A/N: Just a little one-shot. Edward and Jasper. A little cliché. A little cute. A lot of cursing. x (Ps. Yes, I posted this half a year ago, pulled it down because I didn't have time to keep up with everything. Now I have more time).

I Just Want To Try One Thing

"Please don't ask me who i am
Or when and where my life began
Or why I ended up like this or how
Don't ask me what I was before
If I was anything at all
It's nothing you can know
About me now"

(This. Here and Now. With You by The Cure)

Part 1 – Edward POV

Thursday. Thanksgiving. It was cold, so fucking cold, and the rain was coming down, hard. Forks weather at its best. Did I mention I was freezing my fucking ass off?

I'd had a shitty day. I'd woken up that morning with one single thought in my head. I couldn't deny it anymore. I was in love. With a boy. With my best fucking friend. My thoughts were a mess. I was a mess. Fuck my life. Fuck it to hell. I'm not gay. I, Edward fucking Cullen am not gay. But I think I might be. And I think I might be in love. Fuck.

I slammed the front door shut behind me and kicked my boots off. My socks were soaked. My sweater was the fucking Atlantic Ocean. I pulled it over my head together with the wife beater underneath, and stalked towards my bedroom.

I'd known it for a year, more or less. Before that, before him, I didn't think too much about it, believe it or not. I wasn't completely ignorant, but I'd just never... liked any girls well enough to consider dating them. And the guys, well... When you've grown up with the same people your whole life, you don't really start looking at them in that way. But when Jazz moved to Forks a year ago things.. changed.

We quickly became best friends, and our friendship was to fucking intense. We couldn't seem to spend enough time with each other. And now he was the most important person in my fucking life, and somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't normal. But I refused to dwell on that thought. Fuck normal.

Jasper rocked my world in every way possible. He showed me a whole new life. He showed me his world, his music, his books, his art. He showed me love. Fucking acceptance. He didn't question why I never dated anyone. Why I was fine with being just us.

Not only did he open my mind to a whole new aspect of being who you are, but he showed me how easy life could be. Everything was so fucking easy with him.

I knew Jasper was attracted to both guys and girls, but he wasn't embarrassed by it. However, he never pushed me on the subject. He never asked me, straight out. And I was so fucking thankful for it – because honestly, I probably wouldn't have known the answer.

After a couple of months, though, I started having... reactions to his touches. Which meant I often had to be careful of our proximity. Keep him at an arm's length. Literally. Figuratively. But my mind wouldn't fucking have it though. Images of his perfect fucking ass flashed before my eyes whenever I jerked off, and I just couldn't fucking help it. I came so fucking hard the first time I masturbated thinking of him, I couldn't find it in me not to do it again. So it became routine. Did that make me gay? I didn't fucking know.

Part 2 - (Still) Edward POV

Thanksgiving was hell. That whole fucking week was hell. I was pretty fucking sure I was going crazy. I had to tell him. But I needed to keep my mouth shut. I had to see him, but I knew I couldn't before school started again. Not unless he called me first. Fuck, I hated this. My heart clutched in my chest every time I thought of him. And when I saw him again, Monday morning, my heart fucking ached. I'm not fucking kidding. It hurt. But he was right fucking there, so what the fuck was my problem?

After school, we went home to my place to do homework. Fucking homework. I'd been sitting by the desk in my room for the past two hours, trying to start my paper on Shakespeare's Sonnet 18, but my mind kept drifting. Drifting to thoughts of him. My best friend. On my bed. Beneath me. Naked. Fuck. Shit, I needed to stop that train of thought.

"Fuck," I sighed.

Said object of my affection was sitting indian style on the bed, across from my desk, as he looked up from the book he was currently reading.

"Can't handle some Shakespeare, Cullen?". He knew as well as I did that literature was my best subject.

"Shut up." I sounded pissed. I didn't actually mean to, but the words were sharp, cold. Ice.

