Days Gone By

by Chibi Envy Chan

Forced to attend therapy, Tifa must write in a journal three times, but this time, she writes about her past with a certain blue eyed blond. Will he return her affection or is she too late? unrequited CloTi, m/m relationship

Title: Days Gone By

Author: Chibi Envy Chan

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Forced to attend therapy, Tifa must write in a journal three times, but this time, she writes about her past with a certain blue eyed blond. Will he return her affection or is she too late?

Warning: m/m relationship, one sided Tifa/Cloud, unbeta-ed version

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any of the character except her therapist.

I'm supposed to be writing a paper about my thoughts everyday, but I don't know what to write. My thoughts range from running the bar to taking care of the kids. They're still young and impressionable. I try hard to take care of them, but it's hard managing my bar and keeping track of two very active children. Sometimes, I wonder if they're eating rocket fuel by the way they're running around. However, it's nice to see them acting their age.

My business is doing well. Ever since the general public discovered that I own it and the other Avalanche members frequent it, I've had more customers than ever. While the numbers has increased steadily, I haven't had much time to find outside help. The others help out when they can, but they come and go. They're really nice and considerate even Barret. He's such a pushover when it comes to his adoptive daughter. No one believes she's his daughter when they first look at her. Many people find it quite strange, but I don't. I guess I'm used to it by now. He's still searching for an alternative energy source. Some people suggest harnessing the bolt materia, but it's not enough. They need a renewable source of energy.

Marlene, she reminds me so much of Aerith in not only looks but in temperament. They both have a fondness of wildlife and flowers as well as cherish life. Her favorite color is pink, which doesn't surprise me. If I didn't know any better, I'd have to say she was a clone of Aerith or reincarnation, but that's just silly. We know her parents died, leaving her in the care of Barret. I hope she grows up to be whatever she wants to be. Thankfully, her adoptive father supports her no matter what. Well, I doubt he'd be happy if she decides to join ShinRa especially the Turks.

Vincent has stopped by recently for a short visit. He was in the neighborhood so he dropped by to see how we were doing and even brought a couple of toys for the kids. Isn't it nice of him? He can be nice when he wants to be though I suspect there is a meaning behind his gift. For Denzel, he gave a toy motorcycle. No, it's not the ones where he can ride it. This is a miniature version. As for Marlene, she received a golden colored, stuffed chocobo.

Red XIII or Nanaki hasn't visited for awhile, but I don't blame him. He lives far away and doesn't have a fast transportation. Plus, people tend to stare at him. I admit I did at first, but then I got used to him and saw past his for leggedness. He has a wicked sense of humor and at the same time, wiser than any human I know, save my sensei.

Cid's been well… he's being himself. He still has his dreams of going into outer space, but without the funding or materials, his chances are slim. Traveling as a group, we have made quite a bit of money though it's not enough for him to use on his rocket ship. The parts are expensive enough, and Shera insists on the extensive testing. Last time, Cid nearly killed himself as the oxygen tank was faulty. I wonder if he still blames her for it. In any case, I doubt he'll be doing much traveling. I heard he's engaged and the mayor of Rocket Town.

Yuffie's gone back to Wutai. She's the daughter of Lord Godo and is expected to reign in his place once he steps down. I hope she can handle it. Lord knows the girl can't keep still for half an hour unless she's out cold or motion sick. Actually, make that when she's out cold. She whines and complains when she's motion sick. Cloud just puts up with his motion sickness. I bet she's bored with her duties and lessons. She'll probably find a way to sneak back to us as we tend to attract trouble, which entertains her.

Aerith, she's been gone for awhile. I miss her. She's like a sister to me, kind and gentle. If only we had been quicker, we would have stopped Sephiroth from killing her, but somehow, I get the feeling that was her plan all along. Her death would be the start to Sephiroth's downfall. In my spare time, I try to grow flowers for her. They are nowhere near as pretty as hers though I do try my hardest. She makes it look so easy. I hope she rests in peace. She deserves it.

Cloud… I don't know why I saved him for last. Maybe I don't want to write about him. It's just painful at times to think about him. He comes and goes as he pleases. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. His job also keeps him away from us… from me. He runs his delivery job from my bar. When he's out, I answer his phone. He has his own line so we don't become confused as to who is calling who. It frustrates me when he doesn't answer his own phone, and I know he's here. How? I'm not quite sure, but I know when he's home or not, kind of like a sixth sense.

