A Night in December
#16 Gardenia:"I love you in secret"
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
At my side my comrade lies in his bed watching the dark.
A cold wind presses chilly on the world.
It is the night of a Christmas day, a night in December,
We watch each other noting how time passes.
- On the Fourth Night of a Hunger Strike, Martin Carter
Shikamaru made his way through the trees slowly, pausing every few minutes to make sure that he wasn't being followed. He had been travelling for quite some time now and the sounds of battle had finally faded into the distance. It was chilly tonight and he hugged his jounin vest closer to him, trying to get what little warmth it could provide.
He stumbled then, as his foot got caught in a half exposed tree root and he grabbed a tree branch to steady himself. He tensed as the branch let out a loud groan, waiting for a movement, expecting to see a kunai whiz past his face any moment. Nothing happened.
He started forward again, eyes to the ground - he had to be more careful. He might be away from the battle but there could still be enemies in these woods. He had only taken about two steps when a long, slender arm wrapped itself around his neck and then cold steel touched his flesh.
'Crap!' This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid.
Then his captor spoke, close to his ear, in cool, silky tones, "Identify yourself. Now," she demanded, pressing the kunai deeper into his skin.
Shikamaru had been formulating a plan of attack against the shinobi until she spoke and he recognized her voice, even after all this time. "Temari?"
"Nara?" she responded, sounding equally surprised. Suddenly her face, teal eyes narrowed and suspicious, appeared close - too close - to his own. It remained there for a few seconds as she searched his face, checking to see if it was indeed him, then she moved back, smirking slightly, "It is you. It's been a long time, Shikamaru."
He nodded dumbly, still reeling from the shock of having her so close to him - how troublesome that after all this time, she could still excite this reaction from him - and unwittingly too.
"Are you alone?" She asked, eyes already scanning the shadows around them.
He nodded, then cleared his throat, trying to find his voice, "Yeah. I got separated from my squad."
She glanced back at him sharply, disapproval evident in her gaze. "Well, follow me then," she said, turning and walking away.
He followed her to a small clearing in the trees. His eyes automatically swept the area - there was a small fire in the centre of the clearing and a pack next to a log situated near to the fire. Other than that, the place was empty. He raised an eyebrow - so she was alone as well? No surprise there.
She sat down on the log, then turned her piercing gaze back to him - he was still standing on the fringes of the clearing. "Well, what are you waiting for - an invitation? Sit down."
Frowning a little at her tone, he moved further into the clearing, then sat down, leaning against an old tree trunk.
"Aren't you cold?" she asked, frowning slightly, "You're sitting so far from the fire."
He shook his head, even though she had a point, "I'm good here." This spot gave him a chance to watch her without her noticing since surely she couldn't see his eyes from where she was.
"Are you hungry?" Temari asked, scrutinizing him as best she could from her position, "You look like you haven't eaten in days."
He shrugged, "Just two or three. I'm all right - you can keep your food."
She looked him up and down once again, then rummaged through her pack and removed a brown paper bag which then proceeded to chuck at his head. "Eat - I think you need it more than I do."
He caught it and dug almost immediately - after all, if she insisted, who was he to refuse?
She remained silent for a few minutes, watching him, then continued, "I heard that the Leaf's taken on some losses. Is that true?"
He froze, shutting his eyes tightly as face after face flashed through his mind. When he finally looked up at her, his eyes were cold and his tone detached, "Well, this is a war. We've all suffered casualties."
Her eyes softened and she looked down, sighing as she said, "That's true."
They lapsed into silence on that somber note, Shikamaru focusing on finishing his first meal in three days and Temari keeping watch. As he ate, Shikamaru looked back at her, watching her as discreetly as he could.
She was seated in the same position she'd been in at the hospital after the failed rescue mission, legs crossed, hands on her knees, eyes keen and alert. Her clothes were dirty and torn and there were a number of cuts and bruises littering her body...and yet she was still beautiful, even with one of her ponytails in danger of collapsing.
She turned her head and caught him, raising an eyebrow ever so slightly in question.
He balled up the bag, having long finished and opened his mouth (to explain perhaps?) and then the words were out and he asked her a question he'd been pondering on and off for quite some time, "Temari, did you ever," he shrugged then to downplay the question's importance, "have any sort of feelings for me?"
She tilted her head, the smirk returning, "What - you mean, besides irritation?"
He frowned, narrowing his eyes, "I'm serious."
She sobered then, narrowing her own eyes (in annoyance? in confusion? He couldn't tell.) "Why do you want to know?"
He yawned, using the perpetual sign of indifference, "It just crossed my mind."
She held his gaze steadily for a moment, then looked away, "Then it won't matter if I don't answer, will it?"
He couldn't respond of course, didn't want her to know how much it meant to him so he shrugged and looked back down at the bag still in his hands, wondering silently why she refused to respond.
All was silent again and several minutes passed with the only sounds in the forest the howling of the wind and the creaking of tree branches. Finally, Temari spoke, "Look I'm setting off for the border in two hours - if I were you, I'd get some rest."
She hadn't even asked if he was returning to Konoha - just assumed and taken command. He frowned as he leaned his head against the tree trunk and closed his eyes - she never changed, this one, still bossy as ever.
It didn't take him long to drift off - he was exhausted after all. Although he didn't get very much rest, what with Temari worming her way into all of his dreams.
Two hours later, Temari shook him awake. Frowning, he rose to his feet, trying to shake off the drowsiness. 'Strange,' he thought, 'that it seems darker now.' Then he realized that the fire was out.
He looked around, only mildly surprised to see that not only was the fire out but the log had been repositioned and all of her things packed. The clearing had practically been erased of their presence. He nodded approvingly.
"Are you ready?" Temari was standing at the edge of the clearing, watching him, a hint of impatience in her expression.
He nodded and they took to the trees, travelling just a few feet apart. They travelled in silence, fearful of speaking and alerting any enemy ninja that might be lurking nearby.
Finally they reached the border of Fire Country and it was time for them to part ways. Shikamaru opened his mouth, about to thank her when she spoke. "Once."
He frowned, forehead creasing in confusion, "Once?"
She rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh (as if it was his fault he didn't know what she was talking about), then explained, "Once, I entertained the thought of a relationship with you. Not for very long, though," she added quickly.
He frowned, "Why are you telling me this now?"
"You asked."
"You said you didn't want to answer before."
She shrugged, "I changed my mind."
"Any particular reason?" he asked, frowning a little as he looked at her.
She looked away for a few minutes, then glanced back at him, "'We've all suffered casualties.'"
His eyes widened and he nodded to show that he'd understood, "This is a war."
Temari nodded, "Exactly. So I figured you should know."
He met her eyes, watched her for a long moment, "We could have worked something out."
She shook her head, "I didn't want that. With you, I wanted something...concrete and that wasn't going to happen."
"Something concrete?" he repeated.
She nodded, then walked forward until she was right in front of him. She considered him silently, then raised her hand to his face but didn't actually touch him.
"Good-bye Nara," she said quietly before turning and walking away, without so much as a glance over her shoulder.
He watched her go (let her go), wondering if perhaps she was right, if they couldn't have had something 'concrete'. Sighing as he turned around and started to make his way back to the Hidden Leaf, Shikamaru realized that now they'd never really know.
A/N: This is kind of, sort of but not really an alternate version of This is the Dark Time, My Love. I rewrote this so many times, it had so many different endings but I finally decided on this one. Personally, I don't think this story's that great but I wanted to write one where they don't end up together. Feel free to tell me what you think - be honest (but please, not brutal). Thanks for reading. Maki