Warning: Mass Effect 3 Endgame Spoilers

The Last Stand

Cold. Strong smell, like rusty metal. The floor is cold and it's gritty and the grit is dried blood. Shepard sucks in a breath and it only makes it worse. Broken rib, probably. More than one. Her leg hurts. Her arm hurts. Armor's out of commission, shields down. There's a pistol on the ground. It's not hers. She doesn't want to be here anymore.

"Shepard?"

It takes all her strength to get on her hands and knees. There's a broken bone in her left hand. She puts most of her weight on her wrist. She has to lean on something to get her right hand up to hit the comm bead in her ear.

"Shepard?"

"Anderson?"

"Where are you?"

"I don't know."

It's dark and it smells like dried blood. Her vision is blurred, veins are creeping in around the edges. As she moves, her sight fuzzes even further. Probably concussion, maybe worse. She tries to stand up, slides against something soft, falls. Her cheek lands on something soft and cold. It's an arm. It isn't attached to anyone.

"I think I'm in hell."

She pushes on the wall of bodies. Her hand slides through the muck against cloth crusted with dried blood and sick skin. The Citadel. She can't tell if these are the bodies they've been bringing up or the bodies of everyone already here. Bailey was here. Kelly, too. She wanted Kelly to leave but she wouldn't come back.

Static.

"The walls are moving. It sounds like the collector base you described to me."

She shakes her head. It's not a good idea. If her body wasn't a map of pain she would probably throw up. She's too far past that point now. She's on her feet but she leans too far and her broken finger takes the weight as she puts out her hand. She hears snapping. It hurts. She doesn't look at it.

She's got a gun.

She starts to walk. She puts her weight on her shoulders and her shoulders on the corpses. It's the only way she can stand up. There's a door up ahead. She won't be able to get through it. Her multi-tool is gone. It opens, like it's waiting for her.

She looks around.

There's something here. It's the guts of a great machine. It's clean in here, so clean, not like outside. She doesn't know why this is here. Never seen it before.

"I think I see the moving walls."

She has to put her weight on her feet, now. There's a bridge over the sliding, pounding slabs of metal. She walks very slowly, leaning on the rail. Her hand hurts and she doesn't look at it. There's another door. It opens.

She's seen this before. The control panel for the arms. The heart of the Citadel. She must be on top of the Presidium spire. There's nothing to lean on now. She keeps her right leg under her because if she takes the weight off, it hurts too much to put it back on. Drag, step, drag, step, she walks across the bright polished floor, leaving a trail of blood. Some of it is hers. Most of it isn't.

She wants to sit down.

A radio crackles.

"Shepard?"

Hackett.

"Yeah."

"The arms aren't opening. We can't dock the Crucible."

She gets up. She remembers the panel. She sees the way her finger is twisted. It hurts, but it blends in with all the other hurts, great and small. Blood smears across the mass effect field as she works the controls. An earthquake rumbles through the soles of her boots and the pain of the shock chokes a gasp out of her.

She wasn't alone at the beam.

"Garrus?"

Static.

"Shepard."

Hackett again.

"It worked. We're bringing it in."

Her vision blurs. The world is colors. She closes her eyes. She did it.

There's a stab of pain in her leg and a hiss. She gasps and opens her eyes. The medigel surges into her system. More stabs. She feels the cold gel being swabbed into the wound in her belly. The pain isn't gone, but there's less of it. She could almost stand up. It feels so good not to hurt she can't help but grin dumbly, like a drunk. Until she opens her eyes.

She gasps and brings the pistol up, but the Illusive Man swipes it out of her hand. His eyes are cold and hard. People shouldn't haves square eyes. There's huskflesh on his throat and his face, curled around his eyes like wisps of smoke from a burning jack-o-lantern.

"What did you do?"

"What?"

"How did you activate it!"

"I can't," she starts, and closes her eyes.

His fingers close around her throat. She feels the barrel of a gun touching her forehead.

"How did you activate it?"

"What?"

"The Citadel!"

Her eyes are open, lidded. He looks like he's in pain. She understands, now.

"How did you get here?"

"I was… I don't remember. I was always here. It won't let me activate the Crucible! Get up!"

"No."

He pushes the gun harder into her head. His fingers squeeze the last breath out of her.

"Why won't it work for me?"

"You're indoctrinated," Anderson rasps.

The Illusive Man stands up. He's fast, but too slow. Anderson already has him covered. It only takes one shot. He's lying on the floor and he's not so elusive anymore. He's like all the other ones.

Anderson limps over to her. He sits down.

"I'm only three days away from retirement."

"Me too."

Shepard closes her eyes.

"Kid. Kid, wake up. Something's happening."

They're moving. She feels the floor under them move. Her eyes slit open and press closed again. It's too bright. Too cold. The floor is moving away. She's almost asleep and she doesn't want to sleep because she knows she won't wake up.

She can't do that. It's not done yet.

"-not firing! –on- -or…end."

"That was Hackett."

She nods. She opens her eyes.

She sees it now. The Crucible. It's huge. It fills the Citadel. It's the biggest thing she's ever seen. How did they build this so fast?

