The Importance of Bug Spray
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Naruto...nothing I tell you!
'Thoughts'
"Talking"
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WHAM!
"OW dammit Kakashi watch what the hell you're doing, don't be so rough!"
A shrill voice cut through the otherwise quiet apartment effectively freezing the blond ninja who had hoped to do a surprise attack on the little pink haired kunoichi. Naruto, still frozen in a somewhat crouch, peered down the dark hallway that led to Sakura's bedroom a confused expression clouding his normally goofy face.
'The hell was that?'
Another thump, this one somewhat more muted than the first, followed by a muffled male voice one Naruto knew very well, making his eyes widen comically.
"I didn't hear you say that earlier Sakura-chan. Besides this is sturdy wood, it can take a lot more abuse, believe me I would know."
absolute silence...
"I cannot believe you just said that," Sakura murmured back.
Naruto choked, hoping...oh kami, hoping he was hearing this all wrong. It was too early, and he hadn't had his daily recommended servings of ramen yet so he was hallucinating from the hunger...yes that's it...this isn't real at all!
"What isn't real?" A voice whispered in Naruto's ear, making him jump slightly and slap a hand over his mouth to cover a slight yelp.
Turning his head to the side, wide eyes took in the dark hair, pale complexion like it had never seen any kind of sun whatsoever, onyx eyes that held no emotion, only a slight smirk of his lips gave away his amusement.
"Dammit Sai, that's not funny!" Naruto hissed.
Lifting an eyebrow Sai tilted his head as if considering what he was seeing. "Funny? Funny about what? The fact that I managed to be almost an inch from you before you noticed me? Doesn't say a whole lot about your abilities as a shinobi dickless" Sai's eyes started to shine with mirth.
When they had all first met Sai he didn't have any kind of emotion, basically a blank canvas if you will, but through the occasional book, inquiring, reading people, and Sakura's fists to his head he was beginning to show a smidgen of the basics. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks; just don't mention that to Kakashi's ninken, it wouldn't be pretty.
"Remind me, why did I ask you to help?!" Sakura snapped. "Cause if this is how helpful you are going to be you can take your lazy ass back out the window you came in."
Kakashi's deep baritone replies, "Because you know I have many skills, and I was in the neighborhood anyway. You know you need me Sakura-chan" Sounding suspiciously low and sensual, causing the blood to rush to Naruto's ears in embarrassment.
Sai's eyes which were trained on the distant doorway down the hallway, narrowed in contemplation. Turning he started walking to the door when his wrist was captured by a hand and his body forcibly whipped around, his onyx eyes snapping to startled deep blue eyes resting above red dusted cheeks. Raising an eyebrow Sai darted his eyes between Naruto's to his captured wrist, voicelessly signaling the other to explain his actions.
"You can't just go in there Sai!" Naruto hissed.
"And why not? It is only Sakura and Kakashi-sensei in there," Sai replies, prying Naruto's fingers off his wrist, his voice clearly expressing his confusion to the blonds antics.
"W...well uhhh..."
Naruto, who was doing a fabulous job imitating a tomato, was torn. Sneak down there to investigate what was going on, or get the hell out of there before anyone noticed his presence. Choices choices... Fingers poking together in a very Hinata like way, his musings are brought to abrupt halt as the sultry voice of Sakura came through the door making his jaw hit the floor and Sai's eyebrows shoot to his hairline.
"Hmmm, I guess you're right, there's no way I could do this alone and get the most satisfying result. Just please be more gentle, I'd rather not have any scratches, at least not yet."
'Yet?...YET?! What the hell is going on in there and why does Sakura's voice sound so different, so low and deep. I've never heard her like that...ever! Well to be honest she's mostly yelling at me, swearing like a sailor and a fist is usually flying towards my head, but this is just too weird to pass up.'
Making the executive decision that yes he was a fearless shinobi and yes he was a man; a quick glance down his pants proved that one. He stealthily made his way down the hall towards the large oak door… Pressing his back flat against the wall beside her door jam he leans his ear against the closed door, straining, hoping to figure out just what in the Third's name was going on in there! Sounds of rustling filters through the wood making Naruto's eyes widen even more.
"You don't have the heat on do you Sakura? Cause it feels like an oven in here. Let me get a little bit more comfortable." Kakashi's deep voice comes through followed by the distinct sound of a zipper and a thump of something being discarded on the floor. More squeaking pierced through the wood, followed by the sound of paper rustling.
"Are you always so whiny?" Sakura muttered back. "My A.C's on the fritz so we have the open windows and the fan right behind you. Those are the only two options to get cooler."
Low chuckling ensued. "Oh I don't know Sakura-chan, I can think of a few more things we can do to get cool."
