A/N: Good Gods, this one is insane...this is cowritten by me, Samantha, and Beth. Thanks, girls!
MOO: #15
Pairing: Draco/Harry, Blaise/Ron, hints of Draco/Ron
Dedication: To Prescott, because I don't think I dedicated anything to him yet.
Disclaimer: I own no characters or settings.
Warning: Slash. Disjointed plotline or lack thereof. Lack of coherence. Fun times, eh?
Ron: ...you're eating chocolate cake...for breakfast...
Draco: Got a problem, Gryffindor?
Ron: nN, no, just wondering where you got bloody cake for breakfast!
Draco: (grin) Not liking the porridge much, are you?
Ron: (rolls eyes) So where'd you get it?
Draco: I made it.
all: ...
Draco: Look, I used to bake cakes with mum when i was little, ok? I woke up this morning at two and went down to the kitchens and made this and this is the very last piece.
Ron: can I-
Draco: (bite)
Ron: (sigh) I hate porridge...
Harry: Well, there's eggs and bacon and stuff too...
Ron: There is?
Draco: (nod)(nod)
Ron: (dashes over to table)(starts wolfing down food like there's no tomorrow)
Draco: ...anywho, are you all ready for the ball tonight?
Harry: swallows food) Well…(takes another bite) I'm excited, but a tad nervous too...but I can't wait to wear my brand new dress robes! (eateateat)
Blaise: Definitely excited.
Harry: What about you, Draco?
Draco: Eh. (shrugs)
Blaise: Wow. Such emotion. I am blown away.
Draco: Shut up. This is my happy face. And speaking of emotion, you're one to talk…
Harry: Oh, come on! You two have to smile SOMEtimes...
Draco: I smirk.
Blaise: So do I. That doesn't count.
Draco: (sigh) Fine. You want to see my smile? (creepy grin)
Harry: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK SCAAAARY FACE! (hides under table)
Draco: That is why I don't smile very often.
Blaise: ...
Draco: You're very hurtful, you know.
Ron and Harry: ...
Draco: Sarcasm...again...
Harry: ...for the zillionth time...you deadpan so it's hard to tell when you're serious.
Draco: Is that a compliment or an insult?
Harry: A statement of fact.
Draco: Eh. (eat)
Blaise: Fabulous, witty comeback.
Harry: Ooh, what are you wearing?
Draco: well, thanks for asking. I-
Harry: Cos I'm wearing...(talks about what he's wearing)
Hermione: (talks about what she's wearing to the ball)
Draco: (sulky) (sulky) (sulky) no one appreciates my sense of style...
Blaise: That's because those lads don't have any.
Draco: It's not my fault I'm so pretty.
Blaise: See, most guys don't describe themselves as "pretty" either...
Draco: I'm unique. And pretty.
Ron: too right...
Draco: I, one day soon, will hex you so badly that you melt into an apologetic puddle of goo.
Ron: That was one of the worst comebacks I've heard, and I've heard a lot.
Draco: Oh, of course, cos yours are so brilliant, of course...
Harry: Boys, stop. What are you two wearing?
Ron: (rolls eyes) I dunno. What mum sent me.
Draco: Ahahahahaha...Mama's boy…(goes on to describe in detail and at great length what he's wearing to the ball)
Harry: (pays as much attention as possible)
Draco: (still decribing)
Harry: (stares across the rooms)
Draco: HELLO!
Harry: Oh! What?
Draco: Never mind...
Harry: No! I was paying attention...
Draco: Fine. What am I going to wear?
Harry: Er...(mumbles)(mutters) Erm...a green suit with pink and white frills...and a black tie...
Draco: I wouldn't be caught dead in that.
Harry: Oh sorry! But I spaced out...
Draco: Riiiiiight. (rolls eyes)
Harry: No really!
Draco: Uh huh. Sure...
Harry: Sorry! (hug)
Draco: (frown) (looks awkward and slightly embarrassed)
After breakfast, they wandered the castle in a group. Draco was bored. Very bored. So he suggested they go outside to walk around the lake.
Draco: I'm bored. I think we should go walk round the lake for a bit.
Ron: We know that, it was in the bloody narrative.
Harry: Since when do we have a narrative?
Draco: Since the need for exposition, i suppose...
All: Meh. (shrug)
Draco: So, wanna go? Not like there's much else to do...
Harry nodded. "Yeah...I agree...The lake sounds nice." The rest of the group didn't object, so they all made their way down to the lake.
"Nice day out." Harry said, trying to force a conversation.
"Yeah." Draco grumbled, and kicked a rock.
"Er...so...Ron...um...never mind..." Harry mumbled.
Ron: What? What were you going to say?