"Anderson?"

His chest is rising and falling, but his eyes are closed. His hat is gone. He lost his hat. Shepard giggles dumbly. She's lost too much blood. She looks around. She's never seen this room before. There's something here.

"Commander?"

It's a kid. It's not a kid. It's a VI. How does it know to be the kid?

It kneels down before her. "You have to get up. I need your help."

She starts to move. The Illusive Man saved her. She would have bled out by now. She hears her life-blood dripping out on the floor as she gets up on her knees. The kid watches her in silence.

"Who are you?"

"I need your help. The Crucible is a trap. We have to turn it off."

"What?"

"Come on. There's a control panel here."

She shakes her head. It fuzzes. She hears something .Whispers.

"What, no, it can't be-"

"Shepard?"

She almost falls back down. "Kaidan? It can't be, you, you're-"

"I'm here, Shepard."

"No!"

She stands up. It's hard. She feels like if she lets go of her midsection, her insides will come spilling out. It takes her a minute to get her leg under her. She puts the bad foot down first, then the other, stands up. She's leaning on something. It's a console. Holographic controls. It looks familiar. Simple.

"Kaidan, you died. You died on Virmire."

"I'll have died in vain if you let the Crucible fire! It's a trap, Shepard!"

"What? It can't be, the Protheans-"

"Liars! Indoctrinated!"

"But Javik-"

He's shaking her. It hurts.

"Lies! Lies, don't you see!"

"Stop whispering in my ear!"

She closes her eyes. It's too bright here. There's something in front of her. Column of light. The Crucible is working, isn't it? It's doing something. The Citadel is powering it. What is it?

"Shepard?"

She tries to open her eyes. One of them sticks shut. She's bleeding too much.

"Garrus? How-"

"I came to get you. I followed you into the beam. Anderson is dead, Shepard. We have to shut this thing down. It's a trap."

"But the Reapers-"

"Don't worry about them. Joker is coming. We just have to shut it off. We can get away. Earth is lost, Shepard. We have to make a stand somewhere else."

"No. This is it. This is our only chance. The Crucible…"

"We can go to Rannoch. Help Tali build her house. Everyone is waiting for you, Shepard. All you have to do is stop the Crucible. Just touch the controls."

Her one good eye flicks open. "What did you say?"

"We can get away. You've done enough. Come away with me."

Her lips twist. Her good eye narrows into a slit. She wants to scream. It comes out as a low, throaty sound. A snarl. It hurts too much.

"You're not Garrus!"

"But-"

"Garrus wouldn't say those things! Go away! Leave me alone!"

"SHEPARD."

It rumbles through her bones. The voice is a thousand voices at once, cajoling, begging, pleading, exhorting, rumbling. A chorus of voices from a nation long dead, molded together into the mighty rumble of a terror from ancient times. The oldest. The first.

Harbinger.

"SHEPARD. YOU WILL NOT DO THIS THING."

"Go to hell."

She limps forward until she's leaning on the console. What the hell does this thing do? She touches it. It's a mistake. Energy surges through her. Arcs through her body. The agony puts all before to shame. Her back is arched and she's screaming now, even though she thought she couldn't . She pitches forward over the controls. She can smell herself cooking.

A tiny voice whispers. "There is little time."

"What are you?"

"BE SILENT!"

"I am a heuristic information matrix."

"Is that like a VI?"

"No. Far more primitive. The system could not include any form of synthetic intellect, no matter how simplistic or shackled. It is a failsafe."

"Against what?"

"I COMMAND YOU TO BE SILENT."

"Them."

"What do you do?"

"Our race created the first artificial intelligence, the original synthetic life."

"YOU GAVE RISE TO OUR PERFECTION. WITHOUT US YOU HAVE NO MEANING."

"You mean, you created the Reapers."

"No. The Reapers were a response. Our creations were superior to us in every way. They could outlast, outplan, outbuild, and outrun us. We have no alternative."

Shepard laughs. It's a bitter sound, more like a coughing moan. "You have got to be kidding me."

"We fused our greatest minds together to form a synthetic being. The entity you know as Harbinger."

"WE ARE BEYOND YOU. WE ARE BEYOND TEMPORARY BEINGS OF BLOOD AND FLESH. WE ARE ETERNAL."

"What happened?"

"Our deepest fear came true. Our champion no longer saw the rest of our species as worthy of its protection. It defeated our synthetic children, and then turned to us."

"ORGANIC LIFE BREEDS ONLY CHAOS. YOU CONSUME RESOURCES WITH ABANDON. EVEN NOW, YOUR OVERUSE OF MASS EFFECT TECHNOLOGY THREATENS THE VERY FABRIC OF THE COSMOS IN WAYS YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND. WE BRING ORDER TO CHAOS. WE BRING PERFECTION TO IMPERFECTION. WE LIBERATE YOU FROM YOUR TINY, FRAGILE FORMS AND ULPIFT YOU. YOUR DESTRUCTION IS A GIFT TO BE CHERISHED."

"Those people outside look like they're really cherishing it right now."

