All started with a harmless meeting of 4 friends who have had been so caught up with their last year in college that they wouldnt be able to make some time for their friends. As for Sophie…she wasn't really too sociable those days. She felt safer alone, more complete or realized, something she couldn't even explain. She just felt lonelier with people than on her own. Despite with Sian,her best friend, who knew her better than anyone she shared out her time between studying, her room and Sian. However the girls decided to from that time clear up to the present something changed, maybe they didn't perceive it, maybe they didn't want to. Since that name left Sophie's mouth, Sian knew, nonetheless she didn't know anything at all. The only one that discerned the twist, although it wasn't abrupt, was Sophie. The moody one, the one that believed in true feelings. The reason why the dark haired girl locked herself into her room, thinking, reading, writing was because she found out the truth, after a year of wrestling with herself she embraced the truth, but kept hiding it, on fear of change,fear of the others who could keep her soul away from her. Because the truth was that she wasn't complete at all, none of us are. We all born and live struggling with our flawed body. We think we born as a complete circle, however we are only half of it, and that is the real purpose of life, not simply do ,but enjoy, but find our other half, that allow us to live, not just walk through life. And Sophie discovered her other half, only to find out, she was not hers.

Sophie's pov

Its been 2 months since our last year in college started, and even though we promised that we would stick together, every one of us have choose our own way. It is understandable, our life stands in front of us and we have to make the decision which will define our future. Of course Sian and I are as close as always, we cant just walk away from each other, besides we are in the same class, but Tina is always out partying or getting laid and Katy is studying or with Chesney. As for me I don't know…I spend most of my time in my room, reading, or with Sian, but she is currently dating Ryan and we cant do everything together as we used to, at least I got her on my life. However since I told her about my sexuality we've been closer than before. It took me ages to gather the courage and talk to her, and either way I told her about it because I was drank. My mom is not so…modern to say it some way, and she is always saying some homophobic comment, so since I was a child I got used to think that being with someone of your same sex was wrong. That is the reason why last year I was or wasted, or crying, or just snogging with some random bloke. So this summer Sian and I went to a party and got drunk as we always did, but this time I was sure that I had a thing for girls too, so I took her to some alley where no one could hear us and I told her. She was so nice and said that I was the same Sophie she loved 5 minutes before, so she was good with it unless I was going to rape her some of that nights when we were wasted. Not funny I know but in the state we were we started laughing and ended both laying on the floor in the middle of the night.

However, that day I was waiting for Sian, who had to come over mine before we met the girls to have lunch. We had to review a course work that we had to present on Monday. She stormed past me when I opened the door.

" Make yourself at home" I sang still holding myself onto the door as I almost fell over thanks to Sian

"Keep your knickers on Webster I am starving as if you could complain of a hot blonde pushing you into the door" she said cheekily flicking the kettle on. "Oh and where is that blonde I would love to meet her Powers" I said looking aroud the room"Don't blind yourself with that phone Sophie, I know you fancy me" she said coming back to the living room where I was on the sofa with my iphone. "You wish Powers! Is it that Ryan doesn't give you what you need?" I laughed. "As if you know what is it" she stated cocking her eyebrow"I do know, indeed." I said lifting myself up to got my tea brushing past her. We spent the morning revising everything until Katy and Tina came to pick us up. It was fun to spend time with them again I didn't realised how much I missed them. After the food and the film we decided that we weren't ready to go home as we got the week end free, we headed to a pub to have some drinks.

The conversation flooed, but some where I wasn't ready to. Tina started gossiping about our mates and class, while I was focusing on my phone trying not to claim any attention. Even though I should have known that a very tipsy Sian was focusing her attention on me.

"So tell me about the guys on your class? Anyone I could meet?" tina smirked while Sian and I started gossiping."Tom is ok, and Dave I guess, but I prefer Josh if you ask me" sian stated. "Nah, Dave is more handsome and nicer" I replied looking at tina, not noticing sian from the corner of my eye dropping her smile" oh so our little webby has a suitor. Then he is the one you've been texting all day isn't he?" they all stared at me expectantly. I didn't went out or anything in a while now. Before the summer I could snogg with whoever crossed my sight, but since I talked to sian about my sexuality I saw it rather clear, I didn't want to waste more time on people. So they waited for my response "no its just…he is really nice and we've been talking for a while now. Just talking Tina."

After that night neither Sian nor I approached the subject. That night I realised the way I looked at Sian, the way I felt something burn inside of me every time she talked about Ryan, the way her clothes hanged around her perfect body. Of course I always knew she was well fit, I got eyes you know, but something inside me was screaming over the earplugs I put myself. I started going out with Dave though, but nothing serious, just messing around, and obviously I had to tell my best friend. I got my up and downs before I decided to give it a go, but knowing full well the person I wanted to be with was shagging her boyfriend gave me a little prod. Actually I didn't even work out my own feelings, I just saw the evidences. I always did as I was told by her, I always thought about please her before me…

We barely talked about it but one night, I was sleeping over at hers as we spend the whole Saturday studying.