He doesn't say much especially after defeating Sephiroth for the third time. I think it's that number. It's hard to defeat your idol and send him to the life stream, but Cloud is strong enough. I have faith in him even if he doesn't. Then again, he didn't say much when we were growing up. He always kept to himself and often stayed with his mother. The other kids kept teasing him about it. I confess I wasn't much help. Even if I didn't participate in it, I could have at least lightened it for him. Now, I make sure no one treats Marlene or Denzel that way. The world doesn't need another Cloud.

My history with him goes back further than any of the other Avalanche members. After leaving Nihiebelm, I wandered for awhile, never knowing what I was going to do. I thought about working as a freelance mercenary. My martial arts skills were more than enough to put people in their place, but I wound up bumping into Barret, and everything else is history.

Wow, a large portion of my writing has been about Cloud in some form or matter. Guess, it's more than a simple crush. I think I'm in love with him even though he brushes me off. Maybe he just has a thick skull. Yeah, that's the case with a lot of men. They don't understand us, women.

Thinking hard, I remember the first time I met him. I was around four or five years old, can't remember the exact date. I wanted to go and play at the local park, but father refused. He said I couldn't go since there was no one to look out after me. I protested, saying that I was old enough. I wasn't a baby! Still, he wouldn't budge, not after all the begging, whining, protesting, and twisting I did. Once he was away at a meeting, I snuck away from the house. The maids thought I was in my room taking a nap or playing by myself. I sometimes did it so they weren't suspicious of anything.

After escaping my parents and the maids, I made my way to the park. Thankfully, I had enough sense to bring along some gil to buy snacks and other stuff. Father gives me a good allowance for doing my chores and keeping my room clean. He wants me to learn responsibility, but our maids take care of the chores I can't handle. I stopped by a vendor to buy a popsicle. It's the middle of the summer so it's hot. I thought I was going to die in that heat, but apparently, there are places where it's even hotter than home.

As I was eating my treat, I happened to spot a few of the local boys. They were gathered around something. It was probably an animal. They were so cruel to the wildlife. It's the reason why small animals were skittish around humans. Hopefully, they'll outgrow it sooner. If not, then I'm going to do something about it. No one hurts defenseless animals while I'm around. When I approached the small group, I gasped. It wasn't a baby chocobo but an actual human boy who resembles the bird. He didn't stand a chance against five boys twice his age. I wanted to help him, but what could I do? I hadn't started learning any martial arts at that time so I ran to the nearest adult.

The nice lady of the grocery store came out when she heard me. She asked what was wrong, and when I told her, she laughed. It was his fault so he deserved everything he got. I never felt so angry in my life. He didn't do anything other than exist. Why should he suffer for something he had no control over? I can't remember what I called her, but I do know it wasn't anything nice. Every person I met felt the same way. That it was Cloud's fault for being born and he deserved everything he's been getting. Well, fuck them.

Just then when I had lost hope, my future sensei came out of a store. I was going to go around him when he noticed me and asked what was wrong. I told him about the local boys beating up this one kid younger than them and no one bothered helping, saying that he deserved these beatings. Zangan, as I later found out, was more than furious. He said something about honor and pride. I followed behind him as he went in the direction where I had pointed. As soon as he arrived on the scene, he made quick work of the bullies and picked up Cloud. Cloud was out old. How can he not be? He took so much abuse before help arrived. I tried hard to find someone, but these people were just so cruel. On some level, I'm glad they got what they deserved.

His home was nice and orderly for a guy. I always thought guys were messy like my father, but he doesn't have to worry about it unless it came to the confidential materials. We have maids. I think he exploits that and is lazy when it comes to keeping our home tidy. Cloud looked like he had been to hell and back. Having no knowledge of first aid at the time, I helped Zangan by fetching things or doing what he tells me. It took some coordination, but we finally cleaned and dressed his wounds.

Zangan told me to wait here with Cloud while he went to find his mother. Surely, she would be worried about him. Come to think of it, my father should be wondering where I'm at, but at this time, all I could think about was this boy's health. Would he survive? I don't think he could. Later I found out, it wasn't life threatening. As I waited for my future sensei, I stared at Cloud and wondered if I pet him, would he wark? He reminds me of a chocobo and is so cute too.

His mother arrived for him later on. While she was there, I made myself scarce until she left with the boy. Zangan gave me an odd look. I didn't know what to think or why I hid. He thanked me for my assistance and told me I was a brave girl for telling someone right away. Not many people would do the right thing. He even offered to teach me martial arts when I became of age. I'd have to ask Father, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind. After all, he'd want his little girl to be safe, and what better way than learning how to defend myself?

Father wasn't happy when he found out I had disappeared. He grounded me for the rest of the month, which was a few weeks, but it was worth it. I saved Cloud's life and had been offered mentorship by one of the top fighters. Afterwards, he made sure to secure our home from my break outs. He even fired the current maids as they tended to slack off. That was how I managed to escape the first time. They weren't even paying attention.