Naruto's concentration is suddenly interrupted by the appearance of Sai standing across from him, his gaze scrutinizing what he's seeing and hearing.
"Lets see, well from what the pictures show in here we need to be in this position for it to work, though I have no idea how that's going to work against the wall." Sakura murmurs back.
"Oh I don't know, this seems to be the best position," Kakashi whispers back.
"Pretty sure that's how this all got started Kakashi," she replies.
'Wait a minute...pictures...pictures in a book?'
Suddenly all the pieces click together like an obscure puzzle,visions of an certain orange book invaded his mind. One that he always saw conveniently held in said sensei's hand, nose buried deep in the pages. 'THE HELL!?'
An almost inaudible whine forces through his throat, making Sai become even more puzzled as to what was going on. Leaning his ear to the door, Sai concentrates on the two voices determined to find out what upset the future Hokage so.
"Let me see that Sakura-chan," Kakashi mutters. "I think I know which one you're talking about, ah yes this one." A grunting noise leached its way to Naruto, which he could clearly make out was male, almost like Kakashi had picked up something heavy. Another groan, this one definitely female, comes back answering the first.
"Oof, Kashi, you're pushing too hard, this wall isn't very comfortable pressed into my lower back!" Sakura snaps back irritably.
Panting, sounding slightly out of breath replying, "Sorry Sakura-chan, this is a lot more difficult than it says, just hold on a minute and I'll adjust my hold so you can get more comfortable."
Sai's eyes widened as Naruto's fingers, which had been holding onto the door jam clenched tight, splintering the wood slightly, the noise jolting him out of all the nightmare scenarios and freezing hoping they hadn't heard.
The sounds of moving bodies stop instantly, making both boys hold their breath, their eyes meeting each others conveying the panic about the situation.
'Oh Kami, please don't open the door...I won't live to see another dawn, Sakura will make sure of that.' Naruto prayed to himself.
"Shhh, did...did you hear that?" Sakura whispers.
"I think it was just the headboard, you must have a really tight hold on the wood for it to make that noise, you're not using chakra are you? Cause that just might split it" He responded chuckling.
"Of course not, I'm not stupid ya know! Besides you told me to make sure my grip was tight. Now quit joking around and help me, my legs are about to give out!"
"Ok ok, take a breath there Sakura...OOF." The smack of a hard object hitting a body followed by a coughing Kakashi. "Cough...hack...wheeze... ugh I think my stomach just got introduced to my spine..I never knew you'd like it that rough Sakura-chan."
"Ok ok just let me adjust my hold there. No no no put your hands up higher, yes that's right, right there perfect...oh shit."
"What? Whats wrong?" She asks worriedly.
"Now don't get upset I can work around this," kakashi replies huffing. "Ok so it's right there by my feet, no don't let go I'll manage to do this with hardly any effort at all, after all I am quite limber!" A very unladylike snort responds. Not missing a beat he continues, "Ok so move your leg just a bit higher, yes...groans"... (Insert Naruto choking here, and Sai reaching out to whap him on the head)..."Ok maybe a bit too high, back a bit...ok right there. Yeah right there, that's the spot, and I'll move my hands like so." More grunting, a rustling of clothes, and a crinkling of a plastic wrapper making Naruto scrunch his face up trying to figure out just what was so important that they had to stop everything just to grab it.
"Got it" Kakashi shouts triumphantly.
"Thank Kami, it's about damn time I'm cramping up here, hurry it up will you?" She retorts. "I just know I'm going to have a permanent imprint from the wall on my back not to mention the splinters I will have to remove. And do you know how fun those are to get out Kashi huh HUH?! A sharp thwacking sound reverberating through the room followed by a bellow of;
"OW dammit Sakura..it's not like I meant to, my mind wasn't focused on that, I was a little preoccupied if you hadn't guessed." Kakashi muttered.
A deep sigh and shuffling permeate the door.
"Oh I know what your mind was occupied with alright. Please can we do this now, I don't know how much longer I can take" she whines back.
A deep rumbling chuckle answers "Patience Sakura-chan, you must have patience. Let me just open this and we can finally get down to business."
More crinkling, a pause and a slight cough.
"Ahem..uh Sakura..."
"Yeah?"
"It uh...it won't fit..it's too...big"
'Won't fit, what exactly wont fit...and where...the hell are they...talking about?'
Naruto's eyes snapped to Sai, whose face was scrunched in extreme confusion as well, saying that, maybe he wasn't the only one lost here.
"Push harder, make it fit!" She implored.
Grunts and harsh breathing fill the air.
"It's no good Sakura...maybe we need some lube?"
"There's some in that drawer right beside you...yeah right there."
Some shuffling, more squeaking and then...SNAP...
