Disclaimer: don't own Danny p, but hey, I can still write these little dorky fanfics whenever I want, neh?
This chapter of the fic was inspired partly from an ACTUAL babysitting experience of mine…it's not the truth down to every single part, (since I was babysitting with another guy, so of course there wasn't really any "fluff" going on between us, ha-ha) but a lot of the funnier stuff is actually the stuff that's true, and given what happened to us, I thought it was worthy of writing a chapter about
Parenthood
"You know, you can't help but feel a little sorry for Dash…"
Two pairs of bug eyes stared back blankly at the originator of the comment.
"Danny, you can't be serious…" Tucker started; practically flabbergasted that someone could hold pity for the muscle-bound geek-pummeller.
"Well, for failing the project he and Paullina had to do the sack of flour thing again…" The ghost boy blinked as a frustrated Dash came stomping around the corner, Paullina waving a very gaseous and noisy sack around in one hand and poms in the other.
"You have pads! All I have are these little poms and this ever so cute cheerleaders outfit. You don't expect me to stuff this up my skirt, do you?"
"Hey! A stinky sack of baby is no macho thing for a hunky football player like me! (He flexed as he said "hunky," and Sam gagged.) As far as I'm concerned, taking care of the baby is the GIRL'S job, no matter how pretty you are!"
The argument continued down the hall, the trio that consisted of Tucker, Sam, and Danny just stared in a combination of awe and pity.
"You know, it's moments like these that make it hard to believe we're not in some sort of cartoon," Tucker muttered.
"Kudos to the American school system…may it prosper forever more…" Sam said unenthusiastically, and began rummaging through her locker once again with low eyelids.
She quickly finished gathering her things, and the three compadres set about their separate ways. Danny shrugged. "I dunno. I probably wouldn't be caught dead taking care of a baby…"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"What do you mean I have to take care of a baby!" Danny exclaimed.
"Now, now, dear. It will only be for tonight," Maddie said as she slipped her hood off, revealing a nice set of makeup that said "I'm going out tonight" all over it.
"Besides, we have full trust in you Danny. The other babysitter that took care of this kid just started screaming and ran away and never came back, but we have the most absolute confidence that that won't happen to you…" As the ghost child's father spoke, he slipped out of his spandex suit, revealing a tuxedo underneath. And, much to his son's amusement, he could see yet ANOTHER spandex suit underneath the tux he was wearing.
Wouldn't he have been hot in that much stuff?
Danny shook his head vigorously to clear it of unneeded thoughts. He was getting desperate. "But I don't even know whose baby this IS! I—"
His mother continued on her journey out of her suit, revealing a lush velvet dress beneath. "Oh, it's just the daughter of Kristen, you remember her, right?"
"…NO!"
"That's my boy!" Jack grinned proudly.
"Dad!" Danny exasperated. "I don't even know the first THING about babies!"
"Nonsense, Danny. You did that awesome project with that bean sack—"
He grimaced at the memory. "It was a flour sack dad, it just farted…"
"Whatever! You did an awesome job of handling that stinky bag of love that we all trust you enough with the safety of this young child."
Bags suddenly appeared beneath Danny's eyes.
Maddie turned about, handing Danny a list of emergency phone numbers. "We'll only be gone until around midnight, you should be able to handle the cute little bundle of joy until then."
The bags somehow grew deeper.
The "baby exchange" took place so fast that Danny didn't even really see Kristen, and before he knew it there was bald, blue-eyed baby sitting in his arms, a bag of baby trinkets complete with a crib sitting in his living room, and he was staring at a fading dust cloud on the road in the distance.
A flash of his previous "baby" and its adventures loomed in his mind. The sack getting stolen by Skulker, fighting over it with Valerie, while getting chained to her and the desperate goose chase of trying to find it while fighting off ghosts and…
Nothing good was going to come of this, was it?
He hung his head miserably. "I'm doomed…"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"What do you mean you have a baby to take care of!"
"I don't know what happened! But it's not like I know anything about taking care of one!"
"Oh, and I do?"
"Well, you WERE the only one who got an 'A' for taking care of a sack…"
"Oh, that makes me REAL inclined to go over there and help, Danny."
