Disclaimer: If I owned anything Bella would have made the right choice. Background music: Come to Me by Bethany Joy and if you speak French Je Tu Promis by Zaho.
The air was calm and the scent of fresh dew clung to the grass that lined the ground. The sun had begun to rise as the sky made transitioned from the of darkest blues to the palest pink. The wind swayed the leaves back and forth keeping perfect time with the natural heartbeat of the forest. Bella walked from one opening of the forest to the other until she was faced with the scene in which her dreams took place.
She hadn't known vampires could dream, Carlisle said it was extremely rare. Though there was no sleep involved, it was much like a human dream where the images could be musings of the imagination or vivid memories relived. It happened at night when she would meditate and lose herself inside of her own mind. Bella always ended up here, on this shore at this time of day, when the moon and the sun shared the sky. Every morning the moon shone only to concede to the brilliance of the sun. Then it would reclaim the night only to be taken over again. Yet there were people who felt it was the other way around; that the sun gave way to the moon. She knew better.
She hadn't been able to come here in a very long time but she needed this place today. The water was barely hitting the shore so she had to sit right at the edge to dip her toes in it. The sensations of her human life were blurry now. She knows this used to be different but she can't exactly remember how. She can think of how it felt to let the sun warm her skin but it was just a dull tingle instead of an intense warmth. Any and everything that had to do with her life before was different somehow, well almost everything.
She could clearly remember what it felt like to choose between the moon and the sun. She could remember what it felt like to shatter her own heart.
When she was human Edward was… intoxicating. He was like the purest heroine anyone had ever made. It dripped into her veins keeping her tied to him. Back then she hadn't care, she wasn't stupid she knew it wasn't healthy but that hadn't mattered. As long as he felt the same way about her she was willing to accept their strange bond. Their relationship was so dependent upon needing each other that when he'd left she had completely fallen apart. It hadn't been because the love of her life was gone, it was just hard to go through detox.
Then she'd really fallen in love. A healthy love, one that was based on wanting to be around one another rather than needing to be. She had realized what it truly meant to live in the light. Every day the sun warmed her soul and flushed her skin. Jacob Black had been everything she needed, everything she didn't deserve and everything she would ever need him to be. For a time it had been enough. To just hold his hand gave her a security she'd never had before. He would accept anything she gave him.
But like every recovering addict there were days she frustrated him beyond belief and he would take a run or cliff dive until he could be near her again. Those were the days she missed Edward the most. Every time she felt a shiver down her spine it was like his cold hand was tracing circles into her skin. She would close her eyes and try to make the feeling go away and when she opened them she'd wish she hadn't.
Jacob always knew when she thought of him and even the best of men had limits. Maybe it was a gift or maybe a curse but she'd never been able to push Jacob to his. Some days she begged him to leave her, she was damaged and could think of nothing she had to offer him. Other days she prayed he wouldn't listen because she needed her sun more than ever.
The sky was a light blue now, the moon completely out of site. Her sparkling skin was enough to distract her from her thoughts, even if only for a moment. There was a reason she'd come here.
There were no words to convey the pain she felt in her heart as she watched Jacob walk away from her. When Alice had come to her and he had begged her to stay she hadn't thought she would lose him. She seriously deluded herself into believing that he would be there when she got back. And he was, sitting on front steps as Alice dropped her off the next day. She'd worried about explaining herself to Charlie but realized as she got out of the car that Jacob would be the one asking the really hard questions.
If her heart still beat it would be going at the speed of light. Not for the first time did she wonder why this part of her other life was still so clear. It should be blurry like all the rest but Jacob shone brightly in her mind, stronger now than then.
"So he's back." It wasn't a question and even if she wanted to lie she couldn't, he'd be able to find Edward's scent on her skin. She could only nod because the look in his eyes took her voice from her. This was a delicate situation and if she didn't handle it properly he would need more than just run before he could stand the sight of her again.
