Broken Souls
I pace back and forth in the empty living room, half packed boxes surrounding me, I know that I need to get out of here, I'm so sick of being here, in this empty apartment alone without you. I know that it's childish that I don't want to leave because of all of the memories that we've had here together. And yet those memories are the reason that I have to leave this place. We met when we were just children and I guess that you're the one that always made me feel like a little child again, and now I'm holding on to that part of me for it's the only thing that I still fear to lose.
You are already gone, I know that and yet you're still here with me, you won't leave and I don't understand why not? Why are you still tied to this place, haunting me? Your presence continues to stay here with me it lingers on, just like the smell of your cologne left behind on your side of the bed; it won't leave me alone, your scent, your clothes still hanging in the closet and folded in the drawers.
You left me here alone and yet at the same time it's like you've left a gaping wound in my chest, it's the kind of wound that doesn't heal over time, the kind that only seems to worsen the longer that it's left alone, untreated. The pain is unimaginable, it hurts so much to lie down in that bed every night and wish for you to be there with me and lie down and wrap your arms around me the way that you always did. The time that has passed so far will not allow me to heal; it will not erase the wrongs that have been done.
I was always there for you whenever you needed me to be, I wiped away the tears when you cried over your mother's passing, I know that she was the only person from that family that you ever held dear. I was the one that was there to hold you and tell you it was okay when you awoke screaming from nightmares of your father beating you when you were younger, I was the one that stood beside you and held your hand when you need strength and courage the most and yet you're not here but you're still the one that holds me together.
You're parents took you away for a long time, but then we found each other once more it was the start of junior year and I couldn't believe my ears when the teacher called Roxas HIkari in homeroom, I turned to the sound of your voice and there you were, bathed in light just like always. You captivated me once again and bound me to yourself in such an effortless manner. I will never understand how or why you ever wanted me, I was just the broken prankster that sat in the middle of the room and drew everyone's attention for my own gain and yet you always wanted to be there, you were so full of life and light that I never wanted to believe that there could be anything wrong with you.
I see you everywhere I go and in everything I do, every single time I look in the mirror I have to turn and look behind because I swear that I can almost always see you standing there behind me, you're in my every waking thought and now you've come into my dreams. Dreams that were once pleasant but are now plagued by that day, you're face once so beautiful and full of life twisted into a look of sheer agony from the pain you were in. I think I'm going insane or at least have lost some part of any sanity that I may have once possessed, I'll go to think of something or do something and yet I can hear you clear as day telling me what a bad idea it is, the danger that I'd be putting myself in. You've taken everything, my dreams, my sanity and my being.
I keep telling myself that you're gone and that you're never coming back but all these thoughts and all these memories make it seem as though you've still been with me for these past few months and to be honest, that frightens me. What am I supposed to do Roxas? You're here with me, I know that and I can feel it and yet you left me here all alone without anyone or anything? How could I have not realised that all along I've been sitting here in this empty apartment alone?
Why did you have to leave me here? I'll never hear those three little words from your lips again.
"I love you, Axel."