Disclaimer: As said with the other stories, I do not make any money from writing this...nor do I own Twilight or any part of the series.
A/N: This is part three of the Christmas series. I have been toying with a fourth part, but make no promises as to if or when it will be done. I do apologize for the wait for this part, but I do have reasons. In quick order my reasons are that I hand wrote this entire story and had to type it up...and reason two is that currently I'm eight months pregnant so sitting for too long or doing much typing is not easy...and reason number three is that I'm in the middle of buying a house. The good news is that we will hopefully be home owners by the end of the month, ending that time consuming project...and by the end of may the baby'll be here, so I will hopefully have a bit of time to write while on maternity leave. Again I make no promises. One last note, this is an edited version of this story. To make it a bit more appropriate to this site I edited out the full version will be available on an adult site, and eventually on my livejournal...to access my livejournal you will have to have an account. Lastly, I hope you like it.
December twenty-fourth a time for celebration with family and friends—a time of cheer and taking care of one another. In the last two years the entire holiday had become a time of fear to me and my best friend, Jasper Whitlock. It had upset my boss at the coffee shop on the corner of the apartment building when I asked for the week before Christmas off, but after I explained about the kidnappings he took me off the schedule until New Years Eve.
The fear this year was less than last year when James had actually come back for me. This year he would not be able to; because of Jasper and I, James had been arrested, charged with kidnapping and attempted murder, convicted and sentenced to fifteen years in prison. And because of James' big mouth he'd been extradited to New Mexico to face charges in the murder of Matthew Greene. Vicki, James' sister, was the only one left to fear. She was still at large the last I had heard.
The year after the first kidnapping had been hell. Before James and Vicki left Jasper and me, James had all but scheduled his reappearance in my life by saying that he'd come visit me sometime. I was anxious every time I was alone at home or just out for a walk around town. Every night the dream of James was the same—him breaking in, merrily killing Alice, Esme and Dad before coming to my room. Once in my room he would crawl, blood covered, in to my bed.
He would wake me from sleep with a harsh kiss as he restrained my hands above my head. In every dream I begged him to stop and he would laugh. "No one's coming to help," he would always say while he stripped my sleep pants from my body, tossing them to the floor. As his hands roamed my exposed body he would tell me in great detail how he had visited Jasper fist—slit his throat as he slept—and moved on to my house; my family. I would always writhe helplessly under his pinching, probing touch, tears flowing from my eyes, as he managed to undress himself.
I woke from the nightmare at the same spot of the dream—when James pressed himself in to my body. Every night I would scream and wake with a start. Every night for almost a month Dad and Esme would come to my room. I don't know why they stopped; probably gave up on me getting over the kidnapping. I never begrudged them for that—I never told them the entire truth about the kidnapping or the things James had in mind for me.
Alice—bless her—never stopped coming to my room. Many nights she would simply hold me until I was able to calm myself from the intensity of the nightmare. Other nights I was able to fall back to sleep with her there. She would always tell me that one day the nightmares would stop and that the madness of the kidnapping would fade. It took a long time for me to believe her.
I had just started to believe Alice's well meaning words when James came back. My every instinct that day had been to run, hide, scream bloody murder, anything but stand there in the kitchen like an idiot while he and Jasper gave each other dirty looks. I hadn't wanted to go anywhere with James, let alone drag Jasper along, but when the cretin whispered threats against Alice, Jasper, Esme, Dad, Bella…I had no choice but to give myself to James to save the people I loved most in the life. I drew a small amount of strength from Jasper's defiance of James, not enough to lock James outside the house and call Chief Swan or fight back in any way.
I still don't know why I allowed James to take us for a second time or let him box Jasper in with a confession of love that could have ruined our friendship or tease Jasper with the possessive touches he was so damn fond of—I did not want any of that.
The day I chose to fight back was not for the reasons I let people believe. I fought because the thought of Jasper never being a part of my life had begun to strangle me. I could not breathe as Jasper dug at the frozen ground. It didn't matter to me that he loved me beyond friendship. It mattered to me that a man I want no part of intended to take my best friend from me in the most permanent of ways. Instead of choking on my fear of losing Jasper, I fought back.
