This isn't really their love story. Because he doesn't believe in love stories. Never has. Love stories were for other people. Suckers. Girls who grew up on Disney movies and guys who have hero complexes. Nah... That wasn't for him. He preferred reality.
In reality, he had left Greendale and started teaching law in Denver. In reality, he had a beautiful condo with shining appliances and a cleaning lady who makes sure everything sparkled when he got home from work. He had a girlfriend...kind of. She was a student in the law program. Tall. Blonde. Perfect. She didn't want much from him. She knew not to expect much. She had her world and he had his. And his world...only really had space for one.
Jeff contemplated his comfortably sized life as we walked down the the steps to Greendale Community College. The last place in the world he wanted to be. It had been fifteen years since he'd seen the school. Fifteen years since he walked away from his weird little family. Fifteen years since they saved Greendale.
She followed him out to the parking lot. Classic Annie determination in each step. Her heals pounded in the night and she threw her coat on the trunk of his car and placed her tiny body between him and the door.
"So, that's it!? You are just walking away?!" She shook with rage. Her small frame containing more frustration and anger than seemed possible. She was wild with it. Mascara dripped down her face and Jeff knew he'd never seen that kind of passion in another human being.
"Yes Annie." He said as if teaching a lesson to a student. How many times had they had this conversation? How many times had she manipulated him into caring about something that he wanted to ignore entirely. It was her gift.
"That is exactly what I'm going to do. We saved the school. So, I'm going home." There was something in the air that night. Something suffocating and exhausting. Something telling him that it was time to call it a night.
"Are you still going to marry Britta?" Jeff cocked his head to the side and gave her a annoyed look.
"Is that what this is about? You are jealous. No... That was just a joke. We just... I guess we thought the world was ending...Our world was ending." He ran his fingers through his hair and noticed the chill in the night. He noticed her bring her hands up to cover her shoulders. Her body buzzing with a mix of emotion and cold. Another man would have offered his jacket. Or put his arm around her. He wasn't that man. Now her back was against the driver's side door. Preventing him from getting in his car. Forcing him to confront her.
"Why.. Why not me?" She looked like a fragile doll. Why was she so upset? Ugh, Classic Annie. Classic mental, manipulative, crazy Annie. They were celebrating just a few minutes ago. Why couldn't that be enough for her? Why couldn't she just go home and watch a movie with Abed or start a new committee... Or something where he'd get some peace and quiet? Just once? Just this time...
"It wasn't real Annie. We thought Greendale was closing. We were just scared and marriage seemed like a good idea..." Her face softened for a moment and he thought she might just relax a bit.
" I know. We were all scared. But..Jeff, when you thought it was all ending... Why not me? I mean, am I wrong to think it'd be me? All of our capers. I just need to know." Honestly, he hadn't thought of it. In the rush and the excitement, he hadn't ever considered Annie. He and Britta understood each other. Understood that their marriage would be a joke. A big middle finger to a world that had no place for them. It would have been the perfect farce to end their farce of a time at Greendale. Marrying Annie. Marrying Annie would have been something entirely different...it would have been a ceremony with a cake and rice. A first dance. Meals together. Shopping and kissing and fighting and loving. Her stuff at his condo. Her hair in his sink. There was no half-way with Annie Edison. It would have been a life. And that. That...that wasn't what he wanted. It was never what he wanted.
But as she stood there... Angry and loud against his car. There was something so ...classic Annie about it all. All she wanted was an answer. All she wanted was the truth. And, he couldn't give it to her. He just couldn't.
"If it was just a joke...if it never mattered, why not me?" Her voice was low and wavering. If ever there was a moment for them, it was this one. If ever Jeff Winger was going to actually love someone besides himself...this was the time. This was their time. He knew it. And, he knew he'd let it pass. He wasn't that guy. He couldn't be that guy. That guy would tell Annie had inspired enough emotion to power the machine. That guy would bring his hand to the side of her face and gently sweep the hair off her face. That guy would tell her...he would tell her ...what would he tell her...?
"Why. Not. Me." She whispered. Jeff just shook his head. He couldn't meet her gaze. They had had many versions of this conversation before. They both knew how it went. She was too young. He was too cynical. She wanted something that wasn't real. He didn't know what he wanted. And, somehow... They both knew it ended tonight. Their moment had passed. They had saved Greendale. But that was all they had saved.