Shortly after my seventh birthday, I heard a commotion out of my window. I went to investigate it, but the maids wouldn't let me. This time, father hired people who were desperate enough for gil and hammered it into them that I was not to be let out of our house without permission from him. I swear he can be a tyrant at times. He's so controlling. As soon as I'm old enough, I'm leaving this backwater town. I want to explore the rest of the world. Father says that the outside world is scary, and there were dangerous people. He worries too much. I found out later that there were bad people everywhere and that hiding from them was rather pointless.

Oh right, I have a point. Since the maids were on alert, I had to come up with a creative way of getting out of the house. Father was at work, but he should be back. I'll ask him if I could get some supplies for my studies. He doesn't know that I have everything I need for the meantime. It will be half an hour when he arrives home. His work isn't far from here so he can walk.

Our village doesn't believe in modern equipment. We're what you call a backwater town. In the past decade, we managed to acquire running water and electricity. I can't believe these people survived without indoor plumbing. Before Cloud left for ShinRa, Father had a telephone installed at his office and our home. He wanted to be connected to the outside for some reason or another. I'm not sure why, because he keeps telling me that the outsiders will be the death of our village. Well, he was right in a sense. Sephiroth destroyed our village and kill almost everyone.

As soon as Father came back, I asked him about my school supplies. He was more than happy to take me out, but he needed a few moments to freshen up. I thought that was for women. My Father was certainly not a woman. I hope not.

Once we were outside, I grabbed his hand and let him to the shop. He didn't mind me dragging him there. We talked about my education, how my day went, and such, but he kept avoiding questions about his day. Something happened, I could feel it. If Father wasn't talking, then it must be something he wasn't proud of. Maybe it had something to do with the commotion that was going around. People kept talking in hushed voices while pointing at my Father.

What did he do?

When we reached the store, I released his hand and bounded over to where the stationary supplies were. I knew what I wanted as I had written a list of what I 'needed.' I could go a few weeks without them, but he didn't need to know that. As I was picking up the pencils, papers, and pens, I noticed two women huddled in a corner, gossiping about the latest news. Normally, I could care less, but something happened today. The whole village was a buzz.

My Father had done something I can't forgive him. He encouraged our neighbors and the villagers to drive out any outsiders. 'We don't need them,' he says. 'They'll destroy our way of life and damage our village.' For starters, they harassed Cloud's Father until he was forced to move out. I have a feeling they did more than harass him. They threaten to kill his wife and child. Mr. Strife was a very stubborn man. He could certainly handle himself in a fight, but with his family's life at stake, he didn't have much of a choice.

As I listened to the conversation, I saw red. Why are these people bullying the Strife family? They just wanted to live alone in peace. Was it a crime? Apparently, everyone thought so. The bullying against Cloud has increased over time, but it wasn't serious enough for adult intervention. I doubt they would in any case. They didn't like Cloud and taught their children the same. It's so sickening.

People said Sephiroth is a monster. I think he was misguided after hearing the different sides. Now, those people… they're really monsters. They only care about themselves and are willing to kill for their selfish gains. I can't forgive Sephiroth for burning my village down, but I finally understand why he did it.

I couldn't wait to go home and ask him about it so I asked him right then and there in the store. Father told me that I was too young for it. I told him I wasn't a baby anymore. I could handle it. He still refused until I told him what I overheard. At first, he became angry with me, but then reluctantly accepted I was curious. The outsiders had to go. With the increase in activity near the inactive mako generator, he wasn't going to take any chances. We also had an increase in monster attacks too. He wanted to get rid of the problem. Said he should have done it a long time ago before all this happened. He also said that Kyla shouldn't have married that outsider. I haven't met her, but I think she fell in love with him. Back then I was only a child. I believe people don't pick who they fall in love with.

How was it their fault? They weren't the ones who built the mako reactor. It was ShinRa, but no one could see past their propaganda. I was one of them until later on.

When I told Father my opinion, he laughed, saying I was too young to fully understand politics. I told him I was old enough to understand kindness and compassion, which he had none. For an entire month, I stopped talking to him.

He rarely listens.

Especially when he believes he's right.