When it was over I let Bella believe the reason I fought back was because I wanted to get back to her. I let Esme and Dad believe it was because I didn't want to die. Alice was different. There was nothing to let her believe—and she never actually voiced a belief in the matter. All she had said was that I had too much to live for to allow James to take me any farther than he had. And Jasper…well we never talked about those two days last Christmas.
Christmas day last year did, however, hold one very nice surprise for me—the nightly dreams of James raping me had stopped. In stead of James' rough lips and forceful tongue pressing against my lips, I felt soft, confident lips and careful, caressing tongue. The gruff hands that had held me down and scraped against my skin had become soft, sure, gentle hands. At first I gave in to the sheer pleasure the mysterious hand and lips were offering, but as the soft tongue wrapped around mine and the lips sucked my bottom lip in to my mysterious kisser's mouth I opened my eyes.
Locks of wavy blond brushed against my face, tickling. The smooth lines of Jasper's face were too close to my vision, and as I had in the moment of Jasper's actual kiss, I pulled away. Unlike the dream with James, Jasper allowed me to pull away—watching me curiously as he had that day. I had gasped his name, waking to find myself alone in my bed with Alice staring quizzically at me from the doorway. As we held each other's gaze it surprised me how uncomfortable I was not at having dreamt of being in Jasper's embrace. It had been most comfortable and pleasurable. A part of me longed for Alice to leave so that I could return to the odd comfort of the new dream.
Like the anxiety filled dreams and flacks from James, the imagery of Jasper and I entwined together as lovers did not solely exist nor want to stay in my dreams. Looking at him and not seeing him pull me in to a passion filled kiss or lying curled on my bed as he spent the night was next to impossible. The imagery and damage James had caused had made being intimate with Bella very difficult—all I could feel was him when she touched or kissed me. After James, when we did kiss is was with a closed mouth.
After Jasper replaced James in my sleeping and waking mind, being with Bella was almost impossible. My mind would conjure Jasper's lips covering mine, Jasper's hands tugging at my shirt trying to get it over my head. I would always pull away before things could get too heated. We dated in a constant state of frustration until prom. That night I had allowed the passion to go too far and accidently called Bella by Jasper's name.
We coexisted until graduation. I did not see her off at the airport as she headed for the East Coast and Ivy League. I never told Jasper that she didn't want to see me again in this lifetime as we packed the trunk of my car and headed for Seattle.
I did as Jasper had asked and tried not to lead him on, but just could not give him the go ahead signal to see other people. It wasn't jealousy—that's what I told myself to justify keeping Jasper close but never giving in to the dreams and fantasies of him living in my head. I could see the contentment of just being my friend began to wane in his ocean blue eyes.
"Bella's not trying to come for a visit with this weather, is she?" Jasper asked, closing the door to our apartment and putting an end to my thoughts of the past two years.
"I don't know," I said trying to decide if I should tell him the truth or not. "She and I haven't spoken…in quite a while."
"She find someone else?"
"I don't know," I said not turning away from the window and the thick flakes of snow falling in a steady blanket outside.
"Did you…find someone else?" he asked voice cautious and concerned.
The phrase 'yes and no' jumped in to my head before he finished the question. I didn't voice it. I listened as he zipped himself out of his winter coat and toed his boots from his feet. I kept silent as he moved to the kitchen and began rummaging in cupboards, clanking ceramic mugs together and running water. Moments later the sound of water percolating through the coffee maker filled the void my silence had created in the air.
"Edward," Jasper said behind me. "Tell me what happened prom night…between you and Bella." It wasn't a question, nor was it a demand. It was more of a friendly request—curiosity.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly—he did have the right to know that Bella had left me because I couldn't stop dreaming of him.
"It goes back before prom," I admitted turning away from the window. "Bella and I had issues after Christmas junior year. She always wanted to know where we went…I was never brave enough to tell her the truth. That whole year was hell, Jazz, every night was the same nightmare."
He stared at me as though he'd been waiting for me to open up about James and the kidnappings. His silence encouraged me to continue.
"Every night when I closed my eyes he was there, covered in blood and confessing to your murder, and Alice and my parents. After he confessed he'd rape me…I always woke up screaming when the actual intercourse began. At first Esme and Dad would come to check on me, but after a month they stopped. Alice kept coming though." He nodded as though he knew. I should have figured that Alice would tell him.
"The nightmares didn't get any worse or stop, but by the time he came back they weren't every night any more."
