PROLOGUE
At the beginning I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. I mean, all of them will be better off without me right? All I did was to harm my loved ones. I have been thinking about this for so long now, it just seems right to me. I will be just a ghost… Ghost of their past, an ugly memory that will only haunt them late at night when they have nightmares. That's what I will be to them. A fucking nightmare. And now? Was I supposed to cry? Am I supposed to kneel down and surrender? Since I was a girl my dad taught me to fight my fears and my demons. But with them, my team, I had no longer fears or demons to confront. I was happy with them. I was myself, a spoiled brat, insecure, and scared bitch. I was Artemis Crock a teenager.
Now this is real. I'm leaving them for good, one day they will thank me for leaving them, for making all of their lives easier. I sure will miss them all. I will miss M'gann's horrible cooking and her stupid giggles, I will miss those long nights when Kaldur told me stories about Atlantis and his lover. I will miss watching Connor's ass during training and how good looking he is, but most of all I will miss my little bird and my speedster. Wally, Robin, and I were inseparable. I will miss them so much. Fuck. And now I have to cry?
Watching my bag on top of my bed made me realize I had to leave soon. Probably Wally already read the note I left in his locker back in the mountain and I bet robin knew for months now that I will leave. I just need to leave before they come and look for me. I looked around my room for the last time and felt goose bumps going down my arm. The warmth of my so called bedroom now appeared to be gone. The walls look darker and my bed does not look as comfy as it once had been after a long mission. The sleepless night I had spent thinking and meditating felt like a waste of time now. Now not even the Alice in Wonderland poster was anything to me, Just an old vague memory of Jade and how she betrayed me. I need answers and I am going to get them. Just one more look around this four walls and a last tear in Gotham city was all I needed for me to head over my destination.
Four days have passed since I left them. I can't keep the tears in my eyes and the happiness in my heart, they just flew away in the cold weather. Besides, by now M'gann is hating me, Connor probably didn't even notice I was gone and Kaldur might be a little relaxed by the fact that he does not have to take care of me anymore. But… What about Wally and Robin? I can still remember the last word Wally said to me. "Look Artemis you might look strong in the outside but I know the real you. I know you cry yourself to sleep every night, I know you are scared of the dark that's why you always have the bathroom light on all night, I know you love me but you are too scared to even pronounce the word love. You are fake Artemis and I can bet my OWN POWERS that Robin and I will be better without you… no, not only Robin and I but the whole group will be better without you." His words were cruel and raw but true. I was indeed a fake person, nothing more than a puppet trained and raised to kill and destroy. Augh that wall-ass. Why do I even like him? He never loved me back he just used me to forget about M´gann. I always knew he was cheating on me. I knew since the first time he kissed me in the watch tower. I was always so naïve when it came to Wally. Right now I don't regret the bitch slap I gave him when he was done talking to me. I also remembered how annoyed I was after he talked to me like that. I don't like admitting it but it was Wally who gave me the guts to leave. I know that I will have to go back and confront them, but for now I´ll just try to think in things that will keep me warm.
"Shit! It's too cold out here." I said while my voice was breaking down by the sound of snow falling down. I look for some kind of tree or cave I could hide from the snow storm. I looked everywhere but it looked like there is no place to hide. I look toward the horizon and found this little cabin in the wood. It sure was small, but it looked so warm from my point of view. I walked toward the little brown house. I managed to see light coming from the window and I was sure I smelled apple pie. Three stairs were the obstacle between me and the warm-comfy-probably delicious food house.
"Come on Artemis. You can do it. Lift one foot and then the other. One…two…and…three." I lift my right foot first and it hurt like hell! I 'd been too long on this freezing temperature that my feet started to bleed and my knees feel like a little dagger that is being stabbed on them multiple times. I think I screamed really hard because just right before I was about to faint I saw two black silhouettes at the front door. Then it all went black and cold.
Why is everything a blurred? Where am I? Why does my head hurt? I put a hand on my forehead and tried to open my eyes.
"Shh Walter you are gonna wake her up." an old lady's voice echoed in the cabin.
"Mildred can you see she passed out? She is not sleeping darling." Is that a male voice? I need to stand up. But why can't I move? Oh no! Oh no! This is bad. Why can't I move? I want to scream. But I won't make the sound. The old lady noticed me struggling and came really near. To near for my liking.
"Shush honey. You are ok. Don't move your body is in a shock stated due to your premature Pneumonia. You will endure like that just for a few more minutes. Now relaxed" her voice was gentle. Like a mother's voice when his kid need comfort. I felt my eyes closed again and my mind drifting away from the sound of the burning fire coming from the chimney, the snow crashing against the window, and the soft whisper from the old couple. I dreamed about the mad hatter, my lost rabbit and a Wonderland.
