Author's Note:So, this is something that really was emotional for me to write. Enjoy the tears; tissues will be handed out at the end. This is set in Season 7 Episode 17 of Supernatural but there is canon divergence. Also this is Dean/Cas so if you don't like m/m don't read. SPOILER ALERT FOR SUPERNATURAL SEASON 7. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH
Author's Note #2: I listened to O come Emmanuel by BYU Vocal Point during the final part. I will mark with a (*) when I think you should start the video if you do want to listen to the song during this.
Shoving the lifeless body that once held the demon off of his dagger, Dean watched it roll down the stairs of the house that housed the mysterious man who was going to save Sammy from his own mind.
Then the body hit pavement in front of a man. A man who Dean though he'd never see again. A man that had been Dean's life and was suppose to be gone.
"Who was that?" said the gravelly voice of the blue eyed man who had tormented Dean's nightmares these past weeks.
"Who-What-?" Dean stuttered out, unable to look away from the man and his supposed wife. Cas.
"I'm Emmanuel."
He stuck his hand out, waiting for the hunter to shake it. Only instinct stopped Dean from looking like a fool. Dean recited his name as if he had done it many times before. He had, in fact. To Cas. Not to this 'Emmanuel'.
Who was the spitting image of his Castiel. Of his angel.
But even Dean recognized the difference between Cas and Emmanuel. There was a difference in the way they both stood and spoke. The former angel always stood as if holding a heavy burden upon his shoulders. And there was an intensity in Cas' eyes that made Dean shiver, yet an innocence in it that had him wanting to hold the angel in his arms and hide him from the cruel world.
Emmanuel held a brightness, a spark of life that only a human could have. He had tenderness and kindness in his eyes and smile. He willingly went with Dean to see Sammy.
He spoke of his wife Daphne with much sweetness in his voice. Dean brushed off the twinge of jealousy in his heart. He's not Castiel; he doesn't know of...us.
"Your friend's name was Cas? That's an odd name," Emmanuel said thoughtfully.
Dean felt a lurch of pain in his heart and he looked away from the healer with a hurt expression on his face.
"Have I said something wrong?" came the soft question. It doesn't even hold any of Cas' naivety. Because it's not him.
"No, you just reminded me of something."
"Something that has upset you. You try to shrug it off, but you are only human, Dean. Does it have to do with this Cas? The friend that hurt you?"
"Yeah, kinda. Look, can we just drop it?"
"Only if you inform me of what Cas meant to you."
Dean swerved on the road, and took some pleasure in seeing the fearful expression on Emmanuel's face before he realized that a look of fear on Emmanuel's face was the same as one on Cas'. He felt his heart sink even further. They sit in silence for a few minutes before Dean barely whispers, "Cas was my friend."
"He was more than that, I believe."
"How would you know?"
"The way you speak about him. There is a conviction behind the way you speak of your friendship, the hurt in your voice when you speak of this Cas' betrayal. You cared for him, didn't you?"
"It doesn't matter anymore. He's gone. Dead or in between, he's not around anymore. All that matters is healing Sam. Besides, I made a mistake...I loved."
Silence filled the Impala again, and right when it started getting too tense for Dean, Emmanuel spoke again. "Love is not a mistake, Dean."
The pair got to the mental hospital without much trouble. But soon, every step Emmanuel took gave him a sharp pain in the head
"Dean, please, stop for a moment," he panted out, setting his hands on his knees as he struggled to keep his eyes open. The pain in his head was quite intense, nothing he had ever experienced before.
"Ca-Emmanuel, what is it," Dean said, immediately going over and putting a hand on the back of the healer's shoulders.
"My head. Something in that building is powerful enough to cause me pain. The closer I get, the more pain I shall be in."
Dean felt bile rise up in his throat. He could clearly see the pain in the blue eyes of the -angel- healer. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Ca-Emmanuel but he had no choice. Sam wasn't gong to last much longer and this was his last shot.
"We'll think about what we should do before we go-"
Emmanuel straightened up and took a few steps forward determinedly. Until he stumbled and Dean caught him. "I shall be fine. Just need a moment to gather my thoughts. Your brother needs my help and I cannot let simple discomfort get in the way."
"But you're in pain," Dean bit out. He couldn't look at the pain in those eyes for much longer. Too many memories coming to the surface that he had tried to bury under booze.
"I can do this, Dean. I can save your brother and maybe you can have some happiness since Cas did this to you."
The hunter winced, wishing he could voice his thoughts. You don't understand Emmanuel. You are Castiel. However, just as when he had his wings, Dean could not deny Emmanuel's request to continue.
The journey down the hill and into the institute was short, but tension filled. To the hunter's surprise, Emmanuel didn't stumble again until they were on the hall where Sam's room was. He braced himself against the wall, leaning his hip against the wall with his head tucked in towards his chest. Dean waited with bated breath to see if the healer could continue.
