Believe In Me – First Memory
I remember the first night I felt you close to me, the first time you approached me with your faint, ghastly presence. That same night, the river flowed like the blue trace of paint from an aquarelle that leads to some sad memory hidden in the mists. The birds that took off left behind a murky trail from the darkness of an artist's brush, to mark the true distance between us, between the earth and sky. Before me everything stood like a painting drawn by a master artist, a cascade of the many shades of green, blue and white; intertwined with desire, sorrow and loneliness. I sat there, below the tree that shielded me as the dark clouds descended and the heavens poured down a quiet, almost silent, rain. But even then, beneath this cold sky, I could still hear the hidden symphony of the wilds, of life itself. It was calming, hearing each raindrop fall and echo in the silence. It is amazing what people discover when they let themselves drift into the winds of solitude, a beauty beyond human eyes and ears just for them. Solitude is bliss.
I let my head fall back on the bench I sat on, as I waited for the silence to take me away, deeper into the painting left to us by the Nature's Shaper. As I drifted into myself I felt the winds change, and a soft hand touch mine. It was almost human, and the contact was so very brief that I couldn't even respond.
My last though was of you, before I drifted into the sea.
The ensuing years passed normally for me. The faces and halls were marked with the gray of usual life, not moving and not standing still, just existing empty and colorless. I didn't mind that much that so-called exciting life, but it was maddening to see those dark and pale shadows that surrounded me being just like everything else, empty and colorless. So I tried to hide myself away from that life, to try and relish the songs of old and to indulge myself in the light that only a landscape can truly give. In the end I was the one person who was strangest, always staring into the skies and beyond the clouds, over the hills, plains, forests, and far away into a land that was pure, untouched by the shadows of man. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to fly, to soar so high above and to watch nature grow, to watch it change through the seasons. To become a part of the symphony: From the dawn's first light, as the cold mists fall across the forest floor to create a carpet of white and bronze, and back to the setting sun's final crimson rays. At night a wolf, to hunt beneath the open sky filled with small bright gems set ablaze, with the noble moon to lead the way.
And as time drifts by me, I see nothing has truly changed. Each night I laid my head to rest to smother the maddening chaos of images and broken symphonies, in hopes of empty dreams. But tonight, my mind woke me within the dream to warmth, safety. Something my dry, cold, desolate heart became so hungry of over the time. I grasped her softly, like the last bright tear of a lonely phoenix. I could almost feel tears rise to my eyes as I realized that Solitude may be a bliss, but it could also drive one insane. That cold silence that drained the life of everything around me faded as I turned to her, filled with hope, life… and love. Though she was hidden in shadows, she was still there, a comfort to someone so cold, distant and lonely. But why would she comfort me, why would I be better than a grey knight in shining silver armor, better than someone stronger and more courageous. Why would such a beautiful person exist for me, a lonely exile, someone lost in the shadows of his mind.
Could she be the light to show me the way?
In those moments of bliss I could finally rest, beyond our world, with only the sound of our beating hearts to fill my mind, now calm and strong. She whispered to me her words of compassion and hope. She told me that she hopes we meet someday beneath the bright blue sky, to find our freedom in the breath of wind. In response, I shared with her the last fragment of my soul, the only thing I ever kept sacred for all this time. I gave her my heart… and my love. As the darkness around us echoed and cracked. The mirror of my mind broke away the shadow into petals, to reveal light that shone beneath the blue sky. I was happy, for once truly. I closed my eyes and enjoyed that I have been set free. As my eyes shut, I woke to this world once more.
She has shown me a new way from then, a new path I can follow, filled with light and hope. I didn't have that dream again since then, but I know she is somewhere close, watching me with caring eyes, from beyond my dreams and their shadows.
I have come to live a brighter life, surrounded by people that aren't shrouded in pale shadows, she has granted me the will to fight on against my darkness. So now, as I live my day to day life I still long for the winds beyond my sight, but hoping to reach them with her. My travels still won't give me rest as I still hope to find her. She exists within all of us, waiting to save us when the last lights fade, to lay the last path of our Dreams. As I leave you my first and last letter, I will give you the words she told me, the ones that will someday maybe set you free.
Would You Believe In Me?