Nico POV
I hate people. In general they suck ass and every one of them has at least one secret they are hell bent on taking to their grave, but you know what? I don't care. At all. It scares me how much I just don't give a shit what that one thing is. The only time that one thing actually matters is when it finally consumes that person. When you notice something's wrong. When their smile dwindles so slightly only those who care would notice. See, that's when I start to care. That's when I notice the brighter smile from those around us. I notice how they suck light from others for self-preservation but never do they glow as brightly as the one who's dim once did. Because your own light hoards the strength of suns and is loyal only to you. When someone steals it... It loses luster, loses worth. It's the difference of gold and iron. And the truth is, no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want it to that sun can never fully be returned. That one thing can break a person once triggered. We all have a moment, a memory, or thought, an experience that is worth breaking down and crying for. One that could leave stadiums to weep at the misfortune, the agony, the utter irony of it all. Just one thing and we're out. One thing and we dim. So I guess the reason I hate people is not for that thing they have but rather the power it gives them knowing that I have one too. A moment when, if triggered, I'd be helpless. I don't want someone to have that power. No one deserves that power. Mine may affect me more than those around me, but I see them. I see them all. I know what type of people I surround myself with and I'll be damned if even one of them finds out my moment. My mask is thick but penetrable there would be no end to the torment if someone gets though. That's why I hate people, that's why I'm de socialized. When I find those who I truly believe won't hurt me I may share my woes but until that day mistrust will be buried deep. And now I may rest easy knowing that every one of them has one too and I know what it is. But as I dim they will not. I know their plights but God reject me if I use it to fuel my own desires because once that happens, I'll be one of the many people I've come to despise and that would kill my light completely.
ok im gunna be honest right now i wrote this at Starbucks and its not really a fan fiction. i just wanted people to see it and thought of nico. i think it actually works alright. this whole monologue though was written about my friends and whats going on with me right now. i hope it was an enjoyable read as depressing as it was. thank you for reading the author's note if you did. please please please review for this one. its like a diary page to me... glad i posted on the internet. sorry for the long note.