Notes: This is a Supergirl story, with a little SuperCat at some point. There are original characters as well. Non was captured/killed but there was no myriad. Somethings are canon, some are not, and some may not be in the same order. Really? I am just making it up as I go. I hope you enjoy! All errors are my own.
I would like to thank Madaboutagirl for her guidance and friendship. You rock! And a special thank you to Jokerssmile for all of your help, editing and the kick in the ass I needed many times and for getting me to write this in the first place. A paragraph sure did take off didn't it? You're the best, thank you so much for inspiring me to write.
What Have I Done?
Chapter 1
"What have I done?" Cat sighs to herself as she watches Adam and Kara make plans to go out later that evening.
Walking out to her balcony Cat braces her hands against the stone and leans into the railing. Wishing she could down a good bottle of bourbon she bows her head down between her arms and mutters, 'it's for the greater good. 'It's for the greater good.' A mantra she recites every time she has to make a decision that will change everything and not always in her best interest.
She recited this mantra when she did an exposé on one of her favourite people and they lost everything. She recited the mantra when she married her first husband knowing she never loved him but he was her ticket out from under her mother's thumb. She recited this mantra when she gave in and let her husband take Adam away with full custody. A mantra that helps her get through her worst moments, her worst fears and her worst mistakes.
Knowing that Adam was a good man and he and Kara would make a great couple whether if it were something Cat really wanted or not. It was what had to be for her. There was no other way so it is for the greater good because Adam and Kara could be happy together. It's all she wants for both of them success, happiness and of course love, which is the one thing that she is not good at.
"Are you sure you're all right after being taken last night? Are you sure you're not rushing this? We can go out another night." Adam asks Kara after Bizarro took her the night before.
"I'm fine Adam, really it's ok." Kara says as she squeezes his arm in reassurance.
Adam goes to put his arm around Kara's shoulder but she ducks down out of the way. "I'm sorry Adam but I don't think this is a good idea. I...I'm not really one for dating and Ms. Grant keeps me busy and I don't have a lot of time and I ... I really like you Adam but I think it best if we were just friends. I'm… I'm sorry." Kara recites a speech she's been practicing since she got away from Bizarro and knowing that Adam could have been the one taken she's afraid for anyone who is close to her.
"Ms. Grant keeps you busy, Ms. Grant is a wonderful boss, and Ms. Grant can do anything. Ms. Grant, Ms. Grant. I swear Kara you would rather be with her." Adam snarls then comes to realize what he said is true by the look on Kara's face.
"I don't believe this. You never wanted to go out with me at all did you?" Adam asks angrily.
"I...I well I..."Kara replies not knowing how to answer that. She never wanted to date Adam but Cat insisted and you can't say NO to Cat Grant no matter what it is. At least Kara couldn't.
"Well? Adam asks waiting for Kara to acknowledge what's plain to see. Y'know what don't bother, Kara. It's so clear now what this is." Adam scoffs. "I can't believe this and I can't believe you!"
"Adam, please this isn't ... it's all me and I know that's so cliché but it's the truth." Kara pleads.
"Yes it's all you because you would rather date Cat Grant than me!" Adam yells.
Kara literally snorts in laughter, looks up at Adam, and realizes he's not joking. "Um no Adam that's not true."
"Don't! I can see it now, at first I thought you were just her cheerleader but it's not that at all. You like my mother, not me." Adam retorts as he turns and walks away.
Kara arrives early to work the next morning after not sleeping a wink knowing Adam was angry and thinking she had feelings for Cat. She's so worried about what he might say to Cat that she doesn't hear the elevator ding until Cat is about to take her latte.
"Keira, Adam is on his way to the office and I want my schedule cleared until one. I want to spend the morning with him and then lunch." Cat orders as she walks to her desk with a rare smile that Kara knows is because of her new relationship with her son.
"Y...Yes Ms. Grant." Kara says quietly as she begins tapping on her tablet clearing Cat's schedule.
If Adam comes here to tell his mother about her crush then this will probably be the last time she works on Cat's schedule or anything for Cat.
"What's wrong, Keira you look unwell. Have you recuperated enough after being taken the other night?"
