Disclaimer-Sadly I do not own One Direction..
People say you never know a good thing till it's gone. I can honestly say now I am one of those people. But just for the record, I won't ever be admitting it out loud. Ever. Glancing once more at the clock, I knew that my time was running up short. Yes now time seemed to be going faster, and that's when my panic started to set in. Running was the only solution I ever had to well..everything. Confrontation was never my strongest suit, yes I admit it I'm a huge coward.
Honestly people, in real life I highly doubt we're as brave as they make us out to be in those stories. But we can all hope right? Okay maybe not, maybe it's just me. Where was I again? Oh right, running. The only thing is I knew I couldn't run from this, not now, not after all this time. How I wish I could just jump into a time machine; go back change it all. Everything.
Sighing which I found myself doing a lot in the last 5 minutes, I ran a shaking hand through my hair. I couldn't stop moving, even if my life depended on it. It was a bad habit, whenever I'm nervous. Example A-now. Again I looked at the clock, ticking by. The sound of the second hand sounded to me as if it was taunting me. Or maybe was that my heartbeat? I knew that any minute now, hell any second he would walk right through the door. And what would I do? Say? Sitting down wasn't helping, taking a deep breath I stood shakily to my feet. A slight throbbing came from my head, my hands started to get clammy; sweaty. Gross, hastily I wiped them on the back of my jeans. Ha! Like that helped.
Voices was what I heard. I froze, like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. I couldn't move, breathe, think. My whole thought process was wiped clean. I even momentarily forgot where I was. But I was still in the hotel room, waiting for him-well no not waiting. Of course you're waiting you moron, why else would you be sititng here doing nothing. I thought bitterly to myself. Well this was it, it was time to face the music. The voices were now directly on the other side of the door. ShitI feel like throwing up, my heart was beating so fast it felt like my whole body was throbbing.
You can do, just face him, what's the worse that could happen? Everything. Finally the door swung open, he entered his back to me as he shut the door. But only him, this was good. Though now that he was here just a mere couple feet away I wished the others had joined him. After what felt like a lifetime he turned around. No matter how many times I looked at him, he always managed to make me feel how I did the first time I met him. God that seemed like ages ago. I saw him lift the corner of his mouth slightly. He hadn't moved an inch from the door, nor had I from the couch.
He cleared his throat, the sound loud but low, just like his voice. The sound made my heart skip a beat. God this was going to be hard. He didn't even have to say a single word and it already added to my bundle of nervous.
"Hey." I breathed out, literally, it sounded more like a high pitched sigh. Get a freakin grip. I crossed my arms over my chest, as if I was trying to keep myself composed.
"Hello." He replied back, his voice smooth and low like usual. His tone didn't give anything away.
"How are you?"
"Really, you're asking me how I am?" He asked, raising a mocking eyebrow at me. Great now he sounded pissed.
"Uh..I guess, ya.." I muttered quietly, looking away from him. I was never one to maintain eye contact. So instead I took to staring at my feet, I heard him sigh heavily. I could picture him running a hand through his unruly hair.
"Fine." He finally repsonded. It was an obvious lie. Was this what we had finally come to? We could barely say more than a sentence to each other. My mind wondered to all those late conversations we had. If you would call them conversations, we were always fighting. Never would we agree on a simple thing. We were literally bipolar opposites. Like ying and yang.
"I-uh-I just wanted to-"
"What apologized?" He snapped, his tone cold and harsh. It like a punch in the gut. Completely winding me, I felt that annoying tingling feeling. Don't cry, don't cry. I repeated mentally to myself.
"Mhmm." I said horsely, I didn't trust myself to say a word.
Harry looked at me with that same scrutinzing stare. I hated those, it seemed like he was only looking right through me.
"I clearly remember you saying when we first met, that you don't do apologies". He said puting air quotes around 'apologies'.
"People can change you know." I shot back, my voice sounding off the walls. Louder then I wanted. "I truely am sorry." I managed to take a couple steps forward, I wasn't sure what I was doing.
"Right." He sounded sarcastic, I couldn't blame him. "How do I know this isn't another lie?"
"You don't, you just have to trust me here." Now I was right infront of him, within touching distance. Though we didn't move, we just stood there.
"I dunno Ray." He breathed out looking past me to the wall behind me. I knew that was what his answer was. I bit my lip, nodding my head quickly. He nervously glanced down at me. Worried that I would start yelling at him. But that was never my thing. "Look it's just.." He trailed off, like he didn't know how to explain. But he didn't have to, no words were needed. I knew exactly what he meant, and deep down I knew he knew too. That was thing that I liked so much about him. We didn't need words, we just understood each other. Yes opposites, but we got each other. "Do you regret-"
I cut him off abruptly. "No, I don't, you?" He just shook his head. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I brushed past him to the door. I saw his hand left hand had twitched slightly as my right hand brushed his. But he didn't grab hold. He let me leave.
Once the door closed shut behind me, I let out a breath. My throat was tightening. Quickly I walked down the halls, to the elevators.
So this was where it ended, it was the end, well for us at least. Looking back I thought about how much we had been through. It was truely one indescribable thing we had. I still don't know if I could call it a relationship. I guess you could to a certain extent. Harry and I had our ups, and downs, just like a roller coaster ride. A ride that was just for us alone to ride. I had his back, and he made mine. Falling for him had never crossed my mind, till I actually did. But, just like Harry he was there to catch me. Only it wasn't enough, at least for me. That was my one flaw, I couldn't settle down. Conmitment scared me senseless. Breaking his heart though? Never, I never planned on doing that. Cause truely; honestly I loved him too much to do something like that. I guess though unintenionally I did. That's what I regret.
Would I ever regret being with him? Sharing those amazingly, crazy moments with him? Would I ever regret how he could and always would leave me breathless? No. Never. I could never regret someone who could make me smile. And that's just what he did.
I just hope he finds someone that can do exactly the same thing for him. I'll always love him, I won't deny that. Cause you know what they say, you never truely forget your first love. And that my friend is true. Was Harry ever truely mine you ask? No, no he wasn't. Cause somehow I missed out on that chance, maybe if I could replay that night over. If only I didn't say those things I said, did. Then maybe, just maybe he really could've been..if only I wasn't scared.
(A/N) Yup there it is! So did you like it? I love to get feedback; if I get enough comments I just might make a story out of this. :D We'll see though, but please do review, I'll try my best to repond back.