Before we begin this story, please read the following warnings. They will be repeated at the end of the story as well.
Okay, if you are reading this, then you must not have read the summary. If you didn't, then allow me to say again, THIS IS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANY RELIGION/BELIEFS! If I get one review that says that I'm a Satanist or anything like that, there will be pain and suffering! I am a Pagan. HOW CAN I BE A SATANIST? Just had to get that off my chest. Also, I don't like flamers. They piss me off more than religious psychos. At least the psychos have some sort of warped reason that they hate me. If you have a problem with me personally, please, try to find me and say it to my face. Don't flame me. If you have a problem with my writing, kindly tell me how I can improve. Thank you for reading these warnings. On with the story!
Well, today is going just fantastically. I am not exaggerating or being sarcastic in any way. I just welcomed another suicide bomber to Hell. Oh man, I love the looks they get on their faces! Their eyes bug out and they scream like little girls when I kick them into the Lake of Fire after singing "Welcome to Hell" by Trace Adkins. That is so much fun. I call it "Bomber Punting."
Anyway, that's all that made my day fun. I was checking over the books and I realized I was behind on my estimate of souls this month. Now I have to find more sinning souls to bring to hell with me. So, I went to the only place I could think of: Washington, D.C. if there were any sinners, they would be in the line of politics and it all starts there. That and I have to talk to the IRS about my property tax-I have an apartment and they expect me to pay for a freaking mansion. They want me to make their house payment.
Normally, I would have just gone to the place and said, "I'm Satan, you're a sinner and you are going to Hell with me," but ever since those damn "Hellboy" movies and "Devil May Cry" game series, not to mention the damn scientists and lawyers that got in the way of religion, no one believes me. I hate it when that happens. So, now I have to "blend in." Fantastic. To make myself less conspicuous, I applied for a job at the White House in Secret Service. I mentioned my past jobs that I used to trick people to give me their souls. This includes police officer, EMT (you would be amazed how many people sold me their soul in exchange for living a little longer) etc. They must have been pretty impressed with the crime fighting credentials; I was selected for the Naval Crime Investigation Services. What a day. I apply to protect a politician I would be sending to hell soon enough and I get stuck with the Navy/Marines. I don't mind the Navy/Marines, don't get me wrong, but they cause me to write out more paperwork than I feel like. Worse, I get assigned to the team of Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I believe that guy kills more than he arrests. Not only that, but he has got to be the most wanted guy in Hell. There is a whole room the size of the Oval Office filled with people who hate Gibbs.
I got into the elevator and exited at the third floor. Waiting at the door was an aging man with piercing blue eyes and a face that looked like he had seen me in the home field and went back home to realize that I moved in. You know where I mean. I stood there stock still, shocked at how it felt like he looked right in my eyes.
"Are you getting off, miss?" he asked.
"Oh! Yes, I am looking for Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Do you know where I can find him?"
He looked at me with a smile and said, "Yeah. He's right in front of you."
Oh, lucky me. I try to make an impression on the guy and I leave the impression of idiot.
"What do you need?" he asks. He has a cup of coffee in hand and he hasn't taken a sip of it, meaning he wanted me to hurry up before it got cold.
"The Secretary of the Navy assigned me to your team. I-" I was cut off when I saw that he left for the stairs headed upward in a hurry to the room marked MTAC. He pointed to a set of desks that had a good-looking Italian man facing the elevator, a lethal looking Israeli woman facing the Italian and a geeky looking guy next to the Italian. Altogether, they looked like the Motley Crew reborn. The Italian looked at me and smiled one of those "Hi, I'm getting lucky with you tonight" smiles. It made me want to punch him in the face.
"Hello. I'm Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Senior Field Agent. How can I be of service?" the Italian inquired. I didn't even really know him and I already hate him. Oh yes, I would definitely have a place ready for him when he dies.
"Name!" I heard from behind me. It was none other than Special Agent Gibbs.
"I'm Nara Dēofol. Don't ask about the name."
Gibbs just looked at me and said, "You sit there," pointing to the desk next to the geeky guy. As I walked by, the Israeli said, "I'm Ziva." The geek said, "I'm Timothy McGee." He even had a geeky name. Did he ever even get laid? He ain't goin' down when he dies. DiNozzo, however, had a soul blacker than Beelzebub's eyes. He was a serious adulterer.
I got over to my desk and put my effects on and in my desk, one of the items being my book of Ages. It listed every person and their dates of birth and death. I would have to check on DiNozzo's so that I have time to plan ahead.
Miss Ziva, whatever her last name was, kept on emailing some guy from Israel, probably her dad. 'Wait a minute! She looks like that Ari guy I threw into the lake last year!'
"Hey, Ziva?" I started.
"Yes?" she answered back to me. How was I going to ask her without her suspecting?
"Do you have any siblings?"
She looked surprised that I asked the question, but answered yes anyway.
"Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering, because I walked by and saw that you writing in a familiar manner to someone. I guessed it must have been a sibling or something."
Suddenly, Agent Gibbs said, "Gear up. Body was found in an abandoned theatre."
Gibbs tossed the keys to DiNozzo who simply remark, "On your 6 boss!" At Gibbs's command, everybody on his team got up, put on their effects, and left. This obviously meant that I do the same and get the meep out of here. I got my gun and my badge and left. Gibbs was nice enough to wait for me, or so I thought.
The minute the elevator started moving, he stopped the elevator.
"What are you hiding?"
THIS IS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANY RELIGION/BELIEFS! If I get one review that says that I'm a Satanist or anything like that, there will be pain and suffering! I am a Pagan. HOW CAN I BE A SATANIST? Just had to get that off my chest. Also, I don't like flamers. They piss me off more than religious psychos. At least the psychos have some sort of warped reason that they hate me. If you have a problem with me personally, please, try to find me and say it to my face. Don't flame me. If you have a problem with my writing, kindly tell me how I can improve. If you want to know anything about paganism, feel free to send me a private message with your question(s). Thank you for reading these warnings. Review please! BTW, yes I did just copy and paste the beginning comments to the end comments.