"Kuso!" Kakashi snarls.
"Oh tell me that wasn't what I thought it was...please" Sakura whimpers.
…..."Yeah it broke" he mutters back.
silence...s...i...l...e...n...c...e...
"FUCK!?" A piercing shriek fills the air making Naruto jump almost whacking his head against the door and Sai jerk back not wanting to mimic the action.
"I think I just went deaf...by the way you gonna let the answering machine pick that up or should I get it?"
"Pick wha...whatever not going there. Please tell me you're joking...you'd better be, cause if you're not I'm going to get really angry...and you don't want to see a very angry, cranky and squished kunoichi, Kakashi-sensei...you really don't" Sakura replies ominously.
'Oooh she rarely says his title anymore and when she does...he'd better run for the hills.'
"Come on Sakura, would I do something like that? I mean after all it affects me just as much as you," Kakashi whispers making the fine hairs stand up on the back of Naruto's neck.
'Ohhhh kami I do not like where this is going, this was a bad idea...very bad idea. WE NEED to get out of here like now!'
Proceeding to inch his way back to Sakura's front door he grabs for Sai's wrist and yanks him to follow. However he freezes instantly when he hears the thud of something hitting the floor and a distinct click of a door knob being turned.
"Oooh I know I'll just get one out of the kitchen drawer, I'll be really quick." Kakashi says cheerfully.
Now there's a moment where they say your life flashes before your eyes, and images of things you wanted to do before you die rushes through. Naruto wouldn't deny he would've gladly give his last ramen coupon for that door to stay closed, or that his knees knocked so hard against each other that he almost slumped against the wall in extreme terror...he just wouldn't tell them that. He would however deny the almost inaudible squeak of terror that squeezed past his lips... a very manly like squeak, though Sai would never let him live it down. Bad images of what was going to meet him through that doorway bombarded his mind. On the one hand he might get to see Kakashi-sensei's face at long last but on the other he would get to see way wayyy waaay more than he ever wanted to see of him...ever. The door opened wider almost in slow motion, seemingly taking forever, Naruto's eyes opened so wide they might have just fallen right out of his head...opening...opening… an eternity surely has passed by now... a quick glance to the side showed Sai standing there with an almost bored expression on his face...(per the norm for him, anyways back to Naruto)...cringing his eyes wanting to preserve his sanity but not closing them all the way because hey, you don't see Kakashi's face everyday right?
And then...the door swung all the way open making Naruto slam his eyes shut throwing his hands across them for added protection.
'Oh Kami this is it...' Naruto whimpered in his head.
His inner dialogue was interrupted by the gravely voice of his ex sensei.
"Naruto, Sai, whatever are you two doing sneaking through Sakura's house at this hour?" Making Naruto slide his hands down and crack open his eyes a tiny bit revealing a somewhat disheveled mop of silver hair falling haphazardly over mismatched eyes. Trailing down noticing that infuriating mask was still present, making him pout, trailing down further, spotting a suspiciously missing flak vest, instead the sleeveless black tank that was attached to said mask met his eyes..trailing down to...pants...
'Huh...don't you have to have those off if...' His inner confusion interrupted, his eyes darting back to the copy ninja's face at the sound of him clearing his throat obviously expecting a response.
Kakashi's eyes were crinkling above his mask signaling he was smiling...but it didn't seem to be a happy smile..more like a you'd-better-explain-yourself-this-minute-or-you-will-find-out-what-the-chidori-feels-like-personally-up-the-arse kind of smile. Thousand Years of Death suddenly seemed much less deadly...
"Uhhh...uhhhmmmm" Yes a very intelligent response if he did say so himself.
"While I have no clue as to what dickless was up to, I came here to inform Sakura-chan of our upcoming training in the morning," Sai responded.
"Naruto, Sai?" Sakura's voice drifts down the hall to him a moment before an equally disheveled pink haired kunoichi steps up beside Kakashi in the doorway. Currently clad in only a tank top and some pajama shorts she placed her hands on hips and arched a brow staring at them expectantly. Clearly enjoying the imminent threat of violence that was surely coming to the boys, Kakashi leaned against the door jam his smirk growing wider, crossing his arms against his chest.
"We...well you see I was just coming over t...to tell Sa...Sakura about our training in the Morning. But I stopped when...I heard thumping a.. squeaking annd..." He squeaked out, channeling his inner genin Hinata at the moment.
Emerald eyes turn to regard mismatched gray and crimson before they both burst out laughing. Confusion flitted across the blonds features clearly not getting what was so hilarious, while Sai gaze darted from one person to the next. Clutching her stomach Sakura managed to straighten out, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye she locked eyes with Naruto, mirth clearly still dancing through her features.