"What's your problem?"

I wanted tell him. You. You are my fucking problem, Jasper.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"It's none of your business, Whitlock."

"Fuck you, I'm just trying to be a friend." Yes, Jasper, yes I want you to fuck me. And god-fucking-damn, do I want you to be more than a friend.

So fuck it. Here goes nothing.

"IthinkI'mgay". It came out in a rush, and I think my voice broke a little on the last word. Fuck.

"You – what?" He sounded surprised, but not shocked. Sort of like he was expecting it. He'd made jokes about me being gay for a long fucking while after I broke up with my one and only girlfriend last year – who, by the way, I never even fucked. But that didn't mean he knew, right? That I was gay? Fuck. I didn't even know myself. And yes, I'm a virgin. Yes, I'm 18. And yes, I know I'm a loser.

"You heard me. And no, I'm not sure, no I don't wanna talk about it and you're dead if you tell anyone. Is that clear?" I didn't want to look at him, so I turned back to the the computer screen.

He didn't say anything for a while.

"Have you ever-" he didn't need to finish that sentence. I was not going to talk about gay sex with my best friend. My best friend who I also happened to want to have sex with, as it turns out. No way in fucking hell.

"No," I said a little to quickly. He chuckled. Fucking chuckled at me. Great. Just great.

"Okay. Have you ever thought of another guy while-"

"Jasper, I swear to fucking God-" I warned, but he just couldn't stop himself.

"While, well, you know-", he raised an eyebrow suggestively, his lips pulling up at the corner into an all-knowing, sexy, fucking I-can-see-right-through-you smile.

"Fuck you," I muttered.

"Come on, Cullen. It's a simple question. Yes or no." God, he was getting on my nerves. Yes, Jasper, yes I have. You. I've thought about you. Multiple times. A day.

"Yes. No. Fuck, I don't know."

"I take that as a yes," he smirked. I wanted to wipe that dirty smile of his face. Preferably by shoving my tongue into his mouth. Fucking hell. Stop thinking about that.

"Just.. Forget it, okay? I never told you anything," I sighed, tugging my hair. Nervous habit.

"But you did," he pointed out, his smirk growing wider. He was obviously enjoying himself.

"Go fuck yourself, Whitlock." He just laughed at me as he put his book down, stood up and went for the door to my bedroom. My eyes drifted to his jeans covered ass. Fuck, it was fucking perfect.

He quickly turned his head and looked over his shoulder at me, and my eyes met his. I'm pretty fucking sure he caught me looking at him. He smirked. I bit down on my lip, like a fucking 13 year old girl, to keep from moaning out loud in part frustration, part arousal.

"Maybe I will," he winked, before he walked out of my room. I heard the bathroom door open. Fuck. Maybe I will. Fuck! Was he flirting with me?

Jasper POV

He had told me. Finally. I knew, but I pretended not to. Even I talked more about girls then what he did, and I was pretty sure I was 99% gay.

Christ, I couldn't stop smiling to myself. He told me.

I'm not quite sure how we ended up the way we did - on his bed. It had been a long night. His dad wasn't coming home from work until the next day, so he asked me to stay over. I said yes. Just yes. I didn't want to make this something it wasn't. We were just tired. Cold. The heater in his room didn't help any. I think it might have been broken, or just turned off, but I didn't say anything. I wanted him closer. Which lead to me suggesting that we both spend the night in his bed, instead of me lying on a mattress on the floor. Really, I was just kidding. Mostly. But somehow, without too many words being spoken, we ended up on top of the covers together, still fully clothed, but yet.. close.

Edward was between my legs, his back against my chest, his head on my shoulder. He was breathing in and out in an even, relaxed rhythm. My breathing, however, was hard and ragged. I couldn't help but notice his increasingly growing.. problem. Damn. He had fallen asleep. On my chest. And he was getting hard. And he was, as it turned out, pretty big. Damn, indeed.