"You look better." She shook her head. She didn't feel better, she felt sick actually. She didn't feel that need for Edward anymore though. It had lessened to a mild longing over time that was now gone completely. Probably because she'd just seen him, just gotten her fix and with him back in town she knew her supply wasn't running out anytime soon. The look in his eyes was intensifying and she didn't want him to ask any more questions. She realized "better" really meant high. She looked like a junkie again, so she nods because she knows that exactly what she is.
"Okay." She wants to scream. She wants to grab hold of his shoulders and shake him. What does that mean, okay, she hadn't asked him a question. But he nodded once and sighed seemingly resigned to whatever decision he'd silently made. If she could speak she would. She would have said anything her wanted her to. She would have told him right then and there that she was in love with him. She willed herself to speak. She looked up to the sky and saw the moon above them. It was killing the sun within her and Jacob wasn't doing anything to stop it. He was giving up on her just as she had given up on herself. The minute she left with Alice she had told him he would never win over Edward. She'd told him she would rather be intoxicated and dependant than in love and free.
She had never uttered a word and had still managed to stop the world from turning.
Through the course of their friendship Jacob had never said the words 'Goodbye Bella'. She never noticed it before not until that moment. She noticed because when he turned his back she had no idea if she'd ever see him again. Her voice returned to her in the sheer desperation of it all. She called to him, over and over and over again.
Jake no, Jake wait, Jake you don't understand, Jacob please, Jacob I need you, Jacob don't leave me, Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob Jacob, I love you!
Her voice is hoarse and broken in the minutes it took Charlie to carry her inside. Cradled to his body like a child, he didn't say a word. He just held her in his arms until her body ceased to shake and her eyes could no longer cry.
She remembers lying in bed not being able to open her eyes, haunted by the image of Jacob moving further and further away. She remembers feeling the sun peek through her windows. And when Edward shows up at her doorstep to drive her to school she acts like nothing's wrong because she knew Jacob couldn't stay mad at her forever. He hadn't but he'd never forgiven her for walking out on him that day in the kitchen. He'd never forgiven her for relapsing the second Edward was back in her life. And even a millennia later he hadn't forgiven her for dying.
The tide brought the water to her knees now. She looked up to the sun and realizes just how much time had passed. She usually never noticed time, not until it was night, not until she would dream again.
Things had not ended up the way they were supposed to. Renesmee hadn't fallen in love with Jacob. Which left Jacob had been free to date. Though it never lasted more than a few years (what with the whole not aging thing). She had hated every child more than the last. How he could be his age and date 20 year olds made her sick. What made her feel sicker was the knowledge that she had been younger than that when she'd met her husband. Her ex-husband.
She tries to think of the point her marriage fell apart but she can't put her finger on it. She's sure it's because she doesn't really care. She and Edward had become immune to their particular brand of poison. There was no withdrawal this time around, no painful longing, just the knowledge that she'd turned her back on the sun only to later abandon the moon.
She had all of eternity to dwell on it and Jacob would stay alive as long as Ness did so she had all of eternity to be tortured by him too. Some days she wished the two had fallen in love, it would kill all the hope she was still harbouring. However Ness was in love with Paul and Jacob's latest conquest was as annoyingly persistent as the ones before.
A long time ago Jacob had seemed annoyingly persistent too. What she wouldn't give to have him want her again.
The worst moment of her life was the night she truly walked away from him. She gave up a life she would have loved. The children they could have had and every moment they might have shared. Even then he had loved her, even as she broke both of their hearts. She remembers what it felt like to have to pull over because the tears were making it difficult to drive. She remembers taking comfort in Edward's arms thinking he was the only thing keeping her sane. She knows now anyone would have sufficed.
There were days she wanted to tell him how broken she had been. She wanted him to know that she hadn't walked away unscathed. The sun was high in the sky but La Push has been deserted for centuries so she's certain Alice is the reason no one has come looking for her.
Alice was the reason for so many things, like Edward's reappearance in her life. She was responsible for saving her life and the life of her child. Alice was key in the mutual way in which her marriage had been dissolved. The need she had once felt for Edward was gone and when their relationship had turned into a friendship Alice had guided them towards divorce. So many divorces, it was funny because they'd gotten remarried every time they changed names.