Then, unwanted thoughts began to fill his head. The first time Castiel had looked up at him and tentatively kissed his lips. Their first night together, Cas' head thrown back in pleasure as he begged Dean to move faster. Their separation after Sam was put in the cage. Dean breaking Cas' heart by returning with Lisa, driving Cas to work with Crowley and bringing about this whole mess.
"You are thinking about him," Emmanuel croaked out.
Dean whipped his head back towards the man, noticing the tears of pain beginning to fill Emmanuel's large blue eyes. Cas' eyes. He was now standing up almost completely straight but for the stoop of his shoulders. He was beginning to look like Cas, Dean realized.
"What?"
"Cas. You are tense now, even more so. You are thinking about him aren't you?"
Dean began to stutter out excuses when Emmanuel gave him a glare that made his heart twitch. "Spare me your excuses. You are as transparent as paper to me, Dean."
"I always have been," he retorted, moving out of the healer's way as he advanced forward.
Emmanuel stopped. "What do you mean?"
"Nothing, I meant in general," Dean lied swiftly, turning his back on the healer as he strode to Sam's room.
Emmanuel managed to stagger into the room, only to collapse in the plastic chair beside Sam's bed. Dean watched nervously as the healer ran his hands along Sam's forearm and his forehead. Then he gasped and pulled away, putting his head in his hands.
"What is it?" Dean asked. When Emmanuel didn't answer him, he went over and knelt in front of him. "What's happening? What's wrong?"
The healer uncovered his eyes, tears spilling from them as he reached down towards Dean's face. Placing both his hands on either side of his face, Emmanuel whispered, "Why didn't you tell me I'm Cas?"*
Dean felt as if Emmanuel -Cas- had hit him in the gut with a metal bat. "What?"
"I know now, Dean. Touching Sam reminded me of what I've done, of what I've destroyed. Heaven is...decimated and Earth too! All those lives that are lost because of me! And now Sam is losing his mind..."
"Cas, you remember?" Dean whispered, taking his angel's face into his hands.
"Yes. Everything," Cas sobbed, allowing Dean to wrap his arms around him. The hunter held his angel for what felt like a wonderful eternity. Until Cas pulled away gently, bracing his forehead against Dean.
"And I can fix it. Sam will be okay."
"What are you doing?" Dean asked, his arms feeling empty as he watched Cas sit on Sam's bed. Cas reached over and cupped Sam's face, hesitating for a moment before saying, "Fixing the one thing I can. Forgive me Dean, it's better this way."
Eyes widening in alarm, Dean moved towards Cas, only to be held back by some kind of shield. Helpless, Dean watched as the red energy went from Sam to Cas, who began to cough violently and soon collapsed. Dean went over as soon as the shield disappeared and lifted Cas' torso off of his brother and leaned him against his chest heavily, brushing his hair out of his face.
"Dean? What's happening? Is that Cas?" Sam croaked out, blearily coming back to the real world.
"Cas? Hey, look at me. Cas! Cas, please," Dean begged, looking down into the cloudy blue eyes. Blood began to spill from Cas' mouth and his eyes, which Dean began to wipe away frantically.
"Dean...Sam's gonna be okay..." Cas coughed out.
"Shh, save your strength. It's gonna be okay. You'll be okay," Dean said, ignoring the pounding of his heart at the sight of Cas covered in blood. Again.
"Dean, you didn't make a mistake..."
"Cas now's not the time."
The angel shook his head, his eyes clearer now. "There won't...be another time. I wanted to...help...but I brought destruction...I regret that. But one thing...that I will never regret...is loving you, Dean. I've made a lot...of mistakes...but you are not one."
"Cas, I...I need you."
The angel gave him a watery smile. "I know..." Cas' eyes began to cloud over again and he began to mumble something. Dean brushed his bloody fingers through Cas' hair absently. He listened to the mumblings as they grew louder and Dean could decipher them.
"O come...o come...Emmanuel...and ransom captive Israel...that mourns in lonely exile here..."
With that, Cas gave a gasp and died in Dean's arms.
Three days later, Dean watched as Cas' body burned on the funeral pyre he had built. A hunter's funeral for an angel.
"You gonna be okay?" Sam asked, glancing from the fire to his brother.
"Not gonna lie, Sammy. I'm not sure I ever was. And I'm not sure I ever will be," Dean said emotionless, his eyes never leaving the fire. "Why don't you go back in the house for a while?"
Sam nodded and turned to head back inside. His back was still turned to his brother when he said, "He meant a lot to you, didn't he? Cas was more than a friend, wasn't he?"
"He still means a lot to me, Sammy. Go get some rest."
The younger Winchester decided to do just that. But when he entered, he thought he heard something outside again. Trusting his hunter instincts, Sam returned outside and had to sit down on Bobby's porch, his grief getting the best of him as he realized what he heard.
Out by the pyre, Dean was kneeling and singing.
"O come o come, Emmanuel..."