his love. Even though she was only two months old she still deserved to know.
"I'm sorry, Joyce, I love you so much. I know I made a lot of mistakes and I can't change them, but if I could, I would go back and change that day. I would get you to the hospital faster. If only I had been paying more attention you might still be in my arms." I broke on the last sentence and started crying again.
After sitting beside her grave for a little longer I calmed down and decided to do the other thing I came here for. I went into the mausoleum and placed the bouquet of forget-me-nots and white carnations in the vase on Marion Cavanaugh's grave. As I stood there I did more thinking. I thought about the few stories that Toby had told me about her. I was convinced that she would have made a wonderful grandmother to Joyce. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice somebody else walk in until I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders.
"Toby!?" I turned around and held onto him like he would disappear.
"Spencer, what are you doing here?" He asked after a few minutes of comforting silence.
He started to pull away from our embrace and I saw his eyes. They were filled with concern and love, and at that moment I knew he had always loved me and that I wanted us to be together. I had thought about the two of us being together again but it always seemed like a fantasy but now it felt like it could be real.
"Spencer, are you okay?" He asked and more concern filled his eyes because I didn't answer his first question.
"I will be. I'm just… you're just the last person I ever expected to see today." I replied. I hadn't even realized I was crying until he started wiping my tears away.
"I came back to Rosewood today because I wanted to see you. I know you said you needed time and I respect that, but since it's our anniversary I wanted to at least see you. I decided to come here first since I haven't been here in a few months." He said. There was a small look of guilt in his eyes about not visiting his mother more and I knew the feeling. I always felt guilty if I went more than a week without visiting my daughter's grave.
"I'm glad you did. I've been thinking a lot about you…us lately. And, Toby, if you still want me I want…I want to give us a second chance." I said with a shaky voice.
My eyes looked anywhere but his. Fear had taken over me. What if he had moved on? What if he didn't want me anymore?
"Spence…Spencer, I've wanted to hear you say that since the day I saw you at the Brew. Of course I want to give us a second chance. Spencer, if it weren't for you my life probably wouldn't be worth living. Spencer Hastings, I love you." He stated and before I knew it all my fears were swept away and our lips met for a kiss for the first time in a year.
The kiss was like magic but like all good things it ended too soon when we both needed air.
"So, you never answered my first question. What are you doing here?" He asked again as he rubbed my right shoulder.
"I come here every once in a while after I visit someone else. I come here and think about us and the stories you told me about your mom. And how I wish I could have met her and what a wonderful grandmother she would have been." I replied as I stated rambling. I didn't even realize the words that had left my mouth until it was too late.
"Spence, wh...what do you mean grandmother?" He asked quietly.
"Toby," I was barely able to speak. "You never knew her and I'm sorry I never told you, but this is something you need to see for yourself. You deserve to know even if it is too late."
He stared at me with a strange expression, one which I didn't know the meaning behind. Part of me thought I was crazy for doing this, the other was glad that I would have someone else to help me through the pain. I didn't say anything; I just grabbed his arm and lead him to the grave I had just left not too long ago.
"Who's this?" He asked with a confused look towards me.
"Toby, this is Joyce Marion Cavanaugh, my…our daughter." I replied. Judging by his face I could tell he didn't understand. So I somehow found the courage to explain. "That day when we saw each other at the Brew I was seven months pregnant. I found out the day before our anniversary and planned to tell you that night at dinner. Obviously that never happened. She was born on July 11th but she had a problem with her lungs. The doctors said that as she got older and stronger the problem would go away." I was interrupted by the stream of tears that started running down my cheeks. Toby's comforting arms were around me in a second.
"But she didn't get strong enough." He said quietly as he traced circles on back. It was pretty easy to assume what happened and Toby could always tell what I was going to say before I even said it myself. I nodded my head and continued my story.
"One day I left her alone in my room for just a second, I went to the hall closet to get some more diapers and baby powder, and when I got back I knew something was wrong. I rushed to the ER but by the time I got there it was too late. She died in my arms before a doctor could see her."
I spoke with such a shaky voice I wouldn't be surprised if Toby didn't have a clue what I said. Suddenly with slow streaming tears became violent sobs. And Toby, like always, knew just what I needed. He sat on the ground and pulled me into his lap and held me while I cried. I had never spoken about what happened, not even to the girls, and all the bottled up emotions finally let themselves free.
"Spencer, I am so, so sorry." He said once my tears and sobs were all spent and I could hear the sadness in his voice. "I wish I could have done something."
"Toby, please, don't blame yourself for this. There was nothing you could have done. You didn't even know I was pregnant let alone that our baby was born with health problems. There is no way that this is your fault. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I was the one not paying close enough attention and maybe if I was she would still be alive. I was the one that chose not to tell you I was pregnant and that was the biggest mistake of my life. Everyday since the day she was born I regretted it. I am so sorry, Toby."
"Spencer, this isn't fault. Yes, you chose not to tell me but you did what you thought was the right thing; I don't blame you at all. After all the things I had done how could I expect you to trust me enough?" He said trying to comfort me.
We sat in silence for a few moments and I was about to say something when we heard thunder and it started to rain.
"How about we finish this conversation in the truck so we don't get soaked?" He asked as he pointed toward a small parking area near the cemetery's entrance.