After his father, Skye (I found out his name much later on.), the beatings increased since the children had no fear of retaliation on his part. I couldn't believe they'd gang up on him. They were twice his size and more than him. Were the boys in my village such cowards that they couldn't hold a fair fight? I was determined not to marry any of them. They were such bullies and so cruel. It wouldn't surprise me if they were cruel to animals when they were younger. My Father forbidden me to become involved with the 'outsider's boy' so I had to be sneaky about helping him. As the boys were older than me, they were starting to become interested in girls. I used that to my advantage as well as being the mayor's daughter. When they were beating up Cloud, I'd distract them. I asked them if they'd accompany some where my Father thought was dangerous; thus, I need 'men' to protect me. They bought it, hook, line, and sinker. As we left, I glanced backwards to see Cloud retreating hastily. Good, he was still alive.

When Cloud turned twelve, my Father thought it was high time he left. After all, he was the son of the outsider. I had heard from some of my girl friends that he went over to the Strife household. Kyla refused to give up her married name. She wasn't even divorced so it made sense. I suppose she wanted to keep a part of him even though it was only a surname. I would too if I was in that same situation. He told her to leave the boy or leave the village in an unfriendly manner. Actually, it was more like threatened. I suspect he'd use all kinds of methods of persuasion, ranging from beating Cloud to kidnapping him, just to get her to leave.

Normally, I love my Father, but thinking back, some of the things he did were downright unforgivable. In a sense, he was no better than the Shinras. My therapist said to look at it from his perspective. As a mayor, he has a responsibility to keep his people safe and their residence. I understand his need to keep them safe, but he's doing it all in the wrong way. There's no need to force people against their will to leave or to encourage others to beat up the 'outsiders.' It's not fair. I'd like to see him in a similar position.

Later that night, I confronted my Father about this. I told him Cloud was much as a villager as I am. Just because his father wasn't born here doesn't mean he wasn't human. We're all humans though at times I doubt some people are remotely human. How can they be so cruel? My Father merely laughed at me and told me that my notions were ideals. He also said I was a naïve, foolish girl. Once again, my Father proved himself to be the ignorant idiot he was. I still love him, don't get me wrong, but he can be downright… I don't want to write it. It just makes me frustrated and furious. He still planned on keeping up the pressure until Cloud left.

Fine, if he wanted that way, I'll leave with Cloud. I know he'll follow me like he sometimes does. When Father had business to attend to, I packed my belongings. One of the maids caught me, but I told her that I was spending the night at a friend's house. Father permitted it since I've been such a good girl lately. I haven't snuck out for the past year and got good grades on my schoolwork. She hesitantly accepted it, leaving me be. After Father fell asleep, I snuck out to my best friend's house, Katherine. She understands me and doesn't like him at all. One time, she said how can I be his daughter when we're totally different? In any case, she allowed me to stay at her house. I had other friends, but this might be my last night there. Katherine, aka Kitty, was sad to see me leaving though she understood my reasons.

Early in the morning, I ate a cold breakfast at her place and left. I knew exactly what time Cloud would be out since the other boys were late risers. I just needed to catch his attention and head off. My nearly stuffed backpack should indicate something. Thankfully, Kitty gave me some provisions for the trip. I don't think I'd be able to sneak into our kitchen before I left for her house without running into one of our maids. Like I thought, he followed me.

During the entire trip, I pretended he wasn't there even though he was horrible at secretly following someone. His hair didn't help either. Whenever he tried to hide, parts of his blond spikes stuck out everywhere. I had to clench my teeth so I wouldn't laugh. It would give away my knowledge of him. As there wasn't any other way I know, I had to cross the old bridge. I didn't want to go back there, not with the way my Father was treating the Strife family. Taking a deep breath, I started walking across the rickety thing.

The last thing I remember was hearing Cloud calling out my name before darkness overtook me.

When I woke up, I found myself at my Father's house. A maid, Sara, was sitting in a chair next to my bed, reading a book. She must be keeping an eye on me for my Father. When I moved around, she became startled and dropped her reading material. Instantly, she was fussing over me like no tomorrow. I asked her how long I was out, and she told me I had been in a coma for almost two weeks. Wow, that was a very long time. I then asked her about Cloud. She said he got what he deserved for hurting me. I couldn't believe what she said. Just as I was about to tell her off, she leaned over and whispered to me that he was fine. It looked like he tried to save me but was injured too. She had to say those things, because she didn't want to loser her job. Her brother needed her. Their parents had passed away, leaving her to take care of her five year old brother. She was only fourteen and still single. No guy wanted baggage. Sara said she was fine with that. She didn't need a man to take care of herself.

Now that was the kind of woman I wanted to be, strong and independent.

I couldn't believe I did that. The beatings became worse for Cloud. I wished I could do something to stop them, but everyone kept me away from the Stife family. Wanting to at least help, I asked Kitty to drop by their house and deposit a little money for them without being seen. Call it an anonymous donation. They can use it to buy bandages and other medicine for him. It was the least I could do since I'm the cause of his suffering.

