Author's Note/Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, any of its official characters or franchise. That belongs to Square Soft/Enix. Thank you Air Supply for the song "Goodbye". Too beautiful and too good for its own good. Also, one more note: this may appear to be a Cloud-bashing fic, but it's really not intended to be. I like Cloud (sort of), and I needed a dramatic exit for Tifa and the little ones while she started her new life with Loz. One more thing: you may want to read a previously written one-shot by me called "Reflections" before you read this. It's not a requirement, but it'll at least put you "in the mood" for Tifa's situation :)
Goodbye
"You would never ask me why my heart is so disguised; I just can't live a lie anymore. I would rather hurt myself, than to ever make you cry, there's nothing left to say
but goodbye."
- Air Supply, Goodbye
Thank God, she thought, that he sleeps like a log. She hoisted up the heavy baggage, standing in the hall and slowly closing the bedroom door, praying that occasional squeak wouldn't reoccur. Marlene and Denzel hurried out of their room, sleep still lingering heavily in their eyes. Marlene rubbed hers, looking up. "When will Loz be here?" She struggled with her pink floral backpack and her prized pink Moogle doll Loz won her at the annual Saint Aeris Day festival. Denzel remained silent, staring at the floorboards and awaiting further instruction. It killed Tifa to put Denzel through this; how he looked up and admired Cloud, sadly even so after Tifa's eyes was blackened and swollen. She blamed his unreasonable reaction to his newly discovered closeness with Loz on all the Mako exposure and post-traumatic stress disorder. SOLDIER was, after all, a pointless organization. Her lower lip still ached and caked with blood.
"Denzel," she whispered, leaning down to meet him face to face. He turned from her. "I know how hard this must be, but Cloud's...changed. We have to leave."
He remained silent. She sighed, slung her bag over her shoulder, and took each child by the hand. According to the clock above the bar, Loz should be waiting in a black ShinRa minivan right around the corner. Close to home free. While she never regretted any time she spent with Cloud, intimate or otherwise, and she never regretted being in charge of the care of these two children nor did she feel remorse about falling in love with Loz, but she couldn't help but wonder how her life could have turned around so much so quickly. Yes, she's known since she was a child that Cloud can have a temper, especially if it concerns something he's passionate about, and she fully understood what Loz had done to her and Marlene and all the children of Edge in the past, but that was the past. She stifled a wave of hysterical laughter at how ironic her situation was: the hero became the enemy and the enemy the hero.
They made it out onto the 7th Heaven's front walk; she didn't bother locking the door. Whatever happens from this point on happens. No turning back, not now that she finally feels able to leap out of the wolf's mouth and into sanctuary. Still, she's leaving behind a huge portion of her life and jumping into a brand new chapter, a chapter whose contents she could not predict exactly. But above all, no matter how much or little the kids understand, or how much Denzel may resent her for the rest of their days, she knew Cloud had changed, and the 7th Heaven and its upstairs apartment was no longer the living quarters of the happy. It's now grown into something more sinister, darker, and more unforgiving.
A block ahead, and the 7th Heaven's sign is but a blurry image in the midnight moonlight. Always on her toes, Marlene already pointed out Loz's contraband vehicle before Tifa's eyes could even adjust to the dark. "There!" the little lady leapt with glee, freeing herself from Tifa and dragging Denzel's tense and still fatigued body through the streets. Before she could call them back in her normal motherly manner (where she picked that piece of personality she'll never know) the vehicle flashed its headlights three times, just as the plan stated. She breathed out, and once she reaches the van's side sliding door she helped the kids get settled in. She planted herself in the front, buckling up.
"I'm a little nervous," she whispered to the large form sitting behind the wheel, just audible below the ruckus the kids were making in the back. She was struck with such a strong emotion of nostalgia: she had her own little family at last. And maybe soon enough she and Loz will have another, this one of their own flesh and blood. He laughed.
"I guess so. Are you sure about this Tifa? It is asking a lot, should you change your mind. Of course, I can't be held accountable for any actions I may do if he lays even a finger on you again."
She nodded, her smiled and the pale skin of her face glowing in the moonlight. "I'm positive. It's time to move on. No looking back."
He nodded back, and started the engine. The kids snuggled into the backseat under the large quilted blanket Loz brought along, and soon Marlene was asleep, lured by the soft sounds and motions of driving. Denzel, however, stayed awake the whole drive, staring blankly out the tinted window. It was this image, and the ones of the recent past that kept Tifa awake.
It was roughly three weeks ago, about a week or two after she, Cloud, Loz and the kids went to the Saint Aeris Day festival. While everyone was playing the games, riding the rides and filling their bellies with sweet, greasy festival food, Cloud stayed in the shadows and sulked, watching the makeshift family enjoy themselves. Tifa couldn't shake the feeling of his eyes on her especially, even more so when she would walk or talk or laugh with Loz. She'd glance discreetly over her shoulder and found her suspicions to be true: Cloud stared at his childhood friend and once (and probably still in his mind) enemy with such frightening hatred that sent chills up and down Tifa's spine. Despite that, she did her best to shrug it off, knowing how moody Cloud could be, and yet knowing that she had done wrong.
