Loving Satan

It wasn't easy, loving Satan. Especially considering the following things. One, she was moody as hell. Two, she was the most overly clingy person in the world. Three, she had random bouts of competitiveness with the only other woman on the planet that could possibly be as maddening as her, the queen of the fairies. And four, she was absolutely bonkers.

That all being said, it was exactly what Laxus Dreyar found himself doing. He loved Satan. And the worst part was Satan loved him back.

"Ooh, Laxus, look." Mira bounced slightly, which was really bad for him, as she was still clutching his bicep as he carried her groceries in his arms. The last thing he wanted was for them to fall. Following her line of sight, he saw that she was point to a little merchant on the side of the road, who was selling all sorts of things from a cart. Nothing the Strauss woman with him would want though. Looking lower however, he found a cage holding possibly his worst nightmare. "Laxus! Kittens! Do you think-"

"No."

"But Lax-"

"No, Mira. Absolutely not. You don't live alone anymore. You live with me. And I-"

"Laxus, I want a kitty." Looking up at him, she gave him a look worse than Ever's rock turning stare. Sad eyes. On Satan herself. "Please?"

And that's how Laxus ended up with not one, but two cats. That went something like, "But Laxus, they're brothers! You can't separate them. And look, one for me, one for Lisanna. Please? Oh please, Laxus?"

He was a sucker for his little she-devil.

Life with cats was worse than life with just Mirajane and Lisanna, who lived with them too. Number one, they stank. Even though he made sure their litter box was cleaned out very frequently, not soon after getting them, the scent of the house changed.

And he could tell that it wasn't affecting anyone else as much as it was him. It was his dragon sense that was causing the problem. The scent was intensified for him. He could tell it was that whenever the stupid Salamander came over to visit Lisanna and practically needed a gas mask to walk around.

Ugh.

Number two, they shed. Everywhere. For such small little fur balls, they got their hair on anything and everything. He thought they should be bald by that point, as much fur as they were losing on his clothing and furniture.

It was just damn embarrassing to walk into the guild with kitty hair on you. Especially because Mirajane would only giggle and point it out to everyone. And there was no mistaking whose it was. It was that one cat, the orange one that Mira called Pumpkin, his fur standing out against Laxus' yellow shirts.

Number three, they slept in his bed.

Every. Single. Night.

He had even bought them little kitty beds, which Mirajane fawned over, but every night, like clockwork, she'd bring them into the bedroom with her to snuggle with them. Them. The cats. She would snuggle with the cats. Not him. Oh no, not him. The cats. The damn orange one especially. The other, a black one with a few white and brown spots, would always curl up with him.

"No, Spice," he'd hiss at the kitty which would only make Mira giggle. "Go sleep over there. Away from me. Or better yet, out in the hall, where you're supposed to be."

"He loves you, Daddy."

"I'm not their daddy!"

Because as much as Mirajane loved Laxus, she loved her cats more. Satan wasn't just a cat person though, oh no. And he found that out soon enough.

It was some time later, a few months having passed, and him slowly becoming accustomed to cats living in his home. He didn't enjoy them or anything crazy like that, but they were kinda like Lisanna. Just some baggage that he had to deal with if he wanted to get at the she-devil.

And believe him; he wanted to get at the she-devil.

Still though, he had just gotten back from a job that had kept him away from home for nine grueling days. And, not wanting to even deal with his numbskull guild mates, he decided to forgo the guild all together and just head home. Once there, he didn't even take time out to get something to eat or shower. He just knocked Pumpkin off the couch where he had been curled up before collapsing there himself and falling into a deep sleep.

It was sort of a funny feeling that awoke him. In his profound slumber, it took him awhile to figure out what it was. Someone was…licking his toes.

Now, he and Mirajane had done some weird shit in the past. A lot, actually. Considering she could transform into practically other beings, they mostly utilized that in the bedroom. But never ever had she licked his feet.

He wasn't sure if he liked it.

"Mirajane, tonight," he complained softly, peeking an eye open. "Not n- What the fuck?"

He sat up fully then, pulling his feet away from the dog, who was seated on the end of the couch, only moments ago licking Laxus' feet.

"The hell did you get in here?" he grumbled as he moved to stand. "Man, tell me you didn't eat the cats. Mira!"