Never had she gone by the name of Isabella Swan though, even after all her living family had died. Bella Swan was a whisper of the woman Bella Cullen had proven to be. Bella Black would have put them both to shame but that name was a dream within a dream, something she could never attain.
Clouds rolls in from the north and they catch her eye reminding her of a time she would lay on her back in Jacob's yard and find shapes in the sky. The memory is hazy, before she really knew that Jacob would be the gravity keeping her feet on the ground.
When Renesmee had gotten married she'd asked him if it was hard to give her away. They didn't talk about the imprint so she didn't really know how he felt about the twist in their relationship. He'd told her that Ness was his world in a way he'd only experienced once, though it was magnified a thousand fold. She ignored the foreign feeling in the pit of her stomach. He simply wanted her to be happy and would play any role needed to accomplish that. The only time he felt bad regarding Ness was when she was going through something he couldn't help her with or when they were physically apart.
Sighing she thought of all the nights she'd needed Jacob with her to keep the nightmares away. The nights he had to patrol were the hardest and she felt as if she might actually curl up and die if he didn't come back to her. When he'd gotten hurt in battle a two decades ago she had felt the pain rip through her entire being becoming hysterical killing everything in sight. It had taking Carlisle and Jasper to physically restrain her before she accidentally killed someone she loved.
That's when she'd run away. She'll admit that's exactly what it was. Once she knew he would be okay she'd fled moving from place to place. She couldn't handle being with him every day and not being able to love him the way she so desperately wanted to. The only people who had known about her pain were Edward, Jasper and Alice. Not because she hadn't trusted anyone else but because there had been no way to hide it from them. She's sure Ness had noticed but her daughter had the tact not to say anything.
A year to a vampire would most closely resemble a mortal month. When you've lived as a part of the same coven, travelled with the same people and had never been away from your family two decades (20 months) was a long time to be gone, even to an immortal that had all the time in the world. She planned on returning home for the next big move but had needed to come here first. She couldn't spend another day feeling the way she did. It was time to truly let go of her mortal memories.
The water came to her waist and she closes her eyes and dreams a dream, the last one about this place and the man who first brought her there.
He doesn't know how she doesn't notice him approaching but he's gratefully to have a moment to collect himself. He'd been at the old Forks house when the wind had changed directions and her scent had attacked his senses. Esme had wanted a painting for the new Giau house and no one else had wanted to go get it. Alice had said that it might be good for him to visit the reservation his people had lived on for so many years. Now he knows his pixie sized sister had really meant for him to be here at the same time as her.
He thought for a second about just grabbing the picture and going home but knew Nessie would skin his hide for not at least saying hi and he quite liked his fur attached to his body. As he runs through the forest its silent in his head and he doesn't know if it's night at home and everyone's sleeping or if Alice ordered no one phase, she'd done it before so he wouldn't really be surprised.
He stands directly in front of her on the right side of her body blocking out the sun. Her lips curl into a smile and he knows its impossible but he sees a blush colour her cheeks. "Hey you," she hadn't spoken to him so casually in at least a century, maybe longer. He waits for her to open her eyes but she looks content to just lie on the sand with the tide rolling over the lower half of her body. "I've missed you", he thinks he must be dreaming because there is no way Bella is really saying this.
"Not more than I've missed you" and his voice seems to startle her. He realizes that she was dreaming, dreaming about him. She looks embarrassed and sits up only to pull her hands into her lap fidgeting. There are so many things she does even still that remind him of how human she is capable of being. He sits down in front of her and pulls her hands a part lacing their fingers together. "Hey you"
It's as if she's human again, she can feel the sun kiss her skin and the warmth that it brings. Only the sun isn't in the sky, it's next to her tracing circles into her palms. There are tears in her eyes and she cries the only way vampires are capable. Her heart thumps in her chest and she can feel it inside of her going from dormant to alive as he pulls her to him. Her back against his chest on the beach where he became her best friend, told her about legends, taught her to live again. She rests her head against his chest and listens to his heartbeat. How had see gone on for so long without this?