"So..how are things with Dave" she asked nonchalantly gathering books and notes."I don't know he is fine. We got a lot in common and stuff."I said lying on her bed." So you want to be with him then?"

"I don't know I don't want to take it serious, I am good as I am now I don't want to push it ….there is something killing me Sian" I said sitting forward on the bed"ok this is awkward…I really…I don't like how he kisses" I said quickly as I blushed rised her eyebrows after finishing tiding up "But you fancy him or no?" I nodded and she continued" then you'll get used to it don't worry. Soph I just…I don't see you really into it if you know what I mean. As far as I know he has real feelings for you and you…you don't Soph."

"I know and maybe I am not doing the right thing but im fed up of thinking of everyone else before me, I am having fun and I feel loved. For now I don't need anything else."

We dropped the subject, and since then never talked about it again. The time passed faster than I thought with all the exams and soon it was Christmas, and with Dave… he was a gentleman and he always took care of me. Sure I liked him but our relationship wasn't deep enough for him to be my boyfriend. At first we kind of hid it but when time passed I realised that I could be with who ever I wanted and I didn't care about what other people would say.

It was the first time we were properly going out on new years and Sian and I had made big plans for it. We were going to a hot club in town with all our friends and classmates, and of course Sian was going to have dinner at the Websters, as she always did since we were kids. I know it is weird, but her family is not the one everybody wants. So Sian arrived after lunch and we watched a film after starting to get ready. She decided to get a shower first while I organized all the stuff we needed, clothes, make up, straightener…She came out with my dressing gown wrapped around her wet body, I could see the water drop down her blonde locks. I stared open mouthed and then grabbed my clothes and rushed to the bathroom closing the door behind me and holding onto it as I rested my forehead on the wood.

After a cold shower we got ready and had dinner with my parents, Rosie and Jason. Sian by mi side every new years dinner was something I needed, spend the night with her, it made the day special. Her parents would be worried or something about her daughter spending the last day of the year with other family but they knew that Sian was another Webster and they couldn't drag her with them, the bond between me and Sian was too strong, since we met when we were just kids on the playground.

The night went by quickly as the drinks and food was devoured. We all stood in the living room for the last few drinks before Ryan picked us up. We went to a park near the club to drink and as midnight was getting closer all our friends entered the club, just Ryan, Dave, Sian and I were the only ones left outside, having a fag and drinking the last bottle of vodka. Even thought we were drunk, like really drunk, I could still feel the goose bumps all over my skin, as Sian saw me shivering she stood up from the bench were she was sat with Ryan and hugged me tight. We stayed like that, she holding me by my shoulders and my arms above her waist loosely. I buried my head in the crook of her neck, getting lost on her scent when the guys started with the comments. Ryan knew about Dave and I as they were mates, but surprisingly he didn't told anyone."Look at them" Ryan started pointing at us while talking with Dave" don't they look cute together"

"they look hot not cute Ryan" Dave laughed as both of them fell backwards on the bench. We started giggling as me and sian drank the rest of the vodka still holding onto each other. "hey girls "I didn't see this coming at all, you can imagine the look on my face when I head him"I dare you ti snogg each other" and with that Dave and Ryan burst into laughter. I stood open mouthed looking at them as a pretty wasted Sian just giggled, how could she! I mean, your boyfriend dare you to ,not to kiss, to snog the face off your best friend and you just giggle, this is surreal. "See Dave, I told ya they don't have the guts" don't ask me why, I never thought of Sian in that way. " and what would we have in return?"Of course I knew that without her I wasn't able to live, but just as a friend. However in the state we were currently in, we couldn't turn down a dare, so I grabbed her tightly and we leaned in slowly. At first we were both shocked, testing each other with every movement of our lips. "Oii I said tongues!" Ryan screamed. I opened my mouth and welcomed her tongue as she slidedd it caressing my own. She brushed her tongue along my lips teasingly. I frowned at first, having the tongue of the most beautiful girl, who happens to be your best friend, a girl! Down your throat is weird. But as seconds passed and Sian's soft lips caressed mine, the kiss grew more heated and I found myself enjoying the feeling Sian was giving me. I don't know how long the kiss lasted, all I know is that I lost the sense of reality, even though she tasted of vodka I couldn't get tired of her flavor. The feeling of joy that everwhelmed my body…I wasn't even aware of the low temperature of January in our little dresses, I didn't feel lost anymore. Those days I didn't feel myself, I felt as if my life was going nowhere, with no destination, but that tongue showed me what real life is, and I wasn't willing to lose it. Therefore, I realised that weeks before this nonsense started with just a meaningless dare.