But she was still at work, of course. Lisanna was home though and at the sound of him yelling, came running.

"Laxus, I didn't know you were home. What is-" She came to a stop in the middle of the living room, her face slowly showing that it was of no shock to her whatsoever that there was a damn mutt up on their couch. "Oh, that."

And mutt was actually the best way to describe her, as Laxus could not place any specific species on the dog. At all. He was short-haired, rather large, and white with black spots randomly adorning her body. She was more mutt than most mutts.

"Yeah, that," Laxus growled as he got to his feet. "What is going on?"

"Mira rescued her, Laxus," Lisanna told him as Spice strode into the room and took to rubbing against her leg. "They were going to put her down and-"

"Good."

"Laxus-"

"And what about the cats, huh? She didn't think that maybe-"

"She loves the cats," Lisanna assured him. "I think that she thinks they're her babies. And they just love her. She'll carry them around in her mouth, snuggle with them at night-"

"Wait." He took a step towards Lisanna. "You don't mean to tell me-"

"Well, Mira says she gets cold when you're gone."

So that's how Laxus ended up in bed with Pumpkin, Spice, and Ginger.

He was in Hell. A seasoning filled hell where Satan loves animals and hates her boyfriend.

"Laxus," Mira announced to him one day. "I have to take Ginger to the vet today. She needs shots."

He had a shot for her. A shot full of lightening, straight to the heart. And if he wasn't certain that Mirajane would know that was how she died and that he was the culprit, he would have done it to all the damn animals.

He only grunted though, continuing to flake out on the couch, watching as the dog in question licked Pumpkin all over, as if bathing him.

"It's just so cute when you go. They make you tell them the dog's full name."

Grunt.

"Ginger Dreyar is just such a nice-"

"Wait." That got his attention. Looking then to his girlfriend, who was looking for the dog's leash, he said, "Tell me that you didn't just say what I think you said."

"Laxus," Mira scolded as she finally found the leash and went to put it on their dog. "You're the daddy. It would just be silly of me to give them my last name."

"I'm not their d-"

"And when we get married, then what? I would have a different last name than them? That would be unacceptable."

He blinked. "We're not getting-"

"And our children, our human children I mean, will have your last name so-"

"Kids?"

She looked and him and cocked her head to the side. "Well, yeah. I want four, but I'm flexible on that number should you wish for more."

He knew marriage would be in hell, but babies?

Loving Satan was not only the worst thing Laxus could have done with his life. Letting her basically consume his soul was. In the short seven years that passed, he was no longer the free, arrogant, jackass that basically gave his middle finger to the world as he went on deluded in believing he was not only the strongest wizard in Fairy Tail, but just the strongest one ever. Oh no.

He quickly became the proud (sort of) father to three sons, two cats, three dogs (long story), a bird (the oldest son was just like Elfman), an iguana (even longer story), two hamsters (short story involving a lot of whining and begging), a tank of fish, and finally, just having been added three weeks ago, a newborn daughter.

"I think I want five now," Mirajane whispered to him one night as he put the baby to bed after screaming at the boys to settle down. "And Ginger's getting old. I need another dog, I think."

Oh, and he was the ecstatic (read 'beat down') husband of Satan herself, who loved all things living. Even her husband. She just loved him so, so much. Enough to where she almost forgot that he existed outside of her and their ever growing family.

"Another girl would be nice, don't you think?" she insisted as they stared down at their baby. He wasn't so sure he could handle one daughter, honestly.

"I want to teach her my own magic, if she wants," Mira went on. "Then she could be-"

"No way." Laxus put his food down at that. "No fucking way."

"Laxus, what's-"

"I'll take dogs, Mira. I'll take cats, I'll take hamsters, I'll take birds, and I'll even take a fucking lizard. But I am not, under any circumstance, taking another damn she-demon."

Mira blinked at him in surprise, as if seeing for the first time that maybe, just maybe, she had forced Laxus into everything, that he had never wanted it. Then, with another blink, the clarity was gone and she only giggled before wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

"I love you, Laxus!"

It wasn't easy loving Satan. But the worst thing was when she loved you.

Another thing I wrote while being stuck out in the desert with no internet. I thought it was cute.