"I'm...I'm fine Ms. Grant, thank you for asking." Kara replies fidgeting with her glasses as she always does when she's nervous.
"Well you don't look fine. Were you up too late with Adam?" Cat asks smirking.
"NO! No Ms. Grant, nothing like that. No!" Kara exclaims shaking her head.
Just before Cat can grill Kara the elevator dings and out comes Adam and Kara feels like she's going to faint. Adam walks past her without saying anything and goes straight to his mother's desk.
Cat looks at Adam wondering why he didn't even acknowledge Kara and is about to ask when Adam holds up his hand.
"Mom I just wanted to let you know that I'm going back home today, actually my flight leaves in an hour so I have to get going. It was great seeing you and I just wanted to let you know that I'll keep in touch and we'll see each another again." Adam says then turns to leave.
"Wait! Adam! What is going on?" Cat asks. "Why are you leaving now, today? You said that you were going to stay a few more days."
"I no longer have a reason to stay here," he says annoyed as he glares as Kara, not realizing how his words are affecting his mother.
"Kara, could you please leave us? And shut the door behind you." Cat asks softly.
Nodding to Cat, Kara turns and leaves the office, shutting the door behind her.
"Mom I don't have time, please I need to go now!" Adam states.
"Adam please tell me what has changed? What has happened to upset you? It's Kara isn't it? What happened between you two? Did you do something to upset her? She looks terrible today and not her usual Sunny Danvers self and why didn't you acknowledge her when you walked into the office?" Cat inquires.
Adam looks at his mother, really looks at her then he turns and looks out towards Kara who is trying not to look in but was caught and she quickly looks away. "Kara ended things with me last night. She says that we're not working out and she's too busy for a relationship...with me."
"Oh Adam, she's probably still shaken up about being abducted the other night, just give her some time." Cat says gently giving Adam's arm a squeeze. "She's a wonderful girl and I know I keep her busy but that can change, it's time I promoted her, she truly deserves it putting up with me all this time."
Adam takes his mother's hand off his arm and steps away. "No Mom, she doesn't need time and she doesn't need or want me. I'm not sure what your game was trying to set us up."
"Look, it was good to see you Mom and to get to know you but I just really need to go." Adam says softly then turns away and walks out the office doors.
Kara stands up as Adam walks past her desk. She wanted to call out to him but the look he gave her told her not to. He continued to the elevator and disappeared behind the closing doors. Kara's stomach was turning, she's never felt like this before and can only imagine this is what it's like to be sick to your stomach.
Kara turns just in time to see a distraught Cat standing at her desk fighting back tears. Their eyes meet and the disappointment in Cat's eyes turns to anger as she stalks out to the balcony.
It has been two weeks since Adam left town. Aside from one email saying he needs space, Cat hasn't heard anything else from him. She knows that she should blame herself for this, she never should have tried to push the two of them together, but she's angry at Kara for not handling it better. The girl didn't have to hurt him this way and send him running home to his father.
Looking out, Cat sees Kara's desk empty once again. Keeping up with Cat's schedule is not an easy task nevertheless Kara does it well. Still, Kara seems to be away from her desk a lot and that is something that needs to be addressed.
She knows Kara is Supergirl and is trying to hide it but between her, Witless and James they're not doing a very good job. Before Adam, their relationship seemed to be moving to something more personal. With their talks on the balcony and the late nights working, they even developed a friendly banter between them. Even with the relationship changing, Kara still didn't trust Cat enough to tell her that she was indeed Supergirl. It just makes her so angry with every lie Kara tells. Although it's understandable why Kara doesn't confide in her since the last time she had threatened her job about being Supergirl.
Not anymore though, Kara went over the line when she took that letter and sent it to Adam without telling her. It made her look like a fool in front of her son and no one makes Cat Grant look like a fool. No the personal relationship is no longer there, it's professional and nothing else from now on.
Another week goes by and nothing has changed. The anger Cat has for Kara has increased tenfold. Neither she nor Kara has tried to talk about it and that's what bothers Cat the most. Kara doesn't seem to want to talk to her at all. She just takes what she's given and continues almost as if she doesn't care.
