Firstly, thank you for reading! I hope you will enjoy where I am taking this story.
Secondly, there is a pretty nice sized time jump so the first two chapters will be catching you up to the events of the present and in between!
Enjoy!
It had been four years since her life had been completely turned on its end. It had been a year since it righted itself again. Well, if she was being honest with herself she would say that things were just now getting back to normalcy, if there is such a thing in the Castle household.
It had been a hard year for their family. When Rick first came back to them there was an overwhelming feeling of happiness and relief. That happiness was short lived as reality soon set in. She was never not happy to have him back and she would be eternally grateful for their second chance, however that did not mean that the road was straight and smooth.
The real trouble began the day after Rick was released from the hospital.
Paula and Gina had been contacted a few days earlier and had been informed of the situation. There was no way around the media and all the attention this was going to get. The press had hounded the family when he disappeared they could only assume that after three years it would be ten times worse with his return.
They set a meeting to discuss the plan of action for a Friday morning, so that Johanna would be at preschool and the adults could speak freely. Alexis had come by that morning and taken her out to breakfast before school and was set to pick her up again at lunch.
The first thirty minutes of the meeting passed with tears and hugs and a lot of explanations. Kate made coffee as Castle told his story, she just couldn't bear to hear all of the details again. Even if he was planning to gloss everything over it the pictures in her mind were becoming worse and worse every time she thought about it.
As she returned to the living room with coffee in hand, the two other women sat shocked and speechless. She put her tray down and grabbed a cup for herself, Rick did the same, but Gina and Paula just stared straight ahead. They looked devastated. It was honestly. the most emotion that she had ever seen out of the two women.
After a few minutes of silence Paula seemed to have gathered herself enough to get down to business.
"Alright, I have put a lot of thought into what we should do about all of this. Any way you slice it the whole world is going to go crazy. I believe that the best thing to do would be to announce your return and immediately hold a press conference. Nothing too big just some cameras and a conference room at the agency. We would, of course, restrict attendance to only the most trusted and reliable sources. Thoughts?" Kate's favorite thing about Paula was her ability to just get down to the point. No emotional speeches, no long drawn out explanations, but a clear and concise plan.
"I just don't like the thought of being hounded by questions, picked apart, and thrown to the sharks. You know how much I hate press conferences. And besides I am really not feeling up to it right now. I just want to be with my family right now. Maybe in a few months when everything settles down I will think about an interview. Why can't we just release a statement?"
"Richard Castle! You know exactly why. This isn't your first rodeo. Releasing a statement will only produce more questions. They will not be satisfied until they have the entire story. This is the only way that we will be able to control the entire situation. I understand that you have concerns about the safety and privacy of your family. I already have a privacy and protection clause drawn up. There will be no pictures of that little girl in any newspaper or on any television station. I have friends in high places just like you do. Just give me this one thing. Do the press conference, you and Kate together and let me handle the rest."
Rick had looked to her for her opinion. He looked like a scared little boy. She hated that he was left feeling so vulnerable and unsure of himself. She knew that he had no idea what to say or do. He needed to know that this was the right decision and that they would all be okay. She gave him a nod of confirmation, wanting him to make the ultimate decision and voice it himself. As long as Joey didn't show up anywhere she was happy.
She had gone to Paula once before. Right after the little girl was born the media had gone crazy. There were awful stories about how the baby wasn't Rick's and how she was just after his money. Others just simply followed them around and stood outside the loft to catch a glimpse of the little girl like they were the Jolie-Pitt family. It was really a crazy amount of attention. Kate had gotten fed up with them fast and called the only person who she knew could deal with a thing like that.
Paula had been great about it. By the time Kate stepped out the door the next day all of the reporters and cameras were gone. They didn't dare come close to Joey or anyone in the family again. Kate had been so thankful to Paula for that. She felt so helpless not being able to protect her own little girl and she just wanted to give her a normal and happy lifestyle that wasn't tarnished by the lies of the media.
