Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, persons of all persuasions and genders, I welcome thee to the second installment of New Kid Stories!

For those who have just landed here from the story list and didn't see the previous story, not to worry- the New Kid Stories are written in an episodic fashion which allows each fic to be self-contained while also being part of a larger whole. Think of them as my own personal fan-scripts that include the New Kid from the South Park video games Stick of Truth and The Fractured But Whole. All you really need to know to get started is that my New Kid is Cis Female, and that she goes by Dee, related to the fact that both of her nicknames early on started with the letter 'D'- Douchebag and Dragonborn.

All of that said, you are most welcome to go back and read the first of these stories- it can be found on my author page under the title Vaccinations Do Not Cause Zombies! Though, be warned, it gets a little... serious.

For those of you who just arrived from the previous story, THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING ALONG! All the same caveats from the last time 'round still apply; but I'll put them here just in case anyone forgot: The project of the New Kid Stories is my personal pleasure project that I work on when I am too stressed to work on my larger creative endeavors. Since it's something I do for fun, I don't ruin it for myself by pursuing technical perfection before upload. There will be grammar errors, there will be silly spelling mistakes that slip through the cracks because the fanfiction doc-manager likes to delete spaces between words sometimes, and I am human and occasionally use language incorrectly. I welcome being notified of these errors so that I can find and fix them, but please do so in a respectful manner.

Last but not least, a disclaimer: The following story will contain descriptions of sexual harassment, coercion of a minor by a teacher, and other things that may make certain members of my reading audience uncomfortable. It is not my intent to treat this subject matter lightly, nor disrespect any survivors of similar situations. Rest assured, the perpetrator of these acts will get their just desserts before this story is over.

[Additional Edit after finishing the story] So remember that promise that this story wasn't going to be AS DARK as the last one...? Well, that didn't necessarily work out. Oops. IT LIGHTENS UP AFTER CHAPTER SIX, I PROMISE. I mean, it's still heavy as shit in places, but there's more jokes?

Hokay? Hokay!

On
With
The
Fic!

OWTF!

::I Need An Adult – Scary Teachers Can Provide Entertainment Value::

Dee was at school.

Was it the first day of middle school? No, it couldn't have been the first day. She had missed the first day, due to her mother calling her in sick. She had been sick- hadn't she?

In one version of the first day of school, she had. In another version, she had not. She could remember them both, but this moment refused to delay just because she was disoriented. No, it insisted on carrying her forward, into a classroom she both did and did not remember. There was a seating chart at the front, and she knew she needed to look at it and find out where she was going to sit.

All at once, her mind accepted this experience for what it was. She simply knew it was the first day of school, and she was just arriving to her first-hour science class. She knew, or remembered? She'd been bummed out because neither Kenny, Stan, nor Kyle shared this class with her, but she knew she'd see them later in the day during gym. They could all hang out at lunch, too. For now, she'd just have to hope one of her other friends shared this class with her- maybe Butters, or Tweek- Jimmy would be cool, too. Maybe even Wendy? Ah, but if they hung out too much, people would start to talk- the school's population still assumed Dee was a boy, after all. The pair of them hanging out together could possibly get the rumor mill churning out some rather off-color things about pretty much the only girl Dee would call a friend without any sort of qualification.

Thankfully, the seating arrangement the teacher had already drawn up would decide who was sharing which two-person black slate table, and thus decided defacto lab partners, skipping over kids whining to be with their friends or up starting rumors over whom was sitting with whom for whatever reason. Peering at the seating chart, Dee did not find her name. Of course she didn't- her parents had already spoken to the school to ensure teachers would not use her real name on any sort of published lists, use it in classes, or otherwise- part of their ongoing efforts to keep their child hidden from the government and safe. Instead, she sought out her spot by finding the only empty spot on the chart.

Doing so caused her heart to sink, because of the name next to that empty spot.

Cartman also had first-hour science.

