Story based on "It's Only Forever" by AsheRhyder
Song: Immortal by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here...
I was once your guardian, I was once your Angel of Music, but nothing lasts forever...
Suppressed by all my childish fears...
And childhood must end sooner or later, I suppose...
And if you have to leave...
And I'm thinking in verse once more... what's the point anymore? She's no longer listening. Did she ever? Did she really hear as the outcast hears or was that all an act, too?
I wish that you would just leave.
I wish... I wish... No.
'Cause your presence still lingers here
My Angel... my love... my Anastasia.
And it won't leave me alone
You have left me at last... I suppose I always knew it would happen one day, I just didn't want to accept it. I thought you were different, but you ended up betraying me... just like Christine. Why...? All I tried to do was give you happiness... and in the end, you still left.
These wounds won't seem to heal...
You left me behind in this dark, damp, underground hell hole that was all you once dreamed about. And for what? To be with another man... just like Christine. And yet, I can't let you go...
This pain is just too real...
Letting go of you will destroy me. Yes, I am aware that Leroux wrote that one day I would die of heart-break... but I never imagined that it would be true. I never thought it would be because of you. I was once... I was once...
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
All you have ever wanted, you have gotten either because of my teachings or because I have brought you to it. I have re-ordered time and turned my world upside down... and I have done it all just because I loved you. I have asked for so little, Ana, just... love me as I am. That's all I asked of you...
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
In the darkness... my darkness... I finally had a light. I held you in my arms when your world fell apart. I made sure that nothing ever happened to you. I protected you from anything that could have harmed you. And for what? What was my purpose, Ana? I thought you understood my pain, too, but I guess you don't. Maybe you never did...
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
Didn't you ever wonder why you were never hurt in the catacombs when everyone else who came here either died or was captured? Didn't you ever wonder why you were never afraid to be in the opera house or anywhere else alone? Didn't you ever wonder why you never experienced this pain before you left...?
And I held your hand through all of these years...
Though you may not have realized it, I was always there protecting you from the shadows... though, I suppose knowing would have defeated its purpose. But, darling, there was still a lesson that you needed to learn... even if it killed me to teach you.
But you still have...
My Anastasia, it breaks my heart to know that you no longer have affection towards me... when I still love you with everything that I have...
... all of me...
I... I can't live without you... but, I have to. You're happy now, without me, that's all I could ever ask for.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
They all think that I'm just a fictional character in a novel... they used to tell you that I'm not real; that I never was... that there was no way I could ever love you nor hold you in my arms like you longed for me to...
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
You never believed them, however, you knew better. You traveled to France just to prove them wrong, my love. But now, now that he is in the picture, you don't see me as you used to. He has a new image of me implanted into your mind... an evil psychopath who doesn't deserve love nor compassion. I can't say that I blame him, though, I have always thought the same. Now you have seen the wicked side of me and you have let me go... the same thing I have tried to do with you, and have failed each and every time.
Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams
I'm still caught, as you once were. You're now trapped between your own beliefs and your love for him. I'm trapped in a nightmare of yearning for the sun but living only in the night. But, I have to set you free... for both our sakes.
Your voice—it chased away...
"Erik, I love him."
... all the sanity in me...
You said them so easily... four words and I was defeated. Broken beyond repair. Did I really mean so little to you, Ana? Was it really that easy to move on?
These wounds won't seem to heal...
My sweet Ana... I- I can't let you go...
This pain is just too real...
I am trapped. You clipped my wings and tightened the rope around my neck with sadness and forgetfulness. I am slowly dying in the remains of your once, now forgotten, dream.
There's just too much that time cannot erase...
But you... you both are free. Free and beautiful and in love, like a feather fallen from Cupid's wing. You turned your back on me and flew away... so forget me, forget all you have seen.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears...
He hurt you, you're alone and in pain... crying into your pillow. But, darling, I can't reach you...
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears...
He left you, alone and hurting... and I can't comfort you. I can't kill him like I wish I could do... I can't tighten my Punjab around his neck and make him beg both of us for mercy like I used to be able to. You're hurting... and I can't come to you.
And I held your hand through all of these years...
I wish... I wish... I wish I could hold your hand again and tell you that everything will be alright. That I could take you away from this wretched place and we could go back to normal. I wish I could wrap my arms around you tight and protect you like I used to. I wish I had the strength to break through this glass and tell you the only words that I'm no longer allowed to say.
But you still have all of me.
I still love you despite what all you have put me through, angel. Why? That I cannot answer...
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But I can't... I must go on without you and you must live without your angel. I have to let you go... and I...
But though you're still with me...
I have to move on... or else I am going to die.
I've been alone all along.
I have chosen the role of the villain so you could be the heroine one last time. But... everyone knows that villains don't get a happy ending...
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears...
When will he start being the hero, Ana?
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears...
Is he strong enough to protect you from the world?
And I held your hand through all of these years...
Will he be the one to catch you when you fall?
But you still have...
Even so, always remember that you have your guardian... your Angel of Music...
... all of me...
I will always be waiting.
Author's Note
Bold: Song
Regular: Erik's Thoughts
Italic: Memories