"Sam!" he begged desperately to the screen with a glaring girl on it, "Please, I need your help! I don't know the first thing about babies!"
"So of course you called me first, since I'm a girl, right?"
"Would you rather I call Tuck over?" A sadistically amused smile bloomed on his face. "I'm sure that'd spell a nice little nuclear disaster…"
He heard a "psh" from the other end of the line. "He's at a family outing, wouldn't happen anyways…" She blinked, pondering his previous words. "And why nuclear? Wouldn't it be more--?"
"Damn!" Danny cut her off, turning away from the phone for a minute, his face looking to one of horror as the baby did something on the sidelines that Sam couldn't decipher. "Please Sam! Can you come over! I'm dying here!"
"Alright, alright, alright! Sheesh, I was already on my way."
Danny's face brightened as if God himself had just graced him with something. "Really! Sam, I can't thank you—"
"Seeya soon."
Click.
He stared blankly at the phone for a minute. "A rude savior…" he pondered.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
When Sam rang to doorbell to Danny's house, everything seemed normal…at first…
As soon as the door opened, there was no complete chaos in the room like she had expected. Just a chaotic Danny. Hair disheveled in all directions, shirt rumpled and covered in…something….moist…and a bouncing baby with the bigger, shinier eyes than should have been possible on a living being.
The baby gurgled, a small spit bubble sitting innocently on his lip.
Danny looked to her with pleading eyes. "Help?"
She almost outright laughed, but before she could her eyes bugged out again and she quickly put a hand over her nose.
She sighed as best she could without her nose, and tried as best she could to keep the toxic fumes from going down her throat. "Let's get started…" she said nasally.
The door slammed shut…hard….and Sam took a look at the damage so far.
At that point, there wasn't all that much that was going wrong. The crib was upside down, there was an incredible lingering stench in the air…but besides that, and Danny of course, there wasn't much else going wrong.
Still holding onto her nose, she pointed up the stairs. "Ok, give me the baby, and you go change. Oof…I'm gonna suffocate…"
"Alright. I'm just glad this stuff didn't come out the other end…"
She flinched slightly in surprise, then her expression darkened slightly with a minor loss of patience. She sighed, taking the baby from him. "Just go up and change."
Danny's shoulders rose in a shrugged defeat, and he started up the stairs, a few mild grumbles escaping his lips.
Sam blinked.
"Why is there a vomit stain on your wall?"
"Intangibility comes in handy!" he called from the top of the stairs.
Her face turned sour.
She lowered the baby into the crib, and it seemed content to just sit there for a bit. From what she could see, it couldn't crawl yet, which would greatly simplify things…last thing that they needed was to have it go crawling off into the ghost zone.
Her fingers rubbing her temples for a moment, there was another gurgle from the baby.
Danny phased down through the floor, now in a new set of clothing. Much to her amusement, he had a clothespin on his nose, and as he settled on the floor reverting to his human form, he held one out to her. In a nasal voice, he asked "Want one?"
"Sure. Man, and I thought I'd smelled some bad stuff…"
"Heh, pretty bad, isn't it?"
"Oh yeah…"
Silence fell for a moment, and another cheerful squeal rang through the air.
"He sure seems happy…" Danny mused.
"Have you changed its diaper yet?" Sam waved her hand ineffectively at the smell in front of her nose. "The air's burning out my lungs…"
Danny's face when into a state of blank surprise, before he said an apologetic "No."
Sam sighed. "Well, I think that should be our place to start…"
The baby was laid out on a table, his little legs kicking cutely into the air, another little bubble of drool popping over his tiny little mouth. He almost could have been considered cute…
If he hadn't been QUITE so rancid…
Danny poked the outside of the diaper, a small squeak of leaking air squirting out the side. After a deep breath, he looked up at Sam. "I'm thinking that we're gonna need some equipment for this…"
Her eyes lowered to the baby, eyebrows flat, then raised back up to his face. "Like what?"
"I was thinking something like the ecto-skeleton…"
"Oh please. It's a baby, Danny, you don't need a powerful machine like that to deal with changing a baby's DIAPER…"
"You do realize that by saying that you probably just jinxed me into doing something stupid, right?"
