Mistake
My name is Crystal. I'm twenty-two years old. I have a steady job and a decent apartment room. My friend told me that I'm too serious for my own good, and it's almost impossible that I make a mistake.
How I wish they are right. How I wish I can change the past. Because I realize that I made a huge mistake.
I'm pregnant.
I'm pregnant and the father of my baby isn't aware of it. I'm pregnant and I'm not married yet. I'm pregnant with my best friend's child.
It was a one night stand. Usually I will never let that happen. I'm too serious if I want to play around and sleep with a guy just for one night stand.
But that night, my best friend comes in a mess. He claimed that he had a huge fight with his girlfriend. I let him to stay at my apartment that night. We just have a little drink. But while he told me his sob story about their fight, he drank more and more liquor until he drunk. The next thing that I remember, that we already kissed passionately.
He needs comfort and I offer him what he needed. I was in love with him that makes me let my guard down. I wasn't on my right mind that day because I had seen how much broken he is. I let him get his way with me and I loved it. I didn't really care that it was just his way to escape his sorrow.
In the end, I just regretted it the next morning. I awoke before him and look at his peaceful face. It's a pleasant view, but a pang of guilt creep toward my mind. I feel like I just got punched on the gut because I knew that He wasn't even aware what he's doing last night and I just take advantage of him. And because I gives myself to a man that didn't even loves me.
So I gathered my clothes and get dressed, then I went to the kitchen. Hoping that the guy didn't realize about a night we had together, and that actually really happens. He doesn't remember and don't realize the mess we made because his headache from hang over.
I was scared that he will leave me if he knows what we did the previous night and things will be awkward between us, so I try to make him go home before he can recover from his headache. I gave him a painkiller and drove him home.
Few next days after it? They made up. Him and his lover I mean.
I have this jealous feeling towards the girl and I'm bitter. I didn't even show any interest when He told me that they are made up with a spirit. I just nodded my head and leave after muttered a half-hearted congratulation.
It was when a week passed that I know I don't have my period, and I feel nausea in the morning. Horrified, I tried to do pregnancy test and almost fainted when I got the result. It's positive.
How a onetime can makes me bear this kid? Must I tell him about this? What am I going to do with the baby? I'm not ready to be a mother.
There's a lot on my mind and I feel dizzy. I can't tell him about this. I'm afraid that he doesn't want to be responsible. He is a good guy, but he is with another woman. He was drunk but I can prevent it to happen, but I let it anyway. So as far as I know, it's my fault.
…
It's not until the third month that he finally noticed my pregnancy. My belly is swollen with the baby inside after all.
He questioned me about the father and demands to know why I never told him if I was in a relationship. We are best friend, and he always told me about his problem and now I kept secret from him. When I told him it doesn't concern him, he had that hurt look in his eyes.
"It was a mistake, Gold, I was drunk. I don't even know who the father is." I finally choose to lie to him. He looks surprised at this because he knows I protect myself well. There's a doubt that written all over his face but I could care less. I couldn't say that he is the father.
He promised me to take care of me and that makes something inside me snap. If this continued I'll tell him eventually and it'll break his world. He was mad in love with his girlfriend and I know he doesn't have a single feel for her. I also don't want him to be disgusted by my action. It pains me to think that he'll reject me.
Silently I was planning to go away. Going to Kanto or Hoenh. I won't let him take care of me and my baby when he has another matter to tend. I knew he was planning to propose his girlfriend soon, and I also don't want to see that. See his happy smile that he'll married to the woman he loved. I want him to be happy, but I don't think I can bear to look at him with a heartfelt smile when he tells me the news.
So here I am. Without say anything to Gold I moved to Pallet Town, Kanto. I become an assistant of one national professor and he treat me well. His grandson, Green Oak, let me live with him and his wife. They didn't really question about me and my pregnancy much. They must think that it's a sensitive matter, as I never told them if I have a husband or something. The wife, though, takes care of me with tenderness and always asks if I need something. Blue is her name. And despite his husband warning about her being so noisy and likes to meddling someone's personal lives, the brunette tend to drop the subject if she thinks I'm not going to answer. For two month, I got several texts, voicemail, and calls from Gold. Asking where I am and why I suddenly disappear.
…
The baby is born. I felt so happy that I shed a tear. His blue eyes and black locks remind me that he is mine and Gold's. But the thought brings back my fear. Even though there's many man who have that black hair, but there's still a chance that Gold recognize him as his child. The kid has a little similarity with him.
