Author's note: AU fic, some Scott-bashing of a silly nature. Proper
Author's note follows fic. It's a bit
loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg.
Disclaimer: We don't own the X-Men, Avengers, Fantastic Four, Playboy (Which we don't want), Ben and Jerry's or Coca-cola (yet) and we are not making any profit. We do however own Celeste, Jenny Christopher and Kate and are really sure that anyone else would want them. ;}
"I WANT MY MOMMY!!"
Or when Scott babysat.
"Now you be good for Scott, honey. Mommy and Daddy are going out." Jean Drake kissed her daughter.
"Mommy, can I come?"
"Jenny, you know you can't. It's too late."
"Why can't Unca Remy look after us then? I like Unca Remy, he says funny things."
"Remy's going out tonight. You know Scott is the only one who can look after you."
"Don't like Scott, Mommy, he says scary things."
"Auntie Jean, where's mah Daddy?" Celeste LeBeau came into her friend's bedroom. "Momma's gone to a party wit' Unca Thor 'cause dey're getting married. So where's Daddy? He's meant to be looking after me t'night. He said ah could stay wit' him when Momma goes to live with de Avengers, but ah don't wanna if he's going to keep disappearing."
"Your daddy had to go and see your Grandfather, sweetie." Jean ruffled Celeste's hair. "You two be good for Scott." She left and the two little girls watched her leave the school.
"Your mommy's wrong." Celeste said solemnly "Scott's looking after you an' me an Frankie an' Luna an' Christopher an' de baby. Dat's six of us." Then she grinned wickedly "He's silly. N'body'll look after us all since de time we set fire to the kitchen."
"It was an accident. But it was funny. Cel, I think us oughta be good. The growed ups are still mad at us 'cause we found Scott under the plane."
"O'cause we gonna be good. Ah'm always good. Momma says ah'm a little angel."
Two hours later Scott gazed around the den in confusion. Kate the baby was asleep and the five six year olds were playing in a corner. He wasn't quite sure what they were playing, but it was quiet. Maybe too quiet. He turned around and there was no sign of them. Then he smelt something. It was coming from the kitchen.
In the kitchen Franklin Richards was explaining how to make cookies. "We need flour, eggs, shortening, milk, sugar and chocolate chips." He announced "then we put all the ingredients in a bowl and mix'em up and put the cookies in the oven."
They set to work finding the stuff. Celeste had 'inherited' most of her father's less law abiding skills so she'd climbed up into a cupboard and was passing flour and sugar out. Christopher was putting the ingredients into the bowl. "How much of these things do we need?"
"Well we want lots and lots of cookies so put it all in."
He did, four bags of flour, four bags of white sugar, four bags of brown sugar, 4 dozen eggs, two boxes of cornstarch, several blocks of shortening and a bag of chocolate chips. "There's not enough chocolate in here."
"Put real chocolate in there then."
By the time Scott arrived the whole kitchen was covered with a fine layer of flour and large dollops of cookie mixture. It was full of eggshell and paper from the bag of sugar. The smell was the cookies in the oven. He pulled them out and looked at the burnt blobs that were the cookies. They looked like doggy-dos that had been blasted in a furnace.
"Scott! We made you cookies!"
"What?" he was taken a back.
"Cookies, for you."
"Dontcha like cookies?"
"You kids shouldn't be cooking! You'll burn the house down! Look at the mess! These cookies aren't cookies! They're disasters! I'm not eating them!" he began to regret shouting when the kids all began to cry.
"Mommy! I want my Mommy!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Want mah Momma! Daddddddie!"
"Oh God!"
"Ommmmmmm, you said a naughty word. Gonna tell my Granddaddy on you. An' I'll tell him you were mean." Luna sobbed
"Yeah, an' Luna's Granddaddy'll rip you to pieces wit' his powers an' you'll be dead again an' it'll serve ya right. So dere."
"Mommmmmmmmmie!"
"Ok! Ok! Stop crying and I'll take you to the shop and buy you some cookies. You just have to go and clean up first."
"Ok!"The kids ran to the bathroom and Scott considered what a fine mess he'd gotten himself into. They arrived back in five minutes all clean and tidy. "Let's go!"
"C'n we get Ben an' Jerry's too?"
"Yeah an' some candy?"
"Ah wanna get some popcorn an' some Coke."