"Are you still having them? I haven't noticed you screaming in the middle of the night," he said disturbed by the confession of nightmares.
"No," I said in a near whisper with a smile.
"Edward," he said softly, stopping me from continuing the story I'd started telling. "I have my own story to tell about that year." I nodded, keeping silent to prompt him to continue. "I had nightmares of my own. They weren't every night, but they were often enough to concern my parents.
"In my nightmares he would break in to my house and force me to leave with him. We always went to your house. I always panicked and tried to escape when I saw your dad in a pool of blood in the family room, but he would always knock me down, grab my hair and drag me through the pool of blood. Once he gets me to your room he gags me with duct tape and ties me to the foot of your bed.
"He threatened to kill you if I looked away…you always looked as though you were sleeping peacefully—until he pulled back the blanket covering you. Then I saw the scratches, bites, and rope holding your hands behind your back, the tears streaming down you face. You were already naked and trembling. He would strip, grab you, force you sideways on the bed and then he'd r-rape you.
"I can't tell you how many night I double checked all the doors and windows of the house or how many times the phone was in my hand, fingers ready to dial you number or how many nights I actually went to your house to make sure that no one had broken in."
I stared at him for a long moment, unsure how to even begin to process what he'd just said. In the whole year after the first kidnapping I never suspected that he'd been suffering from nightmares—nightmares close to my own. And in that same year he suspected I was suffering from nightmares. I surprised and saddened me that he'd never said anything. He had respected my whishes to not talk about the kidnapping—pretend it never happened—better than I ever thought anyone could.
"When did the nightmares stop?" he asked breaking the silence I'd induced.
"Last Christmas," I confessed quickly.
"Did something replace them?"
"Yes," I whispered. "It's what ended Bella and me."
"Prom night," he prompted, pouring coffee from the pot in to two large mugs.
"You probably noticed how frustrated Bella had become by prom," he nodded, "It was because every time we got intimate I would find a way to stop and push her away. I let things get too far on prom night…too intimate, and in the heat of the moment I called out a name that was not Bella's."
Jasper looked up at me from his mug of coffee. His blue eyes were wide with shock and amusement.
"Whose name did you say?"
"You need to understand something first," I said finally moving away from the window and toward the mug of coffee waiting for me on the counter. "Starting Christmas morning the nightmares had been erased as though they'd never been. Instead of scratching, rough hands tearing at my clothes…dry lips dragging over my skin in harsh kisses, I felt soft hands roaming my body…moist, full lips nipping and teasing me until I moaned.
"I had to know who had finally chased him away, so I opened my eyes. I was you. You filled my dreams every night. It was your name I called out on prom night with Bella."
I couldn't place the look on his face. It wasn't entirely shock or happiness. He slowly lowered his eyes to the black liquid filling his mug, lips pressed in to a firm line.
"Jazz…"
"Alice," he said interrupting my thought process, "told me at graduation that I needed to be patient…that one day we'd talk about the last two Christmases. I just never thought it would be this soon."
It was my turn to gawk at him. I didn't surprise me that Alice knew I would one day drop my pretenses and talk to Jasper about the nightmares, the near wet dreams I had about him, and the abuse James had inflicted on us both—she'd always had a way of just knowing things. It surprised me that he'd waited all this time, never forcing the issue, for to open up.
"That day you kissed me was the single most stressful…blissful day of my life. And it became the kiss against which all of Bella's were compared."
He didn't look up from his coffee mug. He didn't speak and it I wasn't mistaken he was barely breathing.
"You gave me space when I asked for it; took a huge chance when you could have lied. You never pushed me to dump my girlfriend or to make up my mind…or get over what James wanted to do to me…to you. Thank you," I said moving around the counter to stand before him.
His blue eyes stopped studying the black depths of the cooling mug of coffee to stare directly in to my eyes. Worry, relief, joy, and fear painted in silver lines through his too blue eyes.
"Edward, I…" I carefully placed a finger over his lips, stopping whatever he was going to say. For a year he had been the lover in my dreams—waking and sleeping. For a year I ignored what had happened to us and between us at that cabin. It was beyond time to make the dreams reality and face the ugliness of the past. I can't start another year based on lies, partial truths and dreams that make me feel like a teenager just entering puberty.
I smiled at the perplexed look on his face.
