Stand Still Look Pretty

Amormoi

Disclaimer: Not mine. 'Nuff said.

AN: My first Firefly fic. I really love the song Stand Still, Look Pretty by The Wreckers. If you haven't heard it just listen to it once. This is not a song fic as such. I was just listening to it and got smacked over the head by the inspiration bug. Inara's side of things after Serenity. No lyrics cept, the title involved.

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You just stand still, look pretty.

Inara washed off her mask, or more commonly referred to as makeup, wishing that this wasn't her life. She spent most of her life pretending that she was someone else. Inara the Companion. She was never Inara the woman. All she wanted to be was herself.

Breathe deep. In and out.

Even around the crew of Serenity, they expected this perfect woman. Never could she let her hair down and go crazy. Play basketball, drink beer, play pool, swear, fart or eat with her fingers.

Kaylee looked up to her. Expected a sister, a friend and a confidant. As much as she loved Kaylee she could never share some of the horrors she had experienced with the young naive mechanic. Her life wasn't bad mind you; it just wasn't all roses and gold. Gold was soft and roses had thorns.

She knew River knew her secrets, just as she could guess the young girls desires. River craved a life, no secrets, and no hands of blue, stability and security. The young woman craved freedom from her past.

Pause. Check the coast is clear.

She pulled out a capture. It was of Simon's birthday. Ruined by an explosion. He blamed himself for Zoe's injuries. What he didn't want to realize is that his birthday and the explosion had shown them all what a family they had become. Each others feelings more important than themselves. Another's life more cherished and special than their own.

Even Jayne had welcomed his new family, and cherished them as much as each of his guns. Everyone on Serenity was as individual and useful as every gun and grenade in Jayne's arsenal.

Cover the mirror. Turn off the lights.

The day she met Book, rested firmly in her mind. He was startled when he found out her occupation, yet when push came to shove both of them knew this was where he was meant to be. On Serenity, maybe not to preach, but to guide quietly from the background.

When Zoe had stated that Wash "wasn't coming" with them any more, she could read the conflicting emotions in the woman. The wife wanted to grieve her husband, break down and cry. The solider wanted to finish what the team had started. Take out the enemy. Go home. Inara could feel her pain. Wanted to comfort her yet knew it was an inner battle she had to fight for herself. Wash, though a joker was Zoe's reason for waking up in the morning, her reason to breathe.

Don't fight it. Let the tears cleanse you.

She turned her thoughts to Mal. Her captain and her reason. Her breathing became rapid and her body shook. She let it consume her. He was her drug. Without a hit she felt empty and deprived. He hated her profession with every ounce of his being. And she hated his inability to accept. Yet here they were with an unquenched desire for the other.

I'm not strong enough alone.

She felt his arms wrap around her body lifting her from the cold floor. Words didn't need to be spoken. It was the same night after night. The pull was so strong. The quest for comfort. Holding each other letting the trails and tears drain from their bodies.

Tonight was different. It felt different. Stronger, more powerful and slightly hazy. Confusing, yet insistent. He wiped the tears from her eyes.

"You look more beautiful with out your face on." He paused. "You look like a woman, not a doll. I love you 'Nara. Not the doll."

Inara stopped. Tonight was different. Healed. Whole. Complete. Love, not a shared burden.

I hate the way you look at me. I wish…

"Start again." She asked. Hiccups, adding to her plea.

He kissed her gently. Soothing her soul. "Never. You are who you are and I am who I am. That's not gonna change. You're my wind. Where you blow I go."

"I am Inara the Companion, Inara the Whore."

"I am an idiot, you are more. You are Inara the woman, the Inara I need." He tried to get her to look him in the eyes, "Always."

Step away from the dark. Dance in the light.

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