"Naruto just what did you think we were doing in here?"
Eyebrows shooting up to his hairline, contemplating just how he was going to say what he thought he heard out loud and not get punched into next week. Time traveling can be so painful.
He's abruptly cut off again as they burst into laughter yet again, this time successfully raising his annoyance of the whole situation. Nothing was being explained, and everything was still so unclear, his expression of exasperation sobered both of the gigglers up.
"Would you like to come see what we were doing in here Naruto?" Kakashi steps aside as if to let him by, successfully panicking the blond, but clearly not making the raven haired male uncomfortable as he stepped forward a bit to peer into the room. Scrambling to his feet Naruto was about to bolt when he caught the sight of quite a mess in the room. Big pieces of wood are propped up against the wall, small pieces of metal litter the floor, a mattress and box spring are shoved in the corner to make room, and a big headboard is seen against the window. Other than the missing flak jacket on the floor, a couple of scrolls most likely medical from Sakura's work, some training shorts, and a booklet laying open he didn't see too much. Nothing suggesting what his mind had been conjuring up anyhow. No condom wrappers, no underthings thrown haphazardly across the room, no sheets on the bed tangled as if they were in an epic fight...in fact the bed wasn't together...at all..
"W...wait...if you weren't...what were you...?" Clearly his brain function had shut down, caveman speak being the only thing he could get out at the moment. Making Sai turn his head towards him and arch an eyebrow even higher, a slight smirk appearing on his otherwise blank face, as if waiting for him to stick his foot further into his mouth..
"Why Naruto I do believe your mind was in the gutter wasn't it? Tsk tsk..and people call me a pervert, clearly Jiraiya has rubbed off on you more than we thought. If you couldn't tell by looking we were assembling Sakura-chan's new bed, her old one had been broken beyond repair"...SMACK..."errr...I mean it was too old and decided to fall apart?" Kakashi rubbed his chest with a small pout, where a well placed slap had just interrupted his explanation.
Head swinging back and forth between the two, eyes narrowing, contemplating their facial expressions closely, he shrugs. Shaking his head as if to clear the bad images that had accumulated there he was just about to turn and go when something catches his eye, a red mark on Sakura's neck.
"Sakura-chan, um whats that on your neck, that a bug bite or what? Saaay that wasn't there earlier today" Watching her body suddenly tensing, her hand smacking over the mark and Kakashi eyes flicking to said spot immediately.
"Errr yeah..a ...bug...bite...a...REALLY...big...bug" she murmured out, her eyes snapping to the copy ninja's for a second then down to his lips, twin grins appearing on their faces.
Sai's smile grew wider as he turned and started forcing Naruto to the front door, before his brain imploded thinking too hard. Waving a hand back at them he says, "We'll see you two at the training grounds in the morning Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei. I'll make sure and bring bug spray," chuckling as he went. The front door snapping shut cutting off the whiny protests of the blond asking why he was being dragged away from his precious Sakura-chan.
Kakashi's grin grew wider seeing that they were finally alone, wrapping his arm around Sakura's waist bringing her body against his as he simultaneously pulled down his mask with his other hand.
"A bug bite indeed." He murmurs, brushing his lips against her lips softly. "If you want the big bug can give you one on the other side as well, you know a matching pair." Pulling them back into her room and shutting the door with his foot, Sakura's giggles following close behind.
Sakura did finally get her new bed set up, only it was hours, many hours later, (Getting distracted by multiple things, like splinters in weird places, and discovering more..bug ….bites...snorts) that they decided to break her new mattress in. (You know, have to test the strength of the wood and all.) They both laid there and wondered how long it would take for a certain knuckle-headed ninja to finally piece the truth together. Sai certainly did.
Sighing the two lovers together drift off both happy. Kakashi briefly kissing the love bite he had given her, spooning her back to his chest, content with the world. The bite that had led to her needing a new bed, grateful that they no longer had to worry about breaking the news of their relationship, to Sai at least and now perhaps Naruto if the angry shouts of "Going to teach that pervy old man not to touch his Sakura-chan!" and "A REALLY BIG BUG MY ASS!" was any indication then they didn't have to worry about that either. Though if the responding yells from the Hokage tower to "SHUT THE HELL UP ITS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?!" were any indication they had a feeling they wouldn't have to worry about telling anyone anything. Mostly cause everyone from here to Suna would know by morning. Ah well, you pick your battles.
Second fic! WOOT WOOT I'm on a rollllll! A big shout out to my new beta reader Kunoichi-Shea!
Anywho please Read and Review my lovelies! Reviews make the world go round, and an extra boot to the behind for more stories that's for sure! Remember criticism is always welcome, constructive criticism that is. XD