Therefore, instead of acting like an adult and talking to Kara, Cat continues to make her life a living hell, then hires Siobhan to rub salt in the wound. An eye for an eye they say. Kara hurt Adam, which hurt her. She continues to lie to her so she wants Kara to suffer. She should have just fired her but there is something within Cat that just won't let her.
"What have I done?" Kara asks aloud to herself as she sits at her desk watching Cat and Siobhan eating lunch and going over something on Cat's tablet.
Winn looks at Kara then into Cat's office then back to Kara. "I don't know Kara, one minute she's your mentor the next your tormentor."
Wincing at Winn's choice of words Kara looks away from Cat's office.
"Although she treated you better than the rest of us, that's not really saying much," he points out nonchalantly.
Kara sighed again, "Just because you don't see it, it doesn't mean that deep down, Ms. Grant cares. She does have a heart, even if she doesn't always show it."
Winn scoffs and gives her an eye roll.
"Ms. Grant doesn't want to seem weak. It wasn't easy for her to get where she is today and she is really strong, but she's also kind. She has shown me and Supergirl just how kind she can be. And it's that kindness that has kept me here this long." Kara admits sadly.
Looking away from Cat's office, Kara turns toward the windows, "I'm not sure why she just doesn't fire me. Not that I want that, I don't know what I would do without being here."
"I don't think she wants to fire you, or she would have done that already, wouldn't she?" Winn asks.
"She wants to push me until I break so that she has a good reason to fire me. It's what she tried before except it didn't work. But she knows me now; she knows exactly how to push me away." Kara says sadly, as she looks in at Siobhan.
"Assistant number two!"
"Here we go." Kara says as she stands up and walks towards the doors of Cat's office.
"Yes Ms. Grant?"
"Do you have nothing to do?" Cat asks squinting her eyes at Kara.
"N...no Ms. Grant you have given me a lot to do but I was just finishing m…my... l...lunch." Kara replies as she fidgets with her glasses then looks over at Siobhan who is smirking at the exchange.
"Lunch is to be eaten in the break room and not at your desk, Kiera. I've told you that multiple times, do I need to send a memo?" Cat snaps. "Now if you've finished gossiping over God knows what then I suggest you and the cardigan-wearing hobbit get back to work!"
"Y...yes Ms. Grant, I'm s...sorry. It won't happen again," Kara stammers as she backs her way out of the office so eager to get away that she almost forgets and uses super speed. Holding back her tears, Cat would fire her on the spot for crying, she pauses at her desk long enough to shove her remaining lunch into the trash then she rushes over to the stairwell.
"I don't understand why you stay there, Kara." Lucy says as she throws away the three now empty pizza boxes. When Kara called her sobbing into the phone, Lucy knew she needed a shoulder and her favourite foods so she brought over three pizzas and two different kinds of ice cream. "She obviously has something against you and will only continue to hurt you like this. Is that job really worth it?"
"I...I don't know anymore, Lucy. I really don't. CATCO was my solace, a comfort that I never had before. I know it may not make sense to you but I feel like I could be just me there and the day to day assignments, scheduling, keeping things in order for Cat, it anchored me in a way nothing else has since I've arrived here on earth." Kara says staring wistfully out the window.
Blinking back tears, she stammers, "But now... now it's... it's..."
"It's what, Kara?" Lucy asks as she places a hand on Kara's shoulder. Kara turns at the touch and hugs Lucy.
"It's another loss that I've had to endure. Losing my home, my planet, my parents, and my friends then losing Aunt Astra. And now Alex and Hank are gone...I don't know how much more loss I can take." Kara says sobbing into Lucy's shoulder.
"I know you don't want to leave CATCO but if it's hurting you this much maybe it's time to look elsewhere or come to the DEO full time. I know you've had head hunters after you since you made it past the third month." Lucy says wrapping her arms around Kara softly rubbing her back to comfort her.
"Maybe trying a different profession, try something new. You love to paint and you are really good, have you thought about doing that?" Lucy asks as Kara turns away and starts to pace in front of her.
"I...I don't know what else I want to do, journalism was what I wanted. I wanted to change the world for the better and I thought at CATCO I could do that but it seems that was just a dream." Kara says weakly before walking over to her sofa plopping herself down.