I think I slept for about half an hour. When I woke up I was able to move. I did felt relief when I could sit up against the coach I was on. I had three blankets around me and still felt cold. I heard the old lady coming. I tensed a little but relaxed after the big warm smile she gave me. "Hey honey. How are you feeling?" she asked leaning closer for an answer. I wasn't able to answer her. I felt my throat really dry, and my hands went cold all of a sudden.
"Oh I'm sorry honey, this old lady does not work as well as 40 years before." she laughs a little and stood up. She came with a cup of hot tea. I took the cup in my hand and felt the warmth of the tea spread through my hands. I took a sip, and another, and another. It tastes so good. I felt able to talk again but couldn't get enough of that tea into my system. I gave two more sips before I put it back into the table.
"I'm Artemis Crock" I gave her an odd smile. I noticed her eyes widen and a huge smile tattooed to her white, wrinkle, and fragile skin. "Walter come here! Walter!" she screamed full of joy and look at me once more. "Why didn't I notice it before? You look just like her" she put her two hands against her cheek bones and continues to smile.
"What's wrong Mildred?" he came walking fast into the room and I could sense he was a little tense at this situation.
"Walter! She is Artemis Crock! She is the sister of Jade" the old lady was now enthusiastic. What the fuck? Did she just mention my sisters' name? The old man, apparently Walter, is looking at me with the same face as his wife.
"What? How do you know Jade?" I asked still shock. I felt like I was going to faint again.
"She came here 5 years ago." Walter answered my question. Jade…she escaped 5 years ago. It just seems like all the Crock Girls have the tendency to run away. I felt cold again and my heart crashed against my chest.
"We also knew your dad. Obviously he was just a little boy when I met him. Such a mamma's boy." she laughs as it was an inside joke. What the hell is wrong here? First they knew my sister, second they met my dad when he was a kid, and third why I am here?
"How did you know my dad?" my words quiver. I think Mildred noticed it too.
"Um well. Walter, I, Lucia, and Kevin where in the same squad back in the 1950's." she smiled again. "Our golden age." she laughed again like if it was another inside joke.
"Kevin and Lucia?" I ask a little confused. I can't take this anymore. Yes I did wanted answers but this wasn't my questions. I was so confused.
"Kevin and Lucia are your grandparents' honey." she smiled again at me and holds my hand. She was warm and soft. Her blue eyes were fixed in mine.
"You look just like Lucia. Tall, blonde, tan, strong, intelligent, but weak at heart." I felt myself gasping for air now. This old lady had read my soul. She gave me a smile and tilted her head. "Of course Lucia wasn't always like that. I mean at the beginning she was but when she met Kevin and married him she became invincible. She found 'the answers to her questions' as she always call him." That laughs again. I've seen this old lady before somewhere. I scan around the room for a hint. I fixed my eyes in a photo. BINGO. It was the same picture my dad hided under his bed. The pictured show 2 young women smiling with a uniform. The one at the left look a lot like Mildred.
"Uff good times. Back then I used to call myself Veronica for our secret identity." She took a sip from her tea. I bet mine was cold now. But I didn't want tea anymore.
"Mildred…please tell me everything you know about my family" I look into her eyes. Took her hand in mine and came closer to her. She opens her eyes wide but looks into our hands clasped together. She smiled.
"Walter add some more wood into the fire this will be a long talk."
I wanted answers and I got them. Although I felt nostalgic about my childhood, I did not felt complete. I felt full but not complete. I had some of the answers I wanted but not all. I wasn't going back to Gotham. I wasn't ready yet, I needed time to think and feel free. I have a ticket plane to France. I bought it in the name of Kelly Livewood because I know that robin would be able to track me down easily if I use my real name.
I found a cheap hotel called Melacio. I have no idea what it means but I need a place to crash. I pay 67 dollars the night in floor 7, room 745. I checked in with the name of Kelly Livewood again. Once I got into my room I threw my bag into the bed and pull out all of my stuff. I searched for my hair dye. Yes, I was going to paint my hair red. Why red? I don't know, but every time I want to visualize a Kelly, I think of a redhead.
I went into the bathroom, took a bath, and dye my hair ginger. I felt ugly. I look myself into the mirror and chuckled. I look like Wall-ass. I also cut my hair a little. Now my hair is just down my boobs. I also bought green eyes contact. I was going to keep this incognito character until Robin got tired of looking for me. For what I know that will take at least a year.
That night I went to sleep I felt confused but relaxed. I close my eyes and counted my breaths. Memorized the song my heart composed and dream again about the mad hatter, my lost rabbit and a wonderland.