"You'll probably do something stupid, anyway," she said wryly.
At this the ghost boy glared, but then realized it was true and could only shrug. "Eh, good point."
He turned back to the baby, and began to take in a deep breath, before he thought better of it and decided to just start taking the diaper off.
"Um…"
"'Um' what?"
"How do you take the diaper off?"
"Straps on the side, Danny…"
A nervous laugh escaped his lips. "Heheh. Oh, right."
Slowly, cautiously, his fingers pulled at the sticky straps on the side, and revealed…
"EW!"
Danny turned to the side, gagging, Sam following suit.
"Holy crap! That shouldn't be legal!"
After Sam finished coughing, she turned towards him with a quirked eyebrow. "Legal?"
He coughed again. "Yeah, it should be illegal for parents to have to deal with that…"
Immediately, Sam felt an intense blush come to her cheeks at what that statement implied, but it faded as quickly as it had come, and Danny apparently hadn't noticed his own suggestion at them being "parents."
Danny stood up oh shaky legs, his breathing rather raspy because of his lack of interest of breathing in the "toxic fumes" that had permeated through most of the stuff in the room.
He pulled the diaper off, holding it with one hand at arms length, his face a look of complete and utter distaste. "Yep…should definitely be illegal…."
"What are you looking at me for?" Sam asked.
"Um…where should I put it?"
"Well, a garbage can would be nice…"
"I would, but wouldn't that sorta stink up the house a lot?"
Sam's face morphed into a pondering look. "Yeah, you're right…"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"I don't really think that the other ghosts are going to appreciate that…" Sam muttered as the door of the portal to the ghost zone closed.
Danny shrugged. "That thing was radioactive anyway."
He took Sam's hand in his own as he went intangible, and soon both of their heads broke through the floor of the living room bringing them, inevitably, back to the baby.
Danny sighed, taking his clothespin of his nose. "It should be safe to breathe for a bit…" but his nose immediately wrinkled. "Note the 'should'…"
Sam shook her head. She could have sworn she was in some sort of whacky cartoon whenever she was around Danny.
"So…now what?"
Sam laughed slightly. "We put another diaper on, of course."
"Well yeah, but HOW? I mean, I've heard about baby powder and stuff…how does all that work?"
She blinked. "You can't be serious…"
"Well…I'm the youngest in my family…"
She crossed her arms. "And I'm an only child."
"Blecch." He turned towards the baby, and reached for the clear tub containing the white powder that Kristen had so generously left in the baby bag.
"Well, here goes…"
He shook the end experimentally, and nothing came out. He shook again, harder this time, and the entire cap fell off, spilling a nice little avalanche of white powder onto the baby.
He sighed. "Oh great, yet another mess to clean—"
PFFFFTTTT!
The mess was gone…or rather, the mess had moved to Danny's face…
At that moment in time, Sam was torn between the urges to grimace and to laugh…
His eyes showed through the makeshift snowman outfit that he now adorned on his face, and his left eye twitched.
Leave it to a baby to come up with a new way to make a mess by farting, Danny thought bitterly.
The powder fell through his face as he went intangible once again, making a little "foof" as it hit the floor with a small cloud of dust.
He gagged, spitting to the side a little. "Leave it to a baby to find a new way to embarrass me…" he spat.
Sam giggled at this, then paused a moment, realizing how incredibly ditzy she had just seemed. Once again, thankfully, Danny the oblivious and/or clueless hadn't noticed.
For this once at least, his denseness had actually come in handy, she mused.
Hurriedly the ghost child slipped another diaper over the baby's legs before another "blaspheming wave" could overtake their senses and banish them into oblivion.
Danny took off the nose clip, experimentally sniffing the air.
"Well, at least the air is breathable now…" he muttered. He leaned over the baby, the little bundle of joy cooing softly. He picked him up experimentally, weighing the baby in his arms. "No thanks to this little bundle of rancid bodily functions…"
Sam laughed a light laugh at this, and came over to where the two of them were standing.
"Hm. He's cute," she thought aloud, "you have to give him that…"
The baby looked up at Danny at that moment, eyes shinier than diamonds and cute little mouth quivering that DARED anyone to not call him cute.