"GAH it's so frustrating, Lucy. I don't know what I did and it's killing me. I've wanted to talk to her but when she looks at me I just turn away and the other times she won't even acknowledge I'm there. "Kara cries out.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, Kara. It will be okay. Look, think about other ways to change the world. You are doing that by being Supergirl but I know you want to do it as Kara Danvers as well. Look into the other job offers. I know you have kept their cards and maybe you'll find the right one with them. No one says that CATCO is the end all be all." Lucy explains as she sits down next to Kara.
"I know that I should but I don't know if I can. It's where I want to be, Lucy. I don't think I can find another job that I love so much." Kara replies.
"But do you still love it?" Lucy asks.
"I..." Kara looks up and lets out a deep breath. "I did… but it's been so hard going in there knowing Cat hates me and Siobhan belittles me every chance she gets and no I'm not loving it like I had and that hurts more than anything. "
"Well it's the weekend and so far Supergirl hasn't been needed so you're going to go to bed and get a good night's rest and tomorrow you are going to look at other prospects. I think it's time for a change, Kara I really do. You deserve respect and to be appreciated and if Cat Grant is too pigheaded to realize what she's throwing away then she doesn't deserve you."
Kara, smiling brightly, throws her arms around the brown-haired woman, "Thanks Lucy. That means so much to me. I'm so glad you're here, you are such a great friend and I'm lucky to have you."
"I'm the lucky one, Kara." Lucy says as she returns Kara's hug. "I should get going and you should get some sleep and just relax tomorrow. Don't think about Cat Grant or CATCO. Do something for yourself, yeah?"
"Yeah okay I will." Kara says as she stands up with Lucy and walks her to the door. With another quick hug, Lucy leaves and Kara goes back to the sofa, plops down and hugs her pillow wondering what she should do.
The weekend, it turned out, was not a quiet one and Supergirl was needed throughout the two days with hardly a break. Although she hadn't blown out her powers, Kara was exhausted and needed to recharge. She should have gone to the DEO and lay in the sun bed since it rained all weekend, but now she needs to be at work in thirty minutes. So instead of taking care of herself, she is rushing to Noonan's to get the latte for Cat, even though the woman no longer drinks it.
Cat Grant sits in the back seat of her hired car arguing with her ex about their son Carter. "I'm not sure why you wanted joint custody, Robert you never want to see him or even participate in anything Carter enjoys. You hurt him each time you do this and I'm not going to stand for it any longer. My lawyer will contact yours."
Cat despises having to split her time with Carter with her ex but it's good for Carter to spend time with him as well. She loves having him to herself but having Carter feel worthless to his father kills her each time. Carter is so good about it and never complains but she knows it hurts him deeply and that is unacceptable.
Walking out of her private elevator, Cat stops at Siobhan's desk. "Get my personal lawyer on the phone and cancel my three o'clock immediately!"
"Of course, Ms. Grant umm I'm sorry but which lawyer would that be?" Siobhan asks with a grimace.
Kara looks over at Cat and says, "Camille Rodgers." At the same time as Cat. They exchange a brief glance before Cat stalks off into her office.
Cat drops her purse and the files on her desk and walks out to the balcony. The morning has only just begun and she needs a drink. Normally, Kara would be out here asking if there was anything she could do. She could always calm Cat with just a smile or a glass of M&M's. "Professional not personal does have its disadvantages."
Cat is jolted out of her thoughts when she hears Siobhan call out, "Ms. Grant, your lawyer is on line two."
Kara decides to go to her desk and continue her meaningless assignment Siobhan gave her when she walked in this morning. Afraid to be fired or even thrown off the balcony she refrains from going out to see if Cat was okay. Cat wanted them to be professional and nothing more but Kara misses the contact, the conversations about work, or about Carter and his newest project.
Overhearing Cat talking to her lawyer, Kara now knows that Cat wants full custody of Carter. Kara feels bad because he's such a sweet kid and deserves so much better than how his father treats him.
Smiling, Kara realizes that Carter will be coming to the office this afternoon. She hasn't seen him in a long time and she misses him. She makes note to have his favourite snack ready when he arrives.