I named him Amber. Because despite his blue eyes, it's reminded me about Gold's amber eyes.
I finally called Gold for the first time since I disappear. He sounds angry but relief in the same times. He afraid that he did something that makes her disappear from his life. Angry because I let him worried. Relief because he said that he finally gets his friend back.
I told him about my baby. He congratulated me with a happy voice and honestly that breaks my heart. He doesn't know the newborn baby is his. He thought I have a baby with another man. Not that I blame him, but it still hurt. Did I do the right things to not telling him about the truth?
He also told me that he's getting married in a month, and asked me to come. I told him yes with a shaky voice. I told him I'm happy for him that makes me cry of joy. He believes it.
So the next month, I packed myself a few of my clothes and go back to Johto by Ferry. I asked Blue to take care of Amber and she agreed.
When I came down from the Ferry, He was there and welcomed me with a hug. I can feel his happiness by just standing in front of him.
He asked me where's my baby and I told him that the child with his aunt. A bit disappointed look drawn on his face but he shrugs it off. He drove me to my hotel to put my stuff in my room and then invite me to his house. He start told me his days when I'm not around.
I just faked my laugh and smile here and there. Not really interested to talk about my life when he asked once in a while. We talked a lot and go to the topic about our high school. It was an easy topic until he said something with a nostalgic look on his face.
"You know, I was in love with you. But then, you don't seems interested and I got to move on." He said with a laugh. A laugh that shows me that he really already moved on.
I'm stunned. Too shock to say anything. Sure it's in the past, but it didn't stop me to feel miserable. We were in love in each other. I always reject him because I thought he was just joking with me. My pride was too high to accept things and afraid that he'll laugh at me if he wasn't serious.
I hung my head down and laugh a little, hide my face from him and try to not let him know his words affecting me that much. My tear start to roll down from my eyes and I feel his eyes on me. I know he was going to ask if I'm okay but I just stand up and walk out of his house.
I ran as fast as I can but he outruns me. He grabbed my upper arm and asks me what's wrong.
"Everything is wrong!" I shouted. I know I can't hide my feelings and said it just a dust in my eyes, so It better to let it go.
I remembered his confused look when I cried in his arm. I didn't tell him a thing, but he just keeps silent without let me go.
In the end, when I calmed myself, he bend down so his eyes in the same level with mine and once again asked, "What is wrong?"
His stare is stern, and his voice is calm. I felt like he can see through my mind and I finally tell him what's bother me. Why I looked like in a mess.
He just stood there. His grip on me starts to lessen little by little until his hand back on his side. I was scared that he'll mad and told me to go away, but he just hugged me and muttered 'I'm sorry'.
It's not like it was his fault. He doesn't know a thing, and he doesn't need to feel sorry for her for what she did, and he doesn't need to feel guilty. But all of them can be seen in his eyes. He thought that he left her to deal with herself and not by her side when all of that happen. He feels sorry that he is in love with another man when his best friend feels miserable.
I felt horrible. I didn't want him to feel that he is at fault, and now I'll ruin his happiness.
"I'm going to cancel my wedding." He said. And I started to get panic.
"No! Don't do this!" I said, I don't want the woman he loves feels he's going to leave her for me. I'm not worth it. I knew Gold will want to take responsible of my baby but I don't want that. Not when He just one step toward his own happiness.
"You are not going to tell me to neglect my son." He gave me a hard look and I knew that there's no room for argue, but it didn't stop me to try to change his mind.
"It's okay. It's not your fault! You don't need to feels like you must take responsibility!" but it didn't make him waver.
"I want to see my son." He stated, and suddenly I felt angry.
"He is MY son." I shouted.
"Ours" he shouted back. I felt weak on my knees and sliding down to a sitting position. He stared at me and after a while he gets down to my level.
"I can't marry another woman when I know my most important person bear and going to take care of my baby alone." He said softly.
"But you love her; it'll break both of your heart."
"It'll break her heart more if she knows I already have a son that isn't her when we get married. She'll find a better man. As for you, I ever loved you, I can love you again." He patted my head and I started to cry again.
In the end, with a heavy heart his bride-to-be understands the matter and knows it's the best they broke off the engagement. Gold and I going to Kanto to get our son. Blue and green listening to my story without try to judge me. They wish us luck and we going back to Johto and start to build our family.
Gold shows his affection toward me and Amber. Even though I know he still have a feeling for his ex, he starts to loves me as his wife. It'll takes time to makes me his one and only, but I can't ask for more.