"Yeah. I guess he's not so bad once—"
The baby hiccupped briefly…then…
"BLEAH!"
Splut!
Danny's lower eyelid quivered slightly in indignation. Sam made a quick face of disgust. "Um…you need to go change again?"
"Y-yeah…"
After handing off the baby, he began stalking up the stairs, muttering about his intangibility not being fast enough to deal with babies.
Sam set the baby in his crib, and it was only milliseconds before he was deep in slumber, a little snot bubble expanding and contracting with every breath.
Well, nothing was perfect…
A moment passed, and Danny, once again in another clean shirt, floated down through the floorboards, a comical expression of distaste on his face.
"Well, I see that our little ultimate weapon is asleep…"
"For the moment, at least." Sam said with a sigh.
"Don't say that, you'll jinx the peace we have right now…"
"Quit being a worry wart." She took a look at the damage. "Alright, it's not too bad in here…"
"With what?"
"The cleaning. We need to clean up the baby's mess, you know."
The bags under Danny's eyes deepened once again. "Somehow I just knew it was gonna come to this…"
The entire job would have taken very little time in itself, but scrubbing down the walls while trying to stay quiet was another story entirely, and, contrary to popular belief, took a great deal of energy to do.
Gathering up the dust from the baby's flatulence was another problem…a vacuum cleaner was out of the question with him sleeping, so the two of them had to make due with a broom and dustpan that they had happened to find in the closet.
"Wow. I'm surprised that there weren't any anti-ghost devices on this thing," Sam muttered in whispered amazement as she dumped another load of dust into a garbage bag.
"Are you out to jinx us?" Danny hissed.
"What, do you think that it's gonna just—"
GHOST ALERT! GHOST ALERT!
Danny's head creaked like an old door on a rusty hinge as he turned towards Sam, who shrugged with innocence.
He quickly turned ghost and threw the broom out the window, which flashed away into the netherworld with a tiny green mushroom cloud in the distance.
Danny phased down into the room, turning human and flopping down on the couch in an exhausted heap.
"You'd think…" he panted, "…that taking care of a puny little baby…wouldn't be so much work…"
Sam laughed at that statement, and sat down on the corner of the couch.
"Like your first day of being a 'dad'?" she smirked.
"Probably about as much as you enjoyed being a mom," he groaned.
Once again, she felt her face turn beet red. Why was this idea of them having a kid making her blush to no end? Sure, if someone had suggested that she have kids with someone in particular, she'd be in an awkward situation…
But this…?
"Sam?"
She suddenly snapped out of it. "What? Oh, yeah, this was a pretty tiring day…" she covered quickly. To emphasize, she flopped down on the couch as well.
Danny couldn't believe that she had done that…she had just flopped down on top of him…
But it wasn't really that, that had surprised him. It was her face after he had suggested that she was the "mom" while he was the "dad."
It suggested that she was almost…reluctant…to leave it.
Sam's eyes snapped open, realizing the intensely close proximity that she had put herself in. An embarrassed smile came over her face. "Uh…hi…"
"Hi…" Danny smiled and half laughed a bit.
Sam looked around for anything that she could use…for what, she didn't even really know at that moment, but she was currently sitting on the couch, with Danny, alone, in an awkward situation, and something had to be done about it…
Suddenly…
Wump!
"Hey!"
"Pillow fight!" Sam announced, and immediately another pillow came down upon his head, another surprised yelp escaping his lips.
"Oh, it's on now!" he mock challenged, readying up his "weapon."
There were more squeals and yelps and other such immature noises, the baby oblivious to it all in the other room, thankfully.
Outside, a pair of golden reptilian eyes glanced down at a photograph, then up through the window at the joyful pair.
"This…is the savior….?" Once again, the eyes glanced in a look of both shock and disbelief from the picture to the figures playfully dueling inside.
The eyes rolled, and the figure turned away with an exasperated look riveting his features.
"This is going to be harder than I thought…"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Woo! First chapter done of a hopefully fun and exciting story, I hope that you all enjoyed it!
Well, you know the drill: reviews make my world go round! Review, and this story will continue!
Peace out
Dak