Siobhan seems to love making Kara's life hell, and continues to send her to the dark, and dusty archive room that Kara hasn't seen much of the sun today and is still very tired from the weekend of catching three Fort Roz escapees. She had taken a few hits that knocked her back and with no sun this past weekend, she was feeling every hit. With no sleep and little to eat and Siobhan on her all the time she felt like she was ready to crack.
It was in the afternoon that Ms. Grant yelled for her and when Kara entered the office, Cat just looked at her with a sneer. "Kiera, your clothes are hideous and you have dust on your face. I don't know what you've been doing, but you look like a street urchin. Go clean yourself up, go home if you need to, do not come back until you are presentable if that is even possible."
Kara felt like she was punched with the look Cat had given her. She's never looked at her like that and it took her resolve not to cry in front of Cat.
"Yes Ms. Grant." Kara says quickly and leaves the office and goes straight to the bathroom to clean herself off.
Seeing the look on Kara's face gave Cat a pang of guilt knowing she shouldn't take out her anger on the girl. It was so unlike Kara, to be dirty and disheveled, Cat only berated her for it for no reason other than she could.
Kara was back at her desk cleaned up and presentable when Cat came out of her office and walked towards the elevator. Hearing the ding, Kara saw Carter come out and go to his mother who enveloped him in a hug.
"Hello my darling. How was your day?" Cat asked as they walked towards her office. Knowing Kara would want to spend some time with him, Cat ushered Carter past Kara's desk quickly asking him about his day and taking him out to the balcony.
Kara's shoulder slumped and her eyes watered knowing this was it. Cat didn't even want her to speak to Carter any longer. If she was going to do that then what was the point anymore. Siobhan stood up and went into the office after receiving a text and there it was. She was getting Carter his snack and being there for him.
Kara had had enough. She got up and took a deep breath and told Winn that if anyone notices that she's gone to tell them that she had received a call and had to leave.
"Where are you going? Is it an SG thing?" Winn whispered.
"No it's not that. I just have to leave, Winn I can't be here right now." Kara says sadly then walks to the elevator and leaves.
It's four o'clock and Cat is leaving early with Carter. She looks towards Kara's desk even though she's angry with her; she always needs to see her before leaving. It was a thing they had earlier on and it helped Cat leave the tension from work at the office and not take it home with her.
Seeing that Kara is not at her desk, she looks to Winn "Where is assistant number two?"
Carter stops and looks at his mom wondering whom she's talking about but doesn't ask he just wants to go home. Cat looks down at her son realizing she should have at least used Kara's name and hopes he doesn't question her.
"Um... sh...She received a call a short while ago and had to leave." Winn stammers out.
Cat seethes. How dare Kara decide to leave without word to anyone? Then remembering the look on Kara's face when she whisked Carter past her, Cat realizes that she may have overdone it this time. She had hurt Kara twice today and Cat knew it wasn't right and it was time that they talk. However, Cat needs to focus her attention on Carter and to get him home to cook his favourite meal to cheer him up.
It's 10:00 pm before Kara comes back to CATCO knowing Cat and Carter have long gone home as well as everyone else. She smiles at the security guard and tells him she forgot something for Ms. Grant and he smiles knowingly and waves her on, as this is not the first time she's had to come by so late for their boss.
Once she gets to her floor, she looks around and seeing no one she goes to her desk, tidies it up, and makes sure everything is in its place. Cat's office doors are locked so she leaves the letter addressed to Ms. Grant on her keyboard and one for Carter on Winn's desk along with a package for him. Smiling through her tears knowing he'll love the present and she hopes he'll continue to practice what she has taught him.
Leaving goodbye notes for James and Winn on their desks, Kara looks around and lets the tears flow as she takes in her home away from home one last time.
Kara looks into Cat's office with a sad smile. "I do love this place; I wish I didn't have to leave. I will miss everything and everyone but it's time, it's time to move on."
The next morning, Cat is standing out on her balcony just off her bedroom and sighs. Trying to put into perspective what she's been doing to Kara these last few weeks, knowing that she has been horrible towards her for no real reason at all.