"There's something I want to try," I said stepping closer to him. The hand I used to silence him slipped along his jaw, fingertips grazing the skin, to weave in to his satin waves. He closed his eyes as my fingers pulled him down to me. He didn't resist.
My eyes closed the second his petal soft lips touched mine. For a brief second out lips were still as they were pressed against one another, and then his lips began to move guiding mine. His arms wrapped securely around me, pulling me close to him. A sound I had never heard another human make emanated from Jasper's throat as he tangled his hands in to my hair, angling my head to deepen the kiss. I did not deny his tongue entrance to my mouth when he traced over my lips.
His hands roamed my body in frustrated passion as his lips slid down my lips to my jaw, back to my lips and along the other side of my jaw. His breath tickled my ear when e breathed. I let out a moan as his lips found mine again—it was my dream made real.
I wanted to cry at how perfect it felt to have Jasper's body pressed hard against mine. I was finally going after what my mind had been convincing me I wanted—needed—for the last year. With Jasper there was no fear, no hesitation.
Jasper's fingers dug a deeper hold in my hair, pulling my head back to expose my throat to him. His lips slid wetly down my chin to my exposed throat. I let out a moan when his teeth grazed over the pulse point in my neck. His tongue quickly swirled over the bite mark before he pulled away from me. His eyes were hungry, blue irises edged to thin lines as the black of his pupils took over. His hands left my hair.
I could barely read the expression on his face as he once again grabbed hold of my body. I was almost disappointed when his lips did not once more latch on to mine. The temporary disappointment was displaced by excitement when I felt the tips of his fingers fumble with the hem of my shirt. My breath caught as Jasper worked the shirt up my stomach and chest in small increments. Jasper let out something akin to a sigh, but closer to a hiss of appreciation as e worked the shirt over my head.
Unlike the time James had made a similar noise, I let the shiver it gave me roll down my spine. I hadn't wanted that type of attention from James—until last year I hadn't realized that I wanted that kind of attention from Jasper. He smiled at the shiver that had worked through me. His hands—warm, almost hot—traced lightly over my chest going down to settle at the waistband of my jeans. I wanted to beg him to kiss the breath from me again, but I couldn't find the words as he backed me in to the counter top. His hands guided my hips up so the edge of my ass was leaning on the counter. I raised myself up to my tip toes as he continued lightly lifting me against the counter.
"Perfect," he whispered before he pulled me in to another heated kiss.
His lips moved with hungry fervor against mine, tongue moving in ways I never knew one could. His arms snaked around my waist and he pulled me to the edge of the counter until I had to hold on to him or lean back on my hands to keep from falling to the floor. Leaning back on the counter was not an option as it meant breaking away from Jasper's wondrous mouth—currently sucking on my bottom lip. I moaned at the sensation.
Without thinking about it I wrapped a leg around Jasper, pulling him closer to me. I moaned again and tired not to break the kiss when I felt the top of his erection press hard against my crotch. Jasper's fingers dug in to the denim of my jeans covered ass and pulled me off the counter. Afraid he might drop me I wrapped both legs firmly around Jasper's waist and broke the kiss, yelping in surprise of his actions. Jasper seemed un-phased as his lips attached themselves to my neck, collar bone, whatever available skin was closest to them.
It felt like an odd scene from a movie as he carried me from the kitchen, down the hall and to his room—kissing every inch of skin he could as he went.
Wanting his lips once more on mine I reached up to lace my fingers through his honey gold hair, pulling him to me. His response was instantaneous. Unable to stand being vertical, I slipped my free arm around his waist and up the back of his shirt. Pressing firmly in to the toned muscle of his back I pulled him with me as I leaned back on to the bed. He purred out a moan as we moved and our erections came in to contact through the denim of our jeans. I broke the kiss with a gasp at the sensation.
To my surprise I did not wake fro the oddly dreamless sleep with a start, or screaming, or highly sexually aroused. I woke slowly, consciousness gently pushing away the blanket of sleep that had enveloped me the night before. Thumping, rhythmic and smooth, sounded in my ear. Warm flesh greeted my hand as I slowly moved it along the soft/solid surface I lay against…or half on, half off of would be a more correct term. Afraid of it all being a dream, I slowly forced my eyes open. The pale, toned flesh of Jasper's chest was the first thing I saw. My eyes moved up the column of his throat—pale, perfect, and begging for a kiss. I forced my eyes to keep going until his face, peaceful with sleep, came in to view. I let out a stuttered breath. He was far more beautiful than I'd ever bothered to see, and he wanted me.
