Spoilers for Duane Barry and Ascension!
Okay, I was re-watching 'Ascension', the episode when Scully's been abducted because of Duane Barry, and I just found Mulder's anger when questioning Duane Barry so sweet etc. that I was like, I wonder what he's thinking…et Voilà! And I hope the title makes sense…you know, the episode's called Ascension, but for Mulder it's more like a decline.
As much as I wish I did, I own nobody in this. I have pretty much borrowed the dialogue from the scene though.
Decline
He couldn't believe it was happening. Not again. Those were the words he was repeating to himself over and over, as if he could somehow make it untrue by the mere power of his words. It was like one of his nightmares, but he knew that this time he wouldn't be waking up.
The second time the most important girl in his life had gone. Been taken. By Them. And this time it was all his fault. He might not have been able to stop Samantha's abduction, but Scully's…well he had practically offered her up to them himself.
"Then where'd you take her?" He asked, staring down at Duane Barry, struggling to control his anger when what he'd really have liked to do was beat him to a pulp.
"I didn't. They did. That was the deal. Her instead of me." Mulder closed his eyes, blocking out Duane Barry's remorseless face as he still tried to maintain his composure. No. He would not believe it. He couldn't. Scully, always so skeptical of all his beliefs, had somehow seemed untouchable by Them, immune, somehow protected by her refusal to accept their existence.
"Did you kill her?" He forced the words out, because he felt that by even suggesting it he was making it real, accepting the possibility.
"No. I swear."
"How'd you get this?" He asked, indicating the man's head wound.
"From the ship."
"What ship?"
"You saw it."
Mulder felt a cold fury sweep over him. He hadn't seen a ship, he had seen nothing, nothing but a goddamn light.
"I saw a helicopter."
"They were here! I'm not lying to you!" Barry shouted angrily, then suddenly, staring over Mulder's shoulder yelled, "There they are! It's them. They know what happens!"
He attempted to get up, but Mulder grabbed onto him. He was not going to let him get away with this.
"Sit down, Duane."
"No! You've got to stop the, hurry!"
Impatiently Mulder glanced over his shoulder at the glass window; there was nobody there, and he at once recalled Barry's mental history.
"They were just out there," Barry insisted, "they were right outside!" At Mulder's lack of response to his desperate pleas, he leapt up, attempting to get to the door.
"Settle down, Duane!" He shouted, gripping onto him, ignoring Duane Barry's pleas and slamming him down onto the desk.
"They'll tell you were she is!" Mulder stared at the pathetic man with disgust, but then he caught sight of blood on Barry's hospital band, blood and…Scully's hair. Already full of adrenaline, Mulder felt something in his brain snap and he wrapped his hands tightly around Barry's throat. This son of a bitch was going to tell him the truth if it killed him.
"Did you hurt her?" He demanded, ripping the hospital band from Barry's wrist with one hand and holding it in his face.
"No!"
"Did you hurt her?!"
"No!" Barry cried again. That lying son-of-a-bitch, Mulder thought, staring at the man who had taken Scully away from him, sacrificed her for his own purely selfish needs.
"Then what is this!" Ignoring the choking sounds from the man, he tightened his hands further, channeling all his anger at himself for letting this happen into hurting Barry. If he was too late to save Scully then he would sure as hell made sure everybody responsible would pay, starting with Duane Barry. For every gasping noise Barry made, Mulder felt some of his anger released.
Finally, accepting that he couldn't kill him, he threw him down into the chair and began pacing the room, ignoring Barry's strangled cough.
Unable to stand being in the same room as him anymore, Mulder strode to the door.
"I'm sorry." Mulder paused and spun around in the doorway. "I had to take her. I hope they're not hurting her…too much with the tests." Mulder stared at him, breathing hard. "I'm sorry," Barry whispered again.
Mulder was sorry too, sorry that he had ever put Scully in danger. He felt no remorse for Barry's death. But more than that he was angry, angry with himself. In his head he could hear her voice calling his name, calling to him again and again to help her. If he had only been home to take her call then he would have been able to stop Barry sooner, he would have been able to rescue Scully. If he hadn't been so hell-bent on believing this man in the first place, on finding out the truth then she would never been a target for Duane Barry, if she hadn't been assigned to him to begin with, then she would never have even been in danger..… There were a million what ifs he could run through, but they were no help now.
Mulder had not felt as utterly lost as this since Scully had first been assigned to him. At the time he had felt only annoyance and irritation that the bureau should send someone to check up on him, to spy on him. But now, now he couldn't imagine the X-Files without her, he couldn't imagine his life without her, because really, aside from her, who else did he have who believed in him, who trusted him?
Standing on top of a mountain in Virginia wearing the only thing he had left of her, her cross, was not going to bring her back, but right now he didn't see the point of being anywhere else without her.
Well I hope you enjoyed that, if you did a review would be very much appreciated!