A short little drabble that came to mind after I saw Sworn to the Sword. I relate to Connie a lot. Minor spoilers.

The first thing Connie was surprised about being Stevonnie was how much she loved everything- especially herself. She wasn't sure what she expected fusion to be like (well, it's not like she expected to fuse at all) but she always thought it was either you become one person completely or you remain 100% separate. But that wasn't the case. She felt like herself, sure. But the nagging thoughts of not being "good enough" for anything were gone. She was happier, more confident and bubbly. She was having fun.

She could hear Steven, and she knew he could hear her. They were Stevonnie, which was still crazy weird, but it made sense in a way. It felt comfortable. When they got a good look at themselves, Connie saw someone beautiful, confident, approachable, and even powerful. And she knew that was what Steven saw in her and what she saw in Steven.

Connie had more confidence than when she first met Steven. She used to be more reclusive and never talk to anyone. But when you hang around someone that talks to everyone, you pick it up. A little, at least. And since the whole 'lion and evil soda cup' thing, she did feel like she belonged. Still, there were the occasional intrusive thoughts about how 'she didn't belong, she wasn't good enough' and 'Steven was just pretending to be her friend'.

But when Stevonnie come along, those thoughts were 100% gone. She was a fusion, which was really cool, and she loved herself in those moments. Was this how Steven felt all the time? Did he wake up in the morning and lay in bed thinking 'I'm really happy I'm who I am'? Did he look in the mirror and think 'I look awesome today'?

Probably.

She'd seen the tape Rose Quarts made for Steven. She made it clear she loved him and would love being him. So of course Steven, who was also his mom (which honestly made very little sense just saying it) would love himself. She just never understood how it would feel.

It wasn't like Connie was depressed or anything. She was happy. It's just a lot was expected of her and she wasn't a perfect daughter or friend. She was too shy and quiet and bookish. But she was polite and could talk to people okay if push came to shove. She didn't think very highly of herself, so she didn't love herself. But it wasn't like she hated herself.

Stevonnie was fun. Would she do it again? Probably not.

But being a knight? That sounds amazing. Even if she wasn't as strong or important as Steven. So that's what made the lessons great. Pearl was so smart and knew everything about sword fighting. She knew that knights weren't as important as the one they protect but they could still do good. She told her what to do, and Connie liked being told what to do. It was easy. Also, Pearl didn't sugarcoat things, like anyone else would. She didn't disagree when Connie told her she felt like she would never amount to anything. She just said that if she tried she could eventually possibly do make a difference.

And that's all she needed.

But when Steven came in and explained himself, Connie felt bad. She didn't feel like she had to. She felt like she had disappointed her friend in feeling lower than him. They were jam buddies. So she let herself let that go. They could be equal, and maybe later on Connie could learn to love herself a little more.

To feel a bit more like Stevonnie.

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