Some time ago Mankind had brought itself to the brink of destruction as it had so many times before. His tribe had been lost then. Ten Quileutes remained. Those who had either imprinted on an immortal or had not imprinted at all and continued to phase. The Delanis had joined the Cullens as had Nahuel, his aunt and his youngest sister. Every few centuries a nomad would appear and join the family. A family that had started with Carlisle was now a family of vampires, wolves and hybrids.
They had protected Forks and La Push during times of war, leaving it untouched and perfect. They would return every so often to remind themselves of what they were capable of together and also what the world was capable of. Cities were different and there were few places nature had been left to thrive. Out of everyone Bella came here the least. He'd never asked her why she never wanted to go home but today he felt brave enough to seek the answers he so desperately needed from her. "Why are you here Bella?"
His breath on her skin is a pleasure she had been deprived of. She closes her eyes and stores this moment in her mind so she can dream of it at night when she is alone again. Why was she here, to let go, to move on… to fall out of love with him. "I needed to start again" He'd healed her after Edward had left. Taught her to pick up the pieces and start over again in times of uncertainty. She missed her best friend. She missed the love of her life and she was uncertain of the role she could play in his life without it breaking her heart further. Bella and Edward's story was finished. They were great friends, they were family but they were not lovers and they were not soulmates. She needed to figure out who she was after Edward and without Jacob.
He had felt the urge to leave but she had tightened her hands around him. He knew by the look on her face that she was deep in thought and the action was completely subconscious. A long time ago Edward had told him vampires where capable of thinking many things at once, he wonders how many things she had to be thinking about to make such actions. Did she come here to say goodbye to her old life and if so did she mean for him to be a part of that goodbye?
The night she had left he had physically felt a hand punch him bruising his skin cutting through tissue breaking his ribs and crushing his heart as it was ripped out of his chest.
She came to him as he lay in bed recovering.
He couldn't speak so they sat in silence staring at one another until she had gotten into bed with him and closed her eyes.
They remained this way for five straight nights until the hunger became too much and she left to insure she didn't go crazy and feed on him. When she returned he was walking around with Ness and Rosalie. He'd smiled at her and she'd smiled back. She came to him again that night and he knew there was more going on inside of her than there ever had been before. She held her ear to his heart as her breathing evened out and matched his own. He held her tighter than he'd ever been able to when she was human and she tangled herself in his legs.
He was seconds away from sleep when she placed a kiss to his temple. Her words would repeat themselves in his mind all the nights she was gone and he struggled to fall asleep. "How I've loved you Jacob Black…" her voice cracked as if she could barely bring herself to go on, "more than I've ever shown you, more than you could ever know". By the time he opened his eyes, before he could even speak, his arms were empty and she was gone.
The feeling of being away from him was replaced by a sense of peace as he sat with her cradled in his arms. He placed a kiss to her arms and she shivers with remembrance of all the times before. She'd been a fool to think there would ever come a day where Jacob was not the centre of her world. She says it without thinking and as soon as she says it she has the urge to run. "I love you."
He doesn't know what came over him. He picks her up, turns her around and kisses her with everything inside of him. He can feel the bruises starting to form on his skin from where she's clinging to him. He can taste the blood on his lips from her nibbling on them. He's sure the force in which he throws her to the ground would have killed any mortal woman. She's wrapped her legs around him the nanosecond his pants are off. He apologizes for being so rough with her as he takes a breath to collect himself.
She rolled him over and looks him straight in the eye. He pushes her hair back behind her ears and she lets him know that as long as his hands are on her and only her she doesn't care how rough he gets. No woman, mortal or otherwise had ever excited him the way she did.
The sun was beginning to as they joined and consummated a love that had begun in a time now taught in history classes. She felt a fullness she'd never experienced before. It was as though her body became part his and part of the earth. She could feel wind, the water, the sun as though she was human again. She felt her heartbeat against her chest. She felt the weight of his gravity keeping her grounded.