Not quite ready to give up, Annie threw her arms around his neck. She felt hot and small and electric. She kissed him. Something was broken between them. Hard and sad. The kiss felt different than any other. It was a last chance... For both of them. It was desperate and full of the last bits of both of their hopes and dreams for their youth. His passion for her stirred and he found himself pushing her against the car with more force than he had ever shown her. She didn't recoil. She didn't slap him. He knew that in another thirty seconds he'd lose control. He knew that he would tell her anything to get her in his car and then his condo and then in his bed. He knew that he could spend the night seeking passion and comfort in her. And, in the morning, what then? What about the morning?
She pulled away and forced him to meet her gaze. Her eyes were filled with anger and sex. They were wild. He had never known this intensity from her before. It was beyond the debate. Beyond Model UN. He wondered if this was what she was in her all along and he had somehow missed it.
"Why wasn't it me?" There was something about the way she said it that made Jeff think that there was no answer. There could never be an answer. She moved away from him and took some sort of magic with her. She took everything with her.
"Annie...I just...It just wasn't. I'm tired...and it's been a weird night. Do you need a ride home?" She shook her head and adjusted her top to look a little less disheveled. She smoothed her hair. She wiped her eyes.
"No, I'm gonna get a ride with Abed."
"I'm sorry Annie." Jeff wasn't sure exactly sure for what he was apologizing, but he was very sorry.
"Me too."
Jeff reflected on the memory the way one reflects on the saddest scene they had ever seen in the saddest movie. It moved him, but it was part on someone else's story now. For someone else, this might be recalled as the single most heartbreaking night of their life. For someone else this might be the night they regretted more than any other night. But for Jeff, it was what it was. The night he put aside the shenanigans and capers and went about living in the real world. After all, 15 years was a long time. 15 years could change a man. 15 years had made him tired. World-weary. Wise even. He always knew he'd be this kind if guy. Cynical. Cool. Successful.
It wasn't like he hadn't missed the study group. He actually thought about them now and again. They had been his only real family for so long. And, he had loved them for that. He had actually kept in touch for a few years. He was happy to hear that Shirley had opened a sandwich shop off campus. Troy visited him once when he returned from his around the world trip. They had surprisingly little to actually talk about. Sailing with his hero. Getting captured by pirates. Abed convincing those same pirates via Skype that they'd get much more for his first edition, signed something or other that had meant more to Abed than anything else in the world...except for his best friend.
Britta called him one night. Two years after he had left Greendale. She was working at a bar in New York. She sounded worn and drunk. They talked all night about the past. They talked about the Greendale seven and the time they all thought they had been in a mental hospital. She told him that had been the best time of her life and he felt terrible for her.
Jeff would only have two interactions with Annie, or even the idea of Annie, in his 15 years out of Greendale. The first happened two years after leaving for Denver. He was driving home in his brand new car. Black, sexy, powerful. It was the perfect automobile for his new life. He had traded in his older and hadn't given it another thought until he got a call from the dealership telling him they had cleaned the car and found a driver's license. A license belonging to a Miss Caroline Decker from Corpus Christi. He froze as the dealer said the words. He asked if Jeff wanted to come down and get it or if they should mail it to Miss Decker. Jeff brought his hands through his hair. He told the dealership he'd be in to get it. But, he never went.
The next Annie incident happened when Abed sent him a link to an independent film project he had recently completed for a local festival. It had been 6 years since he left Greendale, but he was curious to see what his old friend was up to and thought it would be nice to see Abed enjoy some measure of success. The film was only 30 minutes long and told the very sad story of a man who struggled to separate reality from the world in his head. As predicable as the story was, Jeff thought it was perfectly executed. Midway through the film, Jeff noticed one of the films extras was Annie Edison. Smiling politely as she pretended to order coffee in the background of a scene. She looked nervous and perfect. She looked exactly like Annie Edison trying to pretend to be Annie Edison ordering coffee. He watched that video six times. He thought about her practicing. He thought about her trying to become her character. He hoped she was happy. But, he also hoped she was a little less happy than he was. On the 7th, he deleted the link and went to bed.
That was his last Greendale encounter. Until last month when school invited him to receive Greendale' highest honor. An honorary honorary Doctorate (go figure) that he had earned for his outstanding achievements in law, education, and service to his fellow man. This made Jeff chuckle. They must have really struggled to justify that one.