Growing up and well in to my teen years I'd known I was attractive—no one was very shy about telling me how handsome, beautiful, or attractive I am. Of course feeling that way is completely different thing. I never asked for the attention that came with the looks. I never wanted the mothers of friends to come on to me, or teachers attempt to get me to stay after school. I wanted someone who would look deeper than my face. I thought I had that with Bella.
I really wanted Bella to be different…to be "the one." In the end it turned out that she'd wanted me as a show piece—arm candy. She wanted to beautify herself by saying that she had me; someone everyone else wanted we had never really gotten to a comfortable friend stage. I had fallen for her ploy to out wit Jessica Stanley and win my affections.
As wordless, promise-less, and effortless as being with Jasper had been last night I could not bring myself to doubt what we had done. Last year he had been willing to die to save me; although with him gone from my life I would have been in a worse situation. The year before, he would have taken a beating to keep James away from me. He never, in the months between each manic event, expected or asked for anything in return. All he ever wanted was to love me, to be near me, and for once it didn't feel like my beauty, looks, or anything superficial was the reason.
Thoughts of the last night filtered through my mind—displacing my thoughts of Bella, James and attractions. My eyes once again settled on the long column of Jasper's pale neck. Moving carefully in his arms, I moved to place feather light kisses along the top of his collarbone. Encouraged by the softly purred moan I slowly kissed my way up to his neck. My lips latched to the pale pink flesh as though it were an exotic fruit—not forbidden, but more delicious than any fruit found locally.
My teeth scraped lightly across the skin. Jasper hissed out in pleasure as he began to stir beneath me. In languid laps I swirled my tongue over the path my teeth had taken. His chest and throat vibrated as he moaned out, hand coming to comb through my hair. His other hand ran down my side until it came to my ass. Slowly his fingers began to knead at the muscled flesh.
I fought back a moan as I began to suck at the spot on his neck my lips were attached to. His hand faltered in its kneading, and subsequent grinding of my fresh arousal in to his lower belly, as he lot out another moan. With a wet pop I let go of his throat. Instantly his hands brought my face up to his. His blue eyes were shining like diamonds in the morning light. He said nothing as out lips than there had been last night. It was my turn to moan.
I slowly became aware that he had shifted us during the kiss so that I was seated in his lap—revived arousals pressing in to and rubbing against one another. We both vocalized our appreciation of the sensation. I barely came down from the ecstasy of our bare flesh having met in a perfect moment of friction when I felt him gently guiding my body up far enough to align himself with my entrance. I locked eyes with him as I helped him lower my body down to his lap again.
"Last night was more than just a dream come true for me, Edward," he said softly. "It was a fantasy…it was literally a month worth of wet dreams. Until a few minutes ago I wasn't sure that I hadn't dreamed it all. I've waited so long for this…for you that I'm afraid it will dissipate and vanish like a mirage."
"Last night, Jazz," I said slowly, carefully choosing my words. "Felt like the most realistic dream I have ever had—and to wake up in your bed, in your room, in your arms to discover everything we did was real…is completely indescribable. I have never felt so comfortable, so right with someone as I did with you last night and just now. I want this…you forever, Jasper."
"Bella?" he asked, fingers stroking lazy lines along the back of my shoulders. If Bella took me back would I go is what he was really asking.
"Is no longer a part of my life, Jazz." It was the simple truth. Bella had happily gone to college content to never see me again. I should have been upset when she left, but I wasn't. I didn't feel the suffocating pain in my chest the day she left the way I did when I had to watch my best friend dig his own grave. In so many ways it had been a relief when she had left. I didn't have the constant lie to tell—only feelings to attempt to ignore. I was free to dream of Jasper, think of him without having to feel ashamed of it. I was free to go after Jasper like I had last night.
"I don't want to take last night back…sweep it under the rug like it never happened. Nor do I want to keep this a secret, Jazz," I said, panic suddenly seizing me. "You never told me why you thought I fought back against James, tell me now?"
"I always assumed it was because you wanted to get back to Bella and your family. Was I wrong?" His fingers continued their slow lines drag of lines on the back of shoulder.
