THE ONE WITH ALL THE INTRODUCTIONS

4th September 2022

I've only been back to school four-freaking-days and already the sadistic, cruel, malevolent, brutal, malicious Nazis (or teachers as some people like to call them) are polluting my mind with their evil ideas of 'revision' and 'homework.'

So anyway, I am going to stand strong against their attempt at an evil dictatorship, where everyone does their homework like good little boys and girls, and I am going to rebel. Instead, I am now beginning, (wait for it…) ' The Incredibly Amazing and Wonderfully Interesting and Just Totally Bloody Brilliant Document of the Life of Miss Katherine Annabel Cooper, aged fifteen years, six months and twelve days (approximately), during her Fifth Year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.'

Or in other words, my diary- but the whole title (or TIAWIJTBBDLMKACAFYSMTDDHFYAHSWW for short) is much better than just 'Katie's diary.' Course, that's mainly because 'Katie' is the most ordinary name you could ever have, in like, the entire universe, but also cause of all of those awesome adjectives.

I had to ask Rose and Al to help me with thinking of some, because I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the box (displayed by the fact I'm sitting here writing to you instead of actually doing the mountain of homework sitting on the table in front of me. It's also displayed by the fact that that I just referred to a notebook as 'you.' For God's sake, it's only the start of term and already I'm going insane- I'm actually talking to my bloody diary!)

Well, yeah, anyway, I was asking Rosie-Posie and dear Albus some words to describe something great, and then, of course, PratBoy and his little minions saunter by.

Then, King Prat (also known as Al's darling elder brother) says, 'You want a word for something great, Cooper? I can give you one: James Potter II.'

The even more ridiculous thing is he actually says 'the second.' Like he actually thinks he is a King. Asshole.

So anyway, then I of course, retorted, 'Uh that's more than one word, Moron.'

Al then backed me up by laughing and saying, 'Well, Jamesie dearest always did have some trouble counting up any further than two.'

At this, The Git reaches over and starts hitting him, and they start like play-fighting and just being annoying boys and me and Rose roll our eyes and go back to work. Well, she goes back to her potions essay, and I go back to writing in this.

I swear, sometimes I think the eldest Potter child (or The Git as I call him: I can't even bear to say that thing's name) was adopted or else is actually Al's mum's secret love child with like, Satan or something, and all the evilness of The Devil overpowered Mrs Potter's niceness, and just created this Demon Child- ie. The Git. See, it's just him that I don't like: the rest of the Potter family are really nice and of course, his brother Al is actually one of my best friends. PratBoy just seems to think that because he is Harry Potter's son and because he is really good at Quidditch and is really smart and loads of girls think he is really hot (god knows why-he's a prick!) that he can just swan around the corridors like he is the King of the place! If there's one thing I can't stand, its arrogance, especially if the person is not only arrogant, but also bloody rude to me All The Time and treats me like dirt on the ground and does his very best to piss me off every single time he freaking sees me!

But ANYWAY, I am not gonna dwell on such disgusting matters as the subject of HIM, so yeah, I'm Katie, as you already know, and I'm a witch and I go to Hogwarts. Its amazing. Not. Well, its probably better than the Muggle school I would have had had to have gone to if it weren't for the whole being a witch thing, but its still school, with homework, teachers, detention and some seriously annoying people.

But there is also some very nice people like my best friends Rose Weasley and Albus Potter, who are, yes, all famous in the wizarding world for being spawn of the almighty Golden Trio gasps in shock but no, just because we're all in Gryffindor, and those two have like, super-famous parents, does not mean we are gonna turn out to be the new Trio or anything cue disappointed sigh.

God, no. For one, I have no idea how the hell I got into a house where supposedly 'dwell the brave of heart' or whatever- I am like, the biggest wimp to walk the earth, and if Voldemort happened to like, rise again or something, and I met him, I would probably just cry then run for my Nana.

Rosie would probably call him a git, then like kick him in the shins, or slap him or something, and Al would like try to be all reasonable and sort things out. He's always doing that, our Al, trying to sort out fights; he's the peacemaker in our little group. Albus Potter is what I, in my Northern Irish way, call 'a wee dote.' Which basically means he is one of the sweetest, kindest, nicest people you will ever meet- the boy literally, cannot hurt a fly. I love Al to bits (in a completely platonic way) and he is one of the best friends a girl could have- loyal almost to a fault, always there for you and funny as hell. Rose, on the other hand, has pretty much as different a personality to Al as you could get- she's loud, argumentative and could talk the hind legs off a donkey if she tried. She's a kickass friend though- she's got a wicked, sarcastic sense of humour and, same as her cousin, she's very loyal, and her big mouth comes in useful sometimes when she jumps in to defend me. She does have a quieter side though, more vulnerable, and is great for a girly gossip, and always cheers me up when I'm sad. Basically, the one thing I can always rely on is those two.

Me, I guess I'm a little mixed- I have a horrible temper, and when certain people know how to push my buttons, and they get me pissed off, I really let loose. When I'm mad, arguments between me and the idiot-who-annoyed-me usually turn into screaming matches until Al or sometimes Rosie calms me down. Otherwise though, I'm usually quite shy, especially around new people and most people at school just know me as Rose and Al's friend, or that ginger girl who is always arguing with the eldest Potter kid (again, I can't bear to say it's name).

Yeah, I'm redheaded by the way, though more a dark reddy-brown, auburn colour than the flaming orange of most of the Weasleys (apart from Rosie that is- she inherited her mum's brown curls.) I'm pretty much the only redhead in the school not related to the infamous wizarding family, and even though my hair is more auburn than anything, certain prats insist on calling me 'ginger' despite the fact that half of the stupid moron's own family are freaking 'ginger' so where does he get off treating it like an insult when he calls me it?! Stupid asshole. Anyway, the less said about certain idiots who annoy the hell out of me, the better.

So yeah, I have red hair, blue eyes and I'm skinny and tall. See those last two things, I know a lot of girls would love- imagine being tall and slim and never having to worry about your weight, and all that crap that some girls actually believe. See, I eat like a horse okay, but never gain an ounce and It Drives Me Insane.

I basically have the figure of a really tall 12 year old boy, which is just so attractive (not.) I'm also, like I said, bloody tall for a girl- about 5"10- and since I have this thing where I always want the guy to be taller than the girl in a relationship, I have to find this really tall guy who wants to fall in love with a flat chested ginger with a fierce temper and stupid boring blue eyes, who is afraid of like everything, yet is in Gryffindor, and is a witch, which could scare the crap out of a lot of muggles (ie. half the world's population.) And oh yeah, I'm muggleborn, which doesn't matter to some, but even despite the whole Voldemort thing, and good winning and evil dying and all, there are still some racist bigots at my school who think I'm scum. So basically, I may as well go around with a big sign attached to my head saying, 'I will never find a boyfriend.'

Anyways, I'm gonna go to bed; avoiding doing my homework and ranting about stupid prats tires me out.