He had kept his good-looks. Money can help a man stay young. He bought the right clothing and took care of himself. He was embarrassed to admit he had had a little face work done. With all of that... He still felt very old. He knew he was an old man now. An old man who was here to accept an award at his crappy, community college. He honestly didn't want the award. He didn't want to come back to Greendale but there was something irresistible about the award. About the opportunity to look around at all Greendale had to offer and reaffirm that he had made the right choice to move away, Denver was better. Everything about it was better. Visiting the town confirmed that.
After having accepted the award, Jeff drove to the local grocery store to pick up a six pack. Just one more night in his hotel room. One more night and he'd be back in Denver. He'd be back to his awesome condo and his beautiful girlfriend. As he strolled through the store, he took in everything that made this place so very Greendale - the broken, mismatched shopping carts, the "Go Human Beings" display made out of pop cans, the weird mix of obsessively organic fare combined with signs advertising the best chicken fingers. So much was so much the same. He picked out his beer and prepared to say goodbye to this mess of a place. That's when he saw her...
It was strange. It seemed like he saw her both all at once and over the course of an eternity... She faced the freezer. And she could have been anyone. Any short brunette with flat shoes who was straining to reach the top shelf. But, he knew it wasn't anyone. He knew it was Annie. He knew the way she stood. He knew the way she reached. He knew a thousand things that made him absolutely certain that that was Annie. Her hair was in a high ponytail playfully falling to her shoulders. She wore blue jeans...which seemed unfamiliar. He had never seen Annie wear blue jeans. He hadn't seen the ponytail. Not once. But she was unmistakably Annie. A purse sat at her feet. It was big. Like a little suitcase.
All of a sudden he became overwhelmingly warm and it occurred to him to leave before she could turn around and see her. Just leave his beer and get into his car. Drive to his motel. Spend the evening pacing his room and leave for Denver in the morning. He could do it. That's exactly what he'd do. Tomorrow at this time, he'd be a with his hot little girlfriend... And Annie would just be a distant memory. Just like she was meant to be.
"Excuse me... Can I get some help?" She swung around in an instant, pulling Jeff out of his head and bringing them face to face. No turning back now. No hiding. She turned and her eyes locked his in an instant. A silence hung for a few seconds. But in those seconds... He saw worlds in her face. 15 years. 15 years and in those handful of seconds he saw every single year staring back at him. He saw little wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. He saw 15 birthdays. 15 Halloween parties. 15 trips around the sun. Each year separating them a little more. Each year making them greater and greater strangers.
"Jeff..." She whispered it. And it snapped him back to some version of reality. Some version where a beautiful Annie was standing in front of him clutching a bag if frozen strawberries to her chest. He looked quickly to her chest. No, don't look at her chest. Say words. Words now.
"Uhh, hey...I ugh... Just passing through town." An alarm went off in Jeff's head letting him know all of his coolness was draining from him. He noticed Annie relax and bit and shift her weight.
"Well.. Wow. It's been a long time. You look great. Really great Jeff." He saw something happen in her. Something change. Her disposition became a little more comfortable and the shock wore off. He felt foolish that she said he looked good. He did look good. But now that he was face to face with her, it felt stupid to try.
"You too." He smiled. He took a second to imagine what they looked like to strangers. Two middle aged people standing
frozen in frozen foods. She did look great though. Some uncontrollable whim sent his eyes to her hand In search of a ring. He didn't know why he cared. But, he did. He had to know. And, there it was...a small silver band.
Annie crossed the space between them and threw her arms around his neck. She enveloped his into a hug.
"Come here Jeff!" She said in a voice that was every bit the Annie he body was warm and her hair smelled like clean linen. The hug was friendly. The embrace of two friends who hadn't seen each other in years. The embrace of members of the same study group. Annie looked up at Jeff and gave him a squeeze before separating. He noticed her face was still heart shaped and youthful. They separated and she was beaming.
"How are you?" Jeff asked.
"Well, great now! I didn't expect to run into an old friend on a late night shopping run." Jeff wondered if she was thinking back to that night. The last night they had seen together. She seemed so light. So free. So genuinely happy to see him.
"Listen, I was just picking up a six-pack. Do you want to go catch up? Maybe get a drink." The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could control them. Before he could take them back.