Regina sighed as she carefully lowered herself onto the fallen tree. She ignored the dampness that seeped through her clothes into her skin and the stains it was probably leaving behind. There, in silence, she crossed her ankles and let peace surround her like an embrace.
It hadn't been easy sneaking away. The older she got, the more people seemed to be present in her life. They filled her corridors, ate with her, worked with her, played with her. Moments alone were few and far between. It had been worse since she'd passed the Throne on to Henry's son. Everyone had started to treat her like an invalid. Most of the time, Regina actually didn't mind but, in the past couple of weeks, it had become almost more than she could bear. Their concern grated on her nerves like sandpaper against skin until she had to get away from the sympathy in their eyes.
It was only natural that she would come here. Birds sang in the trees and a gentle breeze sifted through the gray strands of her hair. There was something enchanting about the shades of green dappled by sunlight. Regina soaked it in as she played with the rough bark under her fingertips.
Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, and then she took another. She let the sweet air fill her lungs. It smelled like trees and earth. It smelled like sunshine and rain, like rivers and stones. It smelled like love and home and warmth. It smelled like family and happiness.
Robin had smelled like this forest and, more importantly, this forest smelled like him. The lack of his scent had left an aching hole inside of her, one that was impossible to fill. For awhile, the scent had lingered-in their chambers, in their bed-but it got weaker and weaker as the weeks passed until it slowly drifted away.
Over a month had passed since he'd left her, slipping away silently in the middle of the night. She missed him so much. That month might as well have been eons.
Regina continued to breathe in the scent of her happiness. For forty years, it had been her solace, her comfort. It took her in and turned her from a half reformed evil queen to a woman who loved and was loved in return. It gave her a family, two adopted children and a biological daughter who was the bravest and fiercest woman Regina had ever known. It helped her to finally overpower the demons of her past and grow into the woman she would have become if not for her mother and Rumpelstiltskin twisting her mind.
This scent was all she had left of Robin now, and she'd had to slip away from her servants, children, and grandchildren to feel close to him again. They were all afraid she'd break a hip or get lost like a doddering old fool, even though she was still one of the most powerful enchanters in their land.
Regina pushed these thoughts out of her head, not wanting them to intrude on her memories of him. Smelling the pine needles and feeling the wind's caress, she could almost pretend he was sitting there beside her. Maybe if she reached out her fingers, they would brush his. They could hold hands, not talking, just enjoying one of the moments they could steal to be together.
"I love you," she whispered, hoping the breeze would carry the words to him.
There had been a time when a loss like hers would have driven her to desperate measures-ripping out her heart, putting herself to sleep, trying to hurt others the way she was hurting-but Regina was stronger now. Observing him, trusting in him, had shown her that she owed it to those who loved her to survive to love again. Even more, she owed it to herself. Those who needed her would not need her less if she were gone, they'd need her more.
As Regina sat there, she let the memories flood over her. Her eyes filled and overflowed as all that he had meant to her, from unknown thief to beloved Queen's Consort, tumbled through her mind. She whispered again, this time words she'd never said to him in life, which she now regretted.
"Thank you."
Thank you for showing me how to love. Thank you for helping me find myself again. Thank you for everything you were to me. Thank you...Thank you...Thank you.
As twilight fell, Regina knew she should be heading back. When Henry realized she was missing, he would worry. Emma could not stall him forever.
It was almost heartbreaking to get to her feet and walk away. It felt as if she were leaving Robin behind. Sadly, she patted the tree she had been sitting on. A feeling of well being suddenly filled her, and Regina couldn't help but smile. He was here. He'd always be here.
He had smelled like forest, and so, in a way, even death couldn't really take him from her.