A/N:  Hey guys, Nikki here.  My friend Stephanie and I are co-writing this fic!  If you were looking for something serious, something mature; look somewhere else. 

DISCLAIMER:  I don't own Harry Potter (or his flatulence) or any other characters, I'm not getting paid to write about Harry Potter (or his flatulence) so you can't sue me! 

Say Whoda-what?

          The Flatulence from No One

"HARRY!!!" a shrill voice echoed through the otherwise peaceful house on #4 Privet Drive. "Get up! Get up!"

Harry rubbed his puffy eyes and stretched. "Yes'm" he mumbled, then he stood, smacked his head on the ceiling and fell to the floor clutching his forehead. "Ooh, my scar!"

He screamed, walked to his trunk and grabbed a change of clothes with his hands still massaging his forehead. He went into the bathroom and shouted in fear as a big hairy spider fell out of the underwear that were in his hands. It landed with a "kerplunk" in the toilet, swimming desperately for it's life.  "oh, poor little spider" Harry cried and reached into the impure water to save the eight legged monster.  He finished his business (forgetting to wash his hands) and then went to the door to let the spider out.

After liberating it, he scooped up the mail for Uncle Vernon: a postcard from Aunt Marge, the electric bill, and…A LETTER FOR HARRY?!  He opened the letter and read: 

"Dear Mr. Potter,

you have been accepted into the Hexy

Lexy, Man I'm sexy modeling company.

Please inform us with you decision to join us.

Signed, Severus Snape

"Junk mail", he mumbled and kept flipping through the mail, and…WHAT? ANOTHER LETTER FOR HARRY?! It was big and heavy.  He began to walk to the kitchen but was distracted by the sound of the shower. It shut off and he panicked thinking Oh no! if Uncle Vernon walks out and sees me with this letter, he'll take it away! But before he could think of something to do, the spider walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist.      

            Harry walked into the kitchen and began to make breakfast, hiding the letters in his pants. Uncle Vernon came into the room. "Where's the paper" he grunted as he sat at the table to read.

            Uncle Vernon sat at the table eating his eggs and checking his stocks. They were down…not a good sign for his mood. Harry stood with his back to his uncle, washing the dishes when suddenly, with a tremendous ripping sound, Harry let out the gas he had been holding in.  With a whoosh of air, both of the letters flew out of his pants and landed in Uncle Vernon's eggs.