A/N: it's so hard to write in the here and now, so I though well that's Jordan's playground why not play in one he said he never would, besides Jordan changes things all the time!
Disclaimer: I own nothing in Jordan's universe it all belongs to his head, such a shame when you think about it.
The wind blew across the road scattering leaves in its path. Although the day was warm, the wind held a chill that promised an early winter but he did not let a minor thing like the wind touch him, today of all days. His mind processed that the wind was cold, noted the fact, like noting that water was wet, but water being wet did not always affect you. His mind processed the fact and moved forward, ever forward, toward his destination. Every thing he had done over the last year, one year precisely to the very day, had been working towards this hour, arriving at his destination at this time, on this day and now that time was close, oh so very close.
The horse under him continued down the well traveled path, he had once named him but knowing the name of the animal wasn't important, the only thing that was important was reaching his destination, so the name had been forgotten, discarded from his thinking like the useless piece of information that it truly was. His thinking was only attuned to two things, how was he going to reach his destination on this day and how was he going to be able to survive to reach it? Everything else was useless, once it had seemed important but not now, now it was just a barrier stopping him from getting to where he was meant to be. To here he had to be, to where he had worked so long to be.
His body was now just muscle and bone; all unnecessary fat had wasted away long ago. Once it had been a tall, muscular body, surrounded by the effects of an easy life, where he could always eat if he was hungry, always eat even if he wasn't. Now it was all that was needed to get the job done, what was needed to keep moving closer, day by day closer.
Day and night he longed for one thing, one thing dominated his body and soul so much that he refused to think about it, refused to let his mind entertain, even for a second, that tantalizing thought that always seemed to surround his consciousness, for he knew that if he did he would eventually falter, and he had not sacrificed the last year to falter now. Not when he was so close. But he could always feel it there, shinning with the promise of joy, of living once more. He now knew that this was the test that this was the challenge, and he would die before he failed.
His surroundings were becoming more familiar with every passing mile. Bit by bit the path showed signs of more common use as the distance decreased. This was a little known of, little thought of path to his destination, a little bit longer but this was the path he had to enter from, the path he had been told to use. Abruptly he realized that there were only a few more miles to the Black Tower, just a few more.
Tension that he had not even noticed seemed to leak out of him, a weight seemed to lift of his shoulders and the numbing haze that had engulfed his mind seemed to lessen. He would arrive before time, he would be early. His mind drifted back to that day one year ago, the day he had been called out of training, the day he had been told of this test and had been so surprised, so naively overconfident. A spiteful grunt escaped his lips, oh how foolish he had been, how so very stupid, how so very ... young. Strange to think that he was only a year older.
He had heard from many that this was the test that would define who he would become, the accomplishment that the rest of his life would be built on, and nothing ever would seem harder. In the beginning he had thought they were wrong but now he knew better, for this test wasn't against any adversary but yourself, at once your greatest ally and your greatest enemy, this was the test in which one proved that they possessed the highest level of self control, highest levels of self discipline. This test defined your character, exposed your weaknesses brutally to yourself whilst you were in the most helpless state of mind and whilst those weaknesses threatened to destroy you, one had to overcome them in order to survive. Facing your weaknesses at the best of times is difficult, facing them at your worst is almost impossible.
He understood now, it was in knowing that you survived that strength was drawn. In knowing that you had overcome worse that your self belief was enhanced. In knowing that despite your weaknesses you had still survived that hope always lived on. Knowing that they could be overcome at anytime, knowing what your weaknesses are that you are able to improve yourself. In knowing that despite what you had already learnt there was much more to learn. In knowing that there is always an alternative that insight is born. This was the test to become Asha'man, not some useless exercise in the power but a grueling test of self discipline that threatened to destroy you.
His thoughts turned to that day one year ago, he remembered the excitement of the summons, for there was only one thing it could possibly mean. The summons to the Chamber of the Guardian had come at an unexpected time, a summons that could mean only one thing, that he would face the final test. Though the fact that he and many others had witnessed men returning from this test in his time at the Black Tower was commonplace, the details had always been withheld. Soldiers and dedicated were left to wonder why men that had seemed among the strongest of the students, the best that were not fully Asha'man, always returned precisely one year later or not at all. They often wondered why they returned haggard, as if from a year of torture, but now he knew. Oh how he knew. He recalled entering the great stone doors that lead into the Chamber, the first time he had been allowed inside the room, he had been struck by its brilliance.
The great domed stain glass ceiling, depicting the symbol of the Asha'man, the symbol of the Dragon, struck him with awe. The serpent seemed to withier across the glass ceiling, as if alive, but he knew that it was just an illusion, a trick of the eye. It was strange though how it seemed to be moving as if to attack a trespasser. He had had to assume the flame and the void then and there just to remain calm. He remembered finally tearing his eyes away from the long withheld sight and taking in the rest of the chamber. The entire structure seemed to be carved out of polished black and white marble, though the marble was predominantly white, massive veins of black marble streaked across the walls and support beams. It was at that time that everything else faded from view but one man, Logain, the M'Hael himself, stood on the raised platform at the far end of the room flanked on both sides by what must have been every Asha'man not on duties within the Tower grounds at the present time.
