So, this is my first Holby fic! After reading so many great ones I thought that I'd have a crack at one myself :) all feedback is welcome,

Thanks! Freya xo

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights are reserved to the BBC.

She had known that it would be bad news. From the moment that she had walked through the door and into the consultation room. From the look on the consultants face as she sat down into one of the hard, hospital chairs. She could recognise that look anywhere and was extremely familiar with it as she had to wear it nearly every day when giving out bad news herself.

And now, as she walked away from the man on the opposite side of the desk all she could hear was his words ringing in her ears: "I'm so sorry." But was he really? Surely after the amount of times he'd had to say those words over his career the meaning would simply begin to fade into a formality. Sahira had caught herself many times before, quickly remembering why she was saying those three little words and then the depth and feeling would return to her voice and the relatives would believe that she could understand what they were going through.

But the man sitting behind the desk in the office that she had just vacated knew nothing about how she could possibly be feeling after what she had just been told. How could he?

She hugged herself; thoughts and images swimming in front of her eyes. Her years at medical school gave her a better understanding than most of what would happen next but right now she couldn't process anything – couldn't even accept the possibility. Her career, husband, children, friends all entered her mind but soon slipped away as the only thing that she could focus on was herself at this moment in time. Sahira knew that it was selfish of her, to not think about the other people that this would affect too and to only concentrate on herself but at this moment it was all she could do.

Her feet had been leading her towards safety even when her mind was occupied with her danger. The view of Darwin suddenly entered her vision as her mind was brought back to the present.

"Ms Shah?" came a voice from behind her. She turned and found Oliver Valentine walking towards her, armed with files and scans. "I need your opinion on my patient with Endocarditis – Ms Shah, are you alright?" He scanned her face, which was silently streaming with tears. She hadn't even realised that she was crying. "Do you need me to get someone? Mr Douglas perhaps?" he pressed.

"No, I'm fine Ollie, really," she replied, her voice thick and heavy with her emotion, "Could get Ms Naylor to look at your case, I need a moment to myself."

Oliver watched her go, unsure how he should proceed. She had said that she wanted to be alone but the empty look in her eyes worried him. His mind set, he went in search of help, looking for any of the doctors who could give him the right advice of what he should do. He saw Ms Naylor finish with her patient and make her way to the nurses' station, but he decided against her. The whole of Darwin knew the difficulties that lay between the two women and now was not the time to test their new tolerance of each other. No, it was Mr Douglas that he needed right now.

"Ms Naylor? I was wondering if you knew where Mr Douglas was?"

She stared at him, "No. I don't. And you shouldn't be wondering either – I'm your mentor, not him. I suggest that you concentrate on making sure your sutures are absolutely perfect for the mechanical value I want you to implant into Mr Collings later today."

"Yes, of course," he replied, trying not to lose her attention to one of the registrars, "but I need to speak to Mr Douglas now!"

Jac opened her mouth to reply when they heard a cheerful whistling coming around the corner, "Did someone say that they needed to speak to me?" Greg appeared with his childish grin.

Ollie sighed in relief, "Yes: me! I need a favour from you quickly." And before Jac could pull him away Oliver dragged Greg towards the consultants' office where he had seen Sahira disappear into.

"Dr Valentine, is everything alright?"

"No. I mean yes it is with me, but it's Ms Shah, she's in there crying. She said she wanted to be alone but..." Ollie trailed off, hoping that Greg would understand. Thankfully he did and he was inside the office before Oliver could finish.

Greg didn't know what to expect when he entered the office. Obviously he had seen women cry before but not anyone quite like Sahira. She was always so calm and collected about things so he was taken by surprise when he saw her hunched up on Elliot's sofa, looking so small and lost.

"Sahira?" he said softly, going over to her and kneeling beside her, "What's the matter?"

She shook her head slowly. So slowly in fact that Greg had to really focus on her to make sure that it was her reaction. "Please Sahira, talk to me."

She kept her eyes fixed on the floor while the tears continued to steadily flow from them. Greg sighed and left the room. At once, Ollie was at his side, his eyes questioning Greg.

"I'm going to page someone who can help," Greg said, "I can take it from here, thanks Oliver."

Inside the office, Sahira could hear the faint mumble of voices outside the door but she didn't care what they were saying. She felt sick and her heart felt like a thorn as it beat inside her chest, seeming to punch her internally with every movement. She heard the door open quietly and the footsteps of someone coming over to her but she didn't look up. Sahira didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment; she just wanted peace.

And then it came. The voice that always made her feel safe. The voice that had made everything better before in the past:

"Sahira?" Henrik Hanssen said gently.