Harry: Nothing.
Ron: Tell me!
Harry: No.
Ron: Tell me!
Harry: No.
Ron: Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me----
Draco: that is SO first-year...
R: But it works. Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellmetellme
Harry: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONNONONO!
Draco: No means no, Ron. (poke)
Ron: (glower)
Draco: (poke) RON (poke) RON (poke) RON (poke) RON (poke) RON (poke) RON
Ron: WHAT?
Draco: Nothing.
Everyone was suddenly quiet, and Harry once again broke the silence.
"This looks like a nice spot to sit..." He mumbled, and everyone sat down. They all gazed out at the lake when Draco shouted "AHOY!" Puzzled faces turned and looked at him.
"What?" He said. "No one was saying anything, and I thought it was quite boring..."
Ron: (shakes head)
Draco: I know! We can shove people into the lake! (pretends to push Ron)
Ron: ARRRR! (falls in)
Draco: Oh dear...ah well. Walk it off, Ron.
Ron: (starts swearing profusely)
Harry: Language, mister!
Draco: Yeah, language! What was he speaking before...?
Harry: Don't you start...I knew we shouldn't have let you have those eighteen cinnamon rolls this morning, now you're going to be all hyped up for ages...
Draco: (does jumping jacks)
Ron: (climbs out of lake)
(silence)
Draco: Hark! Green stuff!
Ron: Ok, that's getting stupid.
Draco: No, there are a bunch of things covered in green stuff walking this way. (points to weird stuff coming up from the lake)
all: ……
Harry: (scream) It's a lake monsteeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! (runs around crazy and finally crashes into a tree)
Draco: (stare)
Harry: Aren't you scare it'll eat you!
Draco: No. 'Tis my friend!
Everyone: Weird!
Draco: Just kidding
Green Monster: GRRRRRRR!
Everyone: AHHHHHH!
All: (run back into castle)
Draco: (laugh)
Rest: ...?
Draco: Heh heh heh...illusion...(holds up wand) Ahahhahahahahahaha you shoulda seen your faces...
Harry: No sugar for you, ever, ever, EVER again...
Blaise: (sigh) How many hours till the ball?
Draco: (checks watch) It's 4 now...when does the ball start?
Harry: I thought it was like...7 when it started...
(Professor walks down the hall)
Draco: Excuse me professor, when does the ball start?
Professor: At 7:30 pm sharp!
Draco: Thank you
Professor: You're welcome, now, please find something to do to entertain yourselves until then.
Harry: (blink)
Draco: AHAHA! You were WROOOOOOOOOOOONG! AHAHAHA! (laughs crazily)
Harry: (blush)(mad) By only a half hour!
Draco: (grin) Well, I can think of something to do...(drags S off to empty classroom)
Ron: (looks scandalized) OI! (follows with Blaise)
inside the classroom
Draco: HA! I win.
Harry: (sulk) No fair. We said no names!
Ron and Blaise: ...
Draco: (sticks out tongue) You're just a sore loser.
Ron and Blaise: ...
Harry: Nooo, you cheated!
Ron and Blaise: ...
Draco: Once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin.
Ron and Blaise: (nod)(nod)(nod) Yes, but what are you talking about...?
Draco: Hangman. (points to hangman games on board)
Ron and Blaise: ...oohhhhhhhhh...(dawning looks of comprehension)
Ron: That was unexpected.
Draco: Oh, no. Snogging isn't for another half hour. (winks lasciviously in Harry's direction)
Ron: (looks scandalized
Draco: Heh heh heh heh heh you squick so easily...
Ron: I…well…(grabs Blaise and starts kissing him passionately)
Blaise: (surprised) (rather pleased)
Draco: ...no comment...
Harry: (turns red)
Draco: Gryffindors...honestly...
Harry: And what is that supposed to mean!
Draco: Oh, nothing, nothing, it's a Slytherin joke.
Harry: TELL ME!
Draco: No.
Harry: GRR!
Ron and Blaise: (snogging)(oblivious)
Draco: I'm not scared of you!
Harry: (blank) Who said you were?
Draco: Oh, no one...ME!
Harry: TELL MEEEEEEEE!
Draco: It means Gryffindors are weird.
Ron: (stops snogging)(offended)
Ron: WHAT! Gryffindor's are waaaaaaaaaaay cooler than you!
Harry: And braver!
Ron: And---
Blaise: Meh. More snogging, less fighting!
Draco: If that was true, why did you get so mad?
Harry: (slight blush) Because...that was fighting time, and fighting time is now over.
Draco: Oh.
Ron: …?
