Notes: Takes place Season 2-ish.

Airborne Acrobatics

Toph privately thought that a lot of Zuko's anger issues had more to do with being continually shown up by a twelve year old and less with eternal banishment, lost honor, his missing mother, psychotic sister and evil father, and several years of pent up sexual tension.

Yeah, that probably explained it.

"I don't know, young Toph," Iroh stroked his beard sagely. Toph, meanwhile, busied herself with cleaning the horse shit from between her toes. "If he feels that he is not taken seriously, Zuko is liable to..."

"Have a hissy," Toph substituted with a snort, "Yeah, no kidding. But c'mon, we're dealing with Zuko, not Azula. You give the kid something and he blows it up."

Iroh sipped his tea. He didn't really have anything to counter that. Zuko was a good kid really, he was just...going through a phase. It was all just a phase.

God, he hoped so.

"Right, I'll ask Aang," Toph bounded to her feet, brushing down her pants,
"See you later, old guy. Time to work my feminine wiles."

Iroh hid a smile as the little one tramped down the hill.

"Yo, twinkle toes," Toph kicked the unfortunate boy in the head. Aang moaned.

"Oh, God. Please, please let Katara come save me."

"Zuko's bathing in a stream less than a mile away," Toph informed him, "She's long gone."

Aang sat up. "Zuko? Bathing? What?"

"Yes." Toph enunciated carefully, "Zuko is naked and wet in the moonlight. Unfortunately, all the good seats were taken. And I'm blind."

Aang rubbed his eyes blearily, "Can I just defeat the fire lord already?" he muttered into his hands, "A forced-upon destiny already kind of sucks, but all the hormones are making this into some kind of a nightmare."

"Shoulda stayed in the iceberg," Toph advised without a trace of sympathy, "Speaking of hormones, your rival in love is about to get it on with your woman. Now, O Great Avatar, what will you do?"

Aang blinked, still half asleep, before everything suddenly processed, "Wait. You left Katara alone with Zuko?! He could...he could kill her!"

Toph treated him to a highly sarcastic look, "Trust me. That is the least of your problems."

Aang leapt to his feet, "Katara! Crap!"

"WAIT!" Toph grabbed him by the back of his pants, "I think I see your problem. You need to show some vulnerability! Try losing."

"Uh." Aang's voice was highly skeptical. Toph was sure that he was looking at her as if she were a crazy person, "Yeah. But, y'know, if I lose, I get fried."

"Be creative," Toph advised, kicking him bodily from the campsite.
"Be selective of where you get burned. Remember, Katara's going to be the one healing you! Wait—no, you moron! Don't put your shirt on! Now go!"

Toph watched Aang's confused shamble as he scurried away with great satisfaction.

Momo chattered in fear, before darting away into the dark forests, and safety.

Sokka whimpered, clutching his boomerang more tightly to his chest, "Momo! Don't leave me alone with her!"

Toph grinned.