Your Other Contender For The Title of The World's Wealthiest Duck
by The Cajun Phoenix
A/N: I do not own any of the "Duck Tales" characters in this poem.
I've heard that whiskey-voiced former prison brawler (1.) mutter the slur 'pretender, '
And he's said that either behind my back or to your face more times than I can remember.
When it comes to wealth-measuring contests, I've also seen you and him throw down,
And I'm NOT impressed with his growled threats, your nasty temper, or both of your right hooks.
In the eyes of wealthy society, I'm ranked at number three. (2.)
Just below you two brawlers who don't want to spend more money than either of you has to.
But just because I look the part of the cream of wealthy society,
That doesn't mean I don't have what it takes to topple both of you. (3.)
If either of you is thinking of overlooking me as your other contender,
Take this warning from me as something for both of you to remember:
All I have to say is both of you will go down,
Even if that means I have to take a few pages from both of your respective playbooks.
Yes, Mr Whiskey-Brawler (4.), you get knocked down on your tailfeathers again and again,
Only for you to roll back to your webbed feet.
You, Mr Lucky Dime (5.), you actually get slapped in the face by wave after wave of extreme levels of pain,
Yet you refuse to concede defeat.
You say your wealth comes from your smarts and your wits, but Whiskey-Brawler claims it's all because of your dumb luck.
Well, all of the most extreme rivalries take at least two to make the loser mutter his plea.
If Whiskey-Brawler can get a shot at your title of World's Wealthiest Duck,
Why shouldn't I take that shot for myself while he's flapping his bearded beak at you and me?
You're wealthier in one more way that Whiskey-Brawler and I have yet to be.
You have three triplet nephews and family watching your back.
I have my secretary and employees and Whiskey-Brawler has his staff and guards under lock and key. (6.)
All your blessings are enough to make even this tough duck's heart and mind slowly begin to crack.
When I heard that you made Whiskey-Brawler eat his own hat in Ronguay (7.),
I nearly stood in a puddle from laughing myself sore.
Then I think of how my own contests with you ended up going the wrong way,
And my wrath kicks itself back up until it's at full bore. (8.)
They've excluded me from contention for too long,
And I'm saying "No more!" to being barred from your wealth-measuring stints
Because my wrath and my ambition have already barreled past their peaks.
Don't consider my ringside hat toss entry (9.) to be my swan song.
My quest for all the wealth can't be measured in pints or in subtle hints.
So now it's time for both of you to either duckman up or finally shut your beaks!
A/N: As always, your reviews and feedback are appreciated.
(1.) Reference to John's surmising of how Flintheart's vocal cords have sustained enough damage over the years to give us his distinctive husky, growly voice in the "Duck Tales" cartoon series and also to Flintheart's imprisonment in South Africa in the comic book story "The Terror of Transvaal" from "The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck."
(2.) Reference to John's status as The World's Third-Wealthiest Duck.
(3.) Reference to John's spending habits, which differ from both Flintheart's and Scrooge's respective obsession with holding onto their sizable fortunes, though only to a certain point.
(4.) John's nickname for Flintheart.
(5.) John's nickname for Scrooge.
(6.) John's allusion to Scrooge's immediate family and employees [his nephew Donald Duck and his triplet great-nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie, his butler Duckworth, his housekeeper Mrs. Beakley and her granddaughter Webby, his pilot Launchpad McQuack, his accountant Fenton Crackshell/Gizmoduck, and Gyro Gearloose the inventor], Flintheart's security guards and employees, and John's own secretary and employees.
(7.) Reference to how Scrooge turns Flintheart's mistakes against him in the "Duck Tales" episode "Wronguay to Ronguay" and has his rival become at least the second duck to join the "I Lost to Scrooge McDuck and I Destroyed My Hat" club. John is one of the charter members of this club.
(8.) Reference in Eyael's fanfic "My ennemy, my friend?" to how many times John has had to eat his hat after being bested by Scrooge.
(9.) Reference to the old adage "to throw one's hat into the ring, " which meant that a contender for political office or a title belt would make his challenge by throwing his hat into the ring. In this case, it refers to John's refusal to be taken lightly as Scrooge's and Flintheart's other major rival for the title of The World's Wealthiest Duck.