I look down on her as she breaks down, for the first time in days, weeks even since I died, she finally loses her cold and rebellious facade that threatened to take over her true self, the one that caused my heart to ache as I watched her go to that party, wearing little clothing and getting drunk, before that asshole Harry decided it would be a good idea to make out with her, knowing well that she was vulnerable and weak after my death.
She shouts and yells, her voice cracking as she screams to heaven and hell how she hates me, how she hates me for leaving, until her voice finally breaks and gives up, shriveling into a whimper as she chokes out how I never even said goodbye.
The dull pain in my chest breaks and aches even more than before, and before I can even think of what I'm doing I drop from my hovering position to the floor, and race towards her, arms open to accept her in a hug.
As I collide with her, I don't really collide, I merely pass through her, like syrup, and I watch as she shivers, and she blinks, almost as though she saw me.
Her sister comes over to her, holding her comfortingly as she breaks down into tears, the first tears since my death, the final crack in her collected facade.
I curse under my breath, I promised myself that I wouldn't try again, to save myself the pain of defeat again, so that I wouldn't try to be real again but fail miserably, merely passing through in my ethereal form.
It hurts.
Watching her like this, and I wish that I could just hold her in my arms and say goodbye, even just one final time, and if afterwards I faded into nothingness, or just never got to see her again, I would be content, content beyond words.
It was a mistake.
A rash yet fatal decision.
Now I merely hover here, unable to do anything else, but watch, as her mother comes closer and holds Maya as well, a family of hurt and tortured souls, because of me, because of my death.
She sits on her bed, in front of her and placed on her lap are numerous items, the photo reel from our first date, the charm I got her for her music, the second one my parents gave to her after I passed, knowing that I had planned to give it to her after her cello recital, and finally, Hoot, whom had been found with me, thankfully spared from the splatters and pools of blood surrounding me, almost miraculously kicked far to the side.
She lights a candle.
It's identical to the candles that were lit at my candlelight vigil, a candle she never lit at the time since her feelings were still confused and raging, and she was unable to cry and mourn as many expected to do, her grief instead manifested into a swirling storm of rage behind a calm and cold mask.
She places it down in a simple candleholder in front of hers, old, and worn, and it almost seems older than the house even, which makes me wonder where she got it from.
"Cam" she whispers, and I freeze, wondering for a second as to whether or not she can see me.
"Yes?" I whisper back, my voice shaking at the possibility of contact finally.
She doesn't turn to look at me, and I frown as once again, I'm just being overly hopeful, so I instead just glide over to her, and sit cross legged in front of her on the bed, staring into her crystal blue eyes as she stares straight through me.
"I just… I wanted to say that I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you, if you're even listening" she whispers, staring through me and up towards the ceiling slightly, which causes me to chuckle, although I don't blame her for thinking I'm up there, but really I'm somewhere in between.
"It's okay, I understand Maya" I respond, reaching my hand out to cup her cheek, only letting my skin very barely touch hers, but even at that little touch her skin twitches slightly and shivers, and her ears perk slightly at my words, as though she can almost hear them.
"Campbell Saunders, by no means does this mean that I'm not damn pissed to hell and back about what you did, and if you're here and I didn't just imagine that cold feeling" She pauses and cups her cheek in her hand where I touched it, and I bring my hand to sit inside hers.
"I wanted to say what you did was stupid, so very stupid, and part of me will always hate you for doing what you did, for not saying goodbye, but I forgive you for the most part."
As I gaze as her with pain in my eyes, I rest my hand on top of hers, willing will all of my willpower for it to be real, to be solid, and I feel it tingle as when I try to push it through her hand this time, there's more resistance, so I place my fingers in between the spaces of hers.
"I love you" I exclaim, letting my heart and soul pour into the words, and for once, they don't ring hollow and empty into the world, they instead hold their tune, and I watch as her face contorts into a gasp as she hears them.
"C-Cam?" she chokes, tears once again forming in her eyes, as she laces her fingers with my invisible yet solid ones.
I smile and cup her cheek in my hand with the other, before slowly leaning in and pressing my lips against hers as I whisper.
"I'm here Maya."
She pauses for a second, not quite sure what's happening, before tears fully stream down her face as she realizes what I'm doing, and she softly yet as awkwardly as it is with someone you can't see, presses her lips back against mine and gently kisses me.
Shivers trail from my lips across the rest of my body as we kiss, and the lightness that I've become used to slowly disappears as I properly fall onto her lap, which causes her to squeal and pull away from me promptly.
She stares at me with wide eyes as her hand covers her mouth, and I offer her a lopsided smile in return.
"I guess I'm here for a little bit, at least long enough to properly say goodbye."
Her face cycles through numerous emotions as tears continue to slowly trickle down her face, glinting ever so slightly in the sliver of sunlight from between her curtains, before a scowl solidifies upon her face and she takes her hand from her mouth and swings it at my cheek, and there's an audible smack as it hits, a fresh sting of pain spreads across my face.
"I'm sorry, I probably deserved that, but Maya, I just wanted to tell you that-" she cuts me short as she pushes me down against her bed and roughly kisses me, tangling her fingers in my hair, which takes me aback before I gently recuperate.
