Author's Note: I saw an article on which had a picture of candy Peeps on a cheese pizza, and, well, being the absolute Five-0 fan that I am, I immediately though, "What would Danny have to say about this?" So, on this Easter weekend (because the denouncing of Peeps is just as important as the Resurrection of my savior, Jesus Christ, in my humble opinion – yes, I am how you know God has a sense of humor and I hope He loves me for my sarcasm even on this most Holy of weekends), I took it upon myself to write a short little fiction about Danny and one of his worst fears come to life. The idea itself is slightly cracky, I do admit, but the muse took me in a, shall we say, sweet direction towards the end!
Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and the characters found within the series are owned by CBS Productions, K/O Paper Products, and 101st Street Productions. No profit is being made from this work.
Hawaii Five-0
"I… I can't deal with this." Danny slumped down in one of his dining room chairs, a look of abject failure and disappointment mixed with astonishment on his face. "How the Hell did this happen, huh?"
"Well, imagination, creativity," Steve came out of the kitchen with two beers in his hand, popping the lid off of one and handing it to Danny before doing the same to his own bottle and sitting easily in another chair, an amused grin plastered on his face, because of course; of course Steve McGarrett would think this was funny. "So he wanted to try something new, Danny, so what? With most kids it's like pulling teeth to get them to experiment with food and here Charlie is, and he can't wait to throw different ingredients together." Steve took a drink of his beer and leaned back. "He's just like you, if you ask me."
"Oh no. No, no, no, he is not just like me, not in this. I would never, ever do something like this. This is just – this is wrong, babe, this is insulting, okay? To my eyes, my nose, to New Jersey and every Italian/Irish human being that ever walked the pla - oh, you think this is funny," Danny grumbled, pouted even as he watched Steve try, badly, to hide his laughter behind the neck of his Longboard.
"I think it's hilarious."
"You're a jerk."
"It's just candy, Danny."
"No, it is not just candy, okay? It's not even good candy!" Danny shoved his beer aside, nearly knocking the bottle over before Steve's hand darted out to save it. The blonde didn't even notice as he was working himself up into a mighty rant. "These… these things, Steve, these disgusting puffs of dull tasting, marshmallow-like horror, have no place near any kid, or in a store, and they definitely, certainly, have no place on pizza!"
"On Charlie's pizza, they do." Steve laughed again as Danny let out what sounded like a resigned whine of anguish and leaned forward, tugging a flat box towards him and flipping open the lid. "C'mon, Danno, it's probably not that bad. Have a little piece."
"No."
"Just a little bit."
"Absolutely not," Danny glared at Steve and scrubbed his face with his hands. "There is nothing on Earth that would make me sully my stomach with that… that… abomination of a pie."
But Steve wasn't to be out done. Mouthing the word 'sully', he stuck his hand into the box and pulled out a slice of cheese pizza with a melted patch of blue right in the center of it. "I think Charlie wanted to have this for dinner, Danny. Rachel said that's why they'd made it anyways."
"I always knew I'd divorce that woman, but I never knew she'd allow my son to become so corrupted as to allow him to put Peeps on a pizza! What's next, huh? He asks for well done burgers? Orders a side of brussels sprouts – actually thinks Kamekona's breakfast shrimp burritos are an acceptable food item?! I mean, really, where does it end, Steve?"
"Danny-"
"And then we're off to the races because now that he's making poor choices in food, he's going to be hungry because he's not eating good food, and he has no money, so he'll start taking lunch money from the kids at school-"
Steve cleared his throat. "Danny-?"
"-and that'll begin a long, long road of delinquency that will end him up in the Kapolei Juvenile Detention Center-"
"Danno?"
A new little voice had entered the conversation and it was enough for Danny to stop cold mid-rant and look over at Charlie, who had come into the dining room. The boy's stance told the story of one who was rather wary of the situation he'd walked into, being very familiar with his father's tone of voice when he was exasperated, and Danny mentally kicked himself. "What's up, buddy?"