I knew it was wrong, but hell, I couldn't let this opportunity slip away. I wanted to make him feel good. I wanted to touch. See. Feel.

I turned my head to the side, gently tracing the shell of his ear with my nose.

"Baby, are you horny?", I whispered against his neck. My voice was uncharacteristically low and rough. Shit.

I'm not sure what I expected from him. Probably nothing, considering I was pretty damn sure he was asleep. And knowing Edward, he would probably just make a joke about it, laugh it off. What I didn't expect though, was what happened next.

"Yeah," he whispered lazily, eyes still closed. Oh God. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

"Oh. Shit". It was all I could say. Edward was between my legs, he was horny, he was hard and I was ready to dig myself a hole in ground and die a peaceful, self-induced death of the embarrassment I knew would come once he came to his senses.

It only took seconds for him to snap out of his hazy state of drowsiness, before he turned his head to look at me.

"You did not just ask me what I think you asked me, right?" he said, his voice incredulous, with a trace of embarrassment, shock and... curiosity?

"Uh, yes, I think I did", I said, glancing at his lap again. God, I just couldn't help myself. He followed my gaze. I closed my eyes as if I was in pain, calculating his reaction, before cracking one eye open, carefully gauging his reaction.

"Fucking he-" he began, as he looked down at the current state of his not so subtle hard-on.

"I'm sorry," I cut him off. He lifted his head to really look at me then.

"What? No. Fucking.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean.. I... Shit. I was dreaming and you were – fuck." Well, now I was curious.

"I what, Edward?" I asked.

"What?"

"In your dream. Was I in it?" I prompted.

"Yes. No. Can I go back to sleep?" he was so goddamn cute when he was embarrassed. I wasn't going to let him off that easily though.

"Hey. We're friends, don't make this shit weird. I shouldn't have asked, but don't be all shy about it, you were just stating the.. eh.." I glanced down at his crotch again. Definitely hard. "..the obvious. So now tell me, what did I do in your dream?".

"Christ, Jazz. Friends. That's exactly what makes it weird." Screw friends. I wanted to fuck this beautiful boy's brains out. I was way past friends. I only wished that someday, he would want more as well. And right now seemed like the perfect time to do some.. research for future studies.

"Spill, Cullen. What was I doing in your dream?"

"No way."

"You know I always get my way, baby."

He groaned and closed his eyes.

"You like it when I call you baby, don't you?" I whispered, doing my best sexy-voice imitation, trying to play off the fact that I had slipped up for the second damned time in less than five minutes.

"Yes," he said, in a deep, husky voice. Fuck. If I wasn't hard before, I was most positively hard now. Thank god there was enough space between us so he wouldn't feel it.

"Did you dream of my body? Possibly naked?" I urged.

"Fuck. Why are you doing this?" he said, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face in his hands.

"Cullen, cut the crap, we've always told each other everything. I swear, I won't freak out on you, so just.. get over yourself".

"Fine. Fuck. You-had-your-hand-down-my-pants-and-you-were-stroking-me-and-it-felt-so-fucking-good-I-"

"Do you want me to do that to you, baby?" I just couldn't help it. My brain filter went straight out the window the second he told me about dreaming of me getting him off. And he got hard by the thought of it. "Do you want me to stroke your cock, make you come?" I murmured. The brain filter seemed to have no plans of returning. My inner, horny, teenager was taking over my mouth. And my hands.

I touched his stomach, pulled his shirt up. Skin to skin. Breathing harder. Drifting lower. Unbuttoned his jeans. Drifting lower. Fingering the elastic band of his boxers. Dipping my fingers inside. Barely touching. The back of my hand feeling warm skin. Smooth. Silk. Hot. Heaven. He groaned, and his breathing picked up. God, he was wonderful.