There wasn't a night that went by where I didn't think of that day. If only I hadn't gone, then he wouldn't be suffering as much. It was really my fault. I wanted to get out of here. Father wasn't helping either. He had toned down his removal of the 'outsiders' for now, but he still doesn't like them. Thankfully, he didn't make any more threats. Sure, he might be a little slow, but he wasn't stupid. He knew kicking out the Strifes made me upset and wasn't willing to risk me doing something dangerous again. He already lost my mother to some rare disease. I can't remember her, but we have a lot of pictures.

Boys were allowed to enroll in the SOLDIER program at the age of fourteen. I think that's too young, but that's the age girls in our village were getting married. We marry young. Boys wait until they were sixteen or seventeen. They had to settle down before they can marry since they have to support their wives and children. In any case, I heard that Cloud wanted to join SOLDIER from my best friend. Kitty said all the boys were teasing him about it. They thought he was too girlish to join. Yet, they didn't enroll themselves. Can we say hypocrites?

Before he left for SOLDIER, Cloud asked Kitty to relay a message to me. He wanted to meet me at the old tower. It was isolated enough for us to be together, but at the same time, it was close enough to the village just in case either of us were injured. I came at the appointed time to find him already there. I thought I had been early too.

Cloud said he was leaving for SOLDIER tomorrow and wanted to tell me goodbye before he left. He also wanted to make a promise. When he returns as a SOLDIER, he'll protect me. I smiled and told him I had faith in him. He'll make it to first class just like Sephiroth. Cloud returned my smile and said that he wanted to be like the Great General. He wanted to be respected. I don't blame him, not with the way the people have treated him. I was surprise he didn't want revenge but to protect them. Kitty suggested I bring a photo. Now I saw why. Before he stood up to leave, I shoved a photo of myself to him. I had hastily scribbled a note on the back. Cloud thanked me and we parted ways.

I didn't hear from Cloud directly until after he came back from the dead. Cloud constantly wrote his mother even if it did cost quite a bit of gil. Kyla was more than happy to have me over. I wasn't worried about my Father. He became lenient with me visiting her since Cloud was no longer there. I was happy to hear about him and his stay at ShinRa, but I wish he'd write to me. Kyla understood my frustration and suggested I write to him. I shook my head. If my Father ever found out, he'd kick her out of the village. I didn't want her to leave. Kitty didn't either. She loved Kyla's home made cookies. I swear she's going to become fat if she keeps eating them, but she's taking lessons with me. We've been sparring partners for a long time. Zangan said we're doing much better every day.

Cloud didn't say much in his letter. I suspect he left out a lot of things, but that could be the testosterone talking. Guys don't like to appear weak in front of their mothers or potential girlfriends. I hope he's doing well in his classes. From what I heard, he has to take a test after his training to get into the SOLDIER program. He wrote whenever he could, but after some time, his letters started to increase in length between each one.

I couldn't help but think he made it into SOLDIER and had more responsibilities so he couldn't write as much as he used to. His work came first. I can't wait to see him in a first class uniform, wielding one of those huge swords.

When Sephiroth came to our village, I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe he was coming here, out of all places. He brought Zack, another first class, and two troopers. I was disappointed Cloud wasn't there. It had been over two years. While I did hear from him, I haven't seen him. It wasn't the same. The first class kept talking to the trooper and pestering him even the guy tried getting away. Zack loved glomping the poor guy and sticking his hands where they don't belong. The trooper put up with it for awhile before swatting away the offending hands. Get a room.

I gave them a tour of the village and took them to the reactor. Sephiroth wouldn't allow me or either of the troopers to enter. I tried striking up a conversation with them, but one of them appeared be mute and the other… he stutters too much. I think I might be the first girl who tried to strike up a conversation with him. It's rather cute. The SOLDIERs didn't take too long and soon we were heading back down to the village. It was pretty uneventful. Sephiroth asked me later that night to show him to the ShinRa mansion. I told him it wasn't a good place to visit at night, but he insisted he go there right now. How pushy. Fortunately, my Father did something right. He told the General I'd be more than happy to lead him there first thing in the morning. It was just too dangerous for me.

Sephiroth came knocking on our door first thing in the morning. I had barely enough time to eat before he whisked me away. Something didn't feel right. I should have known and refused to go there. Hindsight is always 20/20. When we reached the mansion, I told him I couldn't go any further than that. The place had been abandoned and no one kept up the maintenance. He said he could find his way afterwards. I shrugged and left him there.