"DO YOU WEEP FOR THE PLANT MATERIAL YOU CONSUME? DO YOU ASK YOUR MEAT FOR PERMISSION BEFORE YOU BRING IT TO THE SLAUGHTER?"

"What does this thing do?"

"It is a killswitch. The Crucible device interfaces with the Mass Relay network. It can destroy the Reapers. Or temporarily shut them down."

"Why would I want to temporarily shut them down?"

"WE CANNOT BE DEFEATED. EVEN IF WE ARE RENDERED TEMPORARILY VULNERABLE, WE WILL PREVAIL. WE WILL OVERCOME. WE WILL BRING THE SALVATION OF ORDER TO A UNIVERSE FROUGHT WITH CHAOS."

"If you transmit the self-destruct signal, it will destroy not only the Reapers, but all technology we constructed. The Citadel and the Mass Relays will destroy themselves."

Shepard coughed. "I can't do that. If the Relays explode-"

"The majority of the energy will be consumed in the transmission process and vented into dark space. It was not our intention to render the entire galaxy uninhabitable."

"DO YOU NOT SEE? WITHOUT US THERE IS NOTHING. YOU ARE NOTHING. WITHOUT US, YOUR KIND WOULD STILL BE TRAPPED ON THE WORLDS OF YOUR BIRTH, STARVING AND IGNORANT. WE GIVE YOU THE STARS. WE ARE BEYOND MERCIFUL."

"If I just shut them down for a while?"

"The Relays will remain intact. You will have from a few minutes to a few hours to damage the Reapers as much as possible."

"WE ARE ETERNAL. WE CANNOT BE DEFEATED BY SUCH AS YOU."

"Without their mass effect fields and weaponry, the Reapers will be vulnerable."

"We can't possibly destroy them all. There's too many to do it so fast."

"I am sorry. Those of us who created the Crucible opposed the Plan. It was our belief that we should allow our children to destroy us and take our folly with us to the grave. We would not force our mistake on you, but the damage is done."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"There is one more thing you must know."

"What?"

"You will not survive the process."

"Color me surprised."

"YOU ARE TOO WEAK."

"We understood that even if we store a dormant AI within our device, it might go rogue or be corrupted by the Reapers. You must merge your consciousness with it temporarily to direct its function. The process will destroy your nervous system."

"Forget about me, you said the Relays will explode! What about-"

"Your technology will still work. Only our constructs, the Reapers and their creations, will be affected. The destruction wave is merely a signal and will not alter the properties of element zero. Those who survive will have a chance to rebuild, free of our folly. That is the best we can offer you. That or the hope that if you strike hard enough, the Reapers will retreat and you will be prepared to face them when they return."

"I understand."

"SHEPARD."

"Now what?"

"YOU DO NOT NEED TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF."

"Oh, please."

"WE ARE PREPARED TO OFFER YOU TERMS."

"What? You're surrendering?"

"NO. WE WILL LEAVE TEMPORARILY. THE CYCLE WILL CONTINUE."

"You really expect me to buy that?"

"YOUR LIMITED MIND IS TO ME AS THAT OF AN INSECT IS TO YOU. I KNOW THE TRUTH OF YOUR BEING, SHEPARD."

"No."

"WAIT. WE WILL UPLIFT YOU. WE WILL GRANT YOU OUR PERFECTION. YOU WILL JOIN US."

"Oh, so now you want to make me a god."

"GOD IS A WORD. WE ARE REALITY."

"You're insane."

Images flashed through her mind. Tali on Rannoch. Liara on the Presidium. The time Miranda and Jack almost tore the Normandy apart. The day Anderson promoted her to Commander. Wrex and Eve on Tuchanka. Mordin ascending the tower. Legion going to his people. Thane getting in one last hit on that bastard assassin. The cheers on the Normandy after Sovereign fell. Garrus joking with Edi and Joker.

Garrus.

"Crucible!"

"State your query."

"You said this thing transmits. Can it do radio waves?"

"Yes."

"Can it boost the signal from my radio?"

"Yes."

She leaned on the controls. Her arms tingled. It was starting.

"Garrus."

Static.

"Garrus. Please."

Coughing. "I'm here. Shepard? Is that you? The beam. I didn't make it. Tossed my gun in."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"I'm pretty banged up."

"Garrus. I'm not coming back."

Silence.

"Garrus?"

Silence.

"Garrus. I'm sorry, I-"

"I know. I don't think I'll be far… far behind you. I'll look for you at that bar."

"I don't think they'll let me in."

Laughing. Short, shallow, pained. Rasping breaths. "If you end up in the other place, I'll come get you."

"I know."

"Love you."

"Yeah. Me too."

Garrus laughs. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

"DO NOT DO THIS THING."

Shepard's arms sink into the console. She looks up. The Crucible is working. Light. It's filled with light, and the light is filling her.

"WE CAN REPAIR YOU. WE CAN RESTORE THE TURIAN. ALL THAT YOU DESIRE CAN BE GIVEN TO YOU."

Shepard is laughing. "Hey, Harbinger."

Silence.

"This hurts you."