Charlie came closer. "I'm hungry."
"Yea?" Danny glanced at Steve, who was still holding the blue bludgeoned piece of pizza in his hand. "I was planning on making lasagna for dinner, you want to help me?" Charlie shook his head and instead, looked at his Uncle Steve as he meandered closer to both men, eyes on the pizza box still sitting in the center of the table. "I want to eat my pizza."
Steve did his best to not smirk or laugh or in any other way show his immense glee at the situation Danny currently found himself in as he laid the slice back in the box.
"Uh, buddy we gotta heat the pizza up you know? It's been sitting for a while, it's probably not even good anymore-"
"But I made it for you!"
Oh. God. Why. Danny's voice was strained when he responded. "Me?"
"Peeps are my favorite candy and pizza is your favorite food!" Charlie looked so damn proud of himself, so happy that he'd thought to merge both his and father's favorite snacks to make the ultimate meal. What the Hell was Danny supposed to do with that?
"I uh… listen, buddy, I wasn't really thinking we'd have pizza tonight, you know?" As Danny spoke, Steve didn't know who looked more forlorn in that moment – his partner, or Charlie. "You sure you don't want Nonna's lasagna? I make it almost as good as her, you know?"
"Can we have just one piece and then have Nonna's lasagna?" Charlie had apparently picked up negotiating skills from somewhere, and Steve, purely as a reward for the boy's first instinct to compromise (and to needle Danny a little bit too, all things being honest), said, "I think that sounds very fair, Charlie. Very fair, very grown up." He ignored Danny's jaw practically hitting the floor and the look of betrayal that was spreading on his face. "You eat a little piece of the Peep Pizza, and then Charlie helps you with the lasagna." The deal was sealed with the coveted fist bump between Steve and Charlie. "Good job, Little D."
Steve snaked the pizza slice back out of the box and tore off a piece of it, making sure that a majority of it was covered with the sticky blue candy, and held it out for Danny to take. "Eat up, partner." And Steve was loving every bit of this. He was going to pay for it later, he knew, but for the moment, he was happy to revel in the tragic look on Danny's face.
"Uh…" Danny licked his lips, eyes flickering from Steve's face, to the pizza piece, to his son's hopeful look. "You know, Charlie, I think um, I think we should make sure Uncle Steve eats some too, you know? It wouldn't be nice to leave him out of this, right? Family and all?" There was absolutely no enjoyment evident from Danny as he saw Steve blink, confused for a moment, and then wince. No enjoyment what so ever.
Yea. Take that, asshole.
Charlie was on board with the entire idea though and reached his little arm across the table to pull the pizza box forward. "Uncle Steve, you eat that piece, and Danno, you get this one," Charlie took the other half of the slice Steve had torn off and handed it to Danny, this one with a glob of yellow towards the bottom part of it. Danny sighed inwardly, but he was resigned. This was happening. He was going to eat this… this disgusting concoction of mozz, sauce, dough, and Peep.
The things he did for his kids.
"Buddy, what are you doing?" The detective watched as Charlie pulled one piece of pizza with yellow melted candy on it from the pie, and then dug his fingers into the cheese of the slice next to it, pulled it off, and placed it on top of the first piece, grinning. "Uncle Steve has blue and you have yellow, and I have both, and now we can eat!" And eat Charlie did, opening his mouth wide and taking a huge bite of yellow and blue cheesy pizza, chewing in that over exaggerated way that only little kids could.
"How's… how does it taste?" Danny was almost afraid to hear the answer, but he didn't have to, because Charlie grinned at him, cheese and pizza tinged with blue and yellow and now starting to mix into a lime green all combining to give the appearance of one very happy child.
"Well," Steve took a breath and held up his piece over Charlie's head, looking for all the world like he was saying a prayer, "bottoms up." And Danny couldn't really run from it. He held up his own slice, cheered it against Steve's over his little boy's blonde head, took a deep breath, and stuffed the food in his mouth.
