Counselor Troi's Yule-Tide Lament
(To the tune of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" from Meet Me In St. Louis)
I get no surprises out of Christmas—
Presents leave me blue—
I know what they're giving me
Before they do.
Who wants to be Betazoid at Christmas?
I read Jean-Luc's mind:
"What's the cheapest gift for Troi that I can find?"
Geordi thinks I'm a "Beta-bore"—
Worf likes Data more—by far.
Wes to Mom takes his whinin', or,
Sobs to Guinan o'er the bar.
In Will's dreams I'm in a reindeer costume
Bare at breasts and thighs—
He as Santa merrily
His whip applies.
Oh, Christmas is no fun aboard the Enterprise.