"Scott? D'you know why Celeste's Mommy and Daddy don't love each other no more?"
"Dat a lie. Daddy loves Momma, jus' Momma loves Unca Thor more."
"Why do they argue like on Jerry Springer then?"
"Dey don'!"
"Cel's right Jenny, her parents don't argue like on Jerry Springer. It's better when Unca Remy and Auntie Marie fight. They throw things at each other." Scott wondered if he really needed to know all the gory details about Rogue and Gambit's divorce.
"Y'know why they ain't married no more, Scott? Its cause Auntie Marie went off to be a ninja and Unca Remy thought she was dead. And then when she came back she found out he was sleeping with this scary woman. She wasn't happy."
"Momma was scary when she came back from being dead. But not as scary as you." Celeste announced. "An' Tante Belle ain't scary; she jus' psychotic."
When they got to the store Scott wanted a drink, a large alcoholic one. The kids screamed in delight and ran off down the aisles, he went after them and watched in horror as Christopher removed the bottom bottle of Coca-Cola from the pyramid. By some miracle, it didn't collapse. Then he heard Luna "SCOTTTTTTTT! Come quick!"
He hurried to the freezer to see Jenny's legs waving out of the Ben and Jerry's freezer. "She fell in." Luna explained. He got her out and then checking he had all the children left the store. They'd found what they wanted and added it to the cart including popcorn, chocolate chip cookies, triple chocolate muffins, candy, a packet of ice lollies, a packet of Cajun- style prawns and a copy of Playboy. He didn't want to know how they'd gotten hold it. He paid for the lot and got the kids restrained in the back of the people carrier and took them home.
On the long journey back, due to the road works they began to sing 9999 bottles of beer on the wall. They got to 9991 then lost count so they sank "I know a song that'll get on your nerves". It got on his nerves and he shouted at them to shut up. That was a big mistake
"Want my Mommy!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"DADDDDDDDDDDDDDIE! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA!"
"UNCA LOGAN! There's Unca Logan! Stop the car."
"That's not Logan. I want Unca Wolvie."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"You're mean Scott. I want my Mommy."
"Mah Momma's gonna set fire to your pants with her Phoenix powers cause you were mean."
"And my Mommy."
When they got back Scott was close to having a breakdown. They pulled up in the garage and the door to the house opened. Marie LeBeau, Rogue, stood there.
"Momma! Scott's been mean. An' he made Daddy disappear!"
"I want my Mommy!"
"She's coming home soon, sugah. You, ah want a word with you." she stared at Scott. Then gathered up the children. "Lets get you kids to bed first."
"Read me a story, Momma. Please. Daddy always reads me a story."
"Cause ah will, angel. Ah'll read all ya kids one, ok?"
Scott heartily wished he was back in his own reality. Where none of these little monster children existed.
*Ah heard that thought Scott Summers. It was mean. Ah think you an' ah will have a very long chat.*
Author's Note 2:
This is a very odd story Cassandra found on her C-drive from many moons ago. There was originally an extremely long and stupid companion piece in which Cyclops died and was sent to an AU where Magneto had helped Xavier set up the school and Cyclops, Marvel Girl, The Beast, Angel, Iceman, Quicksilver, The Scarlet Witch, Havok, Polaris, Gambit and Rogue were the original class of X-men. Then the Cyclops in the AU died saving Robert Kelly's family. There was lots of other unimportant stuff for this silly fic (which the Author's note is nearly as long as) but the important bits are:
*Rogue never absorbed Miss Marvel, but Cody was a telepath.
*In the Phoenix "incident" Jean Grey became Phoenix, 2nd Generation X-man Psylocke became Dark Phoenix because she was mind-linked to Jean at the time. Xavier used Rogue's own power and Cody's telepathy to stop Dark Phoenix which had the unfortunate side effect of also giving Rogue the Phoenix powers and permently linking her mind to Betsy's.
*Jean and Bobby, Alex and Lorna and Rogue and Gambit got married and had kids.
*When Betsy went AWOL in Japan and swopped bodies/ mixed minds with Kwannon, Rogue was also affected to the degree where she disappeared off to Japan and became a Ninja too.
*Thinking his wife dead Remy took up with Belladonna, Marie found out and is divorcing him.
The rest is pretty much explained in the story. Except Scott is Cyclops from the "Normal" Marvel Universe, so this shouldn't really freak him out too much but that wouldn't be so funny.