No one heard from him since then. His SOLDIER buddy, Zack, had been ranting and raving about how Sephiroth had gone missing without informing him. The trooper seemed to be taking it well. I suspect he was used to this kind of behavior, but I found it to be odd coming from a SOLDIER first class especially Sephiroth's second in command. His sword was humongous. Then again, SOLDIERs had brute strength from the mako injections. I didn't know we were hurting the planet until after I joined Avalanche.

Then all hell broke loose. I remembered people dying, the fire, and the chaos he brought. My Father died in my arms. Before he passed away, he apologized for being so controlling. He just wanted me to be safe. I never felt so proud of my Father at that time. He did care, but he didn't know how to raise me by himself. When he took his last breath, I broke down and cried. I could only think of revenge. I wanted Sephiroth to pay for taking away my Father.

In the end, I almost died at the end of his sword. If it weren't for Zack, I'd be dead.

When I recovered, I discovered only a few people survived. Kitty, however, wasn't one of them. I cried when I heard the news. Not only was she dead, but Cloud was gone as well. They said they never recovered his body. There had been a battle. Sephiroth died too. I could care less about him. Three important people to me were dead. I had no reason to stay there so I packed what I had and left the ruins of our beloved village. The other survivors also left. They went to stay with their relatives.

Since I had nothing to tie me down, I traveled the world. The last place I wanted to be was Midgar. ShinRa took away my precious people. On one of my trips, I noticed a few people running away from ShinRa troopers. Since I hated them, I gladly took them out. They were quite surprised I knew how to fight and the fact that I was a woman caught them off guard. The guy with the gun was impressed with my fighting abilities. He asked me what I thought of ShinRa. I told him what I really thought.

Even though I wasn't into saving the planet at first, he offered me a position in a group called Avalanche. I thought it was a terrorist group. Barret, their current leader, asked me if I still believed the ShinRa crap. I had to think about it. The media was influenced by ShinRa. So of course, they were going to put a good spin on their name. They used Sephiroth as their poster boy. I shook my head. No, I didn't believe anything they had to say.

For the next few years, we took out one reactor after another. Each job took time as we had to figure out how to infiltrate it, where to place the explosives, how much to use, and time it just right. Breaking into those buildings were hard, but it was nowhere hard as breaking into the ShinRa tower.

Out of the blue, Cloud came back to me. I mean us. He had a SOLDIER first uniform. I knew he'd be able to make it, but… why did they tell me he was dead? Then again, it was ShinRa. They'll lie to their mothers. I was more than happy to see him. With his knowledge and experience, he became our leader. Barret wasn't too happy about an ex-SOLDIER leading us, but he reluctantly yielded.

Aerith, Nanaki, Vincent, and Cait Sith later joined our merry group.

On one of our outings, I had been brought to Don Cornelo as one of his girls. He was really interested in my breasts. Men, they could be such pigs. In any event, I found out Cloud cross-dressed to save me. Isn't that sweet of him? I never imagine him going through all that to save me. Aerith later on told me that he even went as far as wearing panties and would have shaved his legs, but mako killed the hair follicles.

We fought long and hard against Sephiroth, but it was ultimately Cloud who struck the final blow. It was finally over. We can go back to our normal lives.

I opened up a bar, Seventh Heaven. Cloud started his own delivery business. I thought with his new business he'd settle down, but no, he's constantly on the go. I never know what's going through that head of his. What does it take to get it through his thick skull I'm interested in him? He doesn't seem like the guy who would be persuaded by my ample chest.

Two years later, the clones arrived. They really did a number to him, geostigma. It's a 'present' from their Mother. Personally, I think it's a disease. Why would our bodies reject if it wasn't? I didn't find out about it afflicting Cloud until we visited Aerith's church. Marlene discovered the dirty bandages. I wasn't happy to say the least. He was always keeping things from us. I think he doesn't want to be a burden. Not with what happened to Aerith and his friend Zack.

Loz kidnapped Marlene and the other took Denzel. Cloud didn't want to go after them, saying he wasn't fit to save anyone. How could he think that? He defeated Sephiroth. That had to be something. Right? In any case, I was surprised the Turks were there. They brought us back to my bar after we passed out. Hell, they even help me convince Cloud to go after the children.

Later on, we found the missing children around this statue. The clones thought it held a part of their Mother. They were wrong. It had nothing. Kadaj must have used a summon. I didn't see either Loz or Yazu using one. They didn't even care about the children when the thing leapt onto the statue. Reno and Rude grabbed as many children as they could and ran away. I never felt so glad they were on our side. We were constantly going up against them when we chased after Sephiroth.

It was one hell of a fight, but we won.