It. Was. Awful.
Danny couldn't tell if it was both he and Steve gagging or if it was just him, but either way, he did his best to simply chew as few times as possible and then swallow. Once done, he took a long pull of his beer and saw Steve doing the exact same thing. Served the goof right, making fun of him like he had.
"Alright, Charlie, I think uh… let's put the pizza away, and make sure we save some for Mom too, okay?"
"She said she didn't want any."
"She did." That didn't sound right. "Why didn't she want any?"
"Because she said that pizza was your favorite and that you would really like it if it was all for you!"
Steve's chin dropped to his chest while Danny just uttered an "uh-uh" and reached for his beer again. "Alright, go uh… go wash your hands and change out of your good clothes. Get into some grubbies, okay? Nonna's lasagna gets messy."
Once Charlie had run off to his room with his father calling behind him to wash his hands as well, Danny slumped back into his chair and ran a hand over his face. "Remind me again why I was thinking I should seriously consider getting back with that woman?"
Steve's dead panned "I'd rather not" was the only answer Danny received as his partner reached for his beer and finished it off, Danny following right behind him a minute later. "You staying for dinner?"
"I'm staying for Nonna's lasagna, so yea."
"You staying after dinner?" Danny propped his chin up on a hand and looked at the man across from him.
Steve quirked his lips. "You need me around for back up in case Charlie wants us to eat any more of that pizza?"
"Uh, no, you've already proven you are useless for back up on that account, babe," Danny snickered and stood up, taking both his and Steve's empty bottles into the kitchen. The SEAL followed behind him and folded his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorway and watching as his partner searched through his cupboards and fridge and prepping for the lasagna. "Okay, so then if I'm not staying for that, am I staying?"
"Are you hungry?"
"I'm not sure after eating that pizza."
Danny pointed a box of lasagna pasta at him. "Serves you right, too. Don't act like you didn't deserve that, babe," Danny put the box down, grabbed a bowl from the cupboard, and started to cut some tomatoes and asking once more: " You staying?"
"Are you making pancakes?"
"Am I – yes, Steven, I am making pancakes, and I'm going to put these tomatoes in the batter; am I making pancakes," Danny shook his head in wonder that such a ridiculous question could come out of anyone's mouth, let alone Steve's. "I don't know what you do with tomatoes in your house, Steve, but in this house, we use them for making sauce."
"I meant tomorrow morning," Steve snickered, still hanging in the door way, half way in, half way out, and wasn't that just them, him and Danny, all over these days? Coming or going, leaving or staying, one foot in and the other just outside, waiting for permission to come all the way inside.
"Let me ask you a question; does it say, 'Danny's Diner' outside my house anywhere? Huh? Do you see a menu or something around here with your name on it where you can ask me to make you food like I'm your own personal short order cook?" Danny continued his cutting and slicing as he talked, dumping tomatoes in the bowl.
"Well, I mean, you are short, and you do cook, and you at least take requests-" Steve ticked off each qualifying marker on a hand, holding up three fingers and waving them about.
"Alright, okay, smart ass," but Danny was laughing to himself, a grin on his face as he finished with the tomatoes. "Why don't you make yourself useful and fill a pot with some water, huh?" As Steve moved towards the bottom cupboard and dug out a pot, Charlie came into the kitchen, play clothes on and ready to help.
"Alright, buddy," Danny grabbed a step stool and stood behind his son while Charlie climbed on it, the boy between him and the food prep counter. "Wanna learn how to cut tomatoes to make that red sauce?"
Peep Pizza forgotten, Danny settled in with his son and his partner for a night of cooking, and when dinner was finished and Charlie was in bed, Steve was still there. Eventually, both Danny and Steve knew they'd have to make a decision for the long term one way or the other whether they were in with both feet or out all the way. But right then, in that moment, as they sat on the couch next to each other enjoying beers and watching a sci-fi flick, they put both feet in and enjoyed the rest of the evening without a second thought.