Yeah, just because something's free doesn't mean you have to like it. I don't like school, and that's free-but I'm not ungrateful, don't get me wrong-you've just got to see what I go through at school.

You see I don't talk at school, talking signifies a friend; or something like that. I don't need attachments, because I'm not stable. I can't tell people my secrets, and expect them to not go tell someone.

Do I need help?

Of coarse, but everyone needs help, so I must be normal. I don't want it though, you can't force someone into something that they don't want…well actually you can, but it's kinda ya know illegal.

The only reason I've been living in Forks, Washington for these three months is for my Mom…and my physical health. Living in Forks means I'm the head chief's daughter, which means I can't screw up. To some that pressure may be their downfall, for me it will only keep my sane. So smoking is out of the picture, so my pretty clear lighter sits in my panty drawer all alone. The only thing it's been good for lately is for protecting my heart, which of coarse is a figure of speech.

The teachers have tried calling on me in class, but they finally gave up after the first few weeks. I would too if the student just stared at you with empty eyes. If I need a pass I just hand it to them, and they sign.

The lunch ladies don't get it though, they still ask me everyday why I only get my pink lemonade.

But will I ever reply?

Nope…

Frowning I notice my teacher-Mr.Williams-isn't around. Glancing in Jessica's-the school gossiper-says aloud, "I heard he quite, and that like our new teacher is fucking hot. Apparently he's like only 20 or something." Her friend Lauren-who's equally just as bad-giggles and they continue talking nonsense.

Do I envy them?

Not really, because I'm not that type of person. It's just too much work to be jealous of someone, and plus I don't like it. It's what drives countries insane, and I'm just average Bella.

Sin can be deadly-but I'm not a preacher-but I'm not saying theirs no God either. But I believe that were all too small to talk to the big cheese, like we don't get his big picture yet…we may never know what or who he is. He's the painter. He chooses everything, I just happened to be one of the people that suffer in the shadows of his masterpiece. Is that fair? I don't know really…

But why should I?

Yeah, the pain that my body holds can be unbarring, but I bet if I sat down and talked to you that you wouldn't understand.

Of coarse my life outside of Forks, Washington looked perfect probably, but it wasn't. Just like any family my house held secrets. Dirty rotten secrets that would make any good living creature cringe in disgust.

I'd probably get the biggest pity party if you knew the lies that I've told to keep my Mother happy.

But she's the child, and I've become the adult.

It's almost as if I run my own life now, but in a way I'm the one shredding it to bits…

Have you ever noticed how when you paint a picture in your art class-or where ever you are-that sometimes the little pieces of the brush fall away?

It's almost like that's someone letting go of the world, and once it's all gone you go buy a new one and the cycle starts all over again.

It's kinda funny-in a sick twisted way-but I don't want to be another paint brush…but I don't think it can be stopped now.

Because you know what?

My pieces are already falling out from under me. And I've started giving up. I'll always be Bella, and the world will always be a paint brush in someone's hands…

A/N: So the comparison just came of the paint brush and the world came when I was doing my art project (so there's no need to ask where I came up with that now…).

I want everyone to understand three things:

1). Hopefully, Bella is coming off-and will continue to come off-as a deep teenager.

2). Bella is a struggling teen that is drowning in her depression (you'll find out why later), but you're going to have to wait until next chapter, or maybe the one after that to see Edward.

3). I won't update until I get at least 10 reviews each chapter.

So hopefully, I've gotten some fans from this fan fic.

This was just the prologue people!

Enjoy reading future chapters…

Open comments are welcome, and so are suggestions…

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:)