A moment of faux serendipity; the pair of them would be lab partners for the rest of the year unless she broke her own habit for silence and complained about it- and even then, that was no promise that the seating arrangement would actually be changed. Dee decided it wasn't worth it, found her seat, and the classroom filled. Cartman was nearly the last one in, finding his name on the seating chart, turning to see Dee, and arriving with a superior smile pasted to his face. The fat fuck then had the audacity to lean over and whisper "Dodged a real bullet there, eh Douchebag? You coulda gotten a stupid chick as a lab partner."

What I would give to be sitting with Bebe right now, Cartman. What I would fucking give.

Once everyone was seated, the teacher got started with class- beginning with going through the names on the class list to confirm both who was present; as well as notate any preferred names or nicknames. Dee almost winced as "Leopold Scotch?" Was called out only for a quick cry of "Butters! P-please, ma'am." To be given in response by the embarrassed blond boy who had been sat near the back in the company of Heidi. Several kids giggled. Clyde was somewhere up front, across from Tweek and Craig who had somehow ended up at the same table; Dee suspected they had stolen the luck she would have required not to get sat where she was.

"Eric Cartman?" The teacher called out, blissfully ignorant of what kind of trouble was currently sitting in her class like a small elephant in the room.

"HERE TEACHER!" Cartman's voice was a shrill shout as his hand shot up into the air. "And these days I like to be called... Overlord of the Universe."

How? How do you say these things without an ounce of self-consciousness or embarrassment?

The teacher, however- a graying woman, perhaps in her late forties by the name of Ms. Lehman, appeared unfazed. "That's very nice, Mr. Overlord, but in this classroom we tend to go with names, not titles."

Scattered giggles. Dee spied Bebe at the table just to the right and in front of her own, her head dropping into her palm in disbelief.

"That is my name, Ms. Teacher." Cartman insisted with a faux oblivious smile. "My first name is Overlord, I have two middle names- of, the, and then my last name is Universe!"

"Really?" Ms. Lehman appeared to be surprised and amazed, eyebrows rising up towards her hairline and tapping a pen against the clip board she was holding in her hand. It was the same board that had been at the front of the room, with the seating chart everyone had to reference to find their spots affixed to it. "Well, that's very interesting Mr. Universe, because I don't have you on my class roster, and if you didn't belong in this classroom, I'd have to call the main office and tell them someone had intruded upon my class. You see, for that seat I have an Eric Cartman on my list, and if you're not Eric Cartman..."

The giggling stopped. Ms. Lehman's voice had started out humoring and sweet, but had grown menacing near the end. The look she gave Cartman was one that had zero time for his bullshit. It wasn't the look that sent kids to the school counselor. To Dee, it was a look that made her want to dig her own grave so she could hide in it... and it wasn't even directed at her.

"... I'll just have to have you removed."

The way she spoke was icy, in a way that seemed to be warning the whole class against such tomfoolery. Even Cartman, famous for his ability to ignore that which obviously was dangerous to him, had stiffened up in his chair as the horrible sense of mortal dread filled the room. The way she said removed conjured up images of blood and terror, defined by a half-smirk that dared someone to misbehave; as to give her the perverse pleasure of doling out punishment.

"I-I'M ERIC CARTMAN, MISS TEACHER!"

A shiver passed down Dee's spine as she gulped back a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. This teacher wasn't fucking around. Note to self, do not piss her off. Good fucking Christ, who the fuck is she? Death's angry niece?

In an instant, Ms. Lehman's face transformed from a cruel smirk to a twisted grin, where all teeth were put on display in a menacing charade of a smile. "Wonderful. Glad we could get that figured out."

Roll call continued, and the students in the room began to breathe again. It only took Cartman a matter of moments to recover, and he quickly returned to doing what he did best- annoying the hell out of anyone within arm's reach.

"Hey, Douchebag."

