Prologue

Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart, can't tell where the journey will end, but I know where to start

They tell me that I'm too young to understand, they say I'm caught up in a dream, well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes, well thats fine by me

So wake me up when its all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older, all this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost.

Its excruciatingly painful to let the love of your life go, to love somebody so much that you sacrifice your own happiness to give them the opportunity to realize and live their dreams. Life is such a cruel and evil existence accompanied by unfairness and heartbreak, the world works so backwards and is designed to build you up for a moment before it tears you down until you have nothing left. The minute you think you have it all, when you can breathe a sigh of relief, when all your ducks are in a row and the universe seems to be tilting in your favor,….thats the exact moment when your world comes crashing down. Because God forbid you get a happy ending, because life isn't a fairytale, even though in moments it makes you believe in them just enough right before it shatters those beliefs. Nothing lasts forever, and your reminded of that fact each and every day. So you sacrifice your soul to the devil, give up the little beacon of hope that was left inside your heart and you tell yourself that its the right thing to do, its what you've always wanted to do, its the path you envisioned and the path you chose. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

"you make me sad, you think that surgery is gonna make you feel,you think that a successful career is gonna make you happy, you think you know things, you know things, and nothing else matters, no one else matters, people do matter, I matter, We-…we matter. So you don't get to toss me aside, I won't let you. "

I made my decision, I made my bed, so now I have no choice but to lie in it. I pushed him away, I pleaded that he move on, I detached myself from his world,…and yet…. I was the one left broken. He warned me that it would happen, threatened me with the scenario, begged me to change the course of our lives because he was so sure that I would live in regret, maybe not at that moment, maybe not soon after but he warned me that the day would come when I realized that I was not the sun and that he nor anyone else revolved around me. And here I was…so content in my decisions, so sure of the path I paved , never once considering that the day would come when I questioned my actions, but then again, why should I be so surprised? I never believed in a heaven or hell, but if their was a God, I'm sure as the sky is blue that what we know as hell, we live here on earth, because the smell of burning flesh and the pain associated with being engulfed in flames could destroy the body, but only living in this universe could destroy the soul.

I lost the love of my life,that was hard enough, but that was only the beginning of the end, I also lost my soulmate, my sister, my best friend, my "person", she was all those things,…until she wasn't. We started off on the same road, we set the pace and followed through in sync with each other, each and every step of the way…until we weren't anymore. Somewhere, somehow, I don't know why and I don't know how, but instead of moving forward together, our paths crossed at an intersection and I moved left while she moved right. I chose the road less traveled by, less visited, the path less taken, while she chose the path that was secure and stable, her path had an indefinite end.

"You know Cristina, your right, I'm not your person and Owen isn't your person, you person is you, and it always has been."

Two different roads we chose, some would say we grew apart, we developed different priorities, we held life to different standards and she outgrew me just as much as I outgrew her. Two roads diverged in wood, and I chose the one less travelled by, but who would of ever thought that both these paths would lead to the same destination. She just happened to chose the quicker route while I opted for a longer journey, serves me right, I was always the stubborn one.

What a difference a year makes, I broke vows, I broke promises, I ended friendships and relationships, I left the past behind when I realized I didn't fit into the box everyone else occupied. I was offered a better opportunity and I took it, there was nothing left here anymore, not Owen, not Meredith and no future. They both moved on without me so instead of watching them slip through my fingers from the sidelines, I spared my self the pain and left the equation completely. Losing one was hard enough but in the midst of losing both, I lost myself.

"you pushed me aside because I had a baby, you don't have time for me now, because you don't have time for people who want things that you don't want."

Life is a game meant for everyone, and love is the prize

I went, I lived, I saw, I found myself, and now I'm back.