First, it was about Adam but in the end Cat was glad that they didn't work out and that's what has made things worse. She shouldn't be glad that Kara was still attainable. Having feelings for your assistant is the worst thing she could have. Nevertheless, she did have those feelings and no matter how hard she tried, they weren't going away. Bullying Kara and making her feel miserable hoping she would quit wasn't working and was the wrong thing to do.
"Mom, are you okay? Are you still upset about Dad and everything? I'm good with it you know. It's no big deal." Carter asks his Mom.
"I know Darling, and you really shouldn't be good with it. It's not fair to you and I know it hurts, because it hurts me too." Cat says sadly to her sweet boy.
"But there's something else? I can tell it's not just about Dad. He makes you angry but you've been sad for a while now." Carter questions.
"You're right, it's not just that. I haven't been... I ... It's work Carter, it's okay I'm going to make it better today, it's nothing for you to worry about." Cat explains as she gives Carter a kiss on his head and ruffles his hair.
"Is it about Kara?" Carter asks shyly. "I know she was the one you asked about, assistant number two. Why do you call her that now, Mom? Did something happen because you've been really sad for some time now and well you don't mention Kara anymore like you used to or ask her to come over to bring you things from the office. Are you mad at her?"
Not wanting to bring her son into her dilemmas especially about work but knowing that he and Kara bonded and he truly likes her and allows her to hug him when he doesn't his own father. She knows she needs to talk to Kara and maybe, just maybe let the girl know how she truly feels about her.
Bending her knees to look her son in the eyes Cat explains "Yes and no, Carter. It wasn't something I should have been upset with but I was and then I took it out on Kara and that wasn't fair to her and today I'm going to talk to her and let her know and… and apologize because it's gone on far too long and I do miss her you are right about that, Carter."
"I like Kara, Mom and I think you do to and it's okay to like her." Carter says with a big smile.
With a shocked look, Cat knows it's no good to lie to her son. "You are too smart for your age, you do know that right?" Cat says playfully as she stands up and hugs her son.
Cat walks off the elevator with her sunglasses on and wearing a slight smirk. She's holding a box from Noonan's and she seems very pleased with herself purchasing the sticky buns that Kara enjoys so much. She knows she has a long way to redeem herself with Kara but she will do what she has to, to get back what they had before she pushed Kara to date Adam.
Looking around the bullpen Cat is glad to see everyone keeping their heads down working hard for her; it isn't until she's standing next to Siobhan that she notices that Kara is not there.
"Where's Kara?" Cat asks Siobhan and then turns to Winn with her eyebrow raised both noticing the actual name used.
"She hasn't been in yet, Ms. Grant and she left early yesterday without a word." Siobhan smirks, knowing that Cat is aware of Kara leaving early and eager to see the girl shredded by the media mogul.
"Witt?" Cat asks standing next to his desk with her hand on her hip. "Do you know where Kara is?"
"Um I'm not sure where she is, Ms. Grant but... but there's this… um she... she..." Winn stammers then just gives Ms. Grant the envelope with her name on it and steps back quickly.
Cat gasps because she's sure she knows what the letter says and she realizes that she's too late. Laying the box on Winn's desk, she turns and goes into her office. She looks at Siobhan "Do not disturb me for any reason but Carter and Adam." Then continues to her desk to put her purse away then sits down looking at the envelope with her name written on it in Kara's handwriting. Slowly she opens the envelope and begins to read:
Dear Ms. Grant,
The past 2 years working with you have been an amazing and unique learning experience. I have learned so much from you and I can never thank you enough for all of the wisdom and strength that you have shown me. Almost everything that I have learned from you, I have taken to heart and it's made me a stronger and happier person.
That being said, the past few weeks have not been good for either of us. While I don't know what I've done to fall out of your favour, I will accept that I have failed you in some way. And now it would seem that your trust and belief in me is gone, as you no longer want me around Carter.
Please accept this letter of resignation, effective immediately, as I cannot bear to see your disappointment in me any longer and you have already hired my replacement. …
Cat reads the letter three more times before it all sinks in. She came to work this morning to patch things up with Kara, to apologize and make it up to her but she's too late.
Cat looks up to the empty desk that Kara should be sitting at and sighs heavily, "What have I done?"