He was whispering, but Dee knew he'd turn up the volume and bring Ms. Lehman's attention back to them if she didn't at least look at him. She turned her head, just enough to acknowledge Cartman. Brows arched up and her mouth remained a tight and disapproving line.

"You don't have to give me that look, Douchebag." Cartman assured, reaching out as if they were best friends and patting Dee on the shoulder. "I know you're sorry for ignoring me this morning- and just to show that I'm the better man, I'll totally let you in on my amazing prank after skewl today. You in?"

Prank? Ignoring him? Dee felt as if she'd tripped over something, missing a beat as her mind grappled with a memory that didn't appear to be there. What was he talking about...? His prank hadn't happened, this hadn't happened. She had undone that- she remembered, she remembered undoing this day and making it go a different way.

Like a splash of cold water to the face, Dee snapped to her senses. Hands slapped down on the table she and Cartman sat at and she stood up so quickly her chair was knocked over.

As soon as she deviated, the scene crumbled. Windows went black like someone had flicked off a switch. The faces of her peers vanished like chalk being blasted off a sidewalk with a high-pressure hose. The teacher went still, almost like a mannequin, and the classroom flaked apart in the same manner as old and dried out paint. In a moment, the whole room was consumed, and Dee was alone in the dark.

That was good. That meant she was going to wake up.

"I mean, dreaming of aborted timelines is nothing new for me, it's just... unsettling, I guess? It feels weird talking about it."

"Maybe because you're not used to talking about anything aloud? Ever?" Muffled speech answered her digression, mumbled beneath a tight orange hood that kept the chill air away from the speaker's face.

"Fair bet-It's all weird."

The bus wasn't coming for a bit longer, but Dee always made a point out of being the first one at the stop. The habit was only getting reinforced these days, as Kenny had been showing up earlier to hang out with her before the rest of the guys arrived. She didn't know why, but to be entirely fair she hadn't asked. They were friends, after all. If he wanted to get up early to freeze his butt off with her every school morning, that was his prerogative. She supposed she had to assume that he enjoyed her company on some level, and the fact that she was now speaking to him- a unique privilege she'd trusted him with because, out of all her friends, she knew he could keep a goddamned secret.

And because she liked talking to him, but that was beside the point.

This particular morning was a lot like plenty others in the past couple of weeks since they'd started the brand-new adventure that was middle school, only made different by the fact that their conversation was more than rumors, gossip, or ripping on people they knew. No, Kenny had noticed pretty much instantly that something had been off with Dee this morning, and asked... and despite some part of her brain jumping up and down screaming it was none of his damned business, she told him about her little nocturnal episode anyway.

Maybe she was hoping it would make her feel better?

"Ms. Lehman is a total fucking bitch, though. She chewed me out for my muffler! There's no fucking school rule against scarves!"

That was certainly the truth. "Tell me about it- yesterday she got on my case for wearing the same hoodie every day, saying it was unhygienic- like it takes more than a day to wash this thing?" She gestured to her bright blue hoodie beneath her black winter coat; a staple of her daily attire if only because its baggy bulk protected her more feminine body shape from being recognized as she underwent the unfortunate process of growing up.

"But do you actually wash it?"

"Fuck no!" She snickered, finding a smile despite herself. "One run through the dryer would ruin the fuzzy inside layer- dad never checks the tags, he just runs everything at high heat."

He laughed, but was cut short before he said anything else. Part of this time they shared was the constant look-out for other members of their usual group approaching so Dee could shut the hell up before someone heard her talking that she didn't want to hear her voice. He'd glanced up the way to do his due diligence, and put his hand up to hush Dee with a finger getting pressed up where his mouth presumably was beneath his parka's hood. Glancing up the way herself, she saw Cartman walking his rather rotund self down the sidewalk. He wouldn't get there for a few more minutes, but the fucker still had eyes and ears; it was always best to put the breaks on their conversations early to be certain that Dee's desire for personal privacy was respected.

"Douchebaaaaaaaaag. Yo! Douchebag! Dude!"