Logain stood looking at him in silence, watching as he approached, a grim expression on his face as was the custom but strangely something else seemed to be trying to creep in. In his hands he held the famous crystal sword, the sword given to him because of his post, Callandor, the Sa'angreal that had no buffer, a source of great power but if misused would turn deadly, much like the post of M'Hael, a constant reminder to whoever lead the Black Tower. Dressed in ceremonial black, with the sword and dragon attached to his chest, as were all the other man, Logain possessed a presence that seemed to radiate power, a stance that screamed of alertness. Finally as his long journey across the massive floor came to an end he stood before Logain, his neck at an uncomfortable angle to look the M'Hael in the eyes and as was the custom, he begun the ceremony. "Dedicated you have been summoned to face your final test to finish the training that we can give, your greatest challenge now lies before you, one unlike any you have faced before or will ever likely again. If you succeed you will be raised to the ranks of the Asha'man, you will become one of us. Do you wish to undertake this final test, which, as you have no doubt learnt in your time here, will take the next year of your life?" It was a question he had expected and one that they all knew how he was going to reply.
As he had been instructed in the short time between his summons and arriving at the great stone doors, this was the only time he would ever be asked this question, if answered yes the test would begin, if no, he would be sent from the Chamber, forever to remain a dedicated. A fate that he and every other student in the Tower had been striving to avoid for their entire time here, so far in the short life of the Black Tower, not once had anyone answer no. He replied as he was instructed to if he was going to choose this path. "I am ready M'Hael, I will become an Asha'man." At his reply a small smile played across Logain's face, before vanishing almost instantly. It was customary to accept the challenge before you knew the conditions of the test, something which had imbedded fear into the hearts of most of the students. It was now he would learn his fate.
Almost instantly, the sword in the M'Hael's hands began to glow softly, he had been instructed that although the sword was not really required it was a custom to use it for this purpose. As the M'Hael began to weave threads of Saidin, he began to speak, "The final test is not a test of skill, it is not one of strength, but one of commitment," to his right a gateway began to open spiraling into existence as he had seen so many times, revealing rolling plains of snow, "As you may know you will spend one year exactly away from us, your task is simple arrive at the gates of the Black Tower one year from today, this gate leads to the same spot for all Asha'man so know that this task can be accomplished. To join our ranks you must succeed, only those that were at the last battle have been spared this task, for we already know of their commitment and determination." There was more he was sure of it, there was no way staying away for a year and then coming back could be the test. Logain continued, "You must come to us from the south, use the woods path as you near the Tower." Logain stopped and looked at him expectantly, this time a genuine smile was on his face.
Unsure of himself he started towards the gateway, he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck rise further with every step he took until the inevitable happen and Logain's voice shattered the silence. "Oh and one more thing," slowly he turned back to face the M'Hael, not knowing what to expect, "this task is to be completed without a single use of Saidin," ever so slowly Logain placed a shield between him and the true source, tying it of as he begun to speak, "As you have no doubt witnessed that shield is weak, you will be able to break through it at anytime, but to complete this test you must return to us with that shield in place, still intact. You must resist the temptation of Saidin for a year, for that is the real test, the temptation will be almost unbearable, but you must choose what is more important to you, Saidin, or the Asha'man." A year! Without Saidin! That was the price of becoming an Asha'man, almost literally the hardest test he could think of, again Logain's voice interrupted his thoughts. "You may proceed." Ever so slowly he turned and walked through the gateway.
Within days he found that he was in Seanchan, on the other side of the world! Now one year later that light forsaken shield was still in place, just the thought that he was mere minutes away from touching Saidin again was nearly driving him insane, the closer he came the harder it was to resist. Ever so slowly his mount topped the rise and the gates of the Black Tower came into sight. Somewhere, he vaguely realized, he had spurred his mount to a gallop and he was charging towards the Tower at break neck speed, a thick haze had settled over his mind that would not dissipate. He would not fail now, of that he was sure.
Later he would remember almost nothing about that night, a common occurrence he was told, the bodies' lust for Saidin seemed to override the mind in most cases, but he did remember a few things. He would remember walking into the Chamber of the Guardian a second time, but this time the stain glass seemed to be protecting him, not attacking. He would remember the sea of faces that had been waiting and hoping he would arrive, all happy, all dressed in black. He would remember the thrill of been told he had passed and that he could touch Saidin again, he would remember the joy of it coursing along his bones, throughout his body seemingly bringing life where there had only been death for a year. How alive he felt at its touch.
But most importantly he would remember the ceremony and Logain Albar. The M'Hael leaning over and placing the dragon pin upon his breast, before proclaiming to the gathered assembly in his booming power enhanced voice, "An Asha'man is raised," to which there was a cry of joy, "whatever this man may become, whatever he may do, what titles he may accumulate over his lifetime there is one thing no one will ever be able to take away or change and that is the title I give him now, welcome to the Black Tower brother," and in a quieter voice he continued, he spoke as if he had been waiting for this for a long time, "welcome Asha'man Tam Trakand."