Draco: I WANT TO HAVE FIGHTING TIME AGAINNNNN! (eats cinnamon bun)
Harry: (folds arms) (looks stern)
Draco: (ignores)
Ron: (seething about 'Gryffindor' comment)
Blaise: (snogging Ron's neck)
Draco: (tackles Ron) FIGHTING TIME!
Ron and Draco: (FIGHT)
Blaise and Harry: (roll eyes)
Blaise: Wha...has he been eating cinnamon buns the whole time...? (sulking because Ron's rolling around with Draco)
Harry: Yes. He's addicted. There's a 12 step program he's supposed to be doing but I think he stopped.
Blaise: (looks at Ron and Draco)
Ron and Draco: (fighting over cinnamon bun)
Blaise: I see...
Harry: Come on, stop fighting, stop fighting!
Ron and Draco: (fight)
Blaise: (sigh)(sulk)
Harry: (thinks)
Blaise: (light bulb) Oh my God!
Harry: Huh?
Blaise: (elbows Harry)
Harry: (raises eyebrow)
Blaise: Don't you see Seamus! Running down the hallway practically naked!
Ron and Draco: (stop fighting)
Ron: Where?
Blaise: (pulls Ron's ear) (kick) STOP FIGHTING! START SNOGGING!
Harry: (pinches Draco)
Ron: Do you mean Seamus is gone?
Blaise: WHAT?
Ron: Well...you said...
Blaise: (mad)
Harry: Ron!
Ron: What!
Blaise: I'm your boyfriend!
Ron: So...?
Harry: (claps hand over mouth)
Blaise: SO YOU SHOULDN'T WANT TO SEE HALF NAKED PEOPLE!
Harry: Plus we only said that to get you to stop------
Blaise: (smacks around Ron)
Harry: --fighting.
Ron: Ow, ow ow! OW! Ok, I was only joking!
Blaise: RIGHT! (rolls eyes)
Ron: No, no, STOP! OWWWW!
Draco: Hey, Ron...
Ron: Eh? If this is a trick to distract me from the cinnamon bun it will never work!
Draco: Curses, foiled again. I shall just have to do this. (kisses Ron)
Ron: ...
All: ...
Draco: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (grabs cinnamon bun) (sits on Ron) (eats)
Blaise: (pushes off Draco) Don't sit on Ron! (sits on Ron) He's MY boyfriend! (wraps his arms around Ron's neck)
Draco: (throws cinnamon bun at Blaise)
Blaise: (screeches) AH! (jumps off R)
Draco: (sits on Ron) Hey, Harry, mind picking up that cinnamon bun? I wasn't finished.
Harry: (stares at Draco mouth open)
Draco: Don't just stand there!
Dumbledore: CARAMEL CORN AND RANDOM THINGS! I STOLE GANDALF'S POINTY HAT! I WILL SELL IT ON A MUGGLE THING CALLED EBAY! I GOT TWO MUGGLE COINS CALLED QUARTERS! THEY MUST BE WORTH LOTS CAUSE THEYRE BIG AND SHINY! OOOOH! (runs around with quarter) SHINYYYY!
All: CARROT PIE! (run round trying to steal the quarter)
Dumbledore: NOOO! MINE! (gets Roman shield) BACK YOU VILE GERMANIC TRIBES! DO NOT CROSS THE RUBICON!
Kids: VISIGOTHS! (charge off into the lake)
Giant squid: DARLINGS!
Buckbeak: Lancelot, Lancelot, wherefore art thou Lancelot? Deny thy species and refuse thy name, and I'll no longer be a hippogriff...
Giant squid: (leaps onto balcony)
Buckbeak: THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Giant squid and Buckbeak: (start shouting lines from Monty Python at each other)
Dead parrot: I LIIIIVE! (terrorizes castle)
Emma Watson: I spy with my little eye...
Hermione: GASP
Emma: GASP
Hermione: LOUDER GASP!
Emma: EVEN LOUDER GASP!
Hermione: i challenge you to a duel! (slaps Emma across face with glove)
Emma: very well, i accept! (slaps Hermione across face with chain mail glove borrowed from passing suit of armour)
(they duel)
Chandelier: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Water bottle: FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!
All wands in the vicinity: OLIVER, OLIVER, NEVER BEFORE HAS A BOY ASKED FOR MORE
All broomsticks: THE JETS!
Wands: THE SHARKS!
Wands and Brooms: (engage in suggestive choreographed dancing in which they are supposed to be fighting but are in fact too busy nancing around in phallic symphony to land any punches)
Orcs: SHARKEYYYYY! (storm Hogwarts)
Harry: I lost my contact lens. (searches on floor)
Draco: CINNAMON BUNS!
Then everyone spontaneously combusted and made out in the afterlife for all eternity.