I kiss her back softly and gently, like we used to, and eventually she calms down, from the Maya at parties to the old maya, with soft and gentle butterfly kisses that were always just perfectly awkward.
She pulls away for a second and stares me in the eyes.
"I hate you but I love you so much and even now when I'm giving you what you probably have always wanted you still manage to be such a freaking gentleman and cheeseball and know that it's better to just softly kiss me and I hate you so much for leaving but god dammit I love you from the second you came back" she rambles, staring straight through my eyes but not through me, this time into my soul.
I feel myself melt under her gaze, before I lean up and press a gentle kiss to her neck, causing her to shiver slightly, before I pull away and give her a gentle kiss on the lips.
"That was to mark the territory that Harry tried to steal away and got too before me" I whisper, and a blush arcs it's way across her cheeks and neck.
"You're still the cheesy boy I remember you as" she whispers in return, her eyes once more brimming with tears as she takes her hand and softly runs it through my hair.
I lean up again and kiss the tears from her eyes, which causes her to smile and giggle, before she wraps her arms tightly around me and lies down next to me in the bed.
"I missed you Maya, and I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye, what I did was stupid and I'd give up anything to be back and to have you back."
She offers me a pained smile before merely nuzzling into the crook of my neck, and I feel her softly inhale as she presses her fingers into my back, holding me very tightly in her arms.
"I forgive you Cam, just… Please don't leave without saying goodbye again."
I smile and rest my chin on top of her head, and trail my fingers through her hair, which whilst isn't particularly long, feels like acres of hair to my fingers.
"I promise Maya" I whisper in return, and at this I can feel her smile against my neck, before softly kissing the skin.
"I'm sorry about Harry, I didn't get over you that quickly it's just I didn't know how to deal with all those feelings and for some reason another guy and doing all those stupid things like the drinking and sneaking out seemed like a good way." she murmurs, lacing her fingers tightly with my free hand.
I pull away just far enough so I can tilt her head up and stare her in the eyes before speaking.
"As much as it broke my heart to watch you do that, It doesn't matter now, I love you, and you've apologised, and I know why you did it, I probably would've done something similar if it was you." I reply, and her eyes lighten up by the end, before she leans in and softly presses her lips to mine.
"I love you too" she whispers, her soft lips caressing mine as I melt into her once again, this time pushing her down against the bed slightly, which prompts a short squeak from her, before she melts and kisses me back slightly harder.
Her fingers find their way into my hair as they coil the strands around them and caress my scalp, sending shivers once more down my spine.
She wraps her legs around my waist as she deepens the kiss more, her nails softly pressing into my scalp, which causes me to shiver more as I both enjoy it but feel slightly overwhelmed at how different this is compared to the last time we made out.
I pull away, and there's hurt in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, it's just, I can't, not right now, soon, I promise" I gasp, my breath catching in my throat, the bubbling feelings and bitter taste of the thought of Harry spreading through my veins like fire.
"I… I understand Cam, I'm sorry." she mumbles as she looks downcast at her hands, before unwrapping her legs from my torso.
I frown, tilting her head up again and placing a soft kiss on her nose.
"It's not your fault, it's just… things are weird and strange and I'm having a hard time coping, I feel myself keep slipping back into nothingness, and I don't know how to stop it, because I don't want to leave on you, not without saying goodbye, not again." I explain, staring deep into her eyes, searching for the shred of understanding I so desperately need, the shred of the old Maya, the Maya before I died.
"I know what you mean, and that's fine" she smiles as she cups my cheek in her hand, gently stroking it with her thumb.
I smile in return before flopping down onto the bed besides her, she falls back down too, before wrapping her arms around me and kissing my cheek.
"You're here now Cam, and that's all that matters."
I wrap my arms around her small form tightly, and choke back shaking sobs from within me back down into my gut.
"I'm here, I'm here Maya, I'm here, again, and if I leave, just know I love you, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry Maya, goodbye."
The feeling in my body wavers and tingles, and I find my form harder to keep solid and real, in contrast to how I haven't even had to think about it for the last little while.
She buries her face into my chest and breathes me in.
"I love you too Cam, and if this is goodbye, know that I'll never forget you, and I'll never stop loving you, even if I may one day love another."
I smile at those words, and hold her tightly in my arms as my form quivers
A blissful feeling overcomes me, and I feel my form fade, I quickly kiss her, which she returns just as quickly, the final feeling.
I look down on her, holding the empty space that I just lay in moments before, and a single tear rolls down my face.
"I'll come back again" I whisper, feeling myself slowly tugged upwards, unsure as to whether or not my words are true.
She nods, and looks in my general direction.
I sigh, and stare upwards, into the sky and blinding light that exists.
A crimson thread appears from my heart and writhes to hers, it attaches itself and I feel her heart beat in time with mine.
"Eventually" she whispers.
I close my eyes.
I'll see her again.
I don't know when.
But I will.
Fin.
A/N: It's um, been a long time since I've used this site, used to post tons for Svtfoe, as Silver, now I'm Treestan, back again, fresh, anew, and ready to post some Camaya, since if anything pisses me off it's the amount of unfinished and lack of camaya fics, hey, Cam might be dead but that doesn't mean the ship has to be ;P
Tree out! ! ~ 3