"Fine. I'll do it, but I want a complete list of all the attendees and a list of questions beforehand. I don't want to have to play dodge ball." The first sentence was spoken harshly and everyone in the room was a little taken aback. His voice softened considerably before he started again. "Thank you, Paula. Just keep my family out of this alright? Now if you will excuse me I think it's time for my medication again."
And that was that. Kate had walked them to the door and thanked both women for everything and apologized for Rick's odd behavior. She promised to have him in the best possible shape for the conference, set up for the next day.
The conference had gone smoothly. All of the questions were generic and Paula had gotten the most reliable media sources to attend, if there was such a thing. Rick had come off looking like a hero returned from a great battle. Kate stood proudly next to him in support and they both smiled through questions about their family and the healing process.
The night of the conference as the news rolled clips and internet sights updated there was a weight lifted from everyone's chest. Paula had even released a statement in tandem with the conference that asked for privacy and eluded to the consequences of trying to bother the younger Castle family members.
The next day was a different story. They had one day of thinking that they would have mostly positive support from the Castle fans and general public, and for the most part they did. The problem lay within the blood sucking gossip sights and celebrity slanderers.
They lined up at the door to the loft and the station to try and shake the family. They were saying awful things about how he faked the whole thing and how he never loved his family enough to stay. They painted him as a deadbeat dad and a liar.
The knives only twisted when social media went up in flames. While most of the people saw through the horrible lies of the press, a select few chose to believe the bad.
Once Rick caught wind of it he went off the deep end. He was furious for a few hours before he retreated into himself and began to believe the things they were saying. He felt like a failure for not being able to come back to his family. He hated himself even more for causing so much chaos and pain.
Kate thought it was crazy and she knew the truth. Alexis did too, and Joey was too young to even notice. They all tried to snap him out of it, but his stubborn streak won out. It only took a few days for them to realize exactly what they needed: a trip to the Hamptons.
They packed their bags and left the whole world behind them. The salty sea, fresh air, and distance were just what they needed. They ended up practically moving into their Hamptons house. They found a therapist for Rick and continued Joey's therapy as well.
Kate had long since memorized the exercises and Ms. Erin traveled up for an extra-long session on Saturdays. She would arrive just after 10AM and sometimes end up staying for dinner. She was aware of the situation and worked with the family as a whole as well as Joey in the weeks to come.
Rick was falling into the darkness fast. It put a strain on his relationships with the whole family as he tried to bottle it up inside. He was afraid to burden them all with his issues and felt as if he had already hurt them enough by not being there. One night, after a particularly brutal fight three weeks into their Hamptons stay, Kate had finally had enough.
"Just leave me alone! I'm fine, just go back outside with the girls." Rick bellowed through the bathroom door. Kate, Alexis, and Johanna had all been outside roasting marshmallows, stargazing, and telling stories for the better part of the evening. They invited Rick to join them, but he had declined and spent his evening hulled up in the living room staring at a blank screen, claiming to be writing.
When the family had moved inside to watch a movie before bed he had quickly gotten up and walked up the stairs and into the bedroom. The look of hurt on Alexis' face was enough for Kate to snap. She had finally gotten her father back and this is how he acted. They all just wanted him to be happy and for them all to be a family and he was making it extremely difficult.
Kate had left their girls to start the movie on their own and went up to the bedroom. This had been going on for weeks and it was a constant battle. Tonight was the final straw. It was time for him to snap out of it and become a member of this family. She had always dreamed of getting to see him be a father again and now he was wasting his chance.
When she knocked on the bedroom door and heard his response she went off. "Castle, this is ridiculous! You have got to pull yourself together. I know that you are hurting, but locking yourself away from your family is only going to make things worse. We love you and we want to help you. You have no blame in this situation, except for when you walk away. You have two of the best human beings on the planet downstairs waiting on their Daddy.
They need you, Rick. They have gone without you for too long and they do not deserve that. They are hurting too. They are confused and conflicted. You should see their faces when you refuse to eat dinner with us or when you skip out on a movie night or when you don't come to tell them goodnight. Alexis gets this heartbroken look on her face. It's like having to tell her that her father is gone all over again day after day.