I thought we lost him. The clones took one last swing at him after Kadaj disappeared into the life stream. Thankfully, he survived and returned to us.

I was more than happy; however, Cloud was more depressed than usual.

It's frustrating seeing him and not being able to help.

Sincerely,

Tifa Lockhart

Dropping her pen, Tifa leaned back in her chair. It had taken awhile, but she managed to write her feelings down in her small notebook. Her therapist suggested she write about what was troubling her on a daily basis, but he knew she was busy so he compromised. He asked her to write at least three entrees before she came and saw him. It was something she could do. She could write when it was slow at the bar or when the children were playing.

Looking back at her entry, she realized a lot of it was centered around her and Cloud. Nathaniel, her therapist, told her to find out what it was and figure out what she needed to do. He didn't say anything about doing anything, but she wasn't the type of girl to let things slide. Now she really wanted to speak to Cloud.

But first, she needed her sleep. It was getting late, and if Cloud was back, he'd be sleeping too. She turned off her light and slipped into her bed.

End of Day

Moving around her kitchen, Tifa hummed a tune heard on the radio. She mixed the batter for pancakes and then began cooking them. Today, she was going to go back to her therapist so she wanted to have a good breakfast. Not to mention, Cloud had stayed the night. She felt it in her bones. She probably should make more just in case the other Avalanche members dropped by. So what if she made more? She could afford it. Plus, she enjoyed visiting the orphanage. Ever since Meteor, many children became orphans. Every bit helped.

After flipping a pancake, she glanced over to her clock. The children were going to be late if they didn't hurry up. They had school. As she thought about it, the two raced down the stairs and towards her. They grabbed a few pancakes each from the plate and practically inhaled them.

"Breathe," Tifa chuckled watching the two eat their breakfast quickly.

"No time for it," Denzel informed her. He swung his backpack onto his back and waited for Marlene to finish her meal. "We have to be at school early today."

"How come I didn't hear about it?" the martial artist inquired, placing her free hand on her hip. She made it a point to know everything about their school as she wanted to be involved with their education.

This time Marlene replied. "It's not an official after school activity. We're doing a group project, and we don't have time for everyone to meet after school."

"Okay, but slow down." The brunette didn't want them to choke. Sure, she knew CPR, but she'd rather not use it when it could be prevented.

"Fine," Marlene said, mock teasing her. The two then raced out the door.

Tifa shook her head. Children grew up too quickly for her liking. She wanted them to stay young and cute. They were much easier to look after. From what she heard, teenagers were a pain to look after. She didn't spend as much time as she wanted with them, but it was for their future. They had to defeat Sephiroth first.

Not soon after they left, Cloud ambled into the room. He walked over to the coffee part and automatically started the process of brewing coffee. Last night had been rough. His latest client wanted his package to be delivered overnight. She had been willing to pay extra for his quick service, but he wasn't going to do something like that again. He only got four hours of sleep.

"Cloud," Tifa started. She turned off the stove and placed the slightly burned pancake on the now empty plate. Today was the day. She would confess. Her therapist said it was good for her soul. She twisted the hem of her shirt as she fidgeted. It just screamed 'I'm about to confess something, and you may not like it.' She lowered her gaze onto the floor as if something interesting just appeared on it and had to study it.

The blond turned his attention to her. He blinked a few times. "Yes?" Cloud doubted he'd be able to hold an intellectual conversation. He noticed something was off about her, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"I… I… I was wondering something." Great, now she was stuttering. How lovesick could she get? She had helped defeat Sephiroth, but look at her.

"What is it?" The former trooper wondered what she wanted to talk about. Did she want him to pay rent? At least, he paid for his phone line. Also, he did help out with the food bill.

The martial artist swore she was as red as a tomato. Her face felt hot, and every muscle in her body was tense. "I was wondering if you'd like to do something tonight or maybe this weekend." She hoped he would accept her invitation and maybe she could call it a date.

"Sure, Vincent's in town. Yuffie's visiting a nearby town. If we go there, the four of us could get together," Cloud said, not understanding her intention. He rubbed his chin, thinking of how to gather everyone in one place. They were scattered everywhere.

"No!"

Cloud blinked several times, his mind slowly processing the information.

"Sorry about that. I just wanted to do something with you only." It wasn't like her to be so demanding or to abruptly shout. Then again, she normally didn't ask Cloud for a date.

"Oh. I suppose if I don't have a client."

Tifa beamed. She was going on a date with Cloud! "It's a date!"

What? Cloud sputtered, "What do you mean?"

"A date. You and me." Tifa explained as if he was a child. How naïve could he really be?