I nodded, face rubbing against the bare skin of his chest. "I couldn't breathe at the thought of losing you. It hurt my chest to watch you dig that hole and know what it was going to become. I couldn't let him take you away like that. That is how it would feel if you ever left me." I could feel myself begin to blush at the girlish admission I'd just made, but just as being naked and laid before him I did not care. It was probably the most honest thing I had said in two years.
"I was way off," he whispered. "It wasn't my imagination that you kissed me back, was it?"
"No," I agreed. "It wasn't. At the time I passed it off as being in the heat moment, of needing that kind of contact. But as time wore on, and being with Bella became more suffocating…I just couldn't shake that kiss from my mind. Bella wanted me for the same reason everyone else has—my looks. You never gave me that feeling. You've known me the longest of anyone to ever chase after me. And honestly I never really felt pursued by you. You waited for me to come to you.
"I just can't believe you waited this long for me." His chest shook beneath me as he pulled in a shaky breath and let it out.
"I would have waited for you until my last breath," he said at last. His answer, his love, the way he made love to me twice was more than I deserved after the year of waiting and wondering I put him through. "You mean more to me than sex and looks…although they are nice perks." I can hear the smile in his voice.
We fell into silence. I listened once again to the steady thru of his heart beating in his chest beneath my ear. I reveled in the warmth his body offered—the satin feel of his skin tightly pressed in to mine. As I lay on him, reveling in his warmth, sweet scent, the smell of my semen drying between us, and the feel of his skin on mine I had forgotten that he had insisted on keeping his sex buried in me he softened. I moved down a bit and was surprised to discover that he was still seated within me—he had not gone entirely soft and was steadily growing hard again. I gasped at the sensation.
A chuckle shook his chest at me reaction to the feeling of him growing hard inside me.
"You've done this before?" I asked, partially in jest and partially in wanting to know.
"No," he admitted. "I read about it in an erotica book a little while ago and really wanted to try it."
"I know this is an odd time to be asking this question, but have you ever?"
His chest rumbled with another chuckle at the absurd timing of asking him his sexual history. His hands came up to push my hair away from my face.
"Not even with Alice," he said. "You are the only one I've been with like this. I've read a lot of erotica, porn…whatever you want to call it—tried a few things with toys. But you are my first lover."
His choice in the word lover caught me off guard. I hadn't expected to hear it so soon, but then again nothing that had happened in the last twelve hours had been expected. I had only expected to talk or keep going as we had been for the last year. I had not planned on having sex with him. I hadn't expected to tell him how impossible it would be to live without him or hear him make a similar declaration.
Without a word or thought I crushed my lips to his—pouring all I could of how I felt in to it. He responded to it with impassioned fervor before breaking away.
"Edward," he said in a rasped rush of air, "I want you to set the pace. I want to feel your rhythm."
The erratic jerk of my hips died to a soft spasm as I collapsed on to Jasper's chest. I was incredibly exhausted and yet oddly energized. Though Bella and I had never gotten this far, I had no doubt that it would never have felt this before during or after.
This time he allowed me to break our connection, and I curled once more on his chest—sleep begging me to give in. My hand resting on Jasper's chest fell in to sync with his tracing lazy patterns over bare skin.
Never in all my nineteen years of life would have guessed that such pleasure and passion could exist in the world let alone that I could feel them for or from anyone. Also, never in my nineteen years of life would have guessed the person to show me those emotions did exist would be my male best friend. I had thought that it would be something I would experience with Bella when we first got together, but the longer we were together the clearer it became that Bella and I were doomed to be the high school sweat hearts that could have been, not the together until eternity kind.
Our stomachs growled, breaking our post sex act bliss with a laugh.
"I'm going to fix us something to eat," he said turning off the water. "Why don't you go make yourself at home?"
I answered with a smile, stepping from the shower. We toweled off before heading our separate ways.
Anticipation filled me as I laid on his bed, taking over the center of it. I listened carefully as Jasper clanged around the kitchen making lunch. Sleep once again tugged at my mind, as did the fact that I was once more naked, hard, and in my best friend's bed. It was not an uncomfortable realization. With Jasper I didn't care who knew that we were now together—a part of me wanted to call Bella and tell her that.
It had taken me a year to come around to Jasper; a year to finally decide that we would be good together. I couldn't help the small amount of regret pulling at me for not deciding sooner, for trying to hold on to the idea of Bella and me from last night forward there would be no more regrets.