And Joey is just so confused. She needs a rock. She needs to find as much solid ground as she can and I told that little girl that you loved her and that you wanted to be there for her. You made me a liar, Rick, and I never lie to our little girl. You should see the look in her eyes. It's like she isn't good enough and even though she has never been close to you she needs you to be there."
At that the bathroom door flew open and Rick came storming out.
"Thank you, Kate!" The words were spit out of his mouth like fire. "As if I needed another reminder of all of the damage I have caused this family. I am the reason that for all the pain and suffering. And all I do is bring more pain. I'm not even strong enough to find a way back to my family, there is no way I can be anyone's rock. I'm such a mess. I could never live up to Alexis' opinion of me. I'm not the great father she thinks I am and I can't bear to disappoint her. They're better off without me. I don't want them to get too attached."
He looked so ashamed and so broken. Her heart broke for him one second and then hardened right back. This was her family. She never thought she would get to have this. Once her mother died and then when Rick was taken from her, there was no hope of ever getting to have this. Yet, here she was on her third and quite possibly her last chance at a family and darn if she was going to let him mess it up.
"What about me, Rick? You are my rock and my solid ground. You have saved me more times than you will ever know. Please, just let me help you too. I love you, Rick, and I need you. I have been doing all of this alone for the last three years, and I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but you need to hear it. I have done this alone. I have done my very best and worked my very hardest to be what our girls need, but that's not good enough. They need their Father and I need my partner.
"We are all healing from the last few years, but we need to heal together. I have already been through this once. My dad and I healed separately after my mom died and we all know how that turned out. It took you disappearing to put us completely back together again. I have been through the pain of being so close to a parent and not being able to lean on them and always wondering why I wasn't good enough. I will not put them through that. Alexis is an adult and she can make her own decisions, but Joey is still too young. She cannot afford to get used to someone only to lose them again.
"Honestly, you are one of the most intelligent people I know. You cannot be seriously letting these random, ignorant people get to you. I know the lies hurt, but no one here believes them and you can't either. You are a good man and a good father. I know you fought to come back to us, because there is no way you wouldn't. I love you so much, and I believe in you. Even if you don't believe in yourself right now, we all believe in you.
"Rick please don't make me do this alone. I have missed you so much it hurts and I need you to just stay with me. I can't go through losing you again, but I have to protect Joey. Either we do this together or I will go alone. It's your choice…" She trailed off as the tears ran down her face. She was so tired of being alone and she just wanted her fiancé back.
He was ready to walk away. He was so sure that he was bad for them. He just didn't want to hurt them anymore and he felt the only way to do that was to distance himself from the ones he loved. But now, seeing the hurt in Kate's eyes and feeling the weight of her words as they sunk into him was enough to convince him otherwise. She was right. He did need to be a father and even if he was still healing he never wanted to put his daughters in a position to feel as though it was their fault. And he never wanted to make the situation worse.
His heart ached for Kate. He never wanted her to feel alone. He wanted to be a better man for her, always had. And even more than that, he needed her like he needed air. He needed her to keep him grounded. He needed her to help him through all of this and she was willing. He had tried to put distance in between them for her sake, but clearly what they both needed was each other. He needed to stop putting stock in those who meant to hurt him and believe in those who loved him.
Most of all, he wanted to take all of the pain and stress from her eyes and from her heart and melt them away. He hated that he was the one to make her cry. He was only trying to protect her and yet he had made things worse. For that there was no excuse and he had to try and make it right.
He took a few steps and enveloped her in his arms. He hadn't touched her in days and it had been at least two weeks since they had hugged. He was ashamed at the amount of time it had been since he held her like this.
She broke immediately and sobbed helplessly in his arms. He was just beginning to realize just how hard this continuously was on her. She was hearing what they said too and she was just as alone as he was. She was the one that had been strong through all of this. She had been taking care of everyone and not leaving herself any time to heal.
He let her cry as he held her and rocked her back and forth. He whispered promises to her. He promised her that she would never be alone again. He promised her that she was the love of his life and that he was in this for their family forever. He promised her the world and everything in it while she cried against him.