Disclaimer: We don't own the X-Men, Avengers, Fantastic Four, Playboy (Which we don't want), Ben and Jerry's or Coca-cola (yet) and we are not making any profit. We do however own Celeste, Jenny Christopher and Kate and are really sure that anyone else would want them. ;}
"I WANT MY MOMMY!!"
Or when Scott babysat.
"Now you be good for Scott, honey. Mommy and Daddy are going out." Jean Drake kissed her daughter.
"Mommy, can I come?"
"Jenny, you know you can't. It's too late."
"Why can't Unca Remy look after us then? I like Unca Remy, he says funny things."
"Remy's going out tonight. You know Scott is the only one who can look after you."
"Don't like Scott, Mommy, he says scary things."
"Auntie Jean, where's mah Daddy?" Celeste LeBeau came into her friend's bedroom. "Momma's gone to a party wit' Unca Thor 'cause dey're getting married. So where's Daddy? He's meant to be looking after me t'night. He said ah could stay wit' him when Momma goes to live with de Avengers, but ah don't wanna if he's going to keep disappearing."
"Your daddy had to go and see your Grandfather, sweetie." Jean ruffled Celeste's hair. "You two be good for Scott." She left and the two little girls watched her leave the school.
"Your mommy's wrong." Celeste said solemnly "Scott's looking after you an' me an Frankie an' Luna an' Christopher an' de baby. Dat's six of us." Then she grinned wickedly "He's silly. N'body'll look after us all since de time we set fire to the kitchen."
"It was an accident. But it was funny. Cel, I think us oughta be good. The growed ups are still mad at us 'cause we found Scott under the plane."
"O'cause we gonna be good. Ah'm always good. Momma says ah'm a little angel."
Two hours later Scott gazed around the den in confusion. Kate the baby was asleep and the five six year olds were playing in a corner. He wasn't quite sure what they were playing, but it was quiet. Maybe too quiet. He turned around and there was no sign of them. Then he smelt something. It was coming from the kitchen.
In the kitchen Franklin Richards was explaining how to make cookies. "We need flour, eggs, shortening, milk, sugar and chocolate chips." He announced "then we put all the ingredients in a bowl and mix'em up and put the cookies in the oven."
They set to work finding the stuff. Celeste had 'inherited' most of her father's less law abiding skills so she'd climbed up into a cupboard and was passing flour and sugar out. Christopher was putting the ingredients into the bowl. "How much of these things do we need?"
"Well we want lots and lots of cookies so put it all in."
He did, four bags of flour, four bags of white sugar, four bags of brown sugar, 4 dozen eggs, two boxes of cornstarch, several blocks of shortening and a bag of chocolate chips. "There's not enough chocolate in here."
"Put real chocolate in there then."
By the time Scott arrived the whole kitchen was covered with a fine layer of flour and large dollops of cookie mixture. It was full of eggshell and paper from the bag of sugar. The smell was the cookies in the oven. He pulled them out and looked at the burnt blobs that were the cookies. They looked like doggy-dos that had been blasted in a furnace.
"Scott! We made you cookies!"
"What?" he was taken a back.
"Cookies, for you."
"Dontcha like cookies?"
"You kids shouldn't be cooking! You'll burn the house down! Look at the mess! These cookies aren't cookies! They're disasters! I'm not eating them!" he began to regret shouting when the kids all began to cry.
"Mommy! I want my Mommy!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Want mah Momma! Daddddddie!"
"Oh God!"
"Ommmmmmm, you said a naughty word. Gonna tell my Granddaddy on you. An' I'll tell him you were mean." Luna sobbed
"Yeah, an' Luna's Granddaddy'll rip you to pieces wit' his powers an' you'll be dead again an' it'll serve ya right. So dere."
"Mommmmmmmmmie!"
"Ok! Ok! Stop crying and I'll take you to the shop and buy you some cookies. You just have to go and clean up first."
"Ok!"The kids ran to the bathroom and Scott considered what a fine mess he'd gotten himself into. They arrived back in five minutes all clean and tidy. "Let's go!"
"C'n we get Ben an' Jerry's too?"
"Yeah an' some candy?"
"Ah wanna get some popcorn an' some Coke."
"Scott? D'you know why Celeste's Mommy and Daddy don't love each other no more?"