Oh fuck, he's calling for me? … this doesn't bode well. Dee's thoughts were rarely positive things when Cartman wanted her attention, but she lifted her head to look at him anyway as he got closer to the bus stop. Eyebrows raised, hands tucking into the pockets of her big black overcoat as she made a mild attempt to give a fuck.

It was only at this point that she realized Cartman was actually jogging. Or what could be qualified as jogging for his weight class, she supposed. Either way, he arrived at the bus stop both faster than expected and slightly winded, his hands coming to his knees as he tried to get his breath back.

"Douchebag, Douchebag..." He panted, swallowing briefly. "You gotta... you gotta help me, I am in so... so much shit... right now."

Behold my barren field of fucks, Cartman. You salted the goddamn earth ages ago. Her stare didn't change, her mouth remaining a flat line as she watched him without pity.

"You don't understand!" He crowed, already defensive and he hadn't even said what was wrong, yet. "There was a Terrance and Phillip marathon last night, I... I had to watch it! I didn't mean to, but..." He gulped for air, finally standing straight again. "I totally forgot about the homework from science class!"

And you suddenly care about homework... why? Dee actually blinked. Seeing Cartman panicked about an undone assignment was new, to say the least.

"That stupid bitch teacher is gonna rape my ass if I miss another assignment! Douchebag, you don't want her to rape me, right? Right? Lemme see yours- I'll just copy it real quick an' then nothing terrible has to happen to me. You'll do that for me, right Douchebag?"

That got her lips to curve in to a smile. No, no, that wasn't true- it was a smirk. Oh, this was precious. Cartman? Begging to copy her work? She doubted he'd be so open with his request if he knew she was actually a blooming young woman under her layers of warm clothes. Actually, scratch that- he'd still ask, he'd just be a lot more demeaning in the way he asked.

Give me one good fucking reason to help you, asshat.

"... why aren't you pulling your assignment outta your bag?" Cartman asked, clearly unable to comprehend that she might decline his request for aid. "I'm not gonna drop it in the snow or nothin' if that's what you're worried about."

"Dude, he's not gonna give it to you."

Did her ears deceive her, or did Kenny sound rather entertained as he helped Cartman understand?

"WHAT?! Oh, that is so fucking weak, Douchebag- way to leave a fucking friend hanging! Kenny, you've got that fucking ho bitch Lehman, too, right? Lemme see yours."

"What'll you give me for it?"

"Give you for it...? SERIOUSLY?! I know your family is fucking poor, Kenny, but it's called helping a friend out of the goodness of your fucking heart!"

Kenny shrugged, letting out a sort of 'eh' noise.

"You both are so full of shit! Why are you always here so goddamned early, anyway?! Gay-ass fucking assholes!"

Dee's smirk had not waned. For the first time since school started, she actually found herself looking forward to her shared first hour with Cartman- everyone could agree that Ms. Lehman was a scary fucking lady, but that didn't stop her from enjoying it when said scary lady focused her attention on Cartman.

Today was shaping up to be a good day.

::The Author's Corner::

Did I use a dream sequence to squeeze in a 'deleted scene' from the previous story into this one? Why yes, yes I did. I know it's kitschy, but I really liked that introduction to Ms. Lehman back when I penned it during the last story... but she had nothing to do with the last story. I realized half-way through writing the scene that it wasn't moving the story forward in any meaningful way, but I liked it too much to just delete it, so I saved it in a scraps folder. Low and behold, Ms. Lehman is important to this story, so I decided to use it... even if starting a story with a dream sequence is cliched at best and horribly overused at worst. I hope it was good enough for y'all to forgive me.

Also- I really enjoy writing Cartman not getting his way.

Also also- I have stayed up entirely too late getting this first chapter ready to hit the web. I thank everyone who followed me here from the first story, and I'd like to take this moment to just say hello! To all the new readers as well. Your support is more appreciated than I can say.

See ya on the next chapter,

-Buttlord