The noise Jasper was making in the kitchen came to a sudden end, pulling my attention from my thoughts of a future with Jasper and my past with Bella to what Jasper was doing in the main living quarters of the apartment. Silence greeted my hyper alert ears. I stopped breathing to be able to hear better.
"Hey, Jasper," a familiar female voice said in friendly greeting, "Is Edward home?" It would have to be Bella.
With a groan I climbed from the bed. She was the last on a short list of people I really did not want to see—now or ever.
"He wasn't expecting you," I heard Jasper respond to her question as I pulled on y jeans sans the underwear.
"I wanted to surprise him," she said sounding nervous.
I moved quietly from Jasper's bedroom to the hall. I could hear them better as I neared the end of the hall. Jasper let out a light chortle at Bella's nervous admission of wanting to surprise me. Score one for her, I was definitely surprised. But, lucky her, it was going to be her turn to be surprised in less than five minutes. I waited in the shadows at the threshold of the hall to hear his response.
"Mission accomplished," he retorted, "he will most definitely be surprised."
"Good," I could hear the smile in her voice.
"What do you want with him?" Jasper asked, causing me to smile. Jasper was annoyed by her presence, but not seemingly threatened by it. He had no reason to be. I gave him parts of myself I'd never given anyone—shared the best night of my life.
"There's something I need to talk to him about," was her cryptic answer.
"Find someone else?" he asked. I could hear the hope in his voice that her answer would be yes.
"We never broke up," she said casually.
Anger flared in me. She hadn't spoken to me since graduation in June and has the nerve to say we never split! Fueled by the anger her statement gave me I stepped around the corner in to the kitchen.
"What do you mean?" Jasper whispered. I stopped next to my tee shirt on the floor in the kitchen at the pain in his voice.
"I made a mistake before I left for school," she said, "and I came to grovel at Edward's feet in the hope that he'll say we never broke up."
"And if he's moved on?" His voice held an edge of challenge to it. He was correct, I had moved on. There was no going back with Jasper, only forward.
"I don't think that he has," she said after a long moment of silence. "First love is not so easily swept away. Didn't being with Alice teach you that?"
"Alice and I were not what we appeared to be," he said being both honest and cryptic.
"You never told me if he's home or not," she said sounding irritated.
"He's here," Jasper finally admitted. I took that as my cue to leave the safety of the shadows. Silently I made my way to Jasper's side. My hand reached for Jasper's, our fingers lacing together. There was no hope of Bella coming between Jasper and me.
"Bella," I said in a simple, curt gesture.
"Edward," she said mirroring my tone.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, keeping a firm on Jasper's hand to keep from unleashing my anger at her—she really didn't deserve that.
"I needed to see you," she said looking up at me. "I want to talk to you…about us."
I arched an eyebrow at her admission. I hadn't considered there being much of an 'us' to talk about since prom when I'd gasped out Jasper's name as she gave me a blow job. Mad is not the exact word I would use to describe Bella or her reaction at the time—livid perhaps, pissed off definitely. Her mouth had opened, releasing me, and she got to her feet. Once on her feet she began to let me have it. After she had calmed some we talked and agreed to stay together the rest of the year, going out separate ways for college.
"What 'us,' Bella?" I questioned. "I thought it was over prom night and officially when you left in July to spend time with your mother before school. Was I wrong?"
"Yes and no," she sighed. "Look Edward I've thought about what happened and decided to let it go…I over reacted. We could be so good together, Edward."
"Why don't we discuss this inside?" I suggested, not allowing Jasper to pull his hand from mine. He was where I needed him to be—by my side.
"I know that things were crazy for you back then," she said heading for the living room. "It screwed you up a bit—made you think you wanted things you didn't want. I accept that. I think that we can move past the last two years…I think that it could make us stronger. I've missed you so much, Edward, I can't even begin to articulate how I've missed you."
"It's too late, Bella," I said carefully.
"What?" Tears formed in her brown eyes as she stared at me.
"It's too late, Bella," I repeated. "We haven't spoken since you left months ago, and the last time we did speak you told me that you never wanted to see me again. I've figured out what I want…who I want, and it's not you, Bella." Jasper gave my hand a squeeze.
