"MORTALITY"

Betz88

This silent office where I stand with heavy heart and trembling hand tonight,

The only witness to my breached control, and shelter to his soul in flight.

This world goes on unerring while the object of my caring lies below,

Cold and lifeless, still in death, no more to draw a mortal breath, I know.

With heaving sighs my spirit dies, and my despair cuts through me like a knife,

To finally know how tenuous this thread with which we lightly cling to life …

Perhaps in time this empty feeling reeling in my heart will fade away,

And then will come a peace, which can release a debt I never can repay.

I knew I'd hesitate to long and then our song would fade into the night,

And wash away in misty grey, still echoing a truth that dims my sight.

I can't believe that I'd deceive myself with hope that came to such an end,

Too soon recall this emptiness my broken spirit cannot comprehend …

I can't forget when first we met, the possibilities that often crossed my mind,

And all the days that stretched ahead and paths that led to memories, now behind.

I close my eyes but can't disguise the hopelessness that grinds inside of me,

To know you're gone, but I must carry on here in the vital space where you should be.

I look around at stricken faces as the heart within me races, keening "Why?"

The night is ever colder and the presence at my shoulder is a lie …

Behind me from the doorway, Cuddy's steps across the floor may form a bridge.

Her haunted eyes cannot disguise a brow that sadly forms a glacial ridge.

I see the hurt that runs so deep, but she can't weep until she looks about

And touches me with comfort that I've steeled myself so long to live without.

"His commitment was to heal … so long before he had this feel for you or me,

"And now he's gone at last, to meet his past and find his other destiny …"

Somehow I must escape this woman's words before my soul is torn apart,

And yet my own compulsion for this friend must wend a weight across my heart.

I cannot leave this post to grieve because his watchful ghost would bid me stay,

And linger at my side to guide a coward with no choice but to obey.

The lump that forms within my throat now strikes a melancholy note to stand

And clear my face … and in his grace … I must regain command …

Tonight I'll go below to say farewell and pause to touch his barren face,

And weep alone and hold this dear friend's memory within my heart's embrace.

Without full comprehension, I am in the wrong dimension: Please … come back!

Alone I am but half a man; your strength has lent me qualities I lack.

My life must take a different road and strive to bear the added load … to roam.

But first I bring this friend I love to peaceful fields and hope and peace … and HOME!