Yes, she had cheated on Cloud numerous times with Loz, though she had kept the secret well hidden. How he found out was beyond her, but she figured it didn't matter; she had done wrong by not being honest with Cloud, and if that meant he was angry and snubbing her, well she'd just have to take the punishment like a woman. She deserved that, after all, and when the time was right and emotions calmed down she would gently break things off with Cloud, and each could go on with his or her life. Unfortunately, things did not fall down so smoothly.
After walking home from the festival, Cloud carrying Denzel while Tifa carried Marlene, and they said goodnight to Loz, his and Tifa's eyes met and locked for a brief moment before the obvious struggle to pull away ensued and she entered the bar. The two put the kids quietly in bed, Tifa staying behind to make sure each was tucked in just right (an element Cloud was never able to grasp). Once she left the kids to slumber and entered the bedroom, a feeling of cold darkness crept from the floor to the top of her head. She slowly glanced over to the far corner where Cloud sat motionless, staring blankly at nothing, hands moving anxiously in his lap.
"Cloud?" she hoped he couldn't detect the fear in her voice. She felt he already did before she opened her mouth. He stood from the wooden chair, moving with the diminishing agility of an elderly man. Except age had nothing to do with it; it was pure and simple hatred that halted his movement. He peered through the long blonde bangs that constantly hung in his face, his pupils eerily small and foreboding as they watched Tifa. She felt near to cowering in the opposite corner just from the brief exchange. "Cloud?" she shuddered as she repeated his name. Was Cloud actually in this room? He couldn't be this monster by the window was not the quiet boy she's known since childhood.
"Have fun tonight?" he growled, holding his lurching position.
She only stared at him.
"Why not? I mean, after all you were able to spend the entire evening with him." It was apparent it required great strength and prowess for him to even use a pronoun when it represented Loz.
She remained still, studying his every move. She's fought alongside Cloud for many years--his technique and attacks were predictable, and she braced herself. Little did she know that one could prepare herself for any disaster along the road of life, but being prepared and facing the predicament were two separate issues. Her fists clenched behind her, sharp pain shooting up the center of her arms following the length of her arteries.
"I know about the two of you," he now began to move, to proceed to her part of the room. She instinctively tensed more, recalling everything her master taught her so many years ago in Nibelheim. "I've known for quite sometime. Did you think you could hide forever?"
No, she supposed she didn't, but an even greater realization fell upon her at that moment. How was she expected to beat someone who was not only an ex-SOLDIER member, but also the one who defeated both Kadaj and Sephiroth (twice with the latter). She couldn't even keep Loz down that afternoon in Aeris' church, and now she braced herself to fight the man who saved the world two times. I must be losing my mind...she thought, but Tifa Lockhart was never one to go down without a fight. She'd try, at least, and prayed the kids wouldn't find her battered and beaten body in the morning, that they wouldn't be left alone with whatever malevolent demon had taken over Cloud's body and mind. Oh God, let me live to protect them...
"Cloud, what's going on with you? Did you have too many Manhattan's tonight?" she tried to joke her way out of this predicament, knowing in her heart it was futile. He was completely sober, anyone could tell you that. "Never trust a carnie barten-"
But she couldn't finish the sentence. A mysterious force crushed into her left eye socket without warning, causing searing pain to bolt first to the back of her head, then to the rest of her body. The room became shifty and blurry, almost dream like as her head rolled on its joint. She was a skilled martial artist, much more than just seasoned, but a master in her craft. How could she not have seen him coming? Then again, in the hazy aftermath of the enormous blow to the face, the past events of Cloud's beating Sephiroth and bringing ShinRa down once and for all probably answered that question for her. No matter how tough she was, no matter how emotionally strong she seemed to those around her, she was not invincible.
She stumbled backwards into the half-toned planked wall, her fingers sliding and sticking desperately to the surface to keep herself upright. Her head throbbed, but she knew that if she fell to the floor she would be at an even bigger disadvantage to Cloud. She struggled, but succeeded to keep herself right-side up.
"Cloud..." she whispered, panicked. She tried to listen for the stirring of the children in the other room, and was thankful to hear nothing. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Shut up," and he struck her in the face again, this time the back of his hand meeting her exposed right cheek with a loud crack. This time she lunged to the side from the force of it, and the top of her head smacked right into the nearby wall, not hard enough to do any real damage but stung nonetheless. Her eyes darted all over the wooden floor, still in shock over the whole situation and tasting blood as her split lip began to swell. She was totally exposed for his next attack: a muscled knee slamming right into the area beneath her ribs. She couldn't help but howl this time to the roof of the room, and she collapsed to her knees. Everything in her peripheral vision blurred over until all became dark as she succumbed to unconsciousness, the beast still hovering above her, hungry for more.
