*L'esprit de L'escalier*

TIME CHECK: 1:10 AM, November 20, 2017

•• When the realization sinks in a minute too late... ••

"Tetsuyaaaaa..."

Kuroko blinked at the sound of his name being called by a voice behind him. Under normal circumstances, he doesn't have to turn around to see who the person is, because in this house where he and the Kiseki no Sedai lives, the bluenette had long memorized how each of them addresses him, and he is 1000% sure on who among the Miracles calls him by his given name.

However, the way the person said his name right now doesn't sound quite right to his ears.

Thus, he has to make sure. And what met his eyes was quite an unbelievable sight. Kuroko blinked a few times, and when that didn't work, he pinched himself only to wince to feel that it actually hurt.

If that's the case, then —

There was a sound from the kitchen, and moments later, the rest of the occupants of the house spilled into the living room, where Akashi stood in front of the newly-arrived Kuroko.

"I told you, Kise, it's not a good thing to do!" Midorima grumbled, cheeks slightly flushed.

Akashi, sensing the newcomers behind him, languidly tossed his head back at them and asked, in an almost-sultry voice that made even Aomine blush, "What 'not a good thing to do' are you talking about, Shintarou~?"

As silently as he could, Kuroko slipped off his shoes and hung his coat on the stand near the hallway's entrance. With the redhead like this, it would be very dangerous for him to linger around. Who knows what idea Akashi might think all of a sudden.

He heard Midorima cough in embarrassment, and Aomine was covering his ears and chanting something that goes along the lines of "I didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything" with the speed of a hundred words per second.

"Hmmm, if you say so~," was Akashi's reply, stated in the same voice but with a slightly teasing lilt to it.

This is not good, Kuroko thought. I really need to escape before it's —

"Too late, Tetsuya~" The redhead stood in his way, a smirk on his thin lips as he looked at the wide-eyed bluenette before him. "You don't think that I'm going to let you go again, hmmm?"

Akashi took a step forward, resulting in Kuroko doing the exact opposite. This continued until the phantom realized that the sneaky redhead was backing him up against the very door that he had just entered not too long ago. The moment his back and the door made contact, Akashi's smirk morphed into a full-blown seductive smile.

"Are you afraid of me, Tetsuya?" Akashi leaned forward, their noses almost touching. Kuroko could smell Akashi's alcohol-tainted breath at their current proximity.

The phantom drew his chin back in an effort to put some distance between them, and tried to calm his furiously beating heart.

"I am not afraid of Akashi-kun," he said, his voice still the usual monotone. The smile on Akashi's face went wider as he trapped Kuroko by placing his hands on either side of the phantom's head.

"Akashi-kun—"

"Say, Tetsuya, what if I —"

The door was suddenly pushed forward, resulting in Kuroko crashing on top of an equally surprised Akashi. The rest of the Kiseki no Sedai, who had been silently watching the two shortest members of their group, called out their names in alarm.

"Kurokocchi!"

"Tetsu!"

"Oi, Akashi!"

A black-haired man peeked through the slightly open door. The ever-present scowl on his face deepened when he heard the noise and was further irritated when he can't seem to open the door wider.

"Oi, brats! What are you all doing standing there? What's wrong with this damned door? Open this quickly or I won't let you eat dinner tonight!"

Kise jumped at the older boy's tone. Uh-oh. "Ni-nijimura-senpai!"

"Oi, Kise, open this door, you hear me?!" Nijimura practically bellowed at the blonde, and tried pushing the door again.

"Akashi-kun, are you alright?"

Nijimura looked to the direction of the voice, and his eyes almost went out of their sockets when he saw the two males' position.

"Kuroko, what are you doing straddling Akashi?"'

Akashi, being the impish drunk that he is, made no effort to get up. "Oh yes, Tetsuya, I'm perfectly fine. In fact, I prefer our positions right now." Then to the wide-eyed Nijimura, he merely raised an eyebrow. "Shouzo, do you mind staying outside for a while?"

Nijimura blushed crimson, then regained his senses when he realized something. He turned to the group inside. "Who gave this brat alcohol?!"

"Kise-chin did."

"He didn't listen to Oha Asa freak here."

"Aomine!"

"But I didn't know that Akashicchi is not immune to beer!"

"Akashi only drinks wine, you idiot!"

"Tetsuya, please stay where you are."

"But, Akashi-kun, Nijimura-san — Hmp!"

"AAH, AKASHICCHI IS DEVOURING KUROKOCCHI!"

"IT'S YOUR FAULT, YOU IDIOT!"

-oOo-

Author's Note: That escalated too quickly. Please review!