"So Jasper asking about you moving on was because you have?" I nodded. "With…" she stopped herself and stared hotly at us. "Oh my God! Jasper! You moved on with him! For how long?! Since you moved in here?"
"That, Bella, is not really any of your business," I said matter of factly. "You made it clear in June that it was over. Did you honestly expect me to sit and pine for you all these months, Bella? My world does no, nor did it ever, revolve around you. I cared for you once, Bella, we won't work anymore. I found all that I was looking for and I'm not giving it up for the used to be and could have been we have."
"Edward," she said softly, hurt evident in her voice, "can we have a moment alone please?"
"Anything you want to say, you can say in front of Jasper…or not at all."
"All right," she said carefully, as though she had pulled her resolve together. "Junior year when the two of you took a trip to Seattle and didn't come back for a week, did that James guy who kidnapped you last year do something to you…to you know make you want Jasper?"
"No," I scoffed at her, "James didn't do anything to flip a switch in me to make me to make me suddenly want men. I came to Jasper on my own—in my own time."
"What the hell happened then, Edward, we were happy before Christmas two years ago and then it was like…I don't know. You barely touched me after that. When we did kiss it was nothing like what it was—you were shell shocked."
"And how would you have dealt with a kidnapper who practically molested you, caused you more than one injury, and begged you to stay with them just because they found you beautiful?!" Anger tinged my every word as I did my best to keep from screaming at her.
"What happened last year?" her voice was smaller.
"James came to force me to go with him. He was going to kill Jasper and everyone or thing that would have prevented him from having me. I couldn't breathe at the thought of losing Jasper, Bella, that's why I attacked James. Prom night I called out to Jasper because since last Christmas he had been the subject of my dreams every night. Before that James was the star of my nightmares.
"Jasper and I have been best friends since elementary school, Bella…I can't explain this to you in any way that you'd understand. James in no way made me want Jasper. Jasper did. The way he kissed me last year was beyond any kiss anyone had ever given me."
"This whole situation is fucked up," she said moving toward the door.
"Tell me about it," I whispered in agreement.
"I'm sorry, I really should have called." She pulled the door open. "You won't see me again."
I stared at the closed door for a long moment. I hadn't intended to tell her this way—or even really at all. Seeing how much it hurt her to know that I had longed after Jasper since last Christmas left me cold. Even though she'd hurt me when she left without a goodbye, I never wanted to hurt her. Despite her pain and her desire to get back together, giving up Jasper was not an option—not now that I finally discovered the trust, passion, and love I have for Jasper. Bella and I never had anything like or near what Jasper and I had created last night.
"Are you all right?" Jasper asked, head resting against the back of mine, arms folding around to hold me.
"I will be," I said, leaning against him. "Long as I have you, I will be all right." I dropped my head back on to his shoulder and brought a hand up to caress his cheek, thumb tracing along his lips. His breath came in a stuttered rush, washing over the side of face. I wanted him more in that second than I had last night. Turning slightly in his embrace I guided his lips to mine.
We'd had sex twice in his bed room and just now on the couch—it was more than I ever could have hoped for with anyone else. I couldn't help myself from wondering what other areas or surfaces on the apartment we could christen with our new found relationship.
"No wonder," Jasper whispered snapping me from my thoughts. "Now I know why you…that was amazing…beyond my fantasy." He picked his head up to look me in the eye. "The last twenty-four hours were beyond any dream or fantasy I could have ever imagined."
"Ditto," I said unable to find any words better than the one's he'd just spoken.
"When Bella showed up I was afraid that this realistic, wonderful dream was turning in to a nightmare. But then you took my hand and didn't let go…"
"I'll never let go, Jazz," I said, bringing his face closer to mine. I kissed his lips, nose, cheeks, forehead—every bit of flesh mu lips could find. "Never," I repeated touching our foreheads together.
"Ditto," he said. We both laughed.
Our stomachs growled for the first time since before Bella had burst in to out little bubble of discovery and exploration. We laughed again.
"Wait here," Jasper said laying a light kiss to the side of my neck. In slow, graceful movements Jasper pulled himself from my lap. I watched him amble toward the kitchen and the plate of food he'd left on the counter when Bella'd shown up.
I watched as he added more food to the plate and grab two glasses of water. I wanted to watch him do more than just prepare a plate of food forever. I wanted more than forever with him.