"Um… Sorry, I can't do it," Cloud hesitantly answered. He didn't want to do this. He really didn't.

"Do what?"

"I can't go on a date with you," Cloud repeated himself. He hoped she wasn't going to take this the wrong way. "I already have someone."

This certainly wasn't going the way she wanted. She thought he'd be ecstatic to date her. After all, he had a crush on her when they were children. Did he still like her? He had to; otherwise, he wouldn't be living with her. There must be something.

Or perhaps, it was someone.

Holding back her tears, Tifa fought off the overwhelming sense of jealousy. She and Aerith were best friends. When Yuffie wasn't there, they confided in each other. After she died, Tifa didn't have anyone. The young ninja wasn't exactly mature enough and tended to spill more secrets than anyone cared.

Tifa shook her head. "She's gone as in not coming back. Why can't you understand it? It's not your fault, and she doesn't blame you. She chose this." Aerith had sacrificed herself for the sake of the planet. They had accepted that, but that didn't mean they liked it.

Shifting his weight, Cloud had a hard time picking out the right words. He really didn't have much experience dealing with women. Maybe he should start, considering like half the population consisted of women. "I know, but she's the sister I never had."

Sister? If it wasn't her, then who was it? "Is it Yuffie then?" She never thought that he'd go for that type of girl. If so, she would be more spunky and energetic.

"Hell no. No offense, but she's like the annoying cousin you only want to see at the family reunion." Cloud had a firm tone. He wasn't into her. She was too noisy though he was, but at least, he wasn't too annoying. Also, he knew how to handle him… for the most part.

"Elena?"

"No."

Oh gods, she hoped it wasn't this person. "Scarlet?"

"I'd rather jump off the nearest cliff."

Definitely a no. Then who could it be? She was running out of women Cloud knew.

"He's one of a kind."

"You like a guy?" Tifa groaned. Why must the good guys be taken or gay? It wasn't fair.

The blond frowned. What was wrong with liking a guy? At ShinRa, there weren't many women so the SOLDIERs tended to stray. Not to mention, they had to be careful with the women they slept with. It was so much easier to have sex with another SOLDIER. He could handle the roughness.

"Is it Vincent?" Out of all the Avalanche guys, he had a certain allure.

"He's a great buddy, but I don't like him that way," Cloud answered, poking the coffee machine in hopes of it making his coffee faster. He really needed some especially for this conversation. Out of all the topics she chose, he couldn't believe they were talking about this.

"Cid?" Their ages were far apart, but he was the next best in their group. Wait a minute, Vincent was much older, but he really didn't look it.

"… He's a good drinking friend."

"Barret?"

"…"

Then that left… "Nanaki?"

This left Cloud sputtering.

Okay, that was a definite no. Her eyes widened as she thought of the worst person possible. She really hoped to any higher deity it wasn't this person. "Sephiroth?" Her voice cracked.

"I hope you're kidding."

"Rufus?"

"I'd rather face Sephiroth than go out with him."

"Reeve?"

"Not my type of guy, but he is decent."

"Um… Hojo?"

"What have you been smoking?"

Tifa threw up her hands in surrender. "I give. Who is this mysterious person?" She really wanted to know who she lost Cloud to. It wasn't fair. She had tried so hard.

"He's the greatest friend I've ever hand. He stood behind me when no one else thought I'd amount to anything. He encouraged me even though I was the last or close to the last in class. He picked me up when I was down and made sure I wouldn't stay there. He listened to me whenever I had a problem even if it was in the dead of the night. He made me feel special." Cloud could go on and on about him, now that he had his memories mostly sorted out.

This made her eager to find out his name. Who was that person?

"His name is Zack Fair."

And her world crumbled.

"Tifa, are you okay?"

Forcing a smile, Tifa nodded her head, but inside was a raging storm of emotions. "I'm fine. Can you look after the bar? I just remembered I have a few bills to go through."

"Sure thing," Cloud managed to say before the brunette sprinted out of the room. He scratched the back of his head, a habit he picked up from Zack. Man, he was bad with women. Maybe one of these days, he'd talk to Zack about that. That was if he decided to pop up, granted they couldn't touch each other, but it was nice to talk to him. The former SOLDIER knew more about women than he did.

Knowing his sensitive hearing, Tifa gently shut her door and leaned on it. She couldn't hold it back any more. The tears came pouring down.

She blew it.

She had her chance and lost it.

Someone else stole his heart before she had a chance.

Life wasn't fair.

Finis!

To be honest, Tifa isn't my favorite character, but most of this is from her perspective. I hope I've managed to keep her IC. It's hard writing for characters I don't like.