I, while writing another fic, for some reason had an urge to listen to "Don't Fear the Reaper", and then I had the urge to find the fic I'd read involving it, and while searching for it (The one I was thinking of, incidentally is Lucillia's "Flying Away", story 6236910 on ffnet), it occurred to me that the wizards might be horrified by my searching for "voldemort". So, this was born. The characters (and other possessions of other people) don't belong to me, and there is a very tiny self-insertion.

(P.S: If you did not recognize the irrelevant reference in the summary copy, the space-time crack was an overarching story element that kept tying disparate episodes of Doctor Who together in New Who's Fifth Season (which, silly me, I have yet to finish viewing), with the Eleventh Doctor and Amy Pond)

There was a collective gasp round the PC, excepting Harry and Dumbledore.

And then there was a brief click, and the sound of a couple of keys being depressed, and there was another collective gasp, this one more intense than the first, and accompanied by a puzzled grimace (I mean that facial expression where you kind of screw up your face, not that weird purple McDonald's mascot) on the part of Dumbledore and Harry.

Hermione, who was manning the keyboard and mouse, was too busy reading some messy and somewhat cryptic notes some relative of hers had left about what she was supposed to be looking for to really notice, but her next gesture was greeted with horror by the wizards—too many of them really—crowded around the small glowing screen.

"No, 'Mione!" exclaimed Ron, covering his eyes.

"No, Hermione, stop typing…his name!" Arthur Weasley exclaimed in horror.

But Hermione pressed the Enter key.

Luna tilted her head puzzledly and frowned at the screen. "I didn't know you could buy Voldemort on EBay. What's EBay, anyway?"

"Don't say the name!" Trelawney gasped, fainting and falling right onto Flitwick and Sprout, who had not managed to get prime vantage points in the struggle to see the screen.

"This is one of the reasons why wizards shouldn't use computers." Professor McGonagall spoke, dignified as always, but seemingly horrified. "It isn't a good idea for students to be able to search for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named on Google or EBay, or on Fanf-fanction, whatever that was."

Harry actually gasped, though Hermione chuckled silently, at the next page. "This person, this handschuhmaus, has more than seventy-five mentions of Voldemort on their page! They might be a Death Eater, for all that they talk about him."

"Ooh, look!" said Hermione, navigating around the page with deft clicks of the maus… er, mouse. "Here's a story about Doctor Who and you, Harry!"

At this, the distractible wizards were easily derailed onto questions about the individual they soon learned was an alien who traveled around in a blue box and seemingly forgot about how easy it was to search for Voldemort on the World Wide Web…

FIN...?