"Dat a lie. Daddy loves Momma, jus' Momma loves Unca Thor more."
"Why do they argue like on Jerry Springer then?"
"Dey don'!"
"Cel's right Jenny, her parents don't argue like on Jerry Springer. It's better when Unca Remy and Auntie Marie fight. They throw things at each other." Scott wondered if he really needed to know all the gory details about Rogue and Gambit's divorce.
"Y'know why they ain't married no more, Scott? Its cause Auntie Marie went off to be a ninja and Unca Remy thought she was dead. And then when she came back she found out he was sleeping with this scary woman. She wasn't happy."
"Momma was scary when she came back from being dead. But not as scary as you." Celeste announced. "An' Tante Belle ain't scary; she jus' psychotic."
When they got to the store Scott wanted a drink, a large alcoholic one. The kids screamed in delight and ran off down the aisles, he went after them and watched in horror as Christopher removed the bottom bottle of Coca-Cola from the pyramid. By some miracle, it didn't collapse. Then he heard Luna "SCOTTTTTTTT! Come quick!"
He hurried to the freezer to see Jenny's legs waving out of the Ben and Jerry's freezer. "She fell in." Luna explained. He got her out and then checking he had all the children left the store. They'd found what they wanted and added it to the cart including popcorn, chocolate chip cookies, triple chocolate muffins, candy, a packet of ice lollies, a packet of Cajun- style prawns and a copy of Playboy. He didn't want to know how they'd gotten hold it. He paid for the lot and got the kids restrained in the back of the people carrier and took them home.
On the long journey back, due to the road works they began to sing 9999 bottles of beer on the wall. They got to 9991 then lost count so they sank "I know a song that'll get on your nerves". It got on his nerves and he shouted at them to shut up. That was a big mistake
"Want my Mommy!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"DADDDDDDDDDDDDDIE! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA!"
"UNCA LOGAN! There's Unca Logan! Stop the car."
"That's not Logan. I want Unca Wolvie."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"You're mean Scott. I want my Mommy."
"Mah Momma's gonna set fire to your pants with her Phoenix powers cause you were mean."
"And my Mommy."
When they got back Scott was close to having a breakdown. They pulled up in the garage and the door to the house opened. Marie LeBeau, Rogue, stood there.
"Momma! Scott's been mean. An' he made Daddy disappear!"
"I want my Mommy!"
"She's coming home soon, sugah. You, ah want a word with you." she stared at Scott. Then gathered up the children. "Lets get you kids to bed first."
"Read me a story, Momma. Please. Daddy always reads me a story."
"Cause ah will, angel. Ah'll read all ya kids one, ok?"
Scott heartily wished he was back in his own reality. Where none of these little monster children existed.
*Ah heard that thought Scott Summers. It was mean. Ah think you an' ah will have a very long chat.*
Author's Note 2:
This is a very odd story Cassandra found on her C-drive from many moons ago. There was originally an extremely long and stupid companion piece in which Cyclops died and was sent to an AU where Magneto had helped Xavier set up the school and Cyclops, Marvel Girl, The Beast, Angel, Iceman, Quicksilver, The Scarlet Witch, Havok, Polaris, Gambit and Rogue were the original class of X-men. Then the Cyclops in the AU died saving Robert Kelly's family. There was lots of other unimportant stuff for this silly fic (which the Author's note is nearly as long as) but the important bits are:
*Rogue never absorbed Miss Marvel, but Cody was a telepath.
*In the Phoenix "incident" Jean Grey became Phoenix, 2nd Generation X-man Psylocke became Dark Phoenix because she was mind-linked to Jean at the time. Xavier used Rogue's own power and Cody's telepathy to stop Dark Phoenix which had the unfortunate side effect of also giving Rogue the Phoenix powers and permently linking her mind to Betsy's.
*Jean and Bobby, Alex and Lorna and Rogue and Gambit got married and had kids.
*When Betsy went AWOL in Japan and swopped bodies/ mixed minds with Kwannon, Rogue was also affected to the degree where she disappeared off to Japan and became a Ninja too.
*Thinking his wife dead Remy took up with Belladonna, Marie found out and is divorcing him.
The rest is pretty much explained in the story. Except Scott is Cyclops from the "Normal" Marvel Universe, so this shouldn't really freak him out too much but that wouldn't be so funny.