Title: A Change in Regulation Uniform

Rating: T for language

Summary: In which the continuum is disrupted; Voldemort changes the Death Eater's raid robes, and has an obsession with rainbows. Just as cracky as it sounds . T for mild language.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter et al. belongs to J.K Rowling, while the plot of this…thing, belongs to me. No idea who Nyan Cat belongs to.

Warnings: Crack!fic, completely broken continuums, ignores at least HBP and DH. A little Voldie/Nagini/(Harry) insinuation, but nothing's really there.

Author Notes: This has been kicking around my notebook for a while-with accompanying sketches!- and it's late, and I had the sudden urge to write something. Of course, I didn't choose to write something productive, like my English essay, but this thing. Beware, this is in dialogue-only format.

"Wormtail!"

"Ye-yes, my mas-master?"

"I need your arm; we're having a meeting."

"M-m-may I ask wh-why, master?"

"No you may not! Crucio!"

"Ah!"

"Thank you for your assistance, Wormtail."

"I-I-it was m-m-m-my ple-pleasure, master."

"Now, my loyal followers, we are gathered here today for a very important reason."

"Have you captured Potter?"

"No, Lucius, it's not because we have captured Potter."

"Are you finally going to marry me?"

"Bellatrix, we've talked about this before. You're already married and, frankly, you repulse me greatly."

"Did you fix the leaky faucet upstairs?"

"Fix the-We have a leaky faucet! Wormtail! Why didn't you inform me of this! Crucio! Go get a Mighty Magical Maintenance Man, you pathetic excuse for a rat!"

"Are you pregnant with our secret love-child?"

"Nagini, that's supposed to stay between us. Go wait in our bed for me."

"Have you discovered how to grow your hair back?"

"Sadly, no...Severus! Get on that!"

"Yes, master...bloody buggering great snake that you are."

"What, Severus?"

"Nothing, master."

"Did you spontaneously decide to end the war and subsequently elope with Dumbledore?"

"I will not even dignify that with a Crucio, Carrow. Now that you've all shut your blithering gobs, it's time for my announcement. I have decided to make a change to our regulation uniform-"

"M-"

"Yes, Bellatrix, you still have to wear it. Especially around me."

"As I was saying, I've made a few changes..."

"What the bloody buggering hell are you wearing, Snape?"

"These are the Dark Lord's idea of appropriate raid robes, Potter."

"But-but- they're rainbow-colored!"

"And sparkly, yes, I know. It seems his latent, flaming homosexuality was reawakened after one too many propositions from Bellatrix."

"Still... You know what? This could be great for the Order. For one, all the Death Eaters will look like sparkling fairies on the battlefield, making them much easier to capture-"

"Thank you Potter, for comforting me in my time of great need. If you would hurry up? I need to burn these robes before anyone else sees me."

"Put a sock in it, Snape. And two, if Voldemort- don't flinch! Be a man! Well, as much of a man as you can be in those robes. So, if Voldemort has this much of a fascination with rainbows, how do you think he'll react to, say, Nyan Cat?"

"Potter, that is sadly the best thought-out strategy you've ever come up with. Let's get started."

"Harry?"

"Yes, Voldemort?"

"I love you; I love rainbows; I love cats. Everything is good."

" Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan"

"Glad to hear that, Voldie. Let's go find Nagini and have some fun."

And everything was LVHP and nothing hurt.

Thanks for reading! Please, drop a comment about what you though of this; whether you found it funny or not, if there were any glaring mistakes, or anything else.