Tifa closed up shop the next morning, telling anyone who came calling for her, including Loz that she had fallen ill and can't be bothered. She couldn't stand to be seen in front of the kids, not even in front of Cloud. The world became too cold, too cruel for her to survive in, and she was prepared for death or whatever hell awaited her after every hour.
Every night after taking the children to bed, refusing to answer their questions pertaining to Tifa's lock down, he'd take a leather gloved hand over any exposed area of her face, whether she was asleep or not, never uttering a word. She didn't care after a whole week of not eating or seeing anyone. Life can hurt too much sometimes to even care about the most important issues, including the kids and her love for Loz. Her abdomen was severely bruised and damaged, and every breath she took only intensified that pain. Her left eye had swollen over to where no light could enter, and her lip became so fat she feared she'd sound like the village idiot if she dared to speak aloud. Right when things were becoming so great, were fitting together so nicely, a bull came charging through the China store of her emotional state, and shattered everything in sight.
One night, however, Cloud phone home from a delivery job. Marlene answered the phone, and he told her that he wasn't going to be back home until tomorrow morning due to the inconvenient and unforeseen storm that swept through the area. He warned her not to go into his bedroom and bother Tifa, to just mind herself and make sure she and Denzel took a bath. He instructed her will a sullen tone, one that sounded distracted and much farther away than any physical distance, as if reading from a script. She agreed, and once the phone was hung up she did something she promised her daddy, Barret, she would never do: disobey Cloud. She dashed up the flight of stairs from the bar area (she happened to be coloring on the wide expanse of floor that was the main bar room, and where she also answered the phone), almost tackling Denzel along the way, and shot her hand around the brass knob of Tifa and Cloud's bedroom. Locked. Denzel watched in awe from a short distance down the hall, not sure what Marlene was trying to achieve. She shot her eyes all around the small width of the hallway until a sparkle of light reflected off of a small object that rested atop the door molding: the key. She was too short to reach it on her own, and she figured if she stood on Denzel's shoulders that they may get hurt, and Tifa was suffering enough. Marlene could feel it through the walls. So instead she stuck out one of her shoulders and ran hard into the wooden door, not trying to break it down but to shake the wall hard enough to cause the key to slip off the molding. The sound woke Tifa up with a jerk on the other side. She surveyed the room, not sure what was going on.
At last, little Marlene's efforts proved fruitful, more than just the large bruise forming on her arm. The key slipped from the molding and hit the floor with a clink! She scooped it up, shoved it into the lock, and threw open the door. Sometimes a small voice deep inside her often asked why she did so. Why she subjected herself to such a brutal image?
The answer was simple: she loved Tifa. But she did not love the damaged Tifa that sat up in her bed, staring at the little girl dizzyingly. In the shadows of the dark room it appeared that Tifa no longer had a left eye, just a chubby patch of skin hanging lazily over the socket. She wasn't too far from the truth. In fact, the woman looked more like a comical caricature of Tifa instead of the person. Sadly, these temporary but nevertheless shocking changes weren't made under a humorous occasion. They stared at one another for another moment, Denzel glancing shyly over Marlene's shoulder in the hall way, before the little girl went running to the surrogate mother's open arms, where the two wept.
The events of the next few hours whirled by in a blur. Tifa could only slightly recall fragments of it: she reunites with Marlene and Denzel, the three embracing one another, Marlene running to the bedroom phone to call Loz, where Tifa had to beg him not to physically harm Cloud, that he was incredibly powerful. Then the great getaway plan was conducted, for two weeks from this day so as Cloud wouldn't become too suspicious (she thought Cloud would figure it out anyway), and the wheels were set in motion. Her life, and the lives of the children would never be the same. From the moment on they would be under the saintly protection of the one man Tifa could comfortably she was in love with: Loz. He was their knight in black leather arm and silvery snow colored hair. He was theirs now, and that was just fine by him.
The sun rose warmly in the horizon of their immediate view as the minivan, after a six hour journey, climbed the hill to a place Tifa had never heard of: Spira. Loz told it was a beautifully green and lush oasis, a paradise getaway with golden beaches, sapphire water, and clear skies. It sounded too good to be true, and Tifa figured Loz was just over exaggerating; he did that often when he was passionate about something, a trait Tifa found hopelessly endearing. But at the peak of the climb she found that every good word he spoke of this foreign land was true, right down to the last detail. This was where they would spend the rest of their lives, happily far away from the nightmare of Cloud, the nightmare of the 7th Heaven, of Edge even. This was sanctuary, just the four of them, and if Denzel couldn't see that right now, well that was just okay. He would in time. Boys needed time to heal when their heroes fall from grace, but Tifa had a good feeling about Loz regardless of what he and his brothers attempted to do. She felt he would soon find a fatherly figure in Loz just as Marlene did in Tifa. Time is the greatest healer of all, and can heal all ailments and wounds.
And they would wait and spend that time here in Spira, or as she thought of it, Sanctuary.
"Though it's gonna hurt us both, there's no other way than to say goodbye."