He cradled her as if she was the most precious thing in the world. To him she was, and he would not take her for granted again. They were stronger together as partners and they would heal together and make it through this.
As her sobs turned into cries which turned into sniffles, a sort of calm washed over them. She had been holding three years of feelings inside and it felt good to get them out. As she began to come back to herself she registered his whispers to her. She couldn't believe all of them, she had learned a long time ago that words meant nothing without actions to follow. She just hoped that his actions would follow the beautiful words that he whispered in her ears.
The night that followed their argument was the best one any of them had in three years. Once they composed themselves. They had a long talk about the future. They sat down and put all the cards down on the table.
She told him that she needed him to be a present participant in the family and she wanted him to help with Joey and all of her exercises and be more attentive at her sessions. He wanted her to give him just an hour a day to be alone and work out his problems, he also asked that she attend his therapy sessions. He promised to try his best to not show his dark side around the children as much as possible, and she promised to help him through everything. It was good for them to have expectations of one another.
In the coming months they had these little chats frequently. Whether it was in the presence of Rick's therapist or in the quiet of their bedroom they found times to talk it out with one another. It didn't stop them from having disagreements and it certainly didn't solve all of their problems. He still had nightmares and terrible flashbacks and she was still trying to piece things back together.
They spent most of their time in the Hamptons. They really had no ties to New York anymore. When their friends would find themselves with a weekend off they would come up to the house to hang out and see the family. Martha was there most every Friday through Monday, and spent her weeks at her acting school and with various friends. Alexis came up as often as she could and while it was much less than everyone would have liked, they never went more than a week without seeing her.
Kate had not been back to work since Rick's return and Joey began a two day preschool schedule in the Hamptons. It was a big decision to move her, but ultimately it was a good one. Even though the first few weeks were hard she actually resisted her class less. Seeing as how the Hamptons was a mostly vacation spot there were only about 4-5 children in the class. The teacher was young and understanding and gave all of the children lots of attention. The smaller class size allowed Joey to feel more comfortable with herself and they were all happy to see her settle in somewhere new.
They visited the city at least once a month. They chose times when Alexis just couldn't get away from her classes and work so that they wouldn't have to go so long without seeing her. They would eat at Remy's and go see a movie. They would explore the museums and visit the zoo when the weather allowed. They tried to live their lives with as low stress as possible.
Rick had never been happier to have the means to support his family for the rest of their lives. He missed writing and often stayed up half the night willing the words to come as he stared at a blank screen. Nothing came even as his fingers burned and ached to type out his feelings. It was really the one part of his life that was not back to almost normal. They all told him that it would come and he needed to stop forcing it, but he was afraid that it never would.
He tried not to dwell on his short comings too hard. They still haunted him in his weakest moments. He would be drawn back into the depths of his mind and be reminded of all of the terrible things they had been through. He was getting better at seeking out help, though.
Whenever he had a particularly bad flash he would find Kate. All she had to do was look into his eyes and she knew exactly what he was thinking. She would finish whatever she was doing, take his hand, and lead him up to their room or out to the beach or into the office. At first he felt bad about dumping all of this on her. She had enough to deal with and he really hated to add to her load. But she made a good point. She just kept telling him that it would be a lighter burden if it was on both of their shoulders. She was right.
Every time he poured out all of his thoughts and troubles to her she just sat there and took it. She held him when it all became too much and he just had to cry. She gladly talked him down from whatever ledge he had crawled up onto. It was a whole new dynamic to their partnership, but he was surprised to find that it was just as good.
Their lives had changed in so many ways, yet not really at all. They were both still hurting from their three years apart. They still weren't married though they acted like it most of the time. There was no longer a brick wall between them, though there was still space between them. Instead of a wide canyon it was more like a small ravine. Though hopefully with what he had planned for the weekend he was hoping that all of that would change.
The next chapter will be focused on Joey and Alexis over the last year!
Thank you all for your continued support! All reviews welcome!