"Sure." I replied and we both took off running towards the truck as the rain started to come down harder.
"Why do we get freak of nature thunderstorms on our anniversary?" I asked after I was safe from the rain inside the old truck. "I swear it was sunny last year but at night it was so bad Aria and Emily lost power, and this year it was sunny and all of the sudden I'm soaked in under five minutes."
"Well, I once heard that rain on your wedding day means good luck so maybe it's the same for first kiss anniversaries." Toby replied just before he kissed my cheek.
"Good luck or bad luck it's still annoying having wet clothes." I replied.
"How about we stop at your place so you can get changed and then you can finish telling me about everything?" He suggested.
"That's probably not a good idea. My parents are home and my dad would probably shoot you."
"Good point. Um…if you're comfortable with it we could talk at the loft." He suggested nervously.
"Yeah, sure, I'd like that." I replied and then we were off to the loft.
We got to the loft and it was like déjà vu. I hadn't been there in a year but everything was still the same. After a couple minutes of small talk and reminiscing about old times spent here we got back to the main subject.
"So, what else should I know about you and Joyce?" Toby asked as he sat next to me on the couch and handed me the largest coffee mug he had.
"Well, like I said she was born in July. Hanna and Aria were placing bets on whether or not she would be born on the Fourth of July." I said and both Toby and I laughed. It felt good to laugh as I hadn't done so in ages and it felt even better being with Toby again.
"The girls really helped me a lot through the whole thing. If it weren't for them I never would have left Radley. In fact I wanted to somehow name the baby after all of them but they wouldn't here of it. They were happy enough being aunts. I had no idea what name I was going to pick because nothing seemed right. I didn't find out the gender until she was born and I was so happy that the first time I saw her and held her I knew the perfect name for her was Joyce. It took me awhile to decide on Marion for her middle name. It was either that or Ella because Mrs. Montgomery was a big help to me too."
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, Spence, but I'm glad you had so many people to help you." He said when I took a break from talking to drink my coffee.
"Yeah, it was great having everyone there for me. My parents were ready to ship me off to Timbuktu when they found out. They didn't kick me out or anything but I could tell my parents wanted nothing to do with me. The girls have always been like sisters to me but after being practically disowned we were closer than ever. All the girls were Joyce's aunts and all their parents were like extra grandparents for her since her blood ones either weren't living or didn't care. It was one big family, we might not have been related but it was better than my family had ever been."
"Spence, how come you keep saying things in past tense? Did something happen between you and the girls?"
"You could say that. I don't really talk to anybody anymore. I haven't seen Emily since the fu…funeral, to be honest I think I scared her because I was so upset I would just yell at everyone. And Hanna is in college in New York so she calls me once every couple of weeks but I don't say much, and Hanna was never known for sympathy or being good at comforting people unless it involved eating ice cream and watching sappy romance movies. Aria still comes to visit me once a week though. Sometimes she convinces me to go shopping other times she comes with me to the cemetery, but most of the time we just sit together in silence. Aria may be the smallest but she's the biggest when it comes to understanding. I mean, all the girls did their best to comfort me, even while they themselves were still grieving, and I wasn't the nicest person to be around but Aria never left my side. Don't get me wrong I don't blame Hanna and Emily for going away, I mean I basically pushed them away but I'm glad Aria stayed for me even though I've never said it. Ever since that day I just keep things to myself and ignore everyone around me instead of telling people how much they mean to me."
"If you bottle everything up and never talk to anybody then why are you telling me? I would think that after everything I did, that I would be the last person you would open up to." He asked confused.
"Because, no matter what you do or say, I still love you. I never stopped, and you never stopped being my safe place to land. You always were able to help me get back on my feet again." I stated. I looked at him and he suddenly seemed excited and shocked. Just like the time when I threw him the keys to his truck and told him it was his. Like I had just said the words he had been waiting a life time to hear.
"Spence, I know that you already said that you want to give us a second chance and I do too, but when I came here to see you today I decided that if everything went well that I would do something that I've wanted to do since our first kiss." He said as he stood up from the couch and stood directly in front of me.
"What's that?" I asked. I could tell that he was slightly nervous and that made me both curious and worried as well.
"Spencer, I love you." He said as he got down on one knee. "I know that it didn't seem like it at times but it's the truth. I have loved you since the day you sat on my porch steps to tutor me in French and you told that you thought I was innocent. I wasn't sure about my feelings at first because I had never felt that way before, but when I beat you at scrabble and kissed you the next morning, I knew then that one day I would ask this question." He stopped his speech for just a second and grabbed a box from his pocket before continuing. "Spencer, you said I'm your safe place to land and that I've always been the one to help you get back on your feet and if you'll let me I want to do that for the rest of our lives. Spencer Jill Hastings, will you marry me?"
I was so moved and speechless by his words that I couldn't form a coherent enough thought to answer his question. So instead I showed him my answer by crashing my lips to his. The kiss was perfect and magical as cliché as it might sound, but it definitely was.
"I take that as a yes?" He asked after we broke apart.
"Yes, definitely yes! My life has been miserable since you were gone. I'm never letting you go again." I say with the biggest smile on my face since Joyce was born.
"My life has been miserable without you too. You won't have to let go of me again because I'm never gonna leave." He tells me and before I can say or do anything else we find ourselves kissing again.