"Well, if you're watching this, I'm dead."
It had to have been the fifth time Sam had watched the stupid DVD in a little under 24 hours. He couldn't help himself; no matter how many times he heard Gabriel say the words, no matter how many times Castiel assured him that yes, in fact, he could sense that Gabriel was no longer with them, he couldn't bring himself to believe it that Gabriel was actually... gone.
Sam sucked in a deep breath and, after making sure that both Dean and Castiel were sleeping in the bed next to him, and that the brightness on his lap top was down as far as it would go, he adjusted his headphones for the thousandth time and started it over.
Gabriel went through his whole speech about what happened again, the sex started, and Sam had his finger on the button, getting ready to turn it off, when something stopped him. Why shouldn't be be allowed to watch this? He was an adult, he could watch angel porn if he wanted to. Sam let out a breath and looked over to see if Dean and Cas were still sleeping before paying attention to what was going on.
It didn't take too long for him to get engrossed in the movie, his eyes wandering over every inch of Gabriel's tiny little body, and imagine himself in the girl's place (which, yeah, okay, surprised him at first, but he figured he was alone and nobody had to know he was fantasizing about sex with Gabriel. He just went with it). His eyes had soon fluttered closed and he focused only on the delicious noises the archangel was making, which in turn resulted in a growing bulge in his own pants.
Sam heard the matress next to him start to squeak and he paused his movie, eyes flickering over to the two, and saw that Castiel had rolled himself on top of his brother, which had Dean making all kinds of happy (uncomfortable and too intimate for Sam) noises and he quietly crawled out of bed and padded to the bathroom, locked the door behind him, and sat down on the toilet as he finished the DVD.
Again, he was wrapped up in the moment, the angel, the everything, and let his mind wander to his wonderful fantasy of himself and Gabriel. Sam set his computer down on the side of the tub and touched himself, deciding to really buy into it, and breathed a quiet moan.
On screen, Gabriel muttered something indistinguishable that sounded to Sam like a name. He couldn't have been sure though, because the angel's face was currently buried in the neck of the girl in the porn, so his speech was a bit muffled. Sam continued to stroke himself in time with Gabriel's thrusts, relishing in every noise he made on screen, and wished it was him causing him to make those noises, those desperate whimpers and drawn out moans, all of it. "Gabe," Sam choked out, unable to help himself. "Close, mmm, shit,"
Apparently, Gabriel was thinking the same thing, because the nameless woman on screen was panting and gasping and looking completely wrecked as Gabriel moved, and soon, he was growling out a name that stopped Sam right in his tracks. "Sam," he grunted, his head thrown forwards. "Fuck, Sammy," Sam had stopped and was now focusing on his - the - angel as he hit his climax, Sam's name on his lips, and collapse beside the woman.
Then the scene changed and Gabriel was back in the clothes he died in, the room looking much like the one he was in right now, woman gone, and Gabriel standing in front of a camera. "Hey, kiddo," he said softly, giving a sad smile to the camera.
Sam's throat felt thick and he picked his computer back up, setting it on his lap, while Gabriel continued. "I figure you're probably watchin' this alone, aren't ya?" Sam, even though he knew Gabriel couldn't see him, nodded. "That's for the best. What I'm about to say isn't for your Ken-doll of a brother's ears anyways." The two chuckled together and Gabriel stepped back, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "Sammy, there's a couple things I wanted to talk to you about, and I'm sad to know that if you're watchin' this, I'm gonna have the chance to tell you in person."
The angel looked up, his expression sad, and amber eyes bore right into Sam's. "First off," he started, "I wanted to say how thankful I am to have known you, even if it wasn't for very long. You really changed things for me, kiddo, whether it's good or bad, I haven't decided yet, but the fact of the matter is, you shook things up." He paused for a moment and a somewhat happier smile crossed his face. "You have a big heart, Sam, and it's good, and bright and so full of love and understanding... I'm really starting to think they made a mistake when assigning you to Luci if I'm being honest. And for the first time in a long time, I am. Don't do it, please. Don't give in to that dick. Don't let him taint everything that's good about you, Sam. I don't want you to lose who you are. Because it's nothing short of amazing."
Sam was tempted to just turn it off right then and there. He didn't know if he could watch anymore of this without breaking down and crying at what Gabriel was saying.
"The other thing is, that I wanted to let you know how I feel about you." Gabriel took a deep breath, obviously having to think about his words for a moment before coming out with it, and swallowed. "Like I said, Sam, you made me realize a lot of things when I met you and your brother a couple years ago. Like how fucking co-dependent you and Dean are on each other, and that all Winchesters are stubborn, bull-headed, short-fused sons a bitches. And that it makes you all the more fun to tease. But the most important thing you showed me, Samsaquatch, is how quickly you can fall in love with somebody." Gabriel smiled up at the camera again and let out a small laugh. "Yeah, that's right. I kinda might be in love with you, Sambo. And I'm really sorry I didn't get the chance to tell you in person. Or fuck the shit out of you in the back of your brother's car. Can you even imagine the look on his face if it ever happened?" He chuckled and shook his head. "I know you're gonna find somebody some day that's gonna be good for ya, and while it bugs me that it's not gonna be you an' me at the end, and treat you right. You've got a bright future ahead of you, Sammy. A lot of good is gonna come your way if little ol' me's got anything to say about it." Suddenly, Gabriel stopped and looked over to the door and Sam could faintly hear the sound of a car pulling up outside. "I've gotta wrap this up now or else I'm gonna get a face full of your brother and my brother about ready to get it on in here. I love you, Sam. I just wanted you to know before it was too late... which I guess now, it kinda is, but you get the point. Bye, kiddo. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to tell you sooner." Sam could see tears beading in the angel's eyes as he snapped his fingers and the camera shut off.
His heart felt heavy as he shut the lid of his computer and walked back out into his room, sitting down on the edge of his own bed, and thought about everything Gabriel had said in the video. Sam set his computer on the night stand beside his bed and crawled back under the covers, his eyes falling shut, and a sigh escaping his lips. I'll find a way to bring you back, Gabriel. I promise. With that in mind, Sam drifted into an uneasy rest, his mind filled with 'what ifs' of he and his archangel.