I felt a brief moment of insecurity wash over me. Was I doing this right? Did he want me to do this? Were we moving too fast? Too slow? Had I crossed a line? I had to ask for his permission to continue what I was doing. No matter how horny I was, or how horny he was for that matter, I would never, ever, want to risk this. Us. Our friendship.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Mm?" he hummed back, eyes closed.

"Am I making shit weird?"

"No, you're making shit really good actually". His head was on my shoulder, so I couldn't see the expression on his face. But I could hear his goofy grin.

I nudged is jaw with my nose and teasingly moved my mouth to his ear and bit down on his earlobe. I was hoping to get his attention. Instead, he groaned and pushed his hips up a little, humping thin air. God, I loved him. Wait. No. That's not what I meant. I loved him like this. Horny. Honest.

"You know that's not what I meant," I laughed. "Is this-" I wrapped my fingers around him and gave him one long stroke. He moaned my name. "..Making things weird?". He just growled in response.

"Please let me know what you're thinking," I murmured into his neck, still stroking him. Feeling him. Loving him. Damn it; yes, I love him. I'm in love with him. And I think it's safe to say that I always have been, ever since we first met, and always will be.

"I really can't – ugh – think straight when... you have your hand inside... my boxers, Jazz. Fuck, I like the sound of that," he breathed.

"Are you saying you want me to stop?" I asked, my lips pressed against his neck, feeling the blood pulse through his veins. I swirled my thumb over the the head of his cock.

"Fuck," he panted. "No".

"Then answer me," I hummed. I had to know. Was this okay?

"Fuck, I love you," he groaned.

"That wasn't the answer I was looking for but-" My heart did a back-flip and swelled to twice its size, I swear. He loved me? We turned to look into the other's eyes at the same time. Really looking now. Searching.

"You love me?" I asked.

"Well, yeah," he said, and smiled that goddamn sexy smile of his. It wasn't a "well, yeah, duh" kind of "yeah". Or a "yeah, and I would really like to get off now" kind of yeah. It was more like a.. "Yeah, I love you." Sincere. Sweet. My gaze drifted to his lips, lingered – full. Color. Perfection – drifted back up to his eyes. They seemed darker. Smoldering.

His lips were inches away from mine. God, I wanted to kiss him. I licked my lips.

"I just want to try one thing," I said, leaning in closer.

"I'm gonna – fuck. Jazz-" he was panting. Hard. Thrusting his hips into my hand. I moved my face even closer to his. Touched his nose with mine.

"Edward?"

"Mm?"

"Love you," I said, before covering his mouth with my own. And that was all it took. He came. I swallowed his moans, and the string of unintelligible expletives that followed. He pressed his tongue against mine, and I could feel him pulsating in my hand.

Hot liquid. Fire.

Our kiss turned frenzied, as if we'd both been starved from this.. us, love, lust... for too long. And in a way, I think we had.

His glorious fucking ass pressed against me. It felt as if I was about to spontaneously combust if I didn't do something. Soon.

"Fucking hell," he groaned. I pulled him closer to me by the hips and rubbed my rock hard cock shamelessly against his ass for the very first time. He groaned again, loud, as his hand came up to fist my hair, pulling my face to his. He kissed me. Hard. Soft. Hot. Need. Want. Lust. Love. Fuck, his tongue felt amazing against mine. Licking. Sucking. Teasing. Biting. So fucking good.

"Fucking hell is... the fucking... understatement... of the fucking... century" I panted. I swear I felt him shake a little with silent laughter. I rarely swore this much around him, or anyone else for that matter. But right now I didn't give a fuck.

The pleasure was too much, too good. The way it was consuming me. Pulling me under. Releasing me. Ecstasy. Reality. This. Here and now. With him.

My whole body was shaking.

"Fuck," I panted against his mouth. We were sweaty, sticky, still kissing. Fire.

"Tonight?" he asked, the sound of lust clear in his voice. Goddamn. He was unbelievable. He was my best friend. My love. My lover.

"Hell yeah."

A/N: Reviews make me smile.