He felt as though he had been born again under her touch. He saw the world the way she did. The colours were brighter, more vibrant. The wind was visible and the sand felt like air beneath him. He was conscious of the world in a way he never had been before. He kissed her with everything he had as the tears physically rolled down her cheeks. And he focused on the sound of her beating heart as his own soared. She looked more beautiful than she ever had. Bella Cullen's grace had merged with Bella Swan's humanity and Bella Black was everything they had never been.
They spent three days exploring each other and each day her heart kept beating. Each day he felt weightless and saw the true beauty of nature. When they finally separated they could both hear her heart slow as he felt the sand become tangible underneath them. They walked into the ocean and bathed each other reflecting on recent events. He would ask Jared about it when they got home. He was with Senna so if anyone would have answers it would be him. It was clear to Bella that vampires and wolves had been much more than enemies in the time before.
He holds her as her heart finally stops. "I love you, Bella." There was nothing that could ever change that.
They spent a month at the beach and each time they joined is like the first time. Sometimes they are rough, sometimes gentle but always loving. Bella hunts while he sleeps. Their days are spent making love and talking. They talk about everything. Nothing was left unsaid and in the end they are stronger for it.
His absence from Renesmee is beginning to affect him. It's minor but if he stays away for much longer it will begin to become a problem. The only reason he'd been able to stay away this long was because she was happy and protected. Even still they both needed to be in contact to be a hundred percent contented. Jacob shares this with her and she agrees it's time to go back, she misses their family too. Plus Bella no longer has any reason to stay away.
They walk without a sliver of space between them. She had one arm around his waist and the other held his hand over her left shoulder. They travel up the shore back towards the forest entrance. By the time they reach the clearing the moon is high in the sky. She looks at Jacob then and sees how brilliant her sun looked shining in the moonlight. Her dreams could never do him justice.
His eyebrow raises in question as he tilts his head toward the house. She had been so caught up in him that she hadn't noticed the scents around her. Their family was home.
They continue from the clearing to the backyard, each step bringing them closer to those who meant the most.
Renesmee greets them at the door. Bella held her daughter against her, breathing in her scent. Her child was practically glowing and when she pulled away she saw the reason why. Her flat stomach was a slightly raised and when she listened closely she could hear the two heartbeats coming from inside her little girl.
Ness smiled at her mother and her imprint. She was happier than she had ever been. Everyone in her family was happy, she was having twins and her imprint was back by her side. Paul and Jacob congratulate each other and embrace as the women make their way into the house.
Everyone is spread throughout the house and once they've all said hello, Bella and Jacob fall back into the routine of life as a usual. Edward plays the piano to his new wife Elaine. Carlisle reads to Esme as she rocks baby Nila to sleep. Lei (Nahuel's sister) and Jared watch their daughter as she falls asleep, her childhood will only last a few years so they try not to blink.
Some of them decided to play baseball as a storm rolls. Keigh sat with Seth and listened to the steady beating of his heart as she watched everyone set up in the clearing.
Jacob was playing so Bella sat on the patio with Rosalie, Elle and Leah playing poker. Everyone else went hunting.
The closest person is over a hundred miles away so there are free to do as they please. They stay in Forks for a year until Esme decides she would like to go to back to Giau, they hadn't lived there in over three centuries.
On the last night in Forks Jacob falls asleep listening to Bella's heartbeat slow. Jared said it had taken him by surprise too but Senna was the same way, she literally came alive whenever they made love. He wonders why there had been nothing in the old legends that detailed what great mates the Cold Ones made.
Some time towards dawn Jacob rolls his head to find Bella dreaming beside him. He didn't wake her just watched wondering what her dream was about, which causes him to think.
For the first time in his life Jacob was glad Bella had become a vampire. He made a note to thank Edward when he got the chance. They would have had a beautiful life as humans, but now their time together would be endless.
By noon everyone was up and ready to go, as always there was a race to see which couple would arrive first.
Running through the forest with